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Why I Can Never Run For Political Office

Avatar for shailynn
shailynnThey never tell you what you need to know.

I was thinking I'd be a good mayor, but then if I had stiff competition from the opposition and they started digging dirt up on me, maybe I'd be fucked. Therefore I made a list of bad shit I've done over my lifetime. See what you think.

  1. I threw up on a sorority girl at a party in college.

  2. I bounced a check when I was 19 (bad fiscal management).

  3. At least 4 strippers know my real name (potential blackmail).

  4. I have more speeding tickets than I'd like to admit but only 2 over the past 16 years (carelessness).

  5. I've sent dick picks but only when requested (another blackmail potential).

  6. I constantly make fun of Lil Fishsticks (potential bulky call out).

  7. I make fun of Juice (potential issue with threatment of mentally handicapped).

  8. I once was thrown out of a bar (apparently peeing on the floor is frowned upon).

  9. I've flown the different states just to have sex (potential misuse of city funds).

  10. I once miscounted the votes in my homeowners association so the asshole everyone hates didn't get elected to the board (corruption).

Wait!?!? I sound perfext for politics!!!!!! Sign me up!!!

Comments

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Avatar for ime
ime

You are cleaner than than 95% of politicians.

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Avatar for JuiceBox69
JuiceBox69

Got my vote LMFAO...I'm sure the rest of these faggots agree :)

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Avatar for Cashman1234
Cashman1234

You are clean as a whistle! That's amateur stuff when compared to the shit most politicians have hiding in their closets!

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Avatar for Lurker_X
Lurker_X

... And many hours of interior camera footage attending the clubs.

Plus, in N. C. all clubs are membership clubs. Scanning ID is common.

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Avatar for JuiceBox69
JuiceBox69

Only live once

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Avatar for Cashman1234
Cashman1234

Honest Vince - you might want to reword the part about loving kids... it might be misunderstood.

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Avatar for Cashman1234
Cashman1234

maybe you should change the name of the governors mansion to Neverland Ranch?

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Avatar for JohnSmith69
JohnSmith69

If you have never threatened to grab a woman by the pussy, then you are not qualified for political office. Nice try though.

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Avatar for Cashman1234
Cashman1234

The mansion needs a Chuck E. Cheese franchise!

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Avatar for JuiceBox69
JuiceBox69

Lol

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Avatar for twentyfive
twentyfive

it's all good unles you get caught in bedbwith a dead girl or a live boy you should be just fine.

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Avatar for shailynn
shailynn

Dead girl or live boy - love it!

Does it still count if the dead girl is a hooker?

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Avatar for twentyfive
twentyfive

^^^I'd say same difference you are the one running for office thank god it's not me.

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Avatar for Cashman1234
Cashman1234

^^ I don't think it matters (if the dead girl is a hooker) as long as you aren't caught having sex with her - as your town may have laws against that sort of thing...

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Avatar for Bj99
Bj99

Maybe not, but you could defineitly be the hero in a modern day musical.

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Avatar for warhawks
warhawks

Priest and boy.

Boy and Priest.

It's not weird cuz the boy's 19...

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Avatar for Bj99
Bj99

^ ugh, fake vm made me laugh, again... had to take a shot to numb the self loathing. ;)

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Avatar for shailynn
shailynn

Warhawks - possible the best current act on Howard Stern

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Avatar for RandomMember
RandomMember

Shaillyn's way too corrupt for political office. However, he would make a terrific lawyer.

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Avatar for flagooner
flagooner

OMG. I read your list and I have done (or pretty close) all but 3 of them.

  1. I threw up on a sorority girl at a party in college. Close, it was my date to a formal.

  2. I bounced a check when I was 19 (bad fiscal management). 19 or 20.

  3. At least 4 strippers know my real name (potential blackmail). Yep

  4. I have more speeding tickets than I'd like to admit but only 2 over the past 16 years (carelessness). My driving record has a few blemishes, but probably not that bad. I've had some recent hiccups.

  5. I've sent dick picks but only when requested (another blackmail potential). Never sent a dick pic. My zoom isn't powerful enough.

  6. I constantly make fun of Lil Fishsticks (potential bulky call out). Yep.

  7. I make fun of Juice (potential issue with threatment of mentally handicapped). Nope.

  8. I once was thrown out of a bar (apparently peeing on the floor is frowned upon). I've been thrown out of a hockey game for the same reason.

  9. I've flown the different states just to have sex (potential misuse of city funds). Yep, but didn't get it.

  10. I once miscounted the votes in my homeowners association so the asshole everyone hates didn't get elected to the board (corruption). Nope. But that's classic.

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Avatar for vincemichaels
vincemichaels

Oh come on, shailynn, you and the Juiceman in a race for the presidency. It would be great for the country, certainly can't be worse than the 2 we just had. :)

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