Divorcing an ATF

Any advice on how to handle this?

several years is a long time. Is there anoth club you can try for awhile? Or go when she isn’t scheduled? If she confronts you, just tell her that it seems like she’s not into it anymore, or tell her that you just feel to friendly towards her now.

Do it...and let us know the results...These girls get on such power trips its amazing...My atf is getting there herself....The other girls come and try to take me away...She was off one day, I had another jump on me and she was decent...The girl who told me she'd finish the lap dance that my atf had stopped halfway through told me next time to accept that....I can see a fight now...
They're jealous because i drop a ton on her and she's taking me for granted somewhat...I have cut back anyway.....I'm just fueling her heroin habit that much more...She was talking about quitting, but we all know that's wishful thinking...

The possessive thing can be tricky. I’m not possessive, but I except to be treated w respect by my customers and the girls, and I try to treat them w respect as well. Some guys actully get miffed that I’m not more possessive, and try to make me jealous. If I get jealous, I’m done. I won’t deal w that customer again.

Just slip out the back, Jack,
make a new plan, Stan
Don't need to be coy, Roy,
just listen to me
Hop on the bus, Gus,
don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee,
and get yourself free

Tell her what you told us. She hasn’t been into it, and the “fluctuation” in tipping is related to that. Tell her you’re going to take a break from her.

It’s your money, after all, and you get to decide where to spend it.

Isn’t this the definition of a transactional relationship. Don’t be such a pussy. It’s just business.

And if she *does* want to fight, don’t let her drag you in. Leave, or ignore her. Don’t engage in arguments or anything. At most, a “this isn’t making me want to spend money on you” comment, but even that’s probably too much.

Even if she trash talks you to the other girls, there’ll be someone, possibly many such, who won’t believe her and view it as an opportunity.

Just tell her you've been together too-long and you wanna try other dancers - along the lines of what Subraman often posts, be polite and direct

^^^ If that doesn’t work, you can always tell her: “It’s you. Not me.”

I still think a break between helps.

@JordanBelfort, is this the ATF with the criminal BF? ( https://www.tuscl.net/discussion.php?id=… )
You had similar hesitations back then, too. This might not be the hobby for you. I'm just being blunt.

In general I'm pretty easy-breezy about this kinds of things. When I see her, smile, hug, and a casual "Hey there Cherry, I'm here to see Mercedes today, just wanted a little variety, but see you soon!" type of thing. I am a HUGE believer in exactly what Papi said: you need to believe in your gut that you're not doing anything wrong by spending your money the way you want, be polite, friendly, and direct. It sounds like you've been with this one for several years, possibly exclusive to her for several years? That level of history is somewhat extraordinary, so for that reason only, rather than the somewhat flip and vapid line I use above (which I've used a lot and work fine), I might explain things a bit more.

If I were you, I would keep in mind that she's a professional stripper and she knew EXACTLY what she was doing when she discussed the tip fluctuation with you. She sees your relationship approaching its shelf life, she's unhappy enough with the business arrangement that she's going to try to get more $ out of you, even though she realizes there's a risk you'll get pissed and leave her. That's what she wants -- give her more, or leave, that's why she spent so much time discussing it. If you ever felt any misplaced obligation towards her, she's wonderfully opened the door for you to rid yourself of that misplaced obligation.

How much are you tips fluctuating?

Jordan, can't you just go back home to Margot Robbie?

Dominic77, nope thats a different one in Atlanta, and he overdosed. This one is in Detroit (my hometown)

Thanks for the advice, going tonight so will provide an update.

She overdosed*

@ Jordan, good. If you can get rid of that combo, then you can get rid of this one (in a respectful way)

Wait. you ninja'ed me. So sorry to hear she died. :(

Chicken or egg?

Did her service start slipping and subsequently you tipped less, or did you just decide to start paying less b/c perhaps you thought you were paying too-much?

Papi - the latter

@Dominic77 do you mean to tell me there are ATF's available without the criminal boyfriend? I thought that was a standard accessory.

I'll agree with most of what's been said. It is important to know you're not doing anything wrong by divorcing a fave. If its not working for either of you, why drag it out? Just tell her simply and confidently that you're interested in seeing someone else this visit.

That said, I'll also go against the grain a bit and recommend you take a look at yourself before just cutting her lose. I think often times as customers our expectations can get out of whack. It's easy to think the grass is always greener and she's short changing you, but that may not be the case. For that reason, I think BJ's advice of taking a break is also very viable. Try another club, see what's out there. Let her live without your regular contribution to her bottom line for a while. Maybe you'll both realize you're better off together & come to an agreement. Maybe you'll both realize you're not, and both live happily ever after.

I can tell you I've gotten spoiled and cut a stripper lose only to find out she was well above average. I've also cut them lose only to realize how much I was spoiling the last one. A quick market check for both of you will help you figure out which situation you're in.

