Not Dead and Buried After All!
reverendhornibastard
Depraved Deacon of Degeneracy
I thought this issue was dead and buried. But as soon as Mrs. Hornibastard #3 asked me whether I thought Amanda looked cute in her ultra-tight leggings that had so mesmerized our 12 year old son, Randall, last weekend I already knew where this conversation was headed.
At first, I pretended that I didn’t hear the question and ignored it, hoping she would just drop the subject. But she persisted.
“Aku pikir Amanda terlihat sangat cantik dengen legging ketatnya. Dia sangat seksi, kan?” (I thought Amanda looked very pretty in her tight leggings. She is very sexy, isn’t she?)
When any woman asks you something like this about another woman, you know it’s a trick question. But in this case, I knew Mrs. Hornibastard wanted me to confirm that Amanda looked very hot when she came over on my birthday.
https://tuscl.net/discussion.php?id=7523…
I tried to dodge the issue by remarking, “Randall was certainly impressed. Even Renee decided she wanted an outfit just like Amanda’s … except she wants hers in pink if I recall correctly.” (Renee is Randall’s twin sister.)
I hoped this jocular response would be a sufficient and we could move on to some other topic.
“What’s wrong?” Mrs. Hornibastard complained. “Why don’t you like Amanda?”
“I never said I didn’t like Amanda.”
“Then why won’t you let her play with us?” Mrs. Hornibastard said, reopening the issue that I had sincerely hoped was already dead and buried.
“You were not so picky when we invited my friends to join us in the pool when we lived in Jakarta back before the kids were born,” she reminded me. “Not only were you not picky, I remember how eager you were to have my friends over. They would come over two and three at a time and you always managed to canoodle every one of them and me at least once.”
1. https://tuscl.net/discussion.php?id=7160…
2. https://tuscl.net/discussion.php?id=7162…
3. https://tuscl.net/discussion.php?id=7164…
4. https://tuscl.net/discussion.php?id=7165…
5. https://tuscl.net/discussion.php?id=7166…
6. https://tuscl.net/discussion.php?id=7166…
“Why is it so important to you that I fuck Amanda?” I pushed back, not going because I thought this was going to be a winning argument but because I couldn’t come up with anything better.
Mrs. Hornibastard’s face took on that expression that indicated she was starting to get mad at me. I was momentarily fascinated by the incongruity of the situation – my spouse was becoming annoyed with me because I was reluctant to fuck one of her friends while she watched.
You just can’t make this kind of shit up. And if you did, who would believe you?
“Why not Amanda?” Mrs. Hornibastard demanded. “She’s cute, she’s willing and she lives right down the street! You know how much I enjoyed having a few of my close and trusted friends watch us canoodling and how crazy it makes me watching you eat and canoodling my friends! Why can’t we do that again with Amanda? Most men would kill to have an opportunity like this! Just explain to me why Amanda is unacceptable!”
I tried to explain why I didn’t’ trust Amanda, pointing out her strange behavior when we first met and her long tale of personal woe that she insisted on telling me despite that I was a complete stranger at the time.
“She was going through a very difficult time!” Mrs. Hornibastard protested. “She’s not crazy.”
“What even makes you think she is interested in becoming our sexual playmate?” I asked this out of a combination of curiosity and a desire to get all the cards out on the table. And, besides, my ego is my second favorite thing to have stroked.
Mrs. Hornibastard explained that she had told Amanda all about our sex life in Jakarta involving several friends of hers. She also told Amanda about the night with Lamai in Africa.
https://tuscl.net/discussion.php?id=7520…
According to Mrs. Hornibastard, Amanda was captivated by the idea of having “two friends with benefits” (as Amanda is said to have described us) living just down the street from her. According to Mrs. Hornibastard, Amanda saw this as the perfect situation. I was happily married, and it was my wife, one of Amanda’s closest friends, who was enthusiastically promoting the whole idea. Plus, because Mrs. Hornibastard had already made Amanda aware of our prior success with this kind of sexual play, Amanda was confident that our sexual relationship would not become unduly complicated or unmanageable. Amanda had already promised that if Mrs. Hornibastard ever the least bit threatened or uncomfortable with how things were progressing, Amanda would back away immediately. As Amanda had put it, she would not let anything interfere with or threaten her friendship with Mrs. Hornibastard.
