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You might have gone to a strip club last night, if...

Avatar for TravelingGolfer
TravelingGolfer

Jeff Foxworthy has that old comedy routine "You might be a redneck if..." and he fills in the blanks with one liners. I thought it might be funny to do the same with the discussion topic. I'll start. I know there are some funny fockers on here, so looking forward to your responses.

You miiiight have gone to a strip club last night, if....

the crotch of your pants smells like perfume and vagina.

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Avatar for shailynn
shailynn

You're clothes are covered in glitter

You go to pay for something and pay it all in $1 bills leftover from the strip club

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Avatar for chessmaster
chessmaster

There are stains on your pants and your name is lapdanceking.

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Avatar for Papi_Chulo
Papi_Chulo

You have absolutely no $$$ in your pockets

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Avatar for mikeya02
mikeya02

You find Nina"s phone # in your wallet

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Avatar for Papi_Chulo
Papi_Chulo

^ that would be Winning! my friend

:)

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Avatar for Papi_Chulo
Papi_Chulo

You have lipstick on your crotch from a simulated OTP BJ

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Avatar for Papi_Chulo
Papi_Chulo

You and your clothes smell like an ashtray (in certain clubs)

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Avatar for Papi_Chulo
Papi_Chulo

You wake-up w/ a boner b/c of the lack of contact you got in a San Diego club

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Avatar for mikeya02
mikeya02

You notice a stamp on your wrist

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Avatar for Papi_Chulo
Papi_Chulo

You wake-up w/ a condom still on your penis

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Avatar for Papi_Chulo
Papi_Chulo

You wake-up w/ really sore thighs from all the lap-dances you got

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Avatar for mikeya02
mikeya02

^^^ Especially if it was giant booty black dive club

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Avatar for Papi_Chulo
Papi_Chulo

^ yeah I guess most of you don't know what I mean

:)

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Avatar for mikeya02
mikeya02

You can't get a rap song out of your head

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Avatar for Papi_Chulo
Papi_Chulo

Your ears are still ringing from the loud-ass music

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Avatar for Papi_Chulo
Papi_Chulo

You can still hear the obnoxious DJ in your head

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Avatar for Papi_Chulo
Papi_Chulo

You wake up & see a text from the dancer you met the night b/f asking you to come see her the next night b/c she misses you

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Avatar for Timex345
Timex345

You already miss your favorite dancer and our planning your next visit as soon as you wake all the while knowing there really is no future with her but it doesn' t matter the lower half of your body has taken over and you must have her if only for a few more songs before you quit her for good.

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Avatar for gammanu95
gammanu95

you have body glitter on your face

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Avatar for gammanu95
gammanu95

you are $400 poorer than you were 12 hours ago

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Avatar for Papi_Chulo
Papi_Chulo

That's a hell of a one-liner Timex

:)

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Avatar for gammanu95
gammanu95

your crotch smells like listermint

you cant wait to get TUSCL to write a new review

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Avatar for Subraman
Subraman

You have a new contact in your phone -- Destiny! Damn, she's ignoring your texts.

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Avatar for Papi_Chulo
Papi_Chulo

You can't get the term "Winning!" out of your head after having visited Bouzouki in Detroit

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Avatar for Papi_Chulo
Papi_Chulo

You wake-up w/ your underwear stuck to your penis from the previous night's LDK

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Avatar for gammanu95
gammanu95

now it's time some stripper "Here's your sign" stories

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Avatar for Papi_Chulo
Papi_Chulo

You wake up wearing LiquidLapDance pants

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Avatar for Papi_Chulo
Papi_Chulo

You rollover in bed after waking up & accidentally ask your wife if she does VIP

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Avatar for TravelingGolfer
TravelingGolfer

You are trying to sift through the SS in your head, to see what may have been the truth and what was a lie. You realize it's a futile exercise and requires someone with a PHD in SS, so you come to TUSCL for advice.

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Avatar for TravelingGolfer
TravelingGolfer

You wonder if the condom you flushed down the toilet in the men's room will cause a clog, flooding the club, and causing it to open late.

