If Popular People have such Good Social Skills?

66 comments

• Jascoi

  •

  5 years ago

  i like the buzz.
• san_jose_guy

  •

  5 years ago

  Why do you worry about how is and who is not popular? To me that sounds like a very small very conformist world. Sounds like another exposition on what is so problematic about college. What you seem to be talking about is really herd think. SJG Robert A. Caro on the means and ends of power [view link] The Irrationality of Alcoholics Anonymous [view link] Origins of the Perennial Philosophy School of Thought [view link] Ananda Coomaraswamy [view link] Pretend You Have A Cold, Pelosi to Biden [view link]
• CC99

  •

  5 years ago

  But MisterWonderful, I don't think you fall into "the popular crowd." I'm saying that the people at the top of the social hierarchy are constantly looking down on people for having "bad social skills" but they are almost constantly drunk or drinking and they are actually terrible at coming up with interesting conversations.
• san_jose_guy

  •

  5 years ago

  ^^^^^ Who would want to be in an environment where their is some sort of social hierarchy where people could look down on them. College fraternities, yes, their people do talk like that. But no where else. Mostly its just that people have to start standing up for themselves, telling people off. SJG
• twentyfive

  •

  5 years ago

  Drinking is cheaper than smoking pot you nerd;)
• CC99

  •

  5 years ago

  Smoking weed doesn't do anything to reduce social anxiety. More commonly it makes it worse. The main purpose of alcohol is to reduce inhibitions + anxiety right? So doesn't the fact that they are drinking all the time mean they are actually very anxious yet look down on people for being anxious in social situations?
• san_jose_guy

  •

  5 years ago

  I agree with you that these sorts do depend on alcohol. But who cares? Who would miss them if they jumped off a cliff? Herd think often does depend on chemicals. It is not just the mood alteration, it is the showing allegiance to the group. Had been alcohol and tobacco, but today marijuana is replacing tobacco. You're right to critique it, but who even cares? SJG
• san_jose_guy

  •

  5 years ago

  Who even says their is such a thing as "social skills"? How about calling it what it is, "social status"? SJG
• twentyfive

  •

  5 years ago

  ^ You’re making fat boi anxious
• CC99

  •

  5 years ago

  Because isn't it hypocritical to act like you've got these fantastic social skills and what a good social life you have when you can't interact normally with people without having alcohol in your system?
• san_jose_guy

  •

  5 years ago

  But who cares about or even believes in anything like "social skills" or a "good social life". Now true, there are social venues which depend on alcohol and on marijuana. But who cares? SJG
• Warrior15

  •

  5 years ago

  CC, have you ever met Mr Wonderful ? How do you know he's not popular ? I hear the girl in TJ hang around him all the time.
• san_jose_guy

  •

  5 years ago

  Now, yes, it does get ugly if you have an SO, and she starts accusing you, or otherwise boosting for the herd and using it against you. That sucks. SJG
• CC99

  •

  5 years ago

  @Warrior15 That's TJ. Completely different environment. People in the popular crowd don't really go to strip clubs or hire hookers because they think it shows to the people around them that they can't get laid without paying for it.
• san_jose_guy

  •

  5 years ago

  ^^^^^ True. But who cares about that "popular crowd"? SJG
• twentyfive

  •

  5 years ago

  ^ you’re projecting
• CC99

  •

  5 years ago

  @SJG Most social venues where marijuana is popular are counter-cultural though, you can't really act like they are the same. Alcohol is popular with everyone to a certain extent. Everybody gets drunk sometimes. But the socially popular are the ones who seem to be the most reckless ones about getting drunk all the time and drinking huge quantities of alcohol.
• CC99

  •

  5 years ago

  @twentyfive Strip clubs are generally more popular with the social misfits.
• twentyfive

