Guilt

^^^ +1

That's what keeps me out of that game, the guilt factor would be too much (much less the off chance that I brought home an unexplanable "souvenir" home from the club . But if I ever got divorced it would be on like Donkey Kong.

There's two theories on your statement, JS69 and I have actually talked in person about this before.

1. Your wife, even though a "good woman" as you put it, isn't living up to your sexual expectations/desires, that's why you go out and "do what you do." If she really lived up to your desires, you wouldn't have to go to clubs. So it's all her fault you do this.

2. You are a narcissistic motherfucker only out to satisfy your wants and needs with no concern on how it may affect anyone else if they were ever to find out what you've been up to. This is all your fault.

Or you could be Mr. Catch 22 and you're caught somewhere in the middle.


I used to struggle with this as well, but I kinda just let it go. One of my best friends that pretty much knows my every move told me "dont' worry about it, you've been doing it so long it's a part of you now." His wife regularly goes through his phone because she WANTS to catch him cheating so she can divorce his ass. My wife is like "have a good boys weekend in Vegas and be safe."

Give people freedom and they will do what the please with their space. Some guys will gamble, some guys will buy an old car to tinker with, some guys will drink a lot of beer, and others like us will just go fuck strippers. It's pretty much all the same to guys anyway.

I struggle with the guilt that comes from hiding the fact that I often watch porn and will occasionally go to SCs. I haven't yet gotten any extras, but I am tempted to go there and I'm sure that will ratchet up the guilt.

Monogamy is a hell of a commitment to try and stick-to - I think it goes against the male-nature in particular - I mean just look at the animal kingdom - for the most-part the male is pretty-much always looking to bang something; whereas the female is normally just interested when she wants to bare young.

I guess I must be a narcissus because honestly my wife will do it all. Anal. Amazing blow jobs and swallows... Whatever I want or desire. And yet it's not enough. She can't help that she is middle aged and gave birth to my kids. How can she possibly complete with teen-ager hot bodies?
I'm an ass
And yet I continue to seek more tight pussy. Ahhhh

Don't worry - you're going to hell anyway so enjoy the little time you got on earth

:)

On my first reading of Shailynn's post, I read #1 and thought, yeh. It's her fault. Then I read #2 and said, well, I have to admit that I'm no saint...
My wife had a full hysterectomy at age 38. Our active sex life came to a screeching halt. At age 40 we separated and I had an apartment for 6 months and a beautiful blonde Scandinavian girlfriend who somehow thought I was divorced. My wife and I entered into couples counseling and my lawyer advised me that I'd be living in a trailer for the next 40 years if I was lucky. My wife gave it her best effort, the GF found out I was only pretend divorced and I moved back home. The good strong effort lasted for a couple of years ( about then, Penthouse & Hustler magazines seemed like my best option). Then a job change and travel entered the picture and I wore out the Yellow Pages calling escort services while on the road. Then 8 years ago I discovered strippers and my ATF About the same time my wife was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimers. Today she can't remember where I am if I'm in the bathroom. I'm a full time caregiver and have a home health aide for "respite care" every couple of weeks which allows me a breath of fresh air and a visit to a club or an afternoon OTC. So, whose fault is it that I'm a level 4 horn Dog? It's the damned doctor who mercilessly ripped out her ovaries at the prime of life, maybe ill sue for the half million I've had to spend to satisfy my "needs".

Hell, it troubles me that I'm feeling guilt for attending without receiving any extras ever in the club. Just paying for a lap dance gives me that guilt feeling and then I justify it with some sort of entitlement, like I've worked hard my whole life to reach my financial success, and this is my little reward.

Some great comments in this thread.

One usually thinks of high-school principals as being boring, well-educated, staid, old farts, who've never had sex in their life. Then there's @Gawker.

My only comment is that men are better equipped to separate sex from emotional attachment -- and I use that as a rationalization to cheat. Just think it's possible to look for sex for what it is (meaningless and fun) and still have the "real" emotional attachment to your SO.

Look at sex as needed physical therapy - nothing wrong with seeing a physical therapist right?

Sounds like a discussion I would have written.

thank God i'm divorced. certainly she is a major financial burden to me butt the freedom from her attitude and hassle is sooooo nice.

I'm single and still go through my own guilt. It stems from a religious upbringing and it being engrained that intimacy is to be reserved for married couples... it's surprisingly difficult to erase all the indoctrination of your younger years.

