Never did SA before, thinking about it now

Used seeking for a while. Only met one girl who would meet up, but she was well worth it. She moved away, and while I peruse the site fairly often, I haven't renewed. Not because I fear being outed, but because of their rep for taking your money and then irrevocably banning your account because some shithead doesn't like that you don't want what she wants and complained about you.

Had that happen once, and even though I got my account reinstated, I haven't seen anyone on there that I'd rather see than the horde of strippers I know.

Only bright spot in the last couple of years was seeing a no extras stripper on there one time. I contacted her outside the side, asked if she was up for what she'd always refused before, and after a bit of back and forth, said yes. Still see her occasionally.

Love it. It is a lot of work. The only photos I have loaded in the system are of me with my face covered or blurred out. My name is no where to be found on the site. The email account I use is different than what I use for everything else. There some scams on it so be aware of something being too good to be true. Don't fall for the " you need to send me $50 before we meet " scam. Don't talk money on the site. They will ban you. Get phone numbers and negotiate via text.

The girls do not like to think they are sex workers so you have to talk to them differently than strippers or escorts.

It might depend on where you’re located. I have some experience with the Miami SA market. I had some success but also a lot of wasted time. I was never worried about an Ashley Madison type of breach, but I was always worried about the potential of being scammed, robbed, outed, blackmailed or extorted by fake ads and/or ROB SB’s. I don’t know your situation, but if you’re married with a family and / or well known in the community, the burden of having to remain anonymous and the effort that it takes to keep your two worlds from colliding can be overwhelming at times.

"The girls do not like to think they are sex workers so you have to talk to them differently than strippers or escorts."

There's a learning curve to interacting with SBs that I found fascinating, and absolutely I got better and better at. This isn't needed if you're open to escorts -- there's tons of them on SA, and no learning curve needed for most PLs. This also isn't needed if you're open to exploiting the ignorance of the never-ending waves of new and intimidated young women who don't know how things are supposed to work and are afraid to ask about your intentions or allowance -- you can exploit, fuck, and traumatize new girls who are afraid to bring up allowance and don't know how to properly vet you, tons of scumbags on PUA type sites relaying stories of how to do this.

But if you want to engage with SBs and aren't looking to take advantage of them, there is this interesting balance -- on the one hand, as warrior said, they don't want to think of themselves as sexworkers so talk to them more like civilians, in such a way that they feel safe (experienced SBs are confident but many new ones are justifiably terrified). But at the same time, you have to get across that you're offering "benefits", and also vet them so that you can avoid the many MANY scammers. It's not that difficult to strike that balance, honestly, just a little bit of a learning curve as you figure out what's too forward, and what's not forward enough. There's a few easy things to do that will vet out many of the most toxic and escort types very quickly, which gives you some room to have a softer touch with whomever remains

On the Ashley maddison thing, agree it's best to stay anonymous. On your profile, as DS said, fake email, fake address, burner number. Be careful on the purchased credit card -- in fact, most of these WILL NOT work, SA uses an offshore processor and most of these cards don't support offshore charges. Some do though, so it's just a matter of doing a little research to find the right card. Don't use face pics, and make sure your body pics can't be reverse-searched to your real social media or wherever

It has been years I met a local milf 2 x, It was the first time I used viagra, We had fun but we never hooked up again, another time I had a smoke show 20 yr old coming over that night but a Asian chick i was texting wanted to meet that morning, wow she almost broke my bed , needless to say i was not worth much with the smoke show later that night, My last adventer turned out to be a girl from my local club and her boyfriend robbed me.

My practical advice to you GACA since you're a newbie and recently divorced: Ask yourself if you're looking for an SB or a girlfriend. Ask yourself what you can afford, make a budget, and realize that sugaring is probably a lot more expensive than occasional stripper OTC. Communicate the above, honestly, to the girls you meet online.

GACA I would try it bro. I’ve pulled some ultra hot tail of that site man there’s a lot of crap to ease through but you really can find something legit on there I’m telling you. It has taken over strip clubs for me as the primary form of mongering tbh.

Thanks Mud I'll try it out

It’s been over 2 years since I used it due to the pandemic. Always use a fake name and use those visa gift cards or another vanilla card so they never have your real name/address etc on file. Just make sure it’s not one that requires activation, and the fee for those is usually a bit higher. You can buy them at any drugstore and it’s a necessary price to pay to protect your identity.

I have had great dates and shitty dates. Had great sex and shitty sex. Been catfished and in some cases was stunned when the girl that showed up was beautiful and smart. Had wonderful dinners, casino dates, concert dates and movie dates. Done things I had never done before like had sex in a car, in a hotel jacuzzi, in a movie theater. Had my first CIM and anal. I think I have been with ~40 SA girls in many different cities. I miss it and want to get back into it later this year!