  •

  5 years ago

  ^ not my crowd lol
• san_jose_guy

  •

  5 years ago

  Well, this is a very interesting book. And you don't have to read the newest edition. But it says that today marijuana has become, "Normative". [view link] So is marijuana counter cultural? To listen to people talk about it, I would say it is mainstream. Not everyone drinks alcohol. For one thing, the driving tolerance levels are very low today. For another, many people recognize that they have drinking problems very early on, and they realize that they need to stop. But who cares who is and who is not "socially popular"? How do you even define such, rather than s, the one who drinks the most at parties? SJG Pablo Sender - The Secret Doctrine: Part 1 - How to Study The Secret Doctrine [view link] Social Entrepreneurship [view link] Robert A. Caro on the means and ends of power [view link] The Irrationality of Alcoholics Anonymous [view link] Origins of the Perennial Philosophy School of Thought [view link] Ananda Coomaraswamy [view link] Pretend You Have A Cold, Pelosi to Biden [view link]
• CC99

  •

  5 years ago

  Socially popular means the people who have the most friends and acquaintances and most intricate social network. I've just noticed that a lot of these people drink very heavily. Weed is becoming more normal, especially in college. I still think that smoking weed correlates with counter-culture ideas though.
• san_jose_guy

  •

  5 years ago

  Not trying to be mean here, but who cares about who is popular, and who believes that there are any "social skills", separate from Social Status. Elliot Rodger seemed to believe in such, and that was his down falling. And true, Rodger would not have been interested in strip clubs or TJ, cause that would be for misfits. He would not like that. But why does this Popular People thing have such a hold on people? SJG Pablo Sender - The Secret Doctrine: Part 1 - How to Study The Secret Doctrine [view link] Social Entrepreneurship [view link] Robert A. Caro on the means and ends of power [view link] The Irrationality of Alcoholics Anonymous [view link] Origins of the Perennial Philosophy School of Thought [view link] Ananda Coomaraswamy [view link] Pretend You Have A Cold, Pelosi to Biden [view link] Rene Guenon [view link]
• san_jose_guy

  •

  5 years ago

  "Socially popular means the people who have the most friends and acquaintances and most intricate social network." Well, I went to college too. I'm not buying it. I don't think these people have many friends or acquaintances. I just think they have high social status. I don't think these friend and acquaintances amount to anything, or will be around for them for very long. People who join clubs and do the work, they are highly regarded, and especially if it is outside of the college. People for whom family is something more than an ideology, they will tend to have friends life long. But a lot of this still seems tied to outside institutions, like churches. People who right good books are very popular. I think it unfortunate, but marijuana seems to be like a new tobacco or a new alcohol. SJG
• san_jose_guy

  •

  5 years ago

  Where I live we have lots of middle aged adults who are highly tied in to the real estate industry and to local government. Some of them I find to be extremely annoying too. Need to watch them at all times. Some types are just people pleasers. Here, this is good: [view link] I guess I am just saying that beyond a point, and the sooner the better, one stops caring about such social venues. SJG
• IceyLoco

  •

  5 years ago

  Good social skills are about being able to connect with others.... people can relate and connect with this kind of behavior
• san_jose_guy

  •

  5 years ago

  But I think our OP is talking about people in a college alcohol fueled party environment, so what he is calling social skills is really the lack thereof. SJG
• mark94

  •

  5 years ago

  People with Emotional Intelligence are the ones with social skills that translate into career success. You seem to be describing a category of people I’d call loud, obnoxious drunks. Not the same thing.
• IceyLoco

  •

  5 years ago

  depends on maturity, maybe they still think and act like teens
• Jascoi

  •

  5 years ago

  CC, I admit I am not popular and it’s hard for me to approach pretty young ladies unless I am willing to pay for it. I’m 69 years old and was a wallflower when I was young. very much an introvert then.
• CC99

