Question about sex and marriage

Q. How do you know that your wife is dead? A. The sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up in the sink.

Sex isn't just about her. It's about you and what you do to get her turned on. It doesn't just happen

Current wife is still as hot as ever after ten years. 6 dating 4 married. If you keep them nervous they will usually stay the same..

There's always hope, John. However, I've seen too many women who were hard partiers and freaks do a 180 as soon as they get a ring. It's fucked up. I don't believe it makes any sense to get married anymore. There's not even a tax bonus (fucking Obama), so why bother?

It's a 2way street. You gotta be willing to meet her half way. Don't put it all on her. Plenty of guys let themselves go and get fat and then wonder why their wife isn't putting out anymore. And if you don't communicate with each other then forget it. It's all over anyway.

“But for children, there would be no need of any institution concerned with sex… it is through children alone that sexual relations become of importance to society, and worthy to be taken cognizance of by a legal institution.”

– Bertrand Russell, Marriage and Morals

Human adults follow patterns of sexual intimacy that are based in early life experiences for their entire lifes. You should go and create those patterns with the DS and make her your mistress and live happily ever after. You are welcome.

I think it's the exception instead of the norm that girls stay as sexual after marriage.

And if you have kids together, it's even more of the exception. Women sometimes think they can stop having sex after kids, that they "did their duty."

Plus, having kids wrecks havoc on a most women's bodies as they age.

Best to just live with a girl, and if things go sideways (as they most often do) your monetary losses can be kept at a minimum.

Seriously John, if your DS is one of a kind for you and you can afford to keep her as your mistress or sugar baby, I would recommend you to go ahead and help her help you.

Two words: Prenuptial Agreement!

Men who put in a shit effort and let themselves deteriorate physically end up with sexless wives. As we approach 27 years the only way wife has changed as her bj skills have gone from average to fucking amazing. She 's competitive so swinging helped.

In my observation, most wives do de-sexualize. They become more interested in money and the things it buys, and social status.

But also at this time I would like to draw attention to Stan Dale: w11.hai.org

I used to listen to him in the 1970's, and he always said, "The best marriages end in divorce."

SJG

Communication helps. Keep the feelings going. Don't be numb to her. Great sex is linked to understanding each other. Often she say something or drop hints when you wants something new or change something or to stop something you're doing. What's going on in her mind/brain determines how receptive she is to sex.

Actually a lot of skibum's old posts are helpful here as he's seen a lot of couple implode plus he has his own experiences with his spouse.

As for the "freak" part or the sex. Women have percentages of 1. Hoe 2. Freak and 3. Good girl. Most women are 100% of one category, but they generally fit into one of the three. Women have lot of social pressures so she may start out as a freak and slowly or suddenly change (into a good girl). Some of this is just dependent on the woman some it is dependent on you and the environment you create for her.

Guys are physical and visual and sex is a stress release for us. For women, sex isn't so much a stress release as it is a stressor. For some women sex is just another chore she has to do to cross of the list, to make her husband happy. This fits into the "duty" another poster mentioned above. See, society rewards women and praises them for being "good moms". No one really praises them for being good sex freaks or for being good at sex, etc. So over time, this society pressure works against her.

It also helps if you put effort into yourself and into her. If she has less stress in her life, she'll be more receptive for sex. Also if over 40, your fitness matters A LOT. It's really the #1 thing that makes guys over 40 attractive (to women of any age). It's night and day. So stay in shape, or get in shape and stay there. For stress, if you can afford a maid, or to pitch in with housework, etc. Do it. It clears her mind of chores she needs to do, which gets her mind to the place where she'll be open to more and more sex.

Plus sexual novelty helps. That's the other reason IMO women get bored with their partners and crave something new. They crave novelty. That part might be easier with a "freak" or maybe not. I don't know. I really only have experience with good girls although my wife bats all three ways at times (hoe / freak / good girl).

^ * Most women are 'not' 100% of one category

Sometimes though it does just come down to a power struggle. It is caused by outside forces which decide who is and who is not legitimate to live in this world, and eventually that breaks though and becomes central within the marriage. The marriage does not protect you from outside forces, it is a vehicle for exposing you to them.