On the flip side also had a girl steal my wedding ring which was in my wallet and force me to pay her to get it back. Once showed up and she clearly was a crack whore. Once had one call me after irate that I had “shorted” her a hundred bucks. Once had one who was drunk fall asleep in her room and I couldn’t wake her up. Once had one dump me at a casino because I wanted to go to the room and she wanted to keep gambling (at 3 am). So many who needed extra money for kids, gifts, rent, food or lawyers to stay out of jail …

My modus operandi is simple … have 4-5 decent pictures and a nice write-up. I blur them on the main page but then when I contact a girl will unblur. Don’t go for 10’s or any below 21. I want to have a drink with em, and the 10’s are either too expensive or too mechanical. Pick the girl next door types but obviously not the “platonic” only profiles. If they show some skin in their private pics you are usually OK. Be honest when you start communicating … I always said I am on business travel so not sure how often I would be back after the first date. Make it clear your idea of a nice date is dinner, some entertainment (movie, concert, casino) and then “wherever the night takes us”. 99% of the girls will understand what that means. I expected sex on the first date if vibe was good … which for me it was 99% of the time. It helps to dress well (I always did), groom well, and for dinner pick an expensive nice restaurant. That is really key in my opinion … impress from the beginning. Then just be a really good conversationalist and listener. Pick up on their interests, concerns, etc. It really is like a first date … your main goal is to ensure she is comfortable enough to continue the date after dinner. If she is, you’re golden and will have a great evening/night!

After writing all this … I cannot wait to get back in the bowl!

I’ll share my SA experience that caused me to quit the SA lifestyle. Prior to COVID I was traveling regularly to various resorts in the Caribbean for work. I had been messing around on SA for a few months with mixed success but then I hooked up with a SB who was willing and able to accompany me on my work trips. These were always mid week, overnight trips where I was in meetings most of the time, but having a young hottie come along for literally the price of a flight (paid for with rewards miles) seemed like a perfect situation - and it was for awhile.

The problem with traveling internationally is you literally cannot do this anonymously. Boarding passes require real names and birth dates, backed up by a passport. Not to mention traveling on business meant that not only did SB know my real name, she knew my position with my company, as well as the names of some of my coworkers and clients.

Things were great for at first. SB would hang out at the resort while I worked. She would typically get comped spa treatments and other benefits since she was considered to be a guest of the resort. We would go to dinner (sometimes with clients), and then of course have great sex. SB started to enjoy playing the role and pretending to be the “real” significant other.

All was well until around the holidays of 2019. SB started getting possessive and demanding, and she started getting jealous of my relationship with my “real” family, especially my daughters who coincidentally were about her age. Since she had all my info, she started trolling my kids’ social media, and she couldn’t understand why she didn’t get to go skiing over Christmas, or why she didn’t get to go to holiday events, etc. SB thought that she should go to my company holiday party because she felt like she knew some of the people. She got really mad that I did all the “good stuff” with my real family, and only kept her around for sex (and yes, the irony is not lost here as this is the definition of a SB arrangement).

The demands continued. Since I was still paying rent, car payments, and credit cards for my kids, SB thought I should be doing the same for her. When I decided I had to end our arrangement she threatened to call my wife and my boss and my kids and tell all. At this point I had to go on the offensive and make up a story for them about this psycho former employee who worked with me on some of my Caribbean accounts that I had to fire. And that I expected she would try to retaliate somehow- possibly with sexual harassment charges against me.

Thankfully, SB seems to have disappeared during COVID, or hopefully moved on because she has never made good on her threats. But she still has lots of incriminating evidence on me, including photos, receipts with my name / company, etc. from our travels. So I am constantly paranoid that she could resurface at any moment if she ever got desperate. I know that this is my fault for getting too loose with info that should have remained confidential, but it seemed ok at the time. Going forward, my advice would be to keep your SB arrangements transactional, not too unlike OTC. And be careful with your personal info.

^ I can see how this is possible. You do get emotionally attached with sugar arrangements. I just ended a long term relationship. It really did feel like a break up with a long time girlfriend for both parties.

Had a similar experience, though not nearly as bad. Girl I saw maybe 15 times over a year span wanted “hush” money after I had to end it when my temporary work assignment in that location ended. Mind you I had already way overpaid vs. our arrangement as there was always a new emergency and I was a sucker.

Maybe lucky for me she put it all in writing in a text chat so I replied to her that what she was doing amounted to blackmail, that I had all the evidence in the chat saved and that I would take legal and other action if it continued. Also said I would no longer be in touch. Then I deleted the texting app before I saw any reply. I think a saving grace is I lived in another city 4 hours driving distance away, and as a single mom of 3 she had plenty of responsibilities at home. Then the pandemic hit.

