DougS's marriage is over.

4 comments

• casualguy

  •

  17 years ago

  It's only been 3 1/2 years? I was thinking you were divorced a lot longer than that.
  
  Sometimes you may never know when a breakup will occur. I had one in-law take a trip to Antarctica for 6 months and he met someone and got divorced. I could tell you more but then I would have to kill you (something I heard him say before, a good conversation killer).
• DougS

  •

  17 years ago

  ShadowCat:
  I'm glad you aren't singling me out! I've probably waited too long, too. It's a scary, big-time life changing decision. The biggest reason for not plunging ahead is the family part. I also, as shallow as it sounds, don't want to take that step unless I know there is "someone else" waiting for me.
  
  It probably is just a matter of time, though... with or without that safety net. I'm just hoping it's WITH.
  
  If you don't mind me asking, what was it that pushed you over the edge and into an attorney's office? (you can answer that in email, if you want - or, ignore it, if I'm being too nosy)
• shadowcat

  •

  17 years ago

  DougS: Sorry I have taken so long to reply. These 12 hour shifts don't give me a lot of time to answer emails etc, when I am working. It was just a guess on my part about the disharmony around your house. You spent too much time talking about your ATF and how great she is and how so different she is from other dancers. In your perception, she probably is. But does she feel the same. I have known 2 favorite dancers that have quit the business during the last year. They both are in the process of getting divorces and both have new boy friends that do not want them working in a strip club. They had some one waiting. I didn't. I just had to get out of a bad situation that had gone on for 27 years. She was 14 years younger than me, ignorant, from a poor Mexican family and very sexual and very jealous. So why did I do it? I was lonely and horny. We dated for a year and my best fried said marry her. He is already dead so I can't kill him. The night before our wedding he threw me a bachelor party and his wife threw her a wedding shower. After wards we got together for a big party. She asked me if there were going to be any women at my party. I said NO. Well there were. My buddy had hired two girls to serve drinks topless and to service me. They got me alone in the bath room and asked if I wanted any services. I said "NO"( I thought that I was in love). Some asshole took some pictures of the two of them kissing me topless, Fucking Lenny. Well she found out about the pictures and wanted to see them.Knowing how jealous she was I denied that there were any pictures. When we got back to the apartment we really go into it. Her jealousy, ignorance and alcohol made her go insane. I slapped her to try to change her mood. Big mistake. She broke a glass and cut my ear with it. It should have ended there but at 3:00 A.M. How do I contact 150 guests and tell them that the wedding is off? I was too embarassed to call it off. The wedding took place and then at the reception she got totally shit faced and spoiled the whole thing. After that, Things went downhill fast.Then I found out about her 6 YO daughter by a previous marriage that was now a dependant of mine. The first baby was born 10 months later and the next one 54 weeks later. Things continued to fall apart. I kept it up for the kids sake (all 3 of them). Then she started to spend money. She and her family had never had any so hey "lets Play". She over spent, over tipped and generally kept me busy borrowing from Peter to pay Paul. She moved out 3 times leaving me to take care of the kids. At the time I started divorce proceeding she had me $85,000 in credit card debt and we were in one of those debt consolidation programs. I had to assume $60,000 of the debt and buy her out of the house for another $100,000. She had fucked up my credit rating so bad that the best rate I could get was 10 1/2 % and that through a 20 year friend. Well 3 1/2 years have passed. I have paid off all of the credit card debt. I have paid off my truck. I refinanced my house at 5 1/4% on a 15 year fixed. I now owe 128K on a house appraised at $240K. I gave my loving daughter 10K to buy a new car. I have $21,000 in my checking account. Next month I start drawing $2100/month of SS retirement pay plus my 6 figure salary from my employer of 40 years.
  
  I'll be 66 in Jan and plan to work at least until 70. I love my job and have no big plans for retirement.
  
  
  I hope you got my point. Marrying a much younger women, with a totally different background from yours can be desastrious. Emotionally and financially.
  
  I will continue to visit strip clubs as long as my health and finances allows. I might work until I am 80 or 90!!!
  
  Just sign me "Dear Abbeycat" or House mom...
• DougS

  •

  17 years ago

  Dear Abbeycat:
  
  Thanks for sharing that with me... I was being nosy, but I wasn't looking for that much detail, however it was appreciated, nonetheless.
  
  Wow... your account of what happened sounds hellish! I'm glad you were able to get out of that situation, and have been able to dig yourself out of the whole that was dug for you.
  
  You painted a pretty dismal picture of what can happen, and it is a wake up call. My situation at home Disneyland compared to that.