It's a Dog's World

An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.
He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, a pessimist by nature, and invited him to hunt with him and his new dog. As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. They fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. The friend saw everything but did not say a single word.
On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?" "I sure did," responded his friend. "He can't swim.

A man who wanted a dog to protect his business, visited a kennel that specialized in attack dogs. The man explained to the kennel owner that he wanted the biggest, meanest, most vicious dog in the kennel, and the owner offered to take the man on a tour of the premises.
After they had been walking for a few minutes, they came upon a large dog, snarling loudly, and biting and clawing at the cage.
"He looks like he'd be a pretty good attack dog," said the buyer.
"Well, he's not bad," replied the owner, "but I have a different one in mind for you."
They continued walking around the premises, and after a while they found an even larger, meaner dog than the first. He snarled at the two men and tried to bite them through the wire on his cage.
"Ah," said the buyer. "This must be the dog you were referring to earlier."
"Well, no." said the owner. "I have something better in mind for you."
The men continued their tour. Eventually, they came upon a large dog, panting heavily and lying quietly on his side, licking his own butt. He seemed unaware of the men's approach.
"This is the dog I had in mind for you," said the owner.
The buyer was flabbergasted. "You're joking!" he exclaimed. "This dog is tame compared to the others; he doesn't even act like an attack dog."
"I know he appears tame now," said the owner. "But you see, he just ate a lawyer, and he's trying to get the taste out of his mouth."

A man took his dog to the vets and asked the vet to completely remove the dogs tail. The vet confused said "Why do you want me to do that? the dogs tail is perfectly healthy." The man replied "Well the wife's mother comes this weekend and I want to make sure there are no signs of any welcome!!"

For you hunters "Happiness is a bitch with a cock in her mouth"!