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Avatar for Papi_Chulo
Papi_Chulo

^ LOL - good-one

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Avatar for mikeya02
mikeya02

When you get home, you insist your wife wear the blonde wig you got her

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Avatar for Papi_Chulo
Papi_Chulo

You read a shadowcat 2:00 AM thread and see your name in the article

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Avatar for motorhead
motorhead

You wake up and swear you saw Action Bronson last night

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Avatar for motorhead
motorhead

You wake up with ranch and honey mustard stains on the front of your best shirt

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Avatar for Papi_Chulo
Papi_Chulo

You wake-up wearing a dancer's g-string

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Avatar for Papi_Chulo
Papi_Chulo

You have a whole bunch of $2 bills in your pocket (only applies to certain clubs)

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Avatar for TravelingGolfer
TravelingGolfer

You can't find your credit card, but have a club VIP card or free admission card in your wallet now.

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Avatar for TravelingGolfer
TravelingGolfer

You get a text from some random dude telling you to quit contacting his girlfriend.

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Avatar for sharkhunter
sharkhunter

You ask a guy at work if he has change for a two dollar bill because the change machine doesn't take twos.

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Avatar for Electronman
Electronman

You can't recall if you went commando last night or if you left your underwear somewhere.

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Avatar for shadowcat
shadowcat

Your gas tank is almost empty.

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Avatar for san_jose_guy
san_jose_guy

Jeff Foxworthy is funny. His one liners are a good form to extrapolate on.

You might have gone to the strip club last night if you'd of known that the place is being closed and so the management no longer cares what happens there.

SJG

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Avatar for TravelingGolfer
TravelingGolfer

Plus one for Papi w/ the lipstick/simulated bj comment. I just left the club and I have 2 red lipstick kisses on the crotch of my white shorts. I thought my Uber driver was gay because he glanced at my shorts a few times. Now I know what he was looking at.

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Avatar for TravelingGolfer
TravelingGolfer

I even had lipstick inside my ear. That's a first.

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Avatar for Cashman1234
Cashman1234

Both of your heads are sore...

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Avatar for Cashman1234
Cashman1234

Your memory of last night makes the Hangover movies seem tame?

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Avatar for Jascoi
Jascoi

you might have gone to a strip club last night, if you wake up the next morning still in the club.

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Avatar for Lone_Wolf
Lone_Wolf

Upon waking up you feel that rush of panic wondering if your wallet, and all its contents, made it home with you.

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Avatar for ATACdawg
ATACdawg

You wake up with an unidentified g-string in your pocket...

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Avatar for Jascoi
Jascoi

that happened to me...!

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Avatar for Subraman
Subraman

You have a new contact in your phone: "Mercedes :)"

It always cracks me up how, when I let the girls enter their own contact number in my phone, they never fail to put a little smiley after their name. They must have read this tip in The Law of Attraction

Speaking of that, if there's a new thread, "how do you know you read SW too much", first answer: I know what Subraman meant when he referenced The Law of Attraction ... lol

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Avatar for twentyfive
twentyfive

If you just got home and don't know where you were .

If you woke up in your car and don't remember where you're parked.

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Avatar for TravelingGolfer
TravelingGolfer

You see a cute waitress at a normal restaurant and consider asking her if she does lap dances too. Then, you check yo self at the last second, realizing it's not the right venue, before wrecking yo self.

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Avatar for Dominic77
Dominic77

... you realize your Drivers License is turned backwards and you just have your medical card and nothing else.

... if you burner phone's email is open to the message with your "free admission to the club" coupon.

... you've showered 3 times in the last 8 hours and 4 times in the last 24 hours.

... last night's clothes are soaking in a small tub with Woolite.

... your car's windows are open in the morning and the interior smells faintly of "stripperfumes!"

... you have few scratches, bruises, and marks on your body and you crack a smile as you recall how you got them!

... you get asked how your "Stripper Date" went. ;)

--> how do you know you read SW too much", -->

^^^ ... when YOU actually GET subraman's LOA reference!

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