Grim, I know.

SJG

Also, usually the sex freak women will always resolve any problems by seeking affirmation of themselves via sexual infidelities.

The strictly sexually faithful women are the direct opposite of sex freaks.

More than grim, the shits.

SJG

And again I commend JS69 for making careful consideration, and then doing what he felt was necessary, instead of continuing to try and live by lies.

SJG

Lol gotta respect Dominics advice, by his previous posts he's seems pretty in tune with his wife. How he doesn't fuck strippers while going to clubs is beyond me, I could never have the discipline to do that. But then again I don't have the discipline for a lot of things other than just strippers... heroin, I have the discipline to not do heroin.

Tired Traveler has a point. Marriage is not just two people. There is a third party: the government. This is the 'weaponized' aspect that SJG writes in "Marriage as a weapon" treatise. You need a Pre Nup before you should even consider this.

shailynn, not trying to give you a hard time, but in my view you lack a great deal of sense about things.

SJG

As warhawks mentioned; to me married people whom have a good sex-life seems more of the exception - but the same thing may apply w.r.t. happy marriages overall.

It also depends on other factors - i.e. if the couple is rearing young children and they both work outside the home, then they tend to be very busy, tired, and stressed, and the sex seems to often go by the wayside.

There may also be physical reasons (hormonal?) as to why women may lose interest in sex over time - and perhaps emotional issues as it seems women are more prone to suffer from depression.

And there can also be the "familiarity breeds contempt" issue.

Jackslash, hilarious joke! How true. But in my case the dishes were piling up in the sink even though my wife was alive.

What about the husband side of it? We know that the leading cause of erectile dysfunction is marriage.

@ CJKent:

JS69 has been dating a DC (dream civvie) for a few months that although younger than him is closer to his age and it's not P4P - so if there is any correlation it is probably along the lines of the DC and not the DS

Papi, I agree with what you say. But consider also that marriage tends to be about social approval, and this is what encourages people to become more materially focused.

In my opinion, the women who are most likely to be sexually faithful, are also those least likely to be sex freaks.

SJG

Good discussion about how the Constitution is about property rights over people rights: amazon.com

Black Panther's band - The Lumpen youtube.com

Ashley Graham yahoo.com

The Egyptian ( 1954 ), about Akhenaten. imdb.com

Whole movie on youtube, watch soon, as these don't last long youtube.com

"We know that the leading cause of erectile dysfunction is marriage."

Shadowcat + 20

SJG

My wife refused to have sex if anyone else was in the house. Never at the parents house. Never any PDA. Too shy, very prudish, even at her peak. That resulted in 20+ years of (basically) hotel sex. Should've seen the signs coming -- what a dumbass I was.

IMHO, the woman who gets MORE into sex as she ages is a unicorn. Your best possible outcome is to hope it stays (relatively) the same.

If she is at all prudish while dating -- fuggetaboutit! If she is a sex freak while dating, you have a 50-50 chance of happiness. If she is a freak after marriage, but before kids, you have a 60% chance. If she is a freak after having kids -- you have the golden goose!! Enjoy!!

Otherwise -- you wind up on tuscl.

^^^^^^^ pensionking +10

SJG

A lot of women get a horny streak in their 40's.

@Papi_Chulo Thanks for the clarification, I guess JS69 wants the DC for a more traditional relationship, an be able to be with her as a "wife". If the DC is a honest real sex freak that won't change after marriage as long as she is healthy. I do think JS69 should be able to afford both the DC and the DS if he really cares about them. After all the DS is the one that helped JS69 to be able to enjoy life more freely.

The sex in my marriage was good to great until she had a full hysterectomy at age 38. After that she tried, but just wasn't into it. I've been paying my ATF pretty regularly for 8 years now and sex is still exciting, pleasureable, and varied ( for me) as when we first met. Last week was a new experience ( I've never had her claw at my chest and scratch me while orgasming) . Now I'm well aware that fucking a guy who is 40 years older is not the sexual turnon we'd like it to be, but through the years we've gone from, " Don't worry about me. I'm being paid to please you." to more of a relationship built on trust, caring, and desire. I'm not blind to her promiscuity. She's learned how to manipulate men and is very good at it, but she and I are brutally honest with each other in matters of sex.

gammanu --> "I don't believe it makes any sense to get married anymore. There's not even a tax bonus (fucking Obama)"

Sure there is a benefit. But only if one spouse makes like 80% and the other makes like 20% (or less), aka why way traditional households have been set up since the dawn of time. (one spouse doesn't work, is part time only, or works a very low paying job).