Mrs. Hornibastard believed all of this and added that she thought Amanda’s logic was spotless.
I thought it was typical girl-logic: believe whatever it is you want to believe and then convince yourself that your logic is flawless.
“But why Amanda?” I persisted. “Don’t you have any other eligible friends?”
“Not really,” Mrs. Hornibastard sniffed. “Almost all of my friends now are happily married. They wouldn’t be interested in playing sexual games with us. I have a couple of friends who always tell me how handsome you are. I know would love to have sex with you, but they are old and unattractive. You wouldn’t be interested in them. I have only one attractive, single friend who would probably go along with us, but I wouldn’t trust her with you,” Mrs. Hornibastard continued.
“Who is that?” I asked, hoping it might be someone I had met and was attracted to.
“You probably don’t remember her. I think you only met her once,” Mrs. Hornibastard replied. “Her name is Intan. She works at a cosmetics counter in Nordstrom.”
https://tuscl.net/photo.php?id=7313
Mrs. Hornibastard was right. I had only met Intan once (when Mrs. Hornibastard was buying some expensive cosmetics). I remembered Intan very well but, for safety’s sake, I pretended not to remember her at all. Intan was stunningly beautiful and very sexy. I wondered whether Mrs. Hornibastard didn’t trust Intan because she was so damn hot or whether it was because Intan had a reputation as a home-wrecker. But I thought it was best to drop the conversation about Intan. Compared to Intan, Amanda was a much safer topic of conversation.
“Amanda is perfect!” Mrs. Hornibastard insisted. “She is my friend. I trust her. She lives down the street from us. She can walk to our house. She doesn’t have to park her car in our driveway and make our nosey neighbors suspicious about why she is at our house late at night. I know you find her attractive. How could you not find her attractive? And Amanda says she is willing to just watch us fucking but she says she hopes that you will change your mind about her and ‘nail her’ as she puts it. Why do Americans refer to love-making in such violent terms?” Mrs. Hornibastard continues to regard America and Americans as more than just a little weird.
“You told Amanda that I didn’t want to get involved with her?” I wondered if there was anything Mrs. Hornibastard considered private about our sex life.
“No, of course not!” she protested. “First of all, I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. Besides, I know you think she’s attractive. If you denied thinking she was attractive I would not believe you. I just told her you were hesitant because it has been a long time since we had had any sex playmates.”
It was true that we had not done anything like this since shortly after Mrs. Hornibastard became pregnant with our twins. I guess it’s been about 13 years now.
At Mrs. Hornibastard’s insistence, I agreed to reconsider my views about Amanda.
I haven’t said anything to her on the topic, but the more I think about it, the more appealing the prospect is becoming. The biggest stumbling block in my mind was that we now have 12-year old twins in our home. It’s not as easy to pull the wool over their eyes as it once was. Do we really want our kids to know that mommy and daddy are hanging out late at night behind a locked door with Amanda? They are not so naïve anymore. They won’t believe we are just studying the Koran.
I don’t plan to say anything one way or the other. I am pretty sure Mrs. Hornibastard will eventually raise the question again, probably the next time she gets horny and wants to fuck.
At most, that give me about 48 hours before we have this conversation all over again.
At first, I pretended that I didn’t hear the question and ignored it, hoping she would just drop the subject. But she persisted.
“Aku pikir Amanda terlihat sangat cantik dengen legging ketatnya. Dia sangat seksi, kan?” (I thought Amanda looked very pretty in her tight leggings. She is very sexy, isn’t she?)
When any woman asks you something like this about another woman, you know it’s a trick question. But in this case, I knew Mrs. Hornibastard wanted me to confirm that Amanda looked very hot when she came over on my birthday.
https://tuscl.net/discussion.php?id=7523…
I tried to dodge the issue by remarking, “Randall was certainly impressed. Even Renee decided she wanted an outfit just like Amanda’s … except she wants hers in pink if I recall correctly.” (Renee is Randall’s twin sister.)
I hoped this jocular response would be a sufficient and we could move on to some other topic.
“What’s wrong?” Mrs. Hornibastard complained. “Why don’t you like Amanda?”