  •

  5 years ago

  @MisterWonderful Nothing wrong with that. Its nice to see somebody here who's honest about that. @Mark94 So if that's the case, then why do loud obnoxious drunks keep finding themselves at the top of the social ladder? Why is it that people who joined fraternities in college are basically setup for success later in life? While nobody mentions it, former frat guys occupy almost all positions of power in the US not only in the private sector but in the public one as well... There are over 9 million Greek members nationally Of the nation’s 50 largest corporations, 43 are headed by fraternity men. 85% of the Fortune 500 executives belong to a fraternity. 40 of 47 U.S. Supreme Court Justices since 1910 were fraternity men. 76% of all Congressmen and Senators belong to a fraternity. Every U.S. President and Vice President, except two in each office, born since the first social fraternity was founded in 1825 have been members of a fraternity. 63% of the U.S. President’s Cabinet members since 1900 have been Greek. [view link] The Fraternity Advisor gives these statistics because it motivates men to join fraternities. And it is a very strong incentive. Frat and sorority members are technically only 10% of the college students who go to 4 year universities. If you want to narrow it down even further, the percentage of people who ever join a Greek organization is only 3% of the entire population of the US. So how is it that the drunkest, most drug abusing demographic on college campuses are finding themselves in the highest positions of power, making the most money at such an incredibly disproportionate rate across the private and public sectors? Everyone knows that Greek organizations are very secretive. Its also plainly stated that your boss being a member of a fraternity dramatically increases the likelihood of you getting a job. So does it also increase the likelihood of you getting a promotion? Of being the boss's right hand guy who takes over the company when he retires? Frat guys can be obnoxious loud drunks because they know their behavior in college doesn't matter, they have their life setup for them. And here is where I reply to @IceyLoco. If their social skills are so good by your definition, why can't they relate to and connect with me? How come they are only able to relate to people who are like them? In this sense, they are only lucky because a lot of people happen to be like them, but that isn't an indication of how good their social skills are. If, by your definition, somebody did have good social skills, then they would be able to relate to and connect easily with somebody who is different from them. While I have a hard time relating and connecting to people who aren't like me as well, I do have an easy time relating to and connecting with people who are like me. It just so happens that there are not many people out there who are like me. I might even argue, however, that my social skills are better than theirs are. For this simple reason, I can relate to and connect with people from foreign countries very well. Even though I'm a suburban white boy, I've had a lot of difficulty relating to other suburban white boys here at college. Instead, almost all the people I've met with and had a connection with were from foreign countries despite a low international presence at my school. I've met people from Qatar, Saudi Arabia, Kenya, Yemen, Nepal, El Salvador, Japan, China, and Korea. My conversations with all the people I met from those countries was very easy and fluid and the people from foreign countries became my best friends here. Almost none of my good friends here are American actually. The Christian girl I've mentioned is the only one. A lot of people from those countries also mentioned to me having a hard time relating to most of the student body. This means a lot of those people cannot relate to people from foreign countries, but for whatever reason, I can relate to them quite easily. I think it takes a lot more social skills to be able to relate to somebody from a completely different country than it does to relate to somebody who grew up in the same kind of environment you did.
• mark94

  •

  5 years ago

  Your statistics are flawed.......... Try this theory. People with Emotional Intelligence need a stage where they can perform. So, they are more likely to join social organizations, including frats. To draw on an old logic description, 100% of college students with Emotional Intelligence join frats but that doesn’t mean 100% of frat members have Emotional Intelligence. The fact ( I’ll assume ) that a high percent of future leaders were in frats doesn’t mean frat membership is most directly correlated with leadership. However, it means that a disproportionate percent of frat members have Emotional Intelligence and , as a result, a frat membership is indirectly correlated with future career success. The direct correlation is between EI and success. It does not mean that frat membership CAUSES future success. The cause and effect is between EI and success.
• mark94

  •

  5 years ago

  There are a lot of parallels to the fact that Yale and Harvard alums are more likely to succeed than Slippery Rock Univ grads. It’s mostly because people who are admitted to Yale and Harvard are already brighter and more driven than SRU grads. Or, they have rich parents who bribed the college officials.
• nicespice

