Jeff Foxworthy has that old comedy routine "You might be a redneck if..." and he fills in the blanks with one liners. I thought it might be funny to do the same with the discussion topic. I'll start. I know there are some funny fockers on here, so looking forward to your responses.
You miiiight have gone to a strip club last night, if....
the crotch of your pants smells like perfume and vagina.
You're clothes are covered in glitter
You go to pay for something and pay it all in $1 bills leftover from the strip club
There are stains on your pants and your name is lapdanceking.
You have absolutely no $$$ in your pockets
You find Nina"s phone # in your wallet
^ that would be Winning! my friend
:)
You have lipstick on your crotch from a simulated OTP BJ
You and your clothes smell like an ashtray (in certain clubs)
You wake-up w/ a boner b/c of the lack of contact you got in a San Diego club
You notice a stamp on your wrist
You wake-up w/ a condom still on your penis
You wake-up w/ really sore thighs from all the lap-dances you got
^^^ Especially if it was giant booty black dive club
^ yeah I guess most of you don't know what I mean
:)
You can't get a rap song out of your head
Your ears are still ringing from the loud-ass music
You can still hear the obnoxious DJ in your head
You wake up & see a text from the dancer you met the night b/f asking you to come see her the next night b/c she misses you
You already miss your favorite dancer and our planning your next visit as soon as you wake all the while knowing there really is no future with her but it doesn' t matter the lower half of your body has taken over and you must have her if only for a few more songs before you quit her for good.
you have body glitter on your face
you are $400 poorer than you were 12 hours ago
That's a hell of a one-liner Timex
:)
your crotch smells like listermint
you cant wait to get TUSCL to write a new review
You have a new contact in your phone -- Destiny! Damn, she's ignoring your texts.
You can't get the term "Winning!" out of your head after having visited Bouzouki in Detroit
You wake-up w/ your underwear stuck to your penis from the previous night's LDK
now it's time some stripper "Here's your sign" stories
You wake up wearing LiquidLapDance pants
You rollover in bed after waking up & accidentally ask your wife if she does VIP
These are good. Nice work.
You are trying to sift through the SS in your head, to see what may have been the truth and what was a lie. You realize it's a futile exercise and requires someone with a PHD in SS, so you come to TUSCL for advice.
You wonder if the condom you flushed down the toilet in the men's room will cause a clog, flooding the club, and causing it to open late.
^ LOL - good-one
When you get home, you insist your wife wear the blonde wig you got her
You read a shadowcat 2:00 AM thread and see your name in the article
You wake up and swear you saw Action Bronson last night
You wake up with ranch and honey mustard stains on the front of your best shirt
You wake-up wearing a dancer's g-string
You have a whole bunch of $2 bills in your pocket (only applies to certain clubs)
You can't find your credit card, but have a club VIP card or free admission card in your wallet now.
You get a text from some random dude telling you to quit contacting his girlfriend.
You ask a guy at work if he has change for a two dollar bill because the change machine doesn't take twos.
You can't recall if you went commando last night or if you left your underwear somewhere.
Your gas tank is almost empty.
Jeff Foxworthy is funny. His one liners are a good form to extrapolate on.
You might have gone to the strip club last night if you'd of known that the place is being closed and so the management no longer cares what happens there.
SJG
Plus one for Papi w/ the lipstick/simulated bj comment. I just left the club and I have 2 red lipstick kisses on the crotch of my white shorts. I thought my Uber driver was gay because he glanced at my shorts a few times. Now I know what he was looking at.
I even had lipstick inside my ear. That's a first.
Both of your heads are sore...
Your memory of last night makes the Hangover movies seem tame?
you might have gone to a strip club last night, if you wake up the next morning still in the club.
Upon waking up you feel that rush of panic wondering if your wallet, and all its contents, made it home with you.
You wake up with an unidentified g-string in your pocket...
that happened to me...!
You have a new contact in your phone: "Mercedes :)"
It always cracks me up how, when I let the girls enter their own contact number in my phone, they never fail to put a little smiley after their name. They must have read this tip in The Law of Attraction
Speaking of that, if there's a new thread, "how do you know you read SW too much", first answer: I know what Subraman meant when he referenced The Law of Attraction ... lol
If you just got home and don't know where you were . If you woke up in your car and don't remember where you're parked.
You see a cute waitress at a normal restaurant and consider asking her if she does lap dances too. Then, you check yo self at the last second, realizing it's not the right venue, before wrecking yo self.
... you realize your Drivers License is turned backwards and you just have your medical card and nothing else.
... if you burner phone's email is open to the message with your "free admission to the club" coupon.
... you've showered 3 times in the last 8 hours and 4 times in the last 24 hours.
... last night's clothes are soaking in a small tub with Woolite.
... your car's windows are open in the morning and the interior smells faintly of "stripperfumes!"
... you have few scratches, bruises, and marks on your body and you crack a smile as you recall how you got them!
... you get asked how your "Stripper Date" went. ;)
--> how do you know you read SW too much", --> ^^^ ... when YOU actually GET subraman's LOA reference!
