tuscl

Why I Can Never Run For Political Office

shailynn
They never tell you what you need to know.
I was thinking I'd be a good mayor, but then if I had stiff competition from the opposition and they started digging dirt up on me, maybe I'd be fucked. Therefore I made a list of bad shit I've done over my lifetime. See what you think.

1. I threw up on a sorority girl at a party in college.

2. I bounced a check when I was 19 (bad fiscal management).

3. At least 4 strippers know my real name (potential blackmail).

4. I have more speeding tickets than I'd like to admit but only 2 over the past 16 years (carelessness).

5. I've sent dick picks but only when requested (another blackmail potential).

6. I constantly make fun of Lil Fishsticks (potential bulky call out).

7. I make fun of Juice (potential issue with threatment of mentally handicapped).

8. I once was thrown out of a bar (apparently peeing on the floor is frowned upon).

9. I've flown the different states just to have sex (potential misuse of city funds).

10. I once miscounted the votes in my homeowners association so the asshole everyone hates didn't get elected to the board (corruption).

Wait!?!? I sound perfext for politics!!!!!! Sign me up!!!

21 comments

  • ime
    7 years ago
    You are cleaner than than 95% of politicians.
  • JuiceBox69
    7 years ago
    Got my vote LMFAO...I'm sure the rest of these faggots agree :)
  • Cashman1234
    7 years ago
    You are clean as a whistle! That's amateur stuff when compared to the shit most politicians have hiding in their closets!
  • Lurker_X
    7 years ago
    ... And many hours of interior camera footage attending the clubs.

    Plus, in N. C. all clubs are membership clubs. Scanning ID is common.
  • JuiceBox69
    7 years ago
    Only live once
  • Cashman1234
    7 years ago
    Honest Vince - you might want to reword the part about loving kids... it might be misunderstood.
  • Cashman1234
    7 years ago
    maybe you should change the name of the governors mansion to Neverland Ranch?
  • JohnSmith69
    7 years ago
    If you have never threatened to grab a woman by the pussy, then you are not qualified for political office. Nice try though.
  • Cashman1234
    7 years ago
    The mansion needs a Chuck E. Cheese franchise!
  • JuiceBox69
    7 years ago
    Lol
  • twentyfive
    7 years ago
    it's all good unles you get caught in bedbwith a dead girl or a live boy you should be just fine.
  • shailynn
    7 years ago
    Dead girl or live boy - love it!

    Does it still count if the dead girl is a hooker?
  • twentyfive
    7 years ago
    ^^^I'd say same difference you are the one running for office thank god it's not me.
  • Cashman1234
    7 years ago
    ^^ I don't think it matters (if the dead girl is a hooker) as long as you aren't caught having sex with her - as your town may have laws against that sort of thing...
  • Bj99
    7 years ago
    Maybe not, but you could defineitly be the hero in a modern day musical.
  • warhawks
    7 years ago
    Priest and boy.

    Boy and Priest.

    It's not weird cuz the boy's 19...
  • Bj99
    7 years ago
    ^ ugh, fake vm made me laugh, again... had to take a shot to numb the self loathing. ;)
  • shailynn
    7 years ago
    Warhawks - possible the best current act on Howard Stern
  • RandomMember
    7 years ago
    Shaillyn's way too corrupt for political office. However, he would make a terrific lawyer.
  • flagooner
    7 years ago
    OMG. I read your list and I have done (or pretty close) all but 3 of them.

    1. I threw up on a sorority girl at a party in college. Close, it was my date to a formal.

    2. I bounced a check when I was 19 (bad fiscal management). 19 or 20.

    3. At least 4 strippers know my real name (potential blackmail). Yep

    4. I have more speeding tickets than I'd like to admit but only 2 over the past 16 years (carelessness). My driving record has a few blemishes, but probably not that bad. I've had some recent hiccups.

    5. I've sent dick picks but only when requested (another blackmail potential). Never sent a dick pic. My zoom isn't powerful enough.

    6. I constantly make fun of Lil Fishsticks (potential bulky call out). Yep.

    7. I make fun of Juice (potential issue with threatment of mentally handicapped). Nope.

    8. I once was thrown out of a bar (apparently peeing on the floor is frowned upon). I've been thrown out of a hockey game for the same reason.

    9. I've flown the different states just to have sex (potential misuse of city funds). Yep, but didn't get it.

    10. I once miscounted the votes in my homeowners association so the asshole everyone hates didn't get elected to the board (corruption). Nope. But that's classic.
  • vincemichaels
    7 years ago
    Oh come on, shailynn, you and the Juiceman in a race for the presidency. It would be great for the country, certainly can't be worse than the 2 we just had. :)
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