  •

  5 years ago

  DC, I like you personally. But this thread is making me cringe :( It’s rubbing me the wrong way as a personal jealousy thing rather than a true question about society. 1. I have never been involved in Greek life, nor ever attempted. But I have no doubt the activities that build the social skills are coordinating their volunteer services, or party planning, etc is what builds the emotional intelligence. It requires working with people and leadership skills to make something happen as a team. So just joining, attending parties, and playing drinking games isn’t going to be what causes the benefits. It’s ones individual actions within the organization. And it’s not *every* Greek member getting the same benefit as far as building EQ skills. I didn’t know about those stats but that’s actually pretty impressive. 2. “Bring stuff like this up to the popular kids...” I personally was the weird contrarian when growing up. Maybe it’s different with female dynamics...but I didn’t have a problem with the most popular females in any of the three high schools I attended. Actually, when I did have conversations with them it was really pleasant. It was the mediocre wanna bees who wanted to make jabs at me for being weird. I actually had the impression the popular girls liked me more than them lol. Especially because unlike the wannabes I didn’t try to “be seen” with or suck up to them. Why do I bring up high school and not college? Because there were so many people that I didn’t really cross paths with many in the Greek life anyways. Plus I was a math major, so I was especially isolated from them and I didn’t have much of an opinion of them. 3. “...and they just look at you with this blank expression like they have no idea what you're talking about or what to say.” Then just don’t bring up a topic like that. For example, the last time I spoke with a sorority type of female, it was because I was walking my dog. She thought he was adorable and showed me photos of her dog. One big aspect of emotional intelligence is having the ability to put aside what makes us different, and find something that makes us similar.
• nicespice

  •

  5 years ago

  Furthermore, frat dudes don’t have the monopoly on EQ or having the ability of finding commonalities and connecting with others. I’ll provide one example. For a short time, I did a gig involving selling cable/internet services door-to-door. The top salesperson was a man who didn’t finish high school and was a convicted felon who spent a few years in person. He obviously looked like a cholo and had gold teeth filling in his mouth. Yet, even when he was sent out to nicer neighborhoods with upper middle class whites, he was able to successfully gain the trust of homeowners and convince them to subscribe. Did he allow his lower social class to get him down? Nope, he found a way to establish commonality with others. Granted, I think in his case, he was at a level that most people don’t have (I am not) but I just wanted to point out that it’s possible. So when you say... “While I have a hard time relating and connecting to people who aren't like me as well, I do have an easy time relating to and connecting with people who are like me.” Congrats! You have something in common with the vast majority of people out there!
• nicespice

  •

  5 years ago

  I do have natural empathy with being a misfit of a person. Once upon a time, I believed that made me superior to others in some way. It doesn’t. It has its advantages and disadvantages and is what it is. I personally wouldn’t have it any other way though.
• Mnaz

  •

  5 years ago

  DC, it might be helpful to think about the concept of social capital to better understand what’s going on on your college campus.
• MackTruck

  •

  5 years ago

  Why is there buggers on the walls of my shower?
• Call.Me.Ishmael

  •

  5 years ago

  This thread has a lot more to do with your personal jealousy of "popular" people, rather than your stated questions.
• Nidan111

  •

  5 years ago

  This thread sounds like a jealous rant. I’m not certain if I were/am “popular” or not, but I was President of my Fraternity, did not drink a drip of alcohol, did ZERO drugs and coordinated numerous community events. As far as questioning the social skills of popular people goes ..... my friend, one rarely becomes “popular” unless they have “social skills”. In other words, they can relate to the majority in such a way that the majority tend to like them. Hence, they become “popular”.
• flagooner

  •

  5 years ago

  Fucking loser.
• Warrenboy75

  •

  5 years ago

  Most successful people have a different point of view on being popular. They also understand how to navigate situations where there is alcohol, and where there are people who overindulge. Part of the issue with the younger generations is that little device you carry with you and stare into 24 by 7 has in many ways isolated them and prohibited the growth of social skills. Being uncomfortable having to actually talk face to face ( as opposed to using technology) they look for a crutch. .......that would be getting buzzed.
• MackTruck

  •

  5 years ago

  My secret to popularity. Dumping loads
• IceyLoco

  •

  5 years ago

  Talking to someone about something they have no idea about isn't having good social skills. Good social skills are about being able to build connections with people. Make them comfortable around you and find commonalities. I also wouldn't judge someone solely on what they do for fun. So frat guys party, big deal. They also keep their grades up to be in the frat, charity and volunteer work, plan events, network, participate in university events, student government, etc. -----" And here is where I reply to @IceyLoco. If their social skills are so good by your definition, why can't they relate to and connect with me? How come they are only able to relate to people who are like them? In this sense, they are only lucky because a lot of people happen to be like them, but that isn't an indication of how good their social skills are. If, by your definition, somebody did have good social skills, then they would be able to relate to and connect easily with somebody who is different from them."----- Are you making an effort to be open to them or just shutting them out? If you're at a party where everyone is on the same vibe, its up to you to make an effort. Not for everyone to drop and change it all up for you.Have you tried connecting with them in a different context like charity work or student gov? Other types of events? Thought of pledging a fraternity?
• IceyLoco