Yeah, most people do not enjoy a pay-cut and won't be happy, that's just the nature of the beast - just like we wouldn't be happy if a dancer starts cutting down on the service.

If you were still interested in her probably would've been better to discuss a different pricing arrangement going-forward if you weren't comfortable with the current pace (as long as it was still a fair price going-forward) .

How much time does she spend with you in a visit and hiw much time do you expect her to spend with you per visit? Do you get, or expect to gwt, her exclusively to yourself during your visits?

Due to your lengthy history - you should do something similar to what Subraman recommends. If you plan to continue going to the same club, it’s important to keep things from getting nasty (on her part).

Since she has a heroin habit, it’s possible she will react in an unpredictable way. Just be prepared for that, and handle the interaction in a reasonable manner. If she gets upset - remain calm.

Hopefully she has seen the end approaching too. Your moving on should simply confirm her thoughts.

Several years is a long time to have an CF, even an ATF. Any stripper with half a brain should realize that regulars don't last forever. Even so, she was your ATF for a reason. To go from the majority of your spending (i'm assuming) to nothing (the cold turkey approach) doesn't really make a lot of sense, especially if there isn't yet a replacement favorite. If you see her again, don't do a VIP. That should speak volumes in itself. Just be honest and say that the VIP was completely not worth it last time and you don't see any reason to do more than dances (if even more than one) with her. If she spends most of that dance sulking or worse, then end it there and the finality of your relationship has been established. If she "sees the light" and gives the dances of her life (unlikely), get as many as you want, but decide that is probably how your interactions are going to continue to be in the near future and she has likely burned her bridge (favorite status).

I’d echo two things stated already. First, if she flips out, stay calm and in control. Neither you nor she owe each other anything as your relationship is only transactional and pay as you go.

Second, I tend to agree with Bj about maybe taking a break from this club for a bit. The passage of a bit of time in transactional relationships is almost always helpful when things get tense. When you decide to go back to this club, follow Subraman’s advice about being polite and direct and not a whiny bitch. But I would at least take a short break from the club. Who knows, maybe she will do you a favor and text you that you’re done. Sounds like she is pissed about your money or lack thereof. Give her a chance to replace your stream of income.

The going to a different club may help but he'll likely have to deal with her either now or 3-months from now when he returns, so not sure if he's gaining much by staying away from her club except maybe playing the field w/o having to confront her, but likely he'll have to confront her at some point unless he doesn't ever come back to the club (so running away is just delaying PL judgement day :))

Jordan,

I cut off my ATF (she still is) of about 8 years. She left the local area after our discussions about things in her life. She was in a place where it was difficult to get to see her. Went from at least weekly to if lucky one every couple of months. Just wasn't good for me. I told her face to face, of course. I could tell by her reaction that she didn't like it any more than I did, but such is life. I've seen her a number of times since, but all except for few minutes were with my family around. Wasn't able to talk with her. Now, everyone has moved on, but I still miss her.

I think the passage of time (if you wish) should occur AFTER you confront her / let her down / fire her, NOT BEFORE you do. Ghosting her for 3 months just puts off the inevitable, and I agree with Papi_Chulo, you'll still need to confront her when you return. Doing that is the Baby Bitch option. Don't be a Baby Bitch.

Now confronting her / firing her / leaving the lines of communications open by letter her down confidently, professionally, and tactfully is good. Then give her a day or two (or 3 or 4) to calm down. Women sometimes act more emotionally than men. I'd give her a day minimum to vent. This is where I might find a different club . I wouldn't because I'm an asshole and a dick. But some guys would rather avoid that. I'm married so I'm used to it, lol.

Personally, the service level went down with my CF (at the time, when I tried having one), I took the recommendation for @Estafador to fire her. I did, and set with someone else the next visit. She saw this. Long and short is it snapped her back into better attitude pretty much immediately on subsequent visit. Firing her (then later re-hiring her) was the best thing I ever did. I never gave it a second thought. I just read the suggestion on here, and immediately did it. If you're not getting your dollar value $$$ why are you putting it off???

Papa, you’re right that Jordan will come face to face with her sooner or later. But if she replaces him as a source of income she may not give as much of a shit a month or two from now. He certainly could go right back to the club, do a direct Subra, and get it over with too. Probably depends on his tolerance for likely drama.

Next time get a pre-nup

Hire a mediator.

Perhaps Subraman is available for a reasonable fee.

Jordan, PM me so I can get her on the rebound!

I would be honest and straight forward. Tell her that after she analyzed your tip[ping fluctuation it caused you to analyze the relationship. Upon analysis you realized it wasn't working for either of you so you wish her well with her future and you won't be seeing her any longer. Have a beer, leave. Come back in a week and she'll have found another.

You are the customer. You get to decide how you spend your money. No need for logic or explanations. You're likely not the first customer to fire this dancer.