the Gospel according to the Reverend hornytoad
crazyjoe
Colorado
The Gospel According to Reverend Hornibastard
The Gospel According to Reverend Hornibastard reflects the digital drippings from a mind infested by demons too numerous too catalog. The contents have been carefully designed to cause offense. While it is possible to offend some of the people all the time and to offend all people some of the time, I find it regrettable that it is impossible to offend all of the people all of the time. But I do my level fucking best.
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
Priests with Knockers: An Idea Whose Time Has Come?
A Catholic priest in Santa Monica finds himself in hot water with the Vatican after violating Church doctrine by ordaining several female priests over the weekend.
Father Kenny Lickett, pastor of St. Anne’s Catholic Church, told reporters, “I definitely think priests with knockers is an idea whose time has come.”
Father Lickett is said to be under threat of excommunication as a result of his devil-may-care approach to the liturgy and sacred church doctrine. Although the Vatican acknowledges that Father Lickett is being investigated and under consideration for disciplinary measures, a spokesman for the Pope insists the investigation was sparked by allegations of poor dental hygiene, rather than the California priest’s non-conformist ways.
“It’s time to face up to the terrible shortage of priests,” says Father Lickett. “It is unfathomable that on the one hand, between a lack of output from the seminaries and arrests for pedophilia, we don’t have enough priests to go around. Meanwhile, we have all these women, some of them with fabulous jugs I might add, who would like to become members of the clergy. Clearly there is an opportunity here.”
Some critics complain that Father Lickett has gone too far with his program. “Women priests are OK with me,” says Gabriela Suarez, a member of St. Anne’s parish. “I just don’t understand the need for the tight-fitting, semi-transparent mini-frocks. What’s all that about?”
Father Lickett answers those who criticize his tolerance for sexuality in the church by pointing out that many of the problems in the church today result from the refusal to acknowledge and deal with human sexuality. “All the hopelessly sterile, gray piety in the world won’t do your soul a dime’s worth of good. People are animals and are going to get their kicks where they can find them. After all, chastity is by far the most unnatural of all human sexual perversions.”
Reverend Hornibastard, founder and pastor of the renegade church, Our Lady of Perpetual Lust, applauds Father Lickett’s innovations. “Father Lickett has come up with a great strategy that addresses two problems in one fell swoop: more priests and a good draw for increased church attendance. Brilliant!”
Reverend Hornibastard’s house of worship has long drawn huge crowds to its unique, clothing-optional combination chapel, sauna and disco. Our Lady of Perpetual Lust is the home to the Naked Guardian Angels, the world’s only convent of nudist, lap-dancing nuns.
Reverend Hornibastard at 10:43 AM
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1 comment:
Sue OlsonFebruary 27, 2013 at 7:42 PM
I'd become a Cath Lick just to hear you preach............
Reply
The Gospel According to Reverend Hornibastard reflects the digital drippings from a mind infested by demons too numerous too catalog. The contents have been carefully designed to cause offense. While it is possible to offend some of the people all the time and to offend all people some of the time, I find it regrettable that it is impossible to offend all of the people all of the time. But I do my level fucking best.
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
Priests with Knockers: An Idea Whose Time Has Come?
A Catholic priest in Santa Monica finds himself in hot water with the Vatican after violating Church doctrine by ordaining several female priests over the weekend.
Father Kenny Lickett, pastor of St. Anne’s Catholic Church, told reporters, “I definitely think priests with knockers is an idea whose time has come.”
Father Lickett is said to be under threat of excommunication as a result of his devil-may-care approach to the liturgy and sacred church doctrine. Although the Vatican acknowledges that Father Lickett is being investigated and under consideration for disciplinary measures, a spokesman for the Pope insists the investigation was sparked by allegations of poor dental hygiene, rather than the California priest’s non-conformist ways.
“It’s time to face up to the terrible shortage of priests,” says Father Lickett. “It is unfathomable that on the one hand, between a lack of output from the seminaries and arrests for pedophilia, we don’t have enough priests to go around. Meanwhile, we have all these women, some of them with fabulous jugs I might add, who would like to become members of the clergy. Clearly there is an opportunity here.”
Some critics complain that Father Lickett has gone too far with his program. “Women priests are OK with me,” says Gabriela Suarez, a member of St. Anne’s parish. “I just don’t understand the need for the tight-fitting, semi-transparent mini-frocks. What’s all that about?”
Father Lickett answers those who criticize his tolerance for sexuality in the church by pointing out that many of the problems in the church today result from the refusal to acknowledge and deal with human sexuality. “All the hopelessly sterile, gray piety in the world won’t do your soul a dime’s worth of good. People are animals and are going to get their kicks where they can find them. After all, chastity is by far the most unnatural of all human sexual perversions.”
Reverend Hornibastard, founder and pastor of the renegade church, Our Lady of Perpetual Lust, applauds Father Lickett’s innovations. “Father Lickett has come up with a great strategy that addresses two problems in one fell swoop: more priests and a good draw for increased church attendance. Brilliant!”
Reverend Hornibastard’s house of worship has long drawn huge crowds to its unique, clothing-optional combination chapel, sauna and disco. Our Lady of Perpetual Lust is the home to the Naked Guardian Angels, the world’s only convent of nudist, lap-dancing nuns.
Reverend Hornibastard at 10:43 AM
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1 comment:
Sue OlsonFebruary 27, 2013 at 7:42 PM
I'd become a Cath Lick just to hear you preach............
Reply
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