tuscl

OT: cheating on significant other hypothetical question

Tuesday, October 27, 2015 4:43 PM
I have a random hypothetical question and wonder what everyone thinks. When it comes to cheating, which (unless you consider them equal) do you consider worse when it comes to cheating for someone in a long term relationship/married? 1. Paying a stripper for sex 2. Paying the same stripper for sex on a somewhat regular basis, whether it's ITC or OTC 3. Having sex with a coworker on a somewhat regular basis On one hand paying for sex with a stripper sounds worse. One reason is since you are paying, it's not necessarily a heat of the moment thing (such as going out to a bar with friends and having too much to drink and hooking up with someone). Its a very co axioms decision. But on the other hand, it's just sex, there's usually no emotional connection. Even if the PL likes the stripper, he knows that she only cares about the money and there is absolutely no chance of the relationship progressing (and in many cases the PL doesn't want a relationship out of it). So it's just about the sex. As far as the sleeping with a coworker, on one hand you aren't paying for the sex so it doesn't seem as desperate or sleazy. On the other hand, you are still cheating and there is a much better chance of one (or both) parties of developing feelings down the road. There's definitely more of an emotional connection. So what does everyone think, is one worse than the other?

18 comments

  • rockstar666
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    9 years ago
    Having sex with someone else is cheating. The point of life is to find someone you just don't want to cheat on, even if she'd never find out.
  • footballguy
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    9 years ago
    Well said, and I agree with that. Both are obviously bad but just wondered if anyone considered one worse than the other.
  • mikeya02
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    9 years ago
    Being faithful and being afraid to get caught go hand in hand. Sure the grass is greener on the other side, but is it worth the risk of making your marriage into a living hell?
  • skibum609
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    9 years ago
    All three are equally bad. Wife and I have discussed this issue and find there is only one difference in cheating: A one time drunken stupid mistake in our view is far less dreadful than a long term affair. Yeah we swing so that means we screw others and I do the strip club thing, but we still have rules about cheating.
  • rockstar666
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    9 years ago
    ski: I have an open mind to open relationships and I applaud both your and your wife's maturity. My current G/F and i have an open FWB relationship and I'm fine since we're we're honest in our parameters as you are with yours. But......I'm a romantic and a truly monogamous relationship is what I hope I can eventually find. Frankly I doubt I will.
  • shailynn
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    9 years ago
    yeah I agree - cheating is cheating - and different people make their decisions on what they do. On your scale, 1, 2, 3 - I think the guilt factor is in the same order that you listed. 1 the least, 3 the most (at least to me). IMO I think I would fell much less guilt banging a stripper once, versus a co-worker that I would probably see on a regular if not daily basis, even if it was a one-time thing. Now - what is NOT cheating - just getting a plain lapdance and a little groping, women need to calm down on this one! I know some women that feel just entering a strip club is cheating.
  • FullPress
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    9 years ago
    Agreeing with the guys in the thread. It's nice to see no one is sneaking around. Horrible to sneak. Complete hell if you are found out. Yes for you but a thousand times worse for your woman.
  • FullPress
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    9 years ago
    Agreeing with the guys in the thread. It's nice to see no one is sneaking around. Horrible to sneak. Complete hell if you are found out. Yes for you but a thousand times worse for your woman.
  • rockstar666
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    9 years ago
    FullPress: WTF? Pretty much EVERYONE here is cheating, either on wives or g/f's. The point is we're aware of what we do, and don't pretend it's something else, unlike dancers who give BJ's for money but don't consider themselves prostitutes.
  • shadowcat
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    9 years ago
    My definition of cheating is that it is cheating if you are doing it without the knowledge of your S/O because you know that he/she would disapprove. However it's only cheating if you get caught. :)
  • rh48hr
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    9 years ago
    Rockstar - not everyone here has a wife or gf. :-)
  • georgmicrodong
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    9 years ago
    Having sex with someone other than one's spouse/significant other and being faithful are *not* mutually exclusive. I have sex with strippers and I have also never cheated on, or been unfaithful with, my wife.
  • rickdugan
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    9 years ago
    Wanting what we don't have is human nature. Lonely guys who don't have a wife to come home to crave that type of relationship, often so much so that it is inconceivable to them that anyone who does have that would seek affections elsewhere. Guys who need a stable relationship, but have wives who are unattractive, unpleasant, etc., often yearn for partners who are better. in the ways that their current wives are lacking. Guys who yearn for freedom from marital responsibilities often look with envy at single guys, sometimes including the very single guys who wish they had what the married guys do. And yes, many guys who have great wives and who, from others' perspectives, should have no reason to be unhappy, may still crave the single life or even a simple assortment of pussy. It is all a matter of perspective. But for those of you who are single, the fact that you are lonely and alone, perhaps because you have difficulty dealing with women in real life, doesn't give you any inherent moral high ground to judge those of us who are not. Find a wife and then come back and tell us how you feel after 10 years of marriage. You may be surprised to learn that the same urges that lead you into clubs today will bring you back to them after the bloom is off the marriage rose.
  • skibum609
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    9 years ago
    ROCK -- wife and I were monogamous for a long time, but for the last 13 years we've been swinging and its fun. We're best friends, romantic and spend a lot of time together. We both had been very sexually active with a lot of partners before meeting so why restrict ourselves. It also gives her a chance to have sex with women and I have been in enough threeseomes that I'd actually rather just swap than do ffm.
  • FullPress
    •
    9 years ago
    Rockstar WTF what? I only personally consider it cheating if your wife/gf/partner doesn't know. Swinging, swapping, open relationships "for me" equal "not" cheating. Lying is cheating. It does not sound like you are cheating.
  • topmandd
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    9 years ago
    I also say it's all in what you can come home to and feel comfortable with. And like so many say - just remember - you aren't paying for the sex - you're paying for her to leave! :-)
  • ilbbaicnl
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    9 years ago
    Ideally no cheating. But divorce is not always the better alternative to cheating. The "least bad" cheating is only taking up an hour or two of your time, not using up more than your equal share of the discretionary spending, and not taking anything away from what you do for the person you're promised to.
  • seaboardrr
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    9 years ago
    I would say 3 would be considered the worst and 1 the least. Sleeping with a co-worker to me and i'm sure to a SO entails more of a friendship or romantic connection which to most everyone would be worse than simply paying a stripper or escort for straight up meaningless sex. rockstar said he is open with his gf about sleeping around. He said his wife doesn't know about any of it so he is honest with his gf but lying to his wife which if what the majority of men on this site do.
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