Bigfoot Found Dead in Colorado, Died of Marijuana Overdose

Haywood Bynum III+
Pastors Against Marijuana in America, Chairman

Aspen, Colorado (DailyMail) – Marijuana has claimed yet another victim. Legendary American icon, Bigfoot, was found dead a few miles away from a Colorado Marijuana Shop. Shop owner David Orteese says that after a midnight alarm alerted his iPhone, he immediately rushed to his local pot store to investigate.

While waiting for Aspen P.D. to respond, Orteese saw ‘the most terrifying yet absurd thing' in the snow.
“Huge footprints,” Orteese reports, “at first I thought I was tripping balls, but there were huge footprints leading away from the busted glass door and off into the wood. I grabbed my pistol from my car and went to investigate. I thought maybe the thief was trying to hide his normal shoeprints with a costume.” In pursuit of more than $200,000 worth of missing marijuana, Orteese blindly followed the footprints he photographed from his store and deep into the wood. What he found in those woods was even more shocking.

Hours later, Orteese returned to the scene with investigators. On the ground they found Bigfoot, dead and lifeless, freezing in the cold. Bigfoot was carried into the back of an emergency vehicle where he was taken to a local veterinarian, who pronounced the legendary creature ‘dead of marijuana overdose'.

Orteese reports that even though he is excited to finally discover Bigfoot, he is admittedly sad that his ‘product' killed the great beast. ”It makes you think, maybe this stuff is just too dangerous for human consumption.”