Wedding Season Is Upon Us

They never tell you what you need to know.

7/3/2018 7:37:30 AM

Is it just me or is going to a wedding pretty bad ass? Now some things have to come into play for me to enjoy a wedding:

1. Decent food served
2. Open bar
3. Warm weather so the wedding attendees dress in little dresses
4. A half decent DJ or band and a dance floor
Bonus:
5. Appetizers and drinks between wedding and reception
6. An unusually high number of hot women in attendance (bridal party doesn’t matter because they always wear ugly non revealing dresses)
7. Bus to drive you back to hotel of wedding is out of town
8. That I don’t have to be forced to dance

So some of you still aren’t buying it huh? My wife works with a million people and I am always dragged to at least 2 weddings a summer. They’re great. I don’t know anyone, I get booze and champagne, I get to watch a bunch of 25-40 year old women dance drunk and by the end of the night their dresses come up over their butts and I even get cake! To top it off 90% of the time I don’t even know the people getting married so I don’t even have to feel guilty for the poor bastard inheriting the ball and chain that day...