“I never said I didn’t like Amanda.”
“Then why won’t you let her play with us?” Mrs. Hornibastard said, reopening the issue that I had sincerely hoped was already dead and buried.
“You were not so picky when we invited my friends to join us in the pool when we lived in Jakarta back before the kids were born,” she reminded me. “Not only were you not picky, I remember how eager you were to have my friends over. They would come over two and three at a time and you always managed to canoodle every one of them and me at least once.”
1. https://tuscl.net/discussion.php?id=7160…
2. https://tuscl.net/discussion.php?id=7162…
3. https://tuscl.net/discussion.php?id=7164…
4. https://tuscl.net/discussion.php?id=7165…
5. https://tuscl.net/discussion.php?id=7166…
6. https://tuscl.net/discussion.php?id=7166…
“Why is it so important to you that I fuck Amanda?” I pushed back, not going because I thought this was going to be a winning argument but because I couldn’t come up with anything better.
Mrs. Hornibastard’s face took on that expression that indicated she was starting to get mad at me. I was momentarily fascinated by the incongruity of the situation – my spouse was becoming annoyed with me because I was reluctant to fuck one of her friends while she watched.
You just can’t make this kind of shit up. And if you did, who would believe you?
“Why not Amanda?” Mrs. Hornibastard demanded. “She’s cute, she’s willing and she lives right down the street! You know how much I enjoyed having a few of my close and trusted friends watch us canoodling and how crazy it makes me watching you eat and canoodling my friends! Why can’t we do that again with Amanda? Most men would kill to have an opportunity like this! Just explain to me why Amanda is unacceptable!”
I tried to explain why I didn’t’ trust Amanda, pointing out her strange behavior when we first met and her long tale of personal woe that she insisted on telling me despite that I was a complete stranger at the time.
“She was going through a very difficult time!” Mrs. Hornibastard protested. “She’s not crazy.”
“What even makes you think she is interested in becoming our sexual playmate?” I asked this out of a combination of curiosity and a desire to get all the cards out on the table. And, besides, my ego is my second favorite thing to have stroked.
Mrs. Hornibastard explained that she had told Amanda all about our sex life in Jakarta involving several friends of hers. She also told Amanda about the night with Lamai in Africa.
https://tuscl.net/discussion.php?id=7520…
According to Mrs. Hornibastard, Amanda was captivated by the idea of having “two friends with benefits” (as Amanda is said to have described us) living just down the street from her. According to Mrs. Hornibastard, Amanda saw this as the perfect situation. I was happily married, and it was my wife, one of Amanda’s closest friends, who was enthusiastically promoting the whole idea. Plus, because Mrs. Hornibastard had already made Amanda aware of our prior success with this kind of sexual play, Amanda was confident that our sexual relationship would not become unduly complicated or unmanageable. Amanda had already promised that if Mrs. Hornibastard ever the least bit threatened or uncomfortable with how things were progressing, Amanda would back away immediately. As Amanda had put it, she would not let anything interfere with or threaten her friendship with Mrs. Hornibastard.
Mrs. Hornibastard believed all of this and added that she thought Amanda’s logic was spotless.
I thought it was typical girl-logic: believe whatever it is you want to believe and then convince yourself that your logic is flawless.
“But why Amanda?” I persisted. “Don’t you have any other eligible friends?”
“Not really,” Mrs. Hornibastard sniffed. “Almost all of my friends now are happily married. They wouldn’t be interested in playing sexual games with us. I have a couple of friends who always tell me how handsome you are. I know would love to have sex with you, but they are old and unattractive. You wouldn’t be interested in them. I have only one attractive, single friend who would probably go along with us, but I wouldn’t trust her with you,” Mrs. Hornibastard continued.
“Who is that?” I asked, hoping it might be someone I had met and was attracted to.
“You probably don’t remember her. I think you only met her once,” Mrs. Hornibastard replied. “Her name is Intan. She works at a cosmetics counter in Nordstrom.”
https://tuscl.net/photo.php?id=7313
Mrs. Hornibastard was right. I had only met Intan once (when Mrs. Hornibastard was buying some expensive cosmetics). I remembered Intan very well but, for safety’s sake, I pretended not to remember her at all. Intan was stunningly beautiful and very sexy. I wondered whether Mrs. Hornibastard didn’t trust Intan because she was so damn hot or whether it was because Intan had a reputation as a home-wrecker. But I thought it was best to drop the conversation about Intan. Compared to Intan, Amanda was a much safer topic of conversation.
