OT: Long distance relationships

2+ hrs. Meeting half-way is a big inconvenience. Meeting at either hers or mine would be a day or weekend trip. It can work if you're willing to wait and are occupied (school, internship, etc something to keep busy/out of trouble and a definite end.) The longer the wait the more you'll drift apart. I can't see doing more than 1 year maybe 2 if we grew up together or been together 2x as long. Wouldn't start an LD unless it was casual and open.

NAAAASTY

Mine is a 2.5 hour drive. I'm not sure how easy that would be.

How long do you anticipate the long distance situation to remain? And how wedded are either of you to staying put? I would think these two factors would go a long way to determining if this will work.

I dated somebody for almost two years and that was long-distance. Granted, we used to video chat a LOT and conversations could often last 5 to 6 hours at a time. I didn’t find anything wrong with the distance structure. Part of that could just be my personality. A close friend of mine who I’ve also been roommates with before has described me as “somebody who can’t just stay in one place”. And even when I was just living in one area I did kinda bounce around apartments a lot. And just simply move in with others without putting myself on a lease with its obligations, And at the time his job made him a nomad so I would sometimes take off to another city to wherever he was. I was about to graduate school and move in with him, but him bringing up more than once about eventually having children once I’m more secure in a “real” career didn’t resonate well with me. And made me think “well geez that kinda makes me want to keep dancing for longer so that I’ll stay non-mommy material for a little longer”

...and then I went ahead and ended it. Wasn’t really in the mood to quit dancing anyways.

That being said, I think it was just that I was in school, and his travel job forced it so that there was no other way than being long distance. It calls things into question if it’s a bit easier to see someone more often, but it doesn’t happen for whatever reason. Maybe try visiting the town he’s at more often, and see if it’s a place you could enjoy (whether with or without him). If it’s not a place you could see yourself enjoying, that could cause some strain in the long-term, so then either he’s hopefully more open to going elsewhere closer to you, or maybe start backing out before things get too far.

Either way, sounds like your’re having fun. 😁

Depends. Does this guy sell drugs like your prior boyfriend? If he does then the longer the distance the better, because he’ll have to work off that high before crashing on your couch.

Looks like at least one poster has already broken their New Years Resolution to be a better person

Long distance relationship success seems to be inversely proportional to the time spent in such relationship.

^^^Facts. I’m not looking for a fucking pen pal.

And I don’t know if time to get there necessarily means long distance. Sometimes it takes me over an hour just to get from Queens to Brooklyn FFS. Highway no traffic I would say you start to lose me over an hour and half. If it was somebody I considered datable material so she is probably pretty special and I know how rare that is so I would definitely try to make it work. I would have her sleep over a lot. I might get burnt out of the road after a while.

I don't think there is any good answer to that question, without considering what the two people are looking for. But, for most people, it's probably not worth asking. These days, it's big time old school to feel like a relationship that doesn't end in marriage/lifetime commitment is a failure or automatically a bad memory. I mean, nothing wrong with it if somebody feels that way, but not as common as it once was. I would think, for most people, the answer is, what have you got to lose by trying? Maybe when you're 50, you'll be a part of one of those couples where you're not sure where you end and they start. Or maybe you'll be a cat lady who wanks to the memory of a different hot lover every night of the month. The best way to take on life, is to be able to see multiple possible outcomes as good ones. Accept it that you have to play the cards life deals you, you don't have total control of where you end up.

Thank you Nicespice. That was very thoughtful response.

He has said he would relocate for me if things got really serious, but we're nowhere near that point. I'm planning to visit him this month. He has a corporate job that he could probably transfer here as well as work history in personal training. I have no desire to make him uproot his life any time soon but with the 2.5 hour distance, we could see each other several times a month if we wanted and that might be better for the beginning.

We'll see. Thanks for the responses yall. I'm also looking into a halfway point for us to meet at sometimes so we don't always have to drive the 2.5 hours.

Oh and Nice, it is likewise here. Sometimes when he doesn't have to work in new morning we have video chatted until 7am. Crazy.

I dated a girl for two years who lived a little over two hours from my place. I was outside of NYC and she was outside of Philly. We were both young, and we really wanted to make it work.

It’s entirely possible to have a long distance relationship now - as FaceTime and texting allow for better (or more realistic) communication. Back in my youth, we would call a few times a week, and have long conversations. It was ok, but it would have been much better to see her as we spoke.

In my view, there is usually an underlying assumption that one partner will move (to the other partner’s location) after an unspoken amount of time. It could be after finishing school or getting a different job, but it is usually there. I’m not sure if that’s the case with you, but I think it’s important to have that talk sooner, rather than later.

The most important aspect of any relationship is trust. If you both have strong feelings and deep trust, it will be difficult when you are apart, but it will make being together that much better.

I don’t think I could do long distance at my age (56). But it was fine as a 20 something with youthful energy - and my first new car - with air conditioning and cloth seats! I wish you the best.

Here's how I think of it. If I can get to her (or she can get to me) and be back home in the same day, it's not a long-distance relationship. If one or both of us need to sleep in a different bed one or more nights, it's a long-distance relationship.

