Some Cosmically Bad News
reverendhornibastard
Depraved Deacon of Degeneracy
It seems like almost every time we turn around we find evidence of yet another colossal fuck up by dear old God Almighty. Here’s yet another “act of God” to contemplate. This one should really brighten your day.
Divine fuck ups are nothing new.
First there were epically hairy pussies that desperately needed to be shaved. It’s a fucking miracle humanity didn’t go extinct before Lady Gillette came along to solve this hairy problem! Then there were malaria, smallpox, polio, bubonic plague, Ebola and rickets to contend with. If all that wasn’t enough, Our Heavenly Father cooked up ice ages, hurricanes, earthquakes, tsunamis, tornados and droughts as additional ways to torment us.
But wait! There’s more!
The Almighty One left lots of bits of rocky rubbish (ranging in size size from of grains of sand all the way up to the size of small planets) zipping around in the darkness of space at speeds of tens of thousands of miles per hour!
Evidence of what all that crap zipping around can do is written eloquently on the face of our nearest celestial neighbor, the Moon.
Even those seemingly insignificant grains of sand zipping around in outer space can ruin your day if you’re space trekking to the Moon or Mars and one of them zips through you or your spacecraft at 18,000+ miles per hour (5+ miles per second).
It gets worse.
It turns out that our sun’s orbit around the galaxy is inclined relative to the galactic plane! During a galactic year (about 225 million solar years long) the sun and its associated planets spend some time within the galactic plane and some time “above” or “below” it.
So what?
There’s evidence that mass extinctions on Earth are periodic and the periodicity appears to coincide with the passage of our solar system through the galactic plane (i.e., the zone where Almighty God carelessly left a lot of His cosmic LEGO blocks laying around where our home planet or our spacecraft can bump into them).
But despite all the grim evidence, people insist on believing that God loves us. It’s just that He moves in mysterious ways.
Yeah, right.
Jeffrey Dahmer moved in mysterious ways too. He just wasn’t as lethally creative as good God Almighty!
What if I told you that I was planning to kill and dismember my kids’ beloved cat, fry the pieces and serve them up as dinner for my kids when they get home from school? Would you regard it an acceptable explanation that I, like Almighty God, sometimes move in mysterious ways?
https://www.tuscl.net/photo.php?id=2439
Dinner, anyone?
Divine fuck ups are nothing new.
First there were epically hairy pussies that desperately needed to be shaved. It’s a fucking miracle humanity didn’t go extinct before Lady Gillette came along to solve this hairy problem! Then there were malaria, smallpox, polio, bubonic plague, Ebola and rickets to contend with. If all that wasn’t enough, Our Heavenly Father cooked up ice ages, hurricanes, earthquakes, tsunamis, tornados and droughts as additional ways to torment us.
But wait! There’s more!
The Almighty One left lots of bits of rocky rubbish (ranging in size size from of grains of sand all the way up to the size of small planets) zipping around in the darkness of space at speeds of tens of thousands of miles per hour!
Evidence of what all that crap zipping around can do is written eloquently on the face of our nearest celestial neighbor, the Moon.
Even those seemingly insignificant grains of sand zipping around in outer space can ruin your day if you’re space trekking to the Moon or Mars and one of them zips through you or your spacecraft at 18,000+ miles per hour (5+ miles per second).
It gets worse.
It turns out that our sun’s orbit around the galaxy is inclined relative to the galactic plane! During a galactic year (about 225 million solar years long) the sun and its associated planets spend some time within the galactic plane and some time “above” or “below” it.
So what?
There’s evidence that mass extinctions on Earth are periodic and the periodicity appears to coincide with the passage of our solar system through the galactic plane (i.e., the zone where Almighty God carelessly left a lot of His cosmic LEGO blocks laying around where our home planet or our spacecraft can bump into them).
But despite all the grim evidence, people insist on believing that God loves us. It’s just that He moves in mysterious ways.
Yeah, right.
Jeffrey Dahmer moved in mysterious ways too. He just wasn’t as lethally creative as good God Almighty!
What if I told you that I was planning to kill and dismember my kids’ beloved cat, fry the pieces and serve them up as dinner for my kids when they get home from school? Would you regard it an acceptable explanation that I, like Almighty God, sometimes move in mysterious ways?
https://www.tuscl.net/photo.php?id=2439
Dinner, anyone?
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8 comments
Talk about biased journalism! Where are the interviews with the people who died in the disaster?
Would this make for compelling TV?
Reporter (talking to a corpse at the scene of a natural disaster): So, Mr. Jones, you got impaled by a flying piece of debris and then drowned in the storm surge. What did you do to piss off God? Or is this evidence of God working in mysterious ways?
Mr. Jones: Silence.
Reporter: OK, Mr. Jones seems to be reluctant to speak and this place is beginning to smell a bit. Back you you in the studio.
Thanks Reverend for adding a touch of existential angst to this forum. By the way, I've never lived through a mass extinction, but I hear that they are not enjoyable events!
Now back to something more enjoyable: strip clubs and naked women!
Most people will continue to believe what they were taught as children unless they perceive that it’s alright to suspend belief (Santa Claus, tooth fairy and Easter bunnies).
I know a couple whose daughter was diagnosed with a rare cardiac disorder and who needed a heart transplant. They prayed with great sincerity for their daughter to me matched with a suitable donor heart.
She was matched in time and had a successful heart transplant.
They believed the transplant was the work of God, totally forgetting that it was God who gave their daughter the defective heart that almost killed her and that their gratitude would have been more appropriately directed to the highly sophisticated practitioners of modern medicine and pharmaceutics and the thousands of medical researchers through history on whose shoulders these modern miracle workers stood.
A. The sun is a God who will only allow a good harvest, but only if you ritualistically gut children on an altar.
B. There is a pantheon of gods representing the different aspects of nature who will show you favor, but only if you make sacrifices to them.
C. There is one God who created everything in six days and is willing to flood the planet and turn inhabitants to salt pillars if you piss him off.
D. The guy from C put himself into a virgin and allowed himself to be tortured and killed so he could quit being so wrathful.
E. Nothing existed. A singular point in the nothing exploded with so much energy that it turned into expanding matter and amongst this expanding matter carbon molecules combined an increasingly complex combinations until they became sentient.
F. Who cares? Enjoy it for whatever it's worth. Hey, there's naked ladies in that strip club over there who will grind on my lap for money.
Thus, my favorite aphorism is "Question Authority."
You know what they say ... you are what you eat!
I said that to PE coach in high school go called me a pussy because he didn’t think I was hustling hard enough.
It was one of the few times I saw that crusty old fart crack a smile.
Gammanu95,
Do you really think it’s possible to insult a supernatural entity who, despite being omniscient and omnipotent, chooses to leave the world a mess and who turns a blind eye to the suffering of his beloved children?
I doubt it.
If there is a god it is clearly one that has no shame and who would be completely impervious to insults.
But worship this fairy tale god if it pleases you.