  •

  5 years ago

  COllege should be the time of your life, try to enjoy it. I had a little radio show on a university station once, had hot groupies show up after each show... In general, college girls are easy. Show some low grade social capital like access to weed or alcohol and they'll smash.
• IceyLoco

  •

  5 years ago

  And international students from conservative countries won't fit in, that's a given...but they want to. I used to hang out with a Saudi college kid. Got him his first weed and alcohol, took him to his first strip club, we even tag teamed a bitch. He was so grateful for everything.
• san_jose_guy

  •

  5 years ago

  @nicespice, I agree with you ( doesn't happen often ). This thread made me cringe right from the start, more about envy and self hating, and believing nonsense, than trying to learn anything about our society. @CC99, you don't actually believe that there is such a social hierarchy, or that these "popular kids" actually have something you don't? It's all happening in an artificial and very limited world. Its not social skills which are in play, its social status, and that derives from lots of stuff, like money and degree of conformity, just for starters. And then as far as who ends up high placed in corporate America, who the hell cares. This world is what you make of it, and there are lots of far more interesting things to do than being a corporate CEO, like going to strip clubs. And then look at someone like Elon Musk, he was always a nerd among nerds. He hated South Africa. The post college world is far more open and flexible than the college world. @Mark94, First time ever I have agreed with you on anything. Yes, very little about college is causal about what people do after. There may be correlations, but as they are not causal, these do not mean that someone who wanted to could not do otherwise. True, over a lunch interview a CEO tried to tell me about how he was in a college frat and all. But that guy was one of the biggest reasons why that start up company failed. He was just not able to understand people who were not conformist like he was. At a Christmas party he was talking to a young woman and so I asked him, "Was that your daughter?" He never answered me, he just started going on and on about which college she was going to. As the company nose dived into the ground, about the only thing people could still agree on was that that CEO was a bozo. @Nidan111, very interesting to know that you were in a frat, the President of such, and that you stayed alcohol and drug free. Most encouraging. We need people who have a spine. @IceyLoco, your account is the most interesting, the most contrary to my own experience, and the most contrary to what everyone else on this thread seems to be saying. And if only it were always that way. I think for one thing there are just different sorts of people. And doing a regular radio show would be fun, and I can see how it would gain one a following. I think some schools have two big differences. First, there are impacted and very competitive programs. People had to do well to get into them, and it presses them to the max to stay in them. And so people are focused on the high powered careers they expect. And so the women do not want college relationships. The last thing they would ever want is to get shackled to someone who does not yet have such a high powered career. So the most they will do is drunken party hookups. But the morning after, they want the guy to go away. Then the second thing is, some schools are much more socially narrow. What you are describing sounds to me like CSU or Community College. It is more diverse, racially, socio-economically, and then age and maturity wise too. Impossible to talk about this without talking about Elliot Rodger and UC Santa Barbara. That is not the most competitive of schools, with most majors, but it is one of the most socially narrow. Very few students are much older than just out of high school. So it is like a continuation of high school. And for someone who has never known anything other than that and living with their parents, it could look like the whole world is that way. With all due respect to our OP, I think he is rather like Rodger, in that he is seeing the frat boys dominate a social scene. And though he is critical of it, he still seems to believe that they have something he doesn't. And then in such schools, very very few have anything like a part time job. The school scheduling is just not set up for it, and the work load is just too high, not for one who wants to do well and graduate. So that means that it is populated by students who don't need the income, making it more socially narrow. And then the work place is usually what exposes people to a broader slice of life, to people who are not just their age or their parents' age, but of the full inbetween range. It helps a guy to mature, and it makes him less subservient to schools very limited social dynamics. Definitely CC99 posts some of the most provocative stuff. It would have to be that way to find people on opposite sides of the spectrum being in agreement. In the post college world of varying ages, socio-economics, education levels, occupations, religion, and national origin, there is far less concern about who does and who does not 'fit in'. And again, this is part of my basis for saying that we need an alternative kind of educational system, one oriented to life long learning. And then further, I do feel that many young men who want to graduate from college are in effect having to opt not for being Incels, but for Voluntary Celibacy, just to avoid all the problems. And probably when they first went to college, this was not what they were expecting. SJG
• CC99

