Quotes From Other People's Reviews, 2006 Edition

This review is for the same club as my first post in this thread.

Rated the worst of TUSCL's bottom 40! Now I see why. Even 70 virgins is not worth this experience.

The place is poorly marked outside even though it is right next to the street. The only parking is diagonal parking on the street making exiting a dangerous not to mention if the cops see you backing out. Its in a rougher type neighborhood although no dealers or pimps were seen. When you walk in they zing you for the cover charge before your eyes can adjust to the dark and before you realize that you temporarily lost your sense of smell too because of some rank funky odor.

The dancers were not that ugly and with counciling most of us should again one day be able to appreciate women. While the beer was cold, the music too loud, and the lights dimmed for our visual health, the bartender was the best looking one in there and he hadnt shaved in a few days. One girl that only played the video game never moved but she probably couldnt with out use of a forklift. She had so many rolls on her she looked like the Michelin tire logo character. Another heavy set dancer sat down with us uninvited and joined in our conversation. She asked each of us if we wanted the best nastiest dance ever as she grabbed our thighs. Animal sodomy is a crime in this state so we refused. Besides we had already seen the raghead imprints on the outside wall so we didnt want to tell St. Peter what we were last doing and where. They did have one skinny young girl with black decaying teeth that didnt look to bad in the dim lights. When she came to the table during her stage dance to make us tip her she did sit on one buddys lap. We were able to save him after calling med flight, a priest and the hazmat team but his cloths had to be destroyed. I cant give any more details as we signed an oath of secrecy in the interest of national security which is stanard procedure for these type of normal government cover ups, plus we didnt have to tell our wives. When you have a note from GW it sure makes it easier explaining why we got home so late.

They have a pool table but no balls, a Cue stick with no tip but a damn nice light over it that blinked randomly. In some clubs around the country they have bathroom attendents to hand you towels or cologne. Here the bartender came running in and sprayed DDT over us to fend off a swarm of sand nats that swarmed to the sound of falling water. Now I understood what the loss of smell was about when we first came in, its DDT mixed in with just a hint of yeast infection to protect us against flying insects and evil spirits.

Even though I survived agent Orange, three mile island, disco, white rappers, karioke and the gulf war syndrome I think I have met my match.

The above post sounds like a more realistic version of a davids night out on the town.

Walked in on a Monday night (admittedly the slowest night of the week). Three people in the bar, one hardcore customer. One bartender, one fat black woman.

After a minute or two, the bartender took my order, and gave me a beer. She then said "the girl is getting dressed" as the fat woman at the bar went to the ladies room. I was pretty sure tha this woman could not possibly be the dancer - she must have been going to alert the girl there was a customer. I nursed the beer waiting for the dancer, and noted that a small lap dance area had been constructed behind opaque glass; I figured if the dancer was semi-allright I might opt for a lap dance to see how things go.

After about ten minutes, the ladies room door opened, and then closed, then opened, then closed. WTF!

Finally, the fat black woman comes out wearing a negligee, so I left without finishing the final quarter of my beer.

bumping at lunch

This one was rather amusing from the Hawaii Theater in City of Industry, CA:

Then there was Barbie. She remembered me from my visit there on Sunday and asked in her heavy Mexican accent if I liked dncing with her in the VIP. I told her that it was very hot but did not tell her the reason why I probably wouldn't dance with her again. Barbie is a
beautiful girl with that sexy latina look that I love. One thing that she needs to work on is her personal hygiene. After seeing her on Sunday and then re-confirming on this trip, Barbie has a case of the B.O. and her breath could use some mouthwash too. It was to the
point where I was holding my breath when she was sitting on my lap chatting. She had her arm draped around me with her bare armpit rubbing on my shoulder. Remember that Seinfeld episode where Jerry couldn't get the stink out of his car after he gave it to the valet?
That was all I could think of. I thought I needed to toss my shirt after I got home. Barbie kept pressing for a VIP but I kept politely saying no to her. Luckily, she was called on stage and allowed me to finally exhale. Are any of you guys bold enough to tell a girl that she is smelling funky and the reason why you will not dance with her? You would think one of her colleagues would give her a head's
up on something like this. Oh well...

OK, I'll admit, that one was funny....

This is an amusing one from Oklahoma.

Will we(I) ever learn. On one of the strip club cruise nights my friends hijacked me into returning to this hole in the wall. This time things were much better because it was so cold that everyone had to keep their coats on. That was good though because the dancers kept their coats on too and that made it a lot easier on the eyes and nose. So if you like big sides of beef and freezing meat lockers than this place is all yours.

Hmmm...OK, I guess it's over my head....

agabbahey was not impressed by Girls of Glitter Gulch in Las Vegas:

Personally though I'd rather go on the roller coaster at New York New York after eating 15 fried Twinkies, and Oreos over at Mermaids (game hall next door), than give this place anymore of my dough.

Humor, Yoda. I'm sharing parts of reviews I came across browsing the site that I thought were funny. Some posters enjoyed earlier threads along the same lines and posted stuff they'd found. However nothing is guaranteed.

The point of the thread.

Yoda: What are you asking about? One of the quotes, the point of the thread, or something else?

What makes a club a 10? Working there seems to do it for saddletramp200 at Charlie's Go-Go in Birmingham, Alabama:

What is air dancing? At Charlie's we just try to comply with the law! It's a little strict right now. But we promise to be as sexy as we can as soon as we can!

What does this have to do with anything??????