In my case, married filing jointly keeps me squarely in the 15% federal tax bracket whereas filing single or separate would bump me up into the next bracket.

Though one might argue that everyone should only pay 15% and that anything higher against libertarian egalitarian ideals of private property protection. I can see that point.

gawker, are you actually saying that your wife would have qualified as a "sex freak".

Usually if a girl is that good, she is not just keeping it on a shelf, she is using it to the max.

I think most of the ones people have married would come no where close to being classified as "sex freaks".

SJG

marriage. unless you two have a kindred spirit relationship... don't do it. even if you do it isn't easy. 35 years of marriage is my experience and disappointment. and EXPENSIVE.

Marriage Sucks, this is my conclusion.

SJG

A spiritual partner is the only way, of course, otherwise the marriage is just a liability, as you are exposed to all manner of societal standards.

SJG

I'm going against the grain here, but back about 20 years ago I had a girlfriend who was a freak (we broke up for other reasons mostly the long distance relationship thing and a career away from home). She got me into swing clubs at the time and there were plenty of couples there where the woman was the more aggressive partner after kids and everything else. True, most average suburbanites are NOT swingers but I think they did communicate with their partners on issues other than sex as well, so at least in that lifestyle the interest was there on the weekends. Of course, many guys here aren't really interested in civilians who approach your own age group- but there are sexualized middle age women out there.

Thanks HGR. My ex was certainly nothing like the girl you are describing. And marriage only made her worse.

I will never allow that to happen again.

Swing clubs do have their benefits, for sure.

SJG

I have to laugh...the only guys who really seem to get it,give the advice that it's a two-way street. They're also what, the only guys posting on TUSCL Who actually have good sex with their wives.

What an odd coincidence.

A woman's attitude toward sex changes after marriage, and not for the better.

I agree sex gets terrible after a few solid years of marriage

I should know because I used to be married to the same lady for 13 years

If you get married for sex, you're doing it wrong. Marriage is about so much more than that, that it makes the sex aspect almost trivial.

Of course, my personal opinion is that the "mainstream" notion that sex is inherently sinful, and the only thing that legitimizes it is state/church approved marriage, is largely to blame for many of the failed marriages we see.

I won't claim to have the perfect marriage, but it's pretty damned awesome, despite there being very little sex to it. I'll admit I'm biased, but I honestly believe that normalizing lifelong monogamous marriage, and demonizing anything else, are some of the worst things to happen to mankind ever.

My conclusion is that marriage exposes you to outside social forces, it destroys your ability to pursue life, liberty, and happiness.

Now yes, there is the possibility of a true spiritual partnership, but this is so rare, so extremely rare, that I don't think we should even talk about it.

So while I don't think straight P4P or disposable women is the answer, I say that marriage is an abomination.

And for those who have been through it, we don't need any lectures about sensitivity and two way streets. Now one would end a marriage if they had not already been pushed to their breaking point. If it were up to me, all you would have to do is dial a 24/7 toll free number and a marriage termination rescue squad would show up at your front door within minutes.

SJG

The John Coltrane Quartet My Favorite Things Belgium, 1965 youtube.com

I think the mainstream notion is that both pre-marital and extra-marital sex are sinful (IME). That mostly has to do with children, both raising them, and having the mother (and the father to a lesser extent) avoid poverty. Most of the guys on this site are established and some have vasectomies, making supporting a baby a non-issue.

If you get married for sex, you're doing it wrong. Marriage is about so much more than that, that it makes the sex aspect almost trivial.-George

I know he can't see this but I completely agree with this...I will never get married unless I discover a bitch that understanding this

Then even then he'll nah ...unless her net worth is more than mine then I'm cashing in to cash out

Marriage was the trigger, a purely legal matter, in turning my relationship into a hostage situation.

SJG