  •

  5 years ago

  I guess if even SJG is telling me to stop being so jealous, I really did cross a line. @IceyLoco I was open at one point, I used to be on the same level as everyone else. Freshman me was nothing like I am now. I think you don't realize how hard I used to try, and that the reason I gave up was because it was all for nothing. Nothing worked, it didn't matter how many girls I talked to, it didn't matter how many parties I went to, it didn't matter if I did drugs, it didn't matter if I got drunk, it didn't matter if I danced with dozens of girls, it didn't matter if I tried my hardest to be on everybody's level, nothing mattered, I tried everything, everything failed. I don't know why but the universe hates me. Every time I try I fail, and the universe won't ever throw me a bone. It only teases me with the idea that things will get better and then pulls it away from me right when I thought I was going to be happy. I'm doomed to die alone. My brother has been trying for longer than I have and he has also failed. The best I can do is find a way to have an okay life.
• san_jose_guy

  •

  5 years ago

  @CC99, I guess people do consider me a weirdo. But the thing is, I really don't care. If I need to be, I can be really mean and cruel. So I know I can stand up to them. Beyond maybe early elementary school I have never cared about same sex bonding stuff. Always seemed like a waste of time. But then I guess adolescence came early for me, and so all I cared about was girls. Now in the world of adolescence, you get the opposite sex by having standing with the same sex. But I did not know about that, and even if I did, I would not have gone along with it. So I learned how to move on girls. Never involving drugs, alcohol or tobacco, but I did move on plenty enough girls. But still, college was not that easy of a place. I've posted about my first off campus GF, and she was completely different. But actually I was not ready for her, not ready for her emotional and time demands. I was too involved in my school work. So I had to let her go, become a Vocel. College was hard, and I wish I'd of been able to stay in longer to learn more. But on the otherhand, my first worldly knowledge really did not start until I was out in the work force. There, girls will be throwing themselves at you, and they don't care who is popular, or who is a weirdo. The social realm where those things mattered is long gone. 90% of the people don't even care about it, and likely would not understand it. Now true, I did get involved with one, and end up married, and that nearly cost me my life. If I had been more experienced, more developed, that would not have happened. Life has been hard for me in many ways. I needed to have moved beyond the boundaries of the herd much earlier. College gave me much, but it was also a kind of torture. And then in career building, I was not well prepared for this, too much negative stuff I had lived through, and that really shaped me. Not as willing to extend myself as I might have been. So today, having survived a death trap marriage, I work to build new things, a new realm for vastly superior careers, and a new kind of educational venue. But it is all predicted, not on Live and Let Live, it is based on fighting battles and winning. And it is this that I do on an ongoing basis. Things do not have to be as they have been, but to change anything, it is necessary to go after certain types of perpetrators. SJG AMLO: How Mexico’s New Leftist President Has Navigated Corruption, Inequality and Trump [view link] [view link] The myth of self-control [view link] Zubin Mehta and Khatia Buniatishvili [view link] Dave Matthews Band - All Along The Watchtower (Live in the Central Park) [view link] Dave Matthews Band - Cortez, The Killer (from The Central Park Concert) [view link] Quicksilver Messenger Service - Fresh Air - 12/28/1975 - Winterland [view link] TJ Street [view link]
• twentyfive

  •

  5 years ago

  CC get some help from a trained professional this stuff sounds like a cry for help and these folks here have no way to help you, they mostly can’t even manage their own lives, they have no business giving you advice.
• san_jose_guy

  •

  5 years ago

  ^^^^^ The last thing in the world anyone needs is Psychotherapy or Life Coaching. Those people are just parasites, never comrades. SJG
• san_jose_guy

