Gawker; I hope you can help your ATF.
CJKent (Banned)
“The more a person needs to be right, the less certain he is...”
Gawker;
Again the solution to the situation with your ATF is in your hands.
Think about learning to be assertive and setting boundaries as the first steps in stopping the letting her go and comeback cycle.
Remember she has feelings for you too, despite of what she says, the fact is that you two have built a relationship that has some mutual benefits, at a cost, to you, of not only money and some inconveniences, but other negative feelings and emotions, like in any human relationship.
These negative aspects get magnified by her "disease" of addiction and her mental/emotional problems.
This is what you wrote:
"she sat at my kitchen counter and cried. “ I don’t want to go. You take care of me. You make me laugh..."".
You need to be the responsible adult and the man in the relationship and take charge, because that is what might really help her in the long run.
You have to take on the basic role of the man in the relationship, provider, protector, and at the same time keep her withing safe boundaries, remember when you were taking care of your wife and kids, and didn't let the kids run into traffic.
Have a written plan when she comes back and tell her the rules and conditions and consequences and only let her back in if she agrees to them. And stick to the plan.
Stay strong and make a conscious effort to be firm and fair. Easier said that done.
I hope you can help her, because you seem to be her only hope.
Good look to you and your Wife and Kids and your ATF.
Please let us know as soon as she is back.
Thank you.
Again the solution to the situation with your ATF is in your hands.
Think about learning to be assertive and setting boundaries as the first steps in stopping the letting her go and comeback cycle.
Remember she has feelings for you too, despite of what she says, the fact is that you two have built a relationship that has some mutual benefits, at a cost, to you, of not only money and some inconveniences, but other negative feelings and emotions, like in any human relationship.
These negative aspects get magnified by her "disease" of addiction and her mental/emotional problems.
This is what you wrote:
"she sat at my kitchen counter and cried. “ I don’t want to go. You take care of me. You make me laugh..."".
You need to be the responsible adult and the man in the relationship and take charge, because that is what might really help her in the long run.
You have to take on the basic role of the man in the relationship, provider, protector, and at the same time keep her withing safe boundaries, remember when you were taking care of your wife and kids, and didn't let the kids run into traffic.
Have a written plan when she comes back and tell her the rules and conditions and consequences and only let her back in if she agrees to them. And stick to the plan.
Stay strong and make a conscious effort to be firm and fair. Easier said that done.
I hope you can help her, because you seem to be her only hope.
Good look to you and your Wife and Kids and your ATF.
Please let us know as soon as she is back.
Thank you.
Got something to say?
Start your own discussion
11 comments
When she put a needle in her arm shortly after finishing her program, she lost my loyalty and my desire to be with her. She's living with a BF I know. I had promised to drive her to the dentist next week and I will. I had promised to take her to a psychiatrist and I will.
But she's burned bridges in several ways including complaining that men have used her and damaged her psyche and lumping me in with drug dealers who've raped her, strangers who have given her $20 for blowjobs so she could buy drugs and I can make a lengthy list of those who have abused her but I won't be putting myself on the list. I've got too much respect for her. I've learned to never say never, but I have no desire to entangle myself in her quagmire at this time.
Brilliant!
Hopefully, you aren’t addicted to her drama, as that can get more and more dangerous.
It might sound odd - but your being pissed at her might be a good thing. You can drive her to her appointments - but your anger might prevent her from using her charms to get back in your life (and in your home).