Do not disturb
larryfisherman
California
Most times I go to the strip club, I'm by myself. I'll order a drink and then I'll sit down.
I'm not a fan of conversation in the first place, but I absolutely hate it when a girl I'm not interested in comes and sits down by me. Of course 30 seconds after that a waitress will come by doing the buy a dancer a drink hustle. I'm too much of a nice guy, so whenever a dancer asks if she can sit by me, I say yes. Whenever the waitress asks if I want to buy the dancer a drink, I say yes. It just seems awkward talking to a girl, and then declining to buy her a drink. Then we get to the conversation. Nice girl with a lot to talk about, but I know eventually she's gonna ask for a dance, and I'm not gonna be interested, so it just seems like a waste of time.
Are there ways I can show the dancer I'm not interested before she even sits down?
Some suggestions I thought about:
•When the dancer asks if she can sit down, I say I'm waiting on another girl (even though I'm not).
•Not making eye contact at all with the girl as she's coming towards me.
•Putting a do not disturb sign on my table :)
I'm not a fan of conversation in the first place, but I absolutely hate it when a girl I'm not interested in comes and sits down by me. Of course 30 seconds after that a waitress will come by doing the buy a dancer a drink hustle. I'm too much of a nice guy, so whenever a dancer asks if she can sit by me, I say yes. Whenever the waitress asks if I want to buy the dancer a drink, I say yes. It just seems awkward talking to a girl, and then declining to buy her a drink. Then we get to the conversation. Nice girl with a lot to talk about, but I know eventually she's gonna ask for a dance, and I'm not gonna be interested, so it just seems like a waste of time.
Are there ways I can show the dancer I'm not interested before she even sits down?
Some suggestions I thought about:
•When the dancer asks if she can sit down, I say I'm waiting on another girl (even though I'm not).
•Not making eye contact at all with the girl as she's coming towards me.
•Putting a do not disturb sign on my table :)
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31 comments
Otherwise, I'll let her sit down and let her try to sell me something. Annoying waitresses get "I'll let you know when I decide."
Lone_Wolf you cold bro lol jk. Reminds me of the times I got rejected at the high school dances. The girls would be nice and just say "no thanks". Lol.
so unless i'm misinterpreting this, you buy drinks for dances you aren't interested in? you're right, you are too much of a nice guy.
the one thing i've learned over the years is that dancers look out for each other. they don't mind if you aren't into them and often times they'll help you get the dancer you want. i was at a club not too long ago and i mentioned to one of the dancers that i love latinas (she asked what kinda girls i like). about 10 minutes later, after the dancer i was talking to left to go on stage, another dancer approached me and of course she was latina. as she sat down, she said something along the lines of "i'm looking for this guy, i heard he likes latinas" so right then I KNEW that the other dancer had sent her over to talk to me. only problem is this latina didn't appeal to me at all, but that's besides the point lol
Her: Can I sit with you?
You: No, thank you.
Her: are you sure?
You: No, thank you.
The only polite thing you need to do, is don't cut her off when she's talking. That's rude. But once she's asked her question or finished her pitch, I decline with a no thank you. That's about the only time the dancers bitch a whine, is when we don't even allow them the courtesy to finish their first sentence or the first sales pitch.
Also shortly after she sits with me, if invited, I know right away if I'm going to likely buy dancers from her. If no, then I either don't offer a drink or tell her or the waitress no. Again, "no, thank you." Simple and direct. Same with dances. She's free to sit if she wants, but she's sitting for free. Also, along the lines of Lone_Wolf, I *Do* let her know right away (either first 30 seconds or a couple songs) that "I won't be buying any dances tonight" or "I won't be buying any dances from you tonight" although version 2 sounds rude, so I use it less than the first one. But within a song or 2, she may be charming enough to change my mind, so I offer a drink then (since I've changed my mind). Or maybe I just flat out ASK HER for dances before she even asks. The takeaway, is I'm polite to let her know that I'm not buying dances. She's free to sit and talk, still, if she wants, and many still do. But then, since I've been straight with her, she won't try asking. Sort of head-it-off-at-the-pass and not waste her time. Larry, most, if you really get to talk with them, your rather know that you aren't interested up-front.
You're right that it's a social situation, but remember a SC is a pseudo-social environment. There is a certain direct and transactional aspect to it, still. That's why it's only pseudo-social.
There's a difference between being a gentleman and being a doormat.
Sure there is. First, go get a sack transplant, or perhaps even a 2 for 1 sack/spine combo. After that, you may find it easier to stand up for yourself. ;)
When a girl who I don't like asks to sit, I usually just tell her that I would rather chill out by myself for a while. 95%+ percent of the girls get the message and just move on. if they are too stupid to get it, or hold the mistaken impression that they can sell me if they just try hard enough, I let them know in no uncertain terms, though as politely as possible (which sometimes just isn't possible), that they are not my type. Simple.
If you don't control your space Larry then others will control it for you, which makes for a crappy night. This is especially true in clubs with aggressive girls.
The funny thing is how nice and "normal" I seem to the girls that I like. Little do they know how many undesirables I had to blow off to get to them.
You can take hold of her hand and just say, as others have, "Sorry I'm just getting settled, not ready for drinks or dances yet."
SJG
http://doxyspotting.com/?p=110037
Led Zeppelin: No Quarter, Earl's Court 5/25/1975
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CGzk2O9Q…
Thanks for the insight Dominic.
Another variation of this is dancers that are on my B list, and will get dances from them if nothing better is around. Invariably one on the B list will come by as I am waiting for one of the A list to get done with some PL. And it seems like the B list girl will come by just at the point when the A list girl frees up. Shit! End up BSing awhile with the B list girl until she leaves and by that time the A list girl has moved on.
Larry Fisherman, do you mean San Jose Gay or San Jose Guy? Because I get confused with knowing which to pay attention to.
LOL - pretty much it in a nutshell - should be standard advice for newbs that seem to have this issue
The worst ones are the ones that don't ask and either plunk themselves on your lap uninvited or start grinding on you and all over you when you have no interest.
If you say no she'll get the idea quick.
Girls talk in the dressing room. The last thing you want to do is get a bad reputation.
I recommend just being honest. Just say you are waiting for someone.
It isn't a complete lie. You are waiting for a girl who interests you.
In the long run, she will appreciate the fact she did not waste a lot of time.
A lot of these suggestions have already been posted. But, this usually works for me.