  •

  5 years ago

  Against Therapy: Emotional Tyranny and the Myth of Psychological Healing [view link] SJG
• san_jose_guy

  •

  5 years ago

  I think the idea of "social skills" is must a mind fuck. And that is what put me off about this thread from the very start. Talk about "social skills" is kind of like Social Darwinism. Saying that some people have some special skills and others don't. And so then those who have them deserve the benefits. Whereas a more accurate description is probably that there is an unfair set of rules in place, and some people have higher social status, and then some people are more willing to subordinate themselves to unfair and arbitrary social rules. And so the answer is not to ever submit, but rather to fight harder to try and break of of the box. So one might ask, "Why do people put up with a college social realm which demands conformity and only favors a few, and what are some of the ways of breaking out?" SJG
• CC99

  •

  5 years ago

  "Talk about "social skills" is kind of like Social Darwinism. Saying that some people have some special skills and others don't. And so then those who have them deserve the benefits." That's true. @TwentyFive Yeah, you're probably right.
• san_jose_guy

  •

  5 years ago

  ^^^^ Psychotherapists and Life Coaches are out there to break people and make them submit. Imagine a woman goes to a police station to report that she has been raped. What she hears is " Well we have therapists on duty to help you with your problem, and help you see ways you may have caused it, and so that you can forgive and don't have to be carrying things around with you. You certainly have come to the right place." Psychotherapy and Life Coaching are second rape. They turn your experience of injustice into a medical and self-improvement issue. SJG
• Call.Me.Ishmael

  •

  5 years ago

  Two points... It may not be a bad idea to talk to a therapist or even a counselor of some sort. It can help if you find the right person. It sounds like you've been working hard to be friends / popular with the wrong people. Not necessarily bad people, but the wrong people for you. Find your tribe (whatever that may be) and you won't have these worries or anxieties.
• IceyLoco

  •

  5 years ago

  @CC99 you're not doomed and you're not a failure. Your life is barely beginning and you do have real viable options. I think a personal trainer would be a hell of a better investment than a therapist or a hooker. People always say shit like be yourself, its not you, its them... but the truth is, it is you and if being yourself worked, well it would work. Its not that we have to change our core, our ethics, etc. But the way we come across to others.....its about learning to present yourself in a way that your target audience will like you if that's what your aim is. You mentioned being thin with pimples.... which isn't uncommon for college guys honestly. And those are both things you can work on. Usually, changing your outer appearance will help make you more assertive, confident.
• CC99

  •

  5 years ago

  My life hasn't barely begun. I've been trying, on and off, to find a fulfilling romantic life with girls since 5th grade. There were a couple girls I knew in high school who probably would've been my girlfriend but I was scared to like a girl back then just like most of TUSCL is right now. I was rejected in 8th grade and it hurt so badly I couldn't bear to try again for over three years. I was only willing to have a casual fling. Then I started liking a girl I was having a fling with junior year and everything subsequently went to Shit. After that I realized how good it felt to like a girl though and I've been trying in different ways ever since. In other words, what you're calling "barely begun" has been nearly a decade of mostly romantic/sexual destitution and only two years junior and senior year of high school of being satisfied with life but still failing to reach my real goal. But high school is over now and I will never be able to have the kind of life I had back then again.
• IceyLoco

  •

  5 years ago

  You were too young to really get things then. Adolescence is weird for everyone in some way. And relationships are about failure.... look, everyone goes into it thinking its something but how many relationships actually last a few years, let alone a lifetime? Its not easy but you can only look at your mistakes and learn from them. Not make the same ones in the next relationship. There's no reason to be afraid of approaching women.
• san_jose_guy