“Amanda is perfect!” Mrs. Hornibastard insisted. “She is my friend. I trust her. She lives down the street from us. She can walk to our house. She doesn’t have to park her car in our driveway and make our nosey neighbors suspicious about why she is at our house late at night. I know you find her attractive. How could you not find her attractive? And Amanda says she is willing to just watch us fucking but she says she hopes that you will change your mind about her and ‘nail her’ as she puts it. Why do Americans refer to love-making in such violent terms?” Mrs. Hornibastard continues to regard America and Americans as more than just a little weird.
“You told Amanda that I didn’t want to get involved with her?” I wondered if there was anything Mrs. Hornibastard considered private about our sex life.
“No, of course not!” she protested. “First of all, I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. Besides, I know you think she’s attractive. If you denied thinking she was attractive I would not believe you. I just told her you were hesitant because it has been a long time since we had had any sex playmates.”
It was true that we had not done anything like this since shortly after Mrs. Hornibastard became pregnant with our twins. I guess it’s been about 13 years now.
At Mrs. Hornibastard’s insistence, I agreed to reconsider my views about Amanda.
I haven’t said anything to her on the topic, but the more I think about it, the more appealing the prospect is becoming. The biggest stumbling block in my mind was that we now have 12-year old twins in our home. It’s not as easy to pull the wool over their eyes as it once was. Do we really want our kids to know that mommy and daddy are hanging out late at night behind a locked door with Amanda? They are not so naïve anymore. They won’t believe we are just studying the Koran.
I don’t plan to say anything one way or the other. I am pretty sure Mrs. Hornibastard will eventually raise the question again, probably the next time she gets horny and wants to fuck.
At most, that give me about 48 hours before we have this conversation all over again.
10 comments
And maybe it'll work out fine.
But now you're on the hook for a (hopefully) good story telling.
No promises regarding how the story unfolds. Sometimes, even when I lived in that sexual fantasyland some refer to as “Southeast Asia,” great expectations often came to naught.
I usually don’t write about those because they’re not particularly interesting and certainly not titillating.
Since I’ve been living Stateside, my life has been great (in a family sort of way) but not full of the kind of outrageous or salacious stories that would be of interest on this site.
Sad to say that I left my “rock star lifestyle” behind when I returned to the USA.
But whatever the outcome, whether it’s memorable or not, I’ll at least provide an update.
Easy solutions: Your house if both twins are sleeping over at friends' houses same night. Or, babysitter for twins and festivities at Amanda's house.
I agree those are easy and obvious solutions but they are not so easily implemented. Because of COVID concerns neither of our spawn have been on a sleepover in the last 12 months. They’ve each been invited to a couple of sleepovers but Mrs. Hornibastard nixed the idea.
If she hadn’t nixed it I would have.
As for babysitters, we haven’t used any since we lived overseas and had live-in servants and nannies all but one of whom were family (relatives of Mrs. Hornibastard). We just never go anywhere without our kids.
Anyway, the issue has not been brought up again.
A 3-some involving Mrs. Hornibastard and Amanda is a delicious dream, but I’d have to say that’s all it is - a dream.
I don’t know enough about Amanda to guess how she’d feel about it, but I am sure it wouldn’t interest Mrs. Hornibastard. She doesn’t mind sharing and she likes to watch and be watched. But when we were having so much fun with some of her friends in Jakarta I never saw her touch another woman.
Like me, Mrs. Hornibastard is a hard core hetero.
Nice respite from the unfunny trolling and political crap on this board.
I’ve just about run out of stories to tell. I’m certainly at the point where all my best ones have already been told.
This Amanda thing could become interesting. I started out thinking she was as loony a woman as I had come across in decades. Now I’m not so sure. She might actually be fairly normal.
Amanda did come over last night but nothing extraordinary happened.
I’ve been busy with my kids today (longest bike red yet) but will post an update later. - probably tomorrow.