I was still very nervous. I told my wife - who knows I sugar - about it and described her car and if she ever saw that car outside our house to call the police. Blocked her phone number on all our real phones. Blocked her email on our real email accounts. Ensured all my social media settings were set to private and deleted my social media pictures. Also tried to (unsuccessfully) get all my google search hits for my name deleted. Remember, if she knows your name, then she can find your address. So never share your real name, never let her see receipts, or venmo/paypal money over. I made these mistakes. Be careful with dinner or hotel reservations. Never use your real phone number or email. Really do treat it as transactional - for your and your family’s safety. And a new one for me is I won’t sugar in my “home” location. Good luck!

That's the right way to handle a blackmail attempt--tell her that she's committing a federal crime and cut off all forms of communication.

Funny, I've been sugaring since 2015 (with a break for Covid) without a single problem. Am I lucky or just better at the screening process? I think extortion is very rare.

this sugaring sounds interesting

"So never share your real name, never let her see receipts, or venmo/paypal money over."

I obsessively protect my real name and other details at first. But after we've seen each other a while, if I've seen no behavior to be alarmed about, I drop that. Typically we know each others' real deets. I wonder if there's a different lesson here Steve. Can you say honestly that this wacko wasn't showing crazy, inconsistent, or otherwise some type of red flag behavior before this happened? I think it's incredibly rare for someone to go from completely normal sane person, to attempted stalker and blackmailer, with absolutely no sign at all. They show these signs, we ignore it because we like the sex and don't want to address it.

I think the lesson here is: vet the hell out of your SB -- as much as it sucks, a platonic meet&greet at the beginner vets out a LOT of terrible women, you just have to deal with not having sex this one time. Then, be on your guard of red flags, don't ignore them, and adjust your security appropriately. You do not have to hide your real name from a decent well-adjusted SB.

If you can't do that, or you know that for your personally the excitement of the sex turns off your crazy chick radar, then yes, hide your details forever.

All good strategies. In my case, I don’t think my SB changed, but our relationship did. Everything was cool as long as it was a strictly transactional PPM, where we would get together appx every 2 weeks or so at a hotel. At this point it was basically a recurring booty call with someone you know, trust, and are comfortable with.

Once we started traveling together, the relationship changed to something more resembling a “real” relationship. The signs I missed (or ignored) were when SB started saying she “wanted more from this relationship”, she wasn’t talking about more money.

Someone mentioned in an earlier post that most SBs are not hardened sex industry workers. They are for the most part real girls who have a hard time separating their emotions from their work. Once SB started looking at my kids’ and wife’s social media she started thinking that this was the life she wanted (it’s really not all that great, but social media can make it look that way). Unfortunately this life already belonged to someone else. Everyone wants what they can’t have, and SBs are no different. This led her to start displaying desperate ex girlfriend behavior.

The irony is that most SB postings say they aren’t looking for PPM, but I suggest offering this anyway. Keep it transactional, and do not get caught up in paying a monthly or recurring allowance. The out of town arrangement sounds ideal for anyone in that type of situation.

(1)"The signs I missed (or ignored) were when SB started saying she “wanted more from this relationship”, she wasn’t talking about more money."

(2)"Since I was still paying rent, car payments, and credit cards for my kids, SB thought I should be doing the same for her. "

____________________
You realize that you are contracting yourself. Did a crazy woman the age of your daughter fall in love with you? Or did she extort you for money?

I don't see what PPE v. monthly allowance has to do with this story. She just sounds like a looney bin.

^^^ I'm just hoping you mean "PPM" and not "PPE", because (A) PPE and sugar babies should be a whole other weird thread, and (B) I'm pretty sure Muddy already started that thread.

https://tuscl.net/discussion.php?id=7639…

Yes, you can always count on CIM to catch those important typos.

Random must be hitting the sauce a little early today. He's also contracting himself .

lol

So I should have taken the number from the 22 year old spinner stripper who wanted to give me her number so we could make an arrangement?

Hell no ... you should give that number to me.

@SteveSutton

You wrote and I quote:

“Done things I had never done before like had sex in a car, in a hotel jacuzzi, in a movie theater.”

Pics or it didn’t happen.

:D

You should create an alternate Sugar Daddy identity to be able to “disappear” if you have any serious problems with your SB.

Usually by just letting the extortionist SB know that if she doesn’t stop immediately, you will turn her text/emails etc to the authorities to prosecute her for the felony of extortion, and remind her that if any method of interstate commerce is used in the extortion, it can be a federal crime, she will think twice before continuing with her threats.

Of course if she continues you should do it have her arrested and prosecuted to the full extent of the Law.

@Random, you are correct. I did contradict myself. And it is precisely this contradiction that makes SA so dicey once you get beyond the PPM stage. “Is she in to me, or my money?” Of course it’s about the money. But once feelings get involved (I can’t believe I’m talking about feelings), this becomes less clear.

My issue with a monthly allowance is there is always an overriding “tally” or score being kept by both parties of what is owed and what is due, and this always creates animosity. As a poster on another discussion astutely stated “no one likes a creditor once the money’s been spent”. Also, with a monthly allowance, you pay regardless of how many times you actually see one another.