Strippers
TheeOSU
FUCK IT!
Q: What do you call a 350-pound stripper?
A: Broke!
Q: How is a stripper like peanut-butter?
A: They spread for the bread.
Q: Why did the stripper wear panties?
A: To keep her ankles warm.
Q: What does the Bermuda Triangle and a stripper have in common?
A: They both swallowed a lot of semen.
Q: Why do strippers always want boob jobs?
A: Because it's the only job they are qualified for.
Two car salesmen were sitting at the bar.
One complained to the other, "Boy, business sucks. If don't sell more cars this month, I'm going to lose my fucking ass!"
Too late" he noticed a beautiful blonde, sitting two stools away. Immediately, he offered apologies for his use of bad language.
"That's okay," the blonde replied, "I'm a stripper, and I have a very similar problem, If I don't sell more ass this month, I'm going to lose my fucking car!"
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Q How can I know if a stripper is playing me?
A Does she refer to you as a violin or a cello?
Q Would a stripper's husband be mad if he caught her having sex with me in their house?
A Yes. He doesn't want her to bring her work home with her.
Q What can I give a stripper that she never got from her husband?
A Child support.
Q How do you make it rain?
A Seed the clouds.
Q Why do women hate it when their husbands go to strip clubs?
A They don't like to know that men are having fun.
Q I've been texting this stripper 25 times a day to tell her I love her, but she never replies. What can I do to convince her that we're meant to be together?
A Text her more often.
Q What did the stripper say after she lost her virginity?
A Get off me, Dad.
Q When is a stripper too drunk?
A When she can't spread her legs.
Q What's the best wine to buy for a stripper?
A A whitetrash zinfandel.
Q Why is it better to have sex with a Jewish stripper?
A Because you can catch an STD from gentile to gentile contact.
Q I'm going out on a date with a stripper. How can I tell when the date is over?
A She'll put her panties back on.
Q I met this sexy stripper. Do you think she's out of my league?
A What night do you bowl on?
Q Where do strippers lose their virginity?
A On a pool table.
Q What name should I use when I go to a strip club?
A Benjamin Franklin.
Q How can I impress a stripper when I take her out to dinner?
A Go to Burger King but don't use the drive-up window.
Q What did the stripper's kid bring to school for show and tell?
A Head lice.
Q How does a stripper's boyfriend remember her bra size?
A It's the same as his IQ.
Q Why didn’t the stripper go to her high school prom?
A She couldn't find a baby sitter.
Q What person is most admired by strippers?
A Jack Daniels.
Q What do you call a stripper's birth control pills?
A Crime stoppers.
Q Why don't strippers marry their high school sweetheart?
A It's against the law to marry your brother.
Q What's the best gift to give a stripper for Christmas?
A A gift card to the House of Tattoos.
Q What does a stripper think "genitalia" is?
A An Italian airline.
Q How does a stripper's boyfriend help with domestic chores?
A He deposits a load in his dishwasher.
Q Why did the stripper have two black eyes?
A Her boyfriend had to ask for his beer twice.
Q There's a hot stripper at the club. How do I get into her panties?
A Pick them up off the floor.
Q Why do strippers shave their pussies?
A Their mothers told them never to let men see their pubic hair.
Q I keep offering this stirpper money but she won't put my wiener in her mouth. Why not?
A She's a vegetarian.
Q How can I write off my strip club expenses on my taxes?
A Tell the IRS you gave the money to Charity.
Q I don't get you guys who are infatuated with strippers. Why give money to a woman who will never have sex with you?
A Because it reminds us of what it was like when we were married.
Q What's the best way to pick up a stripper?
A Lift with your legs, not your back.
Q What's the worst thing about having sex with a stripper?
A The guys waiting impatiently in line behind you.
Q What's the difference between a stripper and a bowling ball?
A You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.
Q Why don't strippers have hair on their pussies?
A Does grass grow on a busy highway?
Q What advice do you have about eating a stripper's pussy?
A Once you get past the smell you've got it licked.
Q What do you call a stripper with political opinions?
A Wrong.
Q Can anything beat a stripper giving you a blow job?
A Yes. Her boyfriend.
Q Why do strippers dance to Rihanna?
A They can relate to her greatest hits.
Q Why did the stripper's boyfriend break up with her?
A He wanted to be free to hit other women.
Q What does a stripper's boyfriend do when his dishwasher stops working?
A He hits her.
Q Why are strippers like carnival rides?
A Everyone gets a turn, and when you get off you want to puke.
Q How can you tell that a stripper isn't really that into you?
A She spits.
Q This stripper says she likes me. How can I tell if she's a gold digger?
A Check for a pick and shovel in the back of her pickup truck.
Q Who makes more money: a drug dealer or a stripper?
A A stripper because she sells the same crack over and over.
Q How many cops does it take to push a stripper down the stairs?
A None. "She fell."
Q What do you tell a stripper with two black eyes?
A Nothing. You already told her twice.
Q What's the difference between Jello and a dead stripper?
A Jello wiggles when you eat it.
Q What should I do if a stripper is screaming and bleeding in my hotel room?
A Shoot her again.
Q Why don't I ever see politicians in strip clubs?
A Strippers don't want to get a bad reputation.
Q How can I get a stripper's attention?
A Yell "whore!"
Q What's the difference between an onion and a stripper?
A People cry when they chop up an onion.
Q What do I need to give a stripper so she'll have sex with me?
A A black eye.
Q What will happen if I tell an attractive young woman that I like pussy more than legs or breasts?
A You'll get kicked out of KFC.
Q What's your secret for getting stripers to have sex with you?
A Roofies.
Q What's the best hotel to take a stripper to?
A HoJos.
Q Why are strippers like paleontologists?
A They both study homo erectus.
Q Im a stripper and I wanna know if I could stop dancing and join the military?
A You could be an army sniper since you know how to take shots.
Q Why do you feel compelled to drink in strip clubs? Nothing good ever came from drinking.
A Drinking lets me ignore irritating, sanctimonious twits.
Q During OTC, how do I keep a stripper from leaving the motel before the hour is up?
A Handcuffs.