Not sure if that helps you decide if you want to keep him or not. But you asked for a definition. :)

You are close to 30. its also odd for 24 year and old couples that live in the same city but dont live together. why are you even wasting your time your clock is ticking

I can think of better places than tuscl to ask relationship advice... but here it goes.

Things are different right now... and it's a good time to have someone in your life. Be considerate, respectful, and enjoy yourself. If you're having fun the distance means nothing.. it's just the way it is.

My sister is in a "long distance" relationship. Her boyfriend is all the way on the other side of the country in Virginia or north carolina. I have no idea how it works unless they both have a side bitch/side nigga. The man in these "long distance" relationships would have to be awful secure in himself cuz its almost a guarantee your girl could have a whole roster of dudes and you cant do anything except "trust her".

The OP is only interested in people confirming f her current views, so if you disagree with her opinions you’re an asshole and probably a bigot.

Thanks for the responses. He is trying to convince me that 2.5 hours is not that bad lol. The cool thing is that once we start visiting each other, which is hopefully going to be this month, we are keeping it a secret from our friend group who lives here, there, and a few other areas in the country. I think hiding it will be fun. Like sneaking around. It is funny because he has talked about moving up here but won't live in my city ("too liberal" for him lol) so we'd have to move to a different suburb. Lol. That's all hypothetical of course and I wouldn't expect or want him moving up here any time in the near future.

Secret? Is one of y'all a side piece or something? Sounds like a pain in the ass

A side nigga? Couldn't be a side Latino, white or Asian?

"we are keeping it a secret from our friend group" Nina

That'll be lots of fun, and sure to have plenty of hilarity with it. Esp once the first FRIEND finds out and you convince him to hide it bc the other FRIENDS don't know. Best part will be when that FRIEND finds your careless naked photo on the floor while eating a bucket of chicken and the other FRIENDS accuse him of being a pervert. But he turns it around and convinces the other FRIENDS it was you trying to seduce him and to keep the secret going, you play along. And when asked why, you sheepishly reply "bc I'm Nina"

Something similar happened in a TV show, think it was called: Six Companions and Their Crazy Adventures.

NAAAASTY

"Secret? Is one of y'all a side piece or something? Sounds like a pain in the ass"

We are part of the same (large) wedding party and don't want things to get messy, especially for the bride and groom. They already know we have a thing going but don't know we're planning on starting to see each other regularly and on non-wedding/group related events...

^Oh, and it was my idea to keep it secret until after my friend's wedding. It sounds like fun.

I knew a guy that used to just walk around all day with FaceTime for his long distance thing. It was like he was dating his phone. It seemed very PLish but some people just make it work somehow.

This all sounds incredibly sketchy. Secret long distance relationship where the guy is already talking about moving to your area.

What's sketchy? I've known him almost 6 months. It's not like we just met...

Is it supposed to be sexually monogamous?

A 2 hour drive means you can spend weekends together. You attend every special event.

A 4 hour drive is rough. 8 hours and you're seeing each other once a month.

Go for it and see how it works. These days you can easily do zoom sex.

"Is it supposed to be sexually monogamous?"

Yes.

I don't think I could date someone who got really wound up about politics, to the point where they can't live next door to people with different politics.

In general it's best to have high hopes but low expectations. But especially true when dating as a dancer. The guy is likely to be fighting with feelings of being a cuck, even if he doesn't talk about it. If he gets hit on, makes it harder to not hit it.

"In general it's best to have high hopes but low expectations."

Yeah. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.

He and I have very different political views on a lot of things and I'll leave it at that lol. But when we're together it has been amazing.

"Looks like at least one poster has already broken their New Years Resolution to be a better person"

Lol. Does he have a better side to him?

The two of you should take an oath to stop listening to the news, if that what it takes to make it work. If people see more happy couples in the world, they'll be more hopeful and positive. That will help things get better more than any political shit.

I’ve never experienced it - as my long distance relationship was mostly about us getting closer - as she wanted me to propose and move to Philly.

But, some relationships simply work better from a distance. It’s not for everyone, but as long as it works for you and your partner, it’s all good.

Nina. Its very simply. If you both are 100% committed to seeing where it goes and making it work, it has a good chance of working. If one or both of you aren't it won't work.

I wish you well I know from personal experience it is difficult, it might help if you had prearranged dates with time off scheduled to enjoy each other’s company at very specific times keyed to special events that you can share

"it might help if you had prearranged dates with time off scheduled to enjoy each other’s company at very specific times keyed to special events that you can share"

Thanks. He is going to visit me on weekends and vice versa so we will see each other on a lot of weekends where I won't mind not dancing because I'm transitioning to camming and focusing on real estate. So while I can essentially make my own schedule, he only has a certain amount of vacation days and is spending them on the wedding events he's already committed to (idk if you saw I mentioned that's how we met - he's a groomsman so we're both in the wedding party). But he worked Mon-Th but is about to start Mon-Fri which gives us less time but it will work. He doesn't mind me coming to see him on work days and says there's a club right by him that I could work at but I wouldn't want to do that because I'd want to spend time with him. I just told him I'd bring my camming equipment and he can watch my toy shows lol.

Had a 5 year/1,000 mile relationship with my ATF, though we were kinda each other's "side pieces", so maybe not exactly the kind of relationship you're expecting. It worked out fine, except for how it ended.