You know it's going to be a good lap dance when...

I chuckled.

... the dancer asks if you brought a condom or if she should stop by the bar to grab one.

A safe word for her to use, or a safe word for you to use?? ;-)

Is the safe word "don't stop" ?

The guy asks sheepishly "are you okay with big cocks? my gf says my dick is way too long and thick and I fuck her way too hard. I'm really frustrated and horny."

I know it's going to be a good dance when she is playing with my dick while asking for the dance. :)

You know it is going to be a good lap dance when you've gotten a dance from her before and it was everything you hoped it would be.

... She says "Your not a cop, right?"

The girl is shaped like rihanna

...she says "I do OTC too" as you're heading to VIP

you ask if she has any rules and she says bareback is extra.

Front Room Makeout Session

Then because that is already going to well, you invite her to the back room when it is time for your pants to come down.

SJG

Led Zeppelin - Stairway to Heaven (Live Earls Court 1975)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tK1p4ZaT…

No Quarter
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NldbXkBh…