Composing a Review

IMO always:

• describe the parking situation (small, big, free, all-pay)

• state the cover-charge

• state a guesstimate of the # of dancers (beyond the coarse # one needs to choose when posting the review)

• describe the dance-mileage

• ambiance – sausage fest or good dancer/custy ratio; crowd (blue collar, thug, white-collar); dancers approach or keep to themselves

That should probably be sufficient – additionally one can describe their personal experience but this can add too much length to the review and some like-it reading the personal details and some don’t’.

Always add some commentary about your brother, the bathroom troll.

Dancer makeup – e.g. small spinner girls or mostly medium/big girls; ethnicity mix; lots of fake-tits or good # of naturals; etc

Don't forget to try the chakken fangers and tell us if they are any good.

Please include your tipping habits so the reader gets a laugh

I agree with CFlock

Use the force

Also, be sure to mention specifics if they have a food menu and offer chackin fangers

• price

• quantity offered (4 piece, 6 piece, etc.)

• dipping sauces

• sides offered (fries, potato chips, etc.)

• how they are served (basket, plate, paper plate, etc.)

Also ask about the pole on stage, find out if you can practice your pole tricks when the club isn't busy, and make sure that the DJ will play full length songs while you are practicing your routine.

Use paragraphs too. Please...

Follow Papi_Chulo's advice at the top of this thread.

If you're going to write a longer review, then follow the journalistic standard of putting the most important information at the start of the review. If you can't do that, then be entertaining.

Also... paragraph breaks.

That will put you ahead of a great number of reviews, which seem to be composed by a blindingly drunk PL who logs in and then rolls his face across the keyboard before passing out on the floor.

Layout - including tips on where to sit based on preference od interaction, bathroom location, bottle service/vip/lap dance areas

Staff attitude - managers, bouncers, waitstaff, dancers, etc

Dance quality, song length, mileage

Liquor/food quality, beer cold, cocktails well made

Neighborhood safety & parking situation

Prices

Leave out any bs you learned in your cc creative writing class

Summarize the club up front. Say I had fun, it wasn't worth the money, this is the best club around, this is not the best club around, this club isn't worth going to, this club is worth going to; things along that line.

After summarizing the club, I usually write the review how I visit the club, if it is hard to find, tips on finding it, parking situation, front door situation, if they wand you or scan your ID, cover, coupons available, club layout, number of dancers, preferred seating places, drink prices, tipping customs, quality of dances on the floor and in the VIP rooms. I like to recommend dancers without telling too much about their dances so as not to get them in trouble. Then summarize the whole thing.

If there are other clubs in the area that are better or different, mention those as a traveler may not know.

If you use the old tell em what you are going to tell them, tell them, tell them what you told them format, you can't go wrong. Same with the high school 5 paragraph essay format; the first paragraph summarizes three things you want to say about the club, then a paragraph on each of the three things, then a summary paragraph that summarizes the three things you told them.

Or you can emulate a format of a reviewer you particularly like. Don't copy the review, that is plagiarism, just the format.

Thank you, Harderlap! I like your suggestions. Papi_Chulo's too!

^tell me about it.

Good call, Hotstuff -- desertscrub flags even more reviews as "Club ad of the day" than I do as "not worth four weeks of VIP membership"!