It probably says something about me that I feel more guilt about spending money for sexual release than I do sneaking around.

I had guilt the first time I cheated on my wife. It passed quickly. The fact is, we have mismatched libidos. She's tried at times, but not very hard. If she spent FIVE MINUTES a day keeping me happy with her mouth, my life would be 10 times better, but she actively chooses not to most times. She wants sex 2-3 times a month. She forces herself to have sex with me about one "extra" time.

I do feel like the whole sexual monogamy contract was negotiated with the idea the wife was supposed to satisfy her husband's desires. Failure to provide does tend to lead to men straying.

We've gone together a number of times. Not a big deal. I don't go expecting/seeking extras.

hell no! no guilt- i see all the money of mine she spends on BS to make her feel good like starbucks coffee, rum for the coffee, cigarettes, perfume, makeup, hair does, fancy foods - i dont eat, expensive shoes (that never get worn), purse collection, how many do you need? and hidden credit card bills... dont cook, dont work, so no i dont feel bad getting something for myself - a stripper that the return on investment is worth it!

Your mantra should be: "I'm married, not buried."

Random has a great point. Most wives view sex as something very intimate, something that happens between two people in love.

Just about every guy would have sex in the back seat of their car while they're at lunch with a homeless person if they thought the homeless person was hot. Most guys view sex simply as a way to "get off" if they view it as anything more, it's just to appease the girl they're trying to bed.

I do nothing in life I wouldn't discuss with my wife in detail. As we approach 27 years together there is no doubt that as of today we are, at worst, just as amazing together as we have been since 1990. Last 5 weekends have ended with the agreement that they have each been the "best". My Mom, with who I am very close once asked my wife: "how on earth do you put up with him"? Her reply? "He's still the same asshole I married". Still cracks us up.

Good for you, skibum609. I'm not married, never been. I don't feel guilt going to clubs, I have wondered how married guys could go. I understand that once the spark goes out, when they wife won't please you sexually, one has a quandary. We all have sexual urges, we are human.

vm,

"we are human." Thanks for the vote of confidence! :)

I get my wife to go with (have to make it somehow seem like it was her idea) so no guilt about going. I do sometimes feel guilty about the money being blown (tend to get carried away).

enjoy your unique situation.

I don't know if guilt is the right word or not. I mean you are either trying to make your marriage work, or you are trying to destroy it.

SJG

TJ Street
http://farm6.staticflickr.com/5488/96200…

http://www.adelitasbartijuanamexico.com/…

Erik Satie
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mk2SNcpT…

I've been in a sexual desert for 23 months now. No lie. Prior to that, the desert lasted 18 months. Read 'em and weep boys, two times in 4 years!!

Yet, every night not traveling, I come home, have dinner and listen to whatever shit is on her mind. My paychecks go into a joint account which she spends like a drunken sailor sometimes. Like JamesSD said, even if she is dried up forever, she has two hands and a mouth. Five minutes of effort and I would be set for a week -- but, NO! I recently realized that for the better part of a decade, we never had sex when she wasn't intoxicated -- and half of that decade only when we were in a hotel - never at home.

In my pea-sized brain, my extracurricular activities, while undisclosed, are the only thing saving our marriage. Otherwise, I would have walked long ago and she would be out on her ass. She could never survive on what she makes plus half what I make, so she is better for it and better not knowing.

Is that a rationalization . . . sure, but it works for me (for now).

"... Most wives view sex as something very intimate, something that happens between two people in love. Just about every guy would have sex in the back seat of their car while they're at lunch with a homeless person if they thought the homeless person was hot ..."


As a joke goes - "when women think of sex they think of a romance-novel - when men think of sex they think of a porno"

I think pensionking just justified it for every man on the fence of feeling guilty.

^^^^ Yes I agree with the pension king rationalization, yet what if there's a different quandary? I'm finding my woman makes good money, wants to have sex with me, but I'm wanting variety. Even though there's no sex for me in the VIP, getting lap dances can constitute cheating for many women, hence my personal dilemma. I know there really is no big deal, so I continue to fight the guilt.

My true guilt comes from "What if I get caught" going to the club and having to explain it away.

Thanks for the sympathy -- oddly, it makes me feel a little better about the whole thing. I sometimes wonder if I subconsciously want to get caught as I don't have the heart to end it.