  •

  5 years ago

  Yeah, college popularity has very little to do with getting girls outside of college. I really wouldn't worry about any college social reallms, except that you have to survive their until you graduate. Such college social realms are not predictive of anything important. Outside, all you have to do is be employed, and girls will be throwing themselves at you. Think about it, what does a girl who has a dead end job and has to use that to pay rent want? If she has never been married and has no kids, then she will feel that she is a hot prospect. Fact is though, she spends lots of time alone. So if you are employed and look it, she will be all green light for you, and will be ecstatic if you offer her a car keys and wallet date. She will be on full after burner. College is highly age segregated. Like here, UC and the private schools have the youngest average age. This is even though they are the hardest to get into and they have the largest number of grad students. Then CSU has higher average age, and then Community College even higher average age. I say that this shows that the whole system is fucked, it is about replicating socio-ecnomic status, not about education. An shinning exception was right after WWII, the US being in competition for visible leadership with the USSR, we offered vets the GI Bill, and we expanded out publicly funded zero tuition colleges. These vets, being a bit older, they made very good students. Lots of them went into school teaching. But today, the effects of that are gone, young people being told to take out loans, which are exempt from bankruptcy, just to go to college, hoping for jobs which are probably not going to be available, and will likely be deskilled in an event. Totally Sucks! But just that factor of it being age segregated, makes it more like an extension of adolescence. SJG
• IceyLoco

  •

  5 years ago

  Most college grads end up working cubicle jobs at low wages. A maid in a Vegas hotel makes almost $20 an hour now if she's in a union. A college grad getting an entry level job can make like $12 an hour in an expensive city like LA. Even lawyers, you can have 10 years of experience and be a "partner" or "junior partner" or some other meaningless title and make $75,000 a year working for a national firm....and living in a shitty small old house near a freeway. The thing is, even with car keys and wallet dating, unless you have something to offer her on other levels, you're going to be treated like an ATM and she'll cheat on you. Nowadays, women are like that....one guy to pay her bills, one to fuck her, one to take her on vacations, another for exciting dates...
• Call.Me.Ishmael

  •

  5 years ago

  My advice is to not take advice from a lazy troll persona and a creepy lunatic shut-in. But hey... it's your bandwidth.
• IceyLoco

  •

  5 years ago

  or from geriatric trolls and an old man with anger issues...
• san_jose_guy

  •

  5 years ago

  College grads are not necessarily getting any paved road to a good career. Often those in blue collar work are getting more $, especially with tips and overtime too. And then girls from blue collar backgrounds will not appreciate the collegeman's quest. She just judges guys by the size of his paycheck, because it is like this for her father and her brothers. One girl I met, in college, was still like this herself, going on and on about her brother, running a drapery cleaning business, and talking about how much money he was getting, and saying, "That's pretty good for only 21." And another in college, talking about her BF back home who was a Pharmacist, and saying that his medical care program paid for all ( meaning her ) prescription drugs. I think the thing is, you just need to decide what you want to do an then do it. And FU to anyone who tries to talk shit. But most young guys really know very little about how the world works. And guys get boxed in to making very poor choices, in my opinion, and them women wrap them around their fingers, not because they like them, but because they believe that they can control them. But then, the idea that the college should be primarily financially motivated, in my view, is just completely bogus. I think this gets to some of what CC99 was talking about, frat boys getting all the top corporate positions, and as if anyone should care. What will change all of these dynamics is the organization I am building. High grade pussy saturation 365 days per year, life long learning, very challenging and meaningful careers, tremendous financial security, and cutting the stuffings out of conformists and the bourgeoisie regularly. SJG
• IceyLoco

  •

  5 years ago

  I think doing anything out of a purely financial motive won't work in the long run. A person will eventually burn out... I don't think frats have anything to do with good jobs and a career path per se. Its all about wealth condensation and nepotism. ie you can afford a private university and spend your time around others of the same class, you'll have more connections...its about networking and who you know. Those kinds of people stick together.
• san_jose_guy

  •

  5 years ago

  ^^^^^^^ agreed! But that someone would believe that these people have some sort of superior "Social Skills" shows how much of a mind fuck it all is. And then as I posted of, being told by a corporate CEO at a lunch interview of his frat days, and asked about mine. Its more than just nepotism, its a kind of colonization. And yes, any thing done out of a purely financial motivation won't work for long. I always used to tell my ex, that a good used car sales man, or a good bar tender, can make more money. Thing is though that I found myself having to explain that meant that what I really needed to be doing was calling a divorce lawyer. SJG Steely Dan @ Sony Music Center, NYC - Band & Crew Rehearsal [view link]
• Call.Me.Ishmael

  •

  5 years ago

  lol