Joke of the Day

avatar for motorhead
motorhead
Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life
Q: What did the left nut say to the right nut?
A: Don´t talk to the guy in the middle, he´s a dick.

26 comments

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avatar for shadowcat
shadowcat
12 years ago
Don't stay a virgin. There are terrorists waiting for you in heaven. :)
avatar for mjx01
mjx01
12 years ago
@SC, interesting insight
avatar for Alucard
Alucard
12 years ago
Also beware of ASSHOLES nearby, you'll get SHIT upon!
avatar for crazyjoe
crazyjoe
12 years ago
Why is it so hard to be a dick?

You have to put on a raincoat every time you go out to play.

The two that live below you are nuts.

Sometimes you get put into a dark tunnel.

While your in that dark tunnel someone repeatedly rams you in and out until you throw up
avatar for crazyjoe
crazyjoe
12 years ago
I forgot your neighbor is an ass hole too
avatar for Alucard
Alucard
12 years ago
^^^ LOL
avatar for mikeya02
mikeya02
12 years ago
I dated a midget once. I was nuts over her!
avatar for motorhead
motorhead
12 years ago
Lol
avatar for jerikson40
jerikson40
12 years ago
Not to sound too negative or critical, but let me ask you guys something in all honesty...

Do you guys have any male friends that you spend time with and crack jokes like this with, or does is forum your substitute for that? Because you might want to consider finding some guy friends who you can have a beer with and joke about fudge packers and dicks and shit. It's really a lot more fun when you're all drunk and watching a game and eating and joking around. And jokes are a LOT funnier like that. On a forum like this you lose a lot when you're just reading stuff. It's funnier when someone actually cuts a fart and makes you smell it and shit. Really. It's fucking hilarious.

Don't get angry...Just trying to be helpful.
avatar for motorhead
motorhead
12 years ago
J-man,

It wasn't a joke. You just made my point. You know what
I'm saying?
avatar for jerikson40
jerikson40
12 years ago
Not really, but I can guess. You're saying I'm a dick, right? That's funny. Really, I'm serious. That's very funny. And if you had called me a 'tard or a fudge packer, that too would have been very, very funny.

But you didn't answer my question...do you have any friends you can joke with like this? Isn't that a legit question?
avatar for JuiceBox69
JuiceBox69
12 years ago
Jerkoffson no i dont
avatar for jerikson40
jerikson40
12 years ago
And by the way Motorhead, I've been meaning to ask you something...

When I saw your username or whatever it's called, "motorhead", I assumed it was because you're a fan of that metal group from back in the '70's, right?

Now I thought I knew most of the bands from that time pretty well cuz that's when I was growing up, but honestly for the life of me I can't remember shit about Motorhead. And I *thought* that was because they totally sucked. Which isn't a criticism of you at all, just my opinion based on my fuzzy recollection and the fact I can't think of even ONE song they did that was the least bit popular. And with bands like Zeppelin around, why would you choose Motorhead?

Again, I'm not criticizing you at all, just really interested what it was about them that you like so much? Maybe I just missed a really good band...
avatar for motorhead
motorhead
12 years ago
Yup. It's a legit question.

No, I don't have any friends. So now I just pay strippers to make me cum in my pants for $10 a pop Strippers are better than real friends. They don't make you watch Dancing With the Stars or ask you, "do these jeans make my butt look fat?"

avatar for JuiceBox69
JuiceBox69
12 years ago
Jerkoffson thanks for crashing a fuckin good thread....mabey next time you should go find some friends to critisisr in person cause when they punch your fagat ass in the mouth that shit just goes down better
avatar for JuiceBox69
JuiceBox69
12 years ago
Mo head i love your name and the band.....and I also love this thread...you should do the joke of the day all the time or at least do the joke o the week like mo heads Sunday funnies or something...i like it
avatar for JuiceBox69
JuiceBox69
12 years ago
Juice crew
avatar for motorhead
motorhead
12 years ago
About my username - now that's totally a legit question too.

To be honest, when I was younger, I didn't know Motörhead either. I was into into more mainstream music like Zeppelin, AC/DC, Jimi Hendrix, the Doors. Even dug Motown. The Four Tops, the Supremes, The Temptations.

But there was a local DJ that all he talked about was Lemmy. Day after day. So I looked him up, played some of their music. Loved most of it. Especially Ace of Spades. About thar time I joined TUSCL, I liked the similar bane with the Motor City where I go to some clubs - so just thought it would be a unique name.

Now, I'm always impressed with other members who are fans since it's a band that doesn't get a lot of mainstream radio play.

If you're a fan of the Walking Dead, in the episode where Merle died late thus season, he was playing a Motörhead song in the car to draw in the walkers.
avatar for jerikson40
jerikson40
12 years ago
Oh really? So they're still doing their thing? Are they touring? Actually Ace of Spades rings a bell, though I can't remember why.

So are they still composing stuff, or just playing their old tunes? And you just got into them around 2006? That's wild, because I hadn't even heard their name for decades until I saw your username.

I'll have to check them out now. Thanks.
avatar for jerikson40
jerikson40
12 years ago
BTW, I noticed you even put the uumlaut or whatever it's called over the "o" in Motorhead. That means you're a true 'head, right ?
avatar for jackslash
jackslash
12 years ago
Q Why are strippers like squirrels?
A They've always got some nuts in their mouth.

Q Why are strippers like blunts?
A They get passed around until they're all used up and then they get thrown away.

Q What does it mean if I'm banging a stripper and she starts foaming at the mouth?
A She's full.

Q Why are strippers like paleontologists?
A They make their living by touching old bones.

Q Why is a stripper like a door knob?
A Everybody gets a turn.
avatar for JuiceBox69
JuiceBox69
12 years ago
No play for juice....juice is a bad boy
avatar for MojoDojo
MojoDojo
12 years ago
Juice, Juice, Juice... You're ALWAYS a bad boy!

Juice Crew!
avatar for MojoDojo
MojoDojo
12 years ago
"Strippers are better than real friends. They don't make you watch Dancing With the Stars or ask you, 'do these jeans make my butt look fat?'"

True...funny as shit but true!!!
avatar for MojoDojo
MojoDojo
12 years ago
A father asked his 12-year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees.

'I don't want to know,' the child said, bursting into tears. 'Promise me you won't tell me.'

Confused, the father asked what was wrong.

The boy sobbed, 'When I was seven I got the 'There's no Easter Bunny' speech.

At nine, I got the 'There's no Tooth Fairy' speech.

When I was ten, you hit me with the 'There's no Santa' speech.

So if you're about to tell me that grown-ups don't really fuck, I'll have nothing left to live for.'
avatar for Prim0
Prim0
12 years ago
If you wanted to get to Motorhead...you could have asked him about the band or if he's known for getting head like a machine. Just sayin.
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