• discussions >
• Front Room

Gawker; I hope you can help your ATF.

CJKent (Banned)

“The more a person needs to be right, the less certain he is...”

Gawker;
Again the solution to the situation with your ATF is in your hands.
Think about learning to be assertive and setting boundaries as the first steps in stopping the letting her go and comeback cycle.
Remember she has feelings for you too, despite of what she says, the fact is that you two have built a relationship that has some mutual benefits, at a cost, to you, of not only money and some inconveniences, but other negative feelings and emotions, like in any human relationship.
These negative aspects get magnified by her "disease" of addiction and her mental/emotional problems.
This is what you wrote:
"she sat at my kitchen counter and cried. “ I don’t want to go. You take care of me. You make me laugh..."".
You need to be the responsible adult and the man in the relationship and take charge, because that is what might really help her in the long run.
You have to take on the basic role of the man in the relationship, provider, protector, and at the same time keep her withing safe boundaries, remember when you were taking care of your wife and kids, and didn't let the kids run into traffic.
Have a written plan when she comes back and tell her the rules and conditions and consequences and only let her back in if she agrees to them. And stick to the plan.
Stay strong and make a conscious effort to be firm and fair. Easier said that done.
I hope you can help her, because you seem to be her only hope.
Good look to you and your Wife and Kids and your ATF.
Please let us know as soon as she is back.
Thank you.