Five Kids Molested

jackslash
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Five Kids Molested
The Mercury News
March 31, 2021

San Jose--Five kids were molested yesterday at two separate locations, say San Jose police. No suspects have been arrested.

The first incident occurred before 6:00 AM, involving two kids at Farmer Al's Goat Farm on Rt. 17. The second took place around 5:00 PM at the Happy Hollow Zoo in the city, where three innocent kids were traumatized.

A tearful Farmer Al explained that his kids were like family to him. "They are beautiful little creatures. Why would anyone do this to them? Their lives have been ruined." The farmer did not see what happened, but the signs of abuse were clear and were confirmed by medical experts.

Zookeeper Dennis Dolittle said he was the one who witnessed the kids being molested at the Petting Zoo. "When I saw what he was doing, I yelled and him and chased him. But he ran out the exit, hopped on his Huffy bike, and rode away."

Police are looking for a white man in his late forties with gray hair and glasses. Anyone with knowledge of this individual should contact the San Jose Police Department.

4 comments

Latest

Cashman1234
4 years ago
This is awful news. But it’s a great April Fools joke!

Well done Jackslash!
shadowcat
4 years ago
I guess you didn't get the memo. There are to be no April Fools jokes today because there is already one in the white house.
shailynn
4 years ago
San Jose Guy may not have internet access but he can still get out of the house looking for love.
shailynn
4 years ago
San Jose Gay, you need to take him to one of the bathhouses you frequent in San Fran. I know he’ll cramp your style, but all the goats within a 100 mile radius will be grateful.
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