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Touch-Free Paper Towels Please

sinclair

Strip Club Nation

I was at a strip club and went to the washroom to take a whiz. After I finish, I washed my hands. There is a blow dryer to dry off your hands after washing them. I am about to exit the washroom, but I have to pull on a smudgy, greasy door handle that will recontaminate my hands. We all know over 50% of guys don't wash their hands after using the washroom. That door handle could have all kinds of bacteria, viruses, smegma, STD's, or even E. coli on it.

How am I going to get out of the washroom with my freshly cleaned hands without touching that nasty door handle? Do I wait for another customer to push through the door and catch the open door with my shoe? I don't have any Kleenex or old receipts in my pocket that I could use as a barrier to touching it.

Think, sinclair, think. I look around. Taped to the mirrors and walls are advertisements for upcoming events at the strip club like feature dancers and Christmas parties. I rip two off and use them as a makeshift barrier to grab the door handle with. In one fluid motion, I swing the door open and discard the posters behind the door.

I have to use the pisser several more times that evening. I repeat the same process of using the advertisements as my contamination shield to open the door.

On the third or fourth time I was in the restroom ripping the mini posters off the wall, a guy walks in wearing a suit. I thought he was a club employee who just caught me in the act of vandalizing their restroom. Oh, shit! He walks into a bathroom stall, seeming to not care. I exit the bathroom using my no-touch method. A few minutes later I see the suited guy sit down in the crowd. He was not an employee, just a customer running The System.