What I'm Not Pretty Enough For You?

I try never to be difficult or rude with any dancer despite the fact that it is sometimes a bit difficult when the girl is pressing too hard--Rather than say no, you're not my type or anything of the sort, I typically will just say "No Thanks" and if I'm waiting for someone in particular, I'll tell her that. If not, just no thanks.

There have been those times though when the dancer will persist using whatever stripper shit line works best for her. It's at these times that rather than be rude, I'll come back with customer shit along the lines of:

"Darlin, I'm afraid if you took me back there for a lap dance I'd never come out alive. I'm thinking you be may be a bit too much for me too handle and I just need to sit here a while and gather my strength. If I feel up to it, I'll let you know-- and thanks for the offer, really"...

Kind of a compliment and a rejection all rolled into one...

Hi blaze_n_hot,

The I'm not ready line came after No thank you resulted in her wanting to know why. (I appreciate knowing why someone isn't interested, btw.) She wasn't unattractive, but she didn't cause my heart to race either.

Actually, the 99% isn't completely correct. Sometimes the dancer is wearing too much clothing and it is difficult to tell if her body will look as hot as her face.

Although any stripper who asks that question should be prepared to accept a direct answer, that's no reason to give her one. Usually, it's a tactic to turn your decline into a debate over whether you should buy a dance. By acting hurt, she hopes to play to your "nice guy" guilt and get a mercy dance out of you. Or else she's the type who really does take everything personally and just wants to put you in your place. In either case, there's nothing to be gained by giving her an opening. Don't answer her question, just tell her you plan to get dances with a different girl.

I'm a dancer, and I think that the best way for a guy to turn down a lapdance is to say, "No thank you." There's no need to be mean about it, or lead her on by saying "Maybe later".

BTW, I think it's sweet that you care about our feelings!

The I'm not ready line had the dancer come back and ask me 4 times if I was ready yet. She did it in a nice way, and that's how she makes her money.

The club is sometimes loud, but if not I thought about answering with a question. Like: Why would you think that? Do you think customers are focused on looks? Or maybe a statement that doesn't answer her question. Like: That is an odd question to ask. I only get dances from regulars (I was told this is a very bad answer and then the dancer left in a huff).

I'd rather not add to the coarsening of dancers. It is sad to see and that is another reason that I am concerned about how they feel.

Those are pretty tough situations. I think most of us have been placed in situations like yours.

Since I don't like to hurt feelings, my normal declination of LD offers is, "I'm not ready" or "Maybe later". I prefer the first response, as the second response give the dancer 'hopes' of later.

The situation I don't like is when a dancer comes over to my table and just 'plops her butt on down' without asking if I would like company. I consider that an 'infringement' on my privacy, kind of, altough it is a public club.

OTH, dancers have to make a living, so they are usually required to ask for LDs and/or ask us if we would like company. It's part of their job. You'll find that each club usually have their "pushy" dancers.

I wouldn't worry to much about hurting a dancers' feelings, I'm sure they'll get over it, and even maybe learn to change their approach or questions.

I've heard "why not?" several times as well. The truth works in some cases. Other times there's a lot more to it and it gets more complicated. For instance if you tell the dancer one thing and she says she you can do that here when you've never thought you could before. You start thinking she's a liar or trying to pull a fast one. Other times it's just she's not my type or she's ugly, or in a few cases I didn't even get a chance to get a good look at her. However the girls who approach from behind almost never bother to stay and ask questions.

As far as "I'm not pretty enough for you?" I have answered yes to that. It didn't seem to be the answer she wanted.

As a dancer, I'd rather hear "no thanks" or "you're not my type," than "maybe later." I generally assume "maybe later" means "no" and I generally do not return to that particular customer. However, there have also been times when I've been approached at the very end of the night from a "maybe later" customer who wants to know why I never came back. So, I suppose that "maybe later" might work to rid the customer of some girls, but I'd rather a customer just lay it out for me: if you truly want a dance later, don't say "maybe." Say something along the lines of, "I would absolutely like a dance, just not at the moment. Come back and see me later."

If a girl plops down and says wanna dance I typically say no, not right now. If they ask why, I would tell them that they need to work a little harder than that to get my money. I tell them that 'you wouldn't just go out with a guy who came up to you in a bar and just asked to have sex with you would you. You gotta play the game a little. If the club is busy I usually dont give em any shit like this as I appreciate they are there to make money, but if its slow the girls who work the action a little before popping the dance question get a yes a lot more often.

I've never been asked the topic question most likely because I usually don't flat-out turn down girls when they ask me for a dance. My usual response is "not right now, but thanks anyway". I know most girls realize that's pretty much telling them that you aren't interested, but in a slightly nicer way. A girl that is constantly getting turned down is going to be feeling down on herself, and I don't want to add to that.

Sometimes, a girl will ask me for a dance and I may be luke warm to the idea. Maybe she's almost what I'm looking for, but not quite (I AM pretty damned picky in what I like and don't like), so I may add "check back with me later, though, okay?" to my canned response. That way, if I don't see anyone that matches my ideals, she may be a good second choice.

Another approach that I haven't used, but might try sometime, was hinted at earlier. By being a bit more honest, and saying something like "I'm sorry, but I have a really specific look that I am looking for, here's $10 ... if you see a girl that has [list of characteristics that you like], please send her my way". I don't think that would be insulting to her, and she might just find the perfect girl for you. Anyone try a line like that before?

Nine times out of 10, I don't have to worry about these questions. Usually, I'm either there to see a dancer with whom I'd pre-arranged a "meeting", or I'm not in the club at all. It's MUCH simpler that way.

Interesting that some take "maybe later" to mean "no". If I'm at the club to see a certain dancer, or maybe she is just not my type, I do say "No thanks" -- but when I say "maybe later", I really do mean MAYBE LATER. Usually I have my eye on another dancer for now but I do hope the "maybe later" will come back later....I guess I will have to re-think my usual response.

I think a polite "no thanks" is the most considerate way to turn down a dance. That's what I've always heard strippers say. It allows them to move on and focus on customers who might actually be interested in buying. To beat around the bush (excuse the pun) by saying "not right now blah blah etc" only wastes her time and confuses the issue. Imagine the poor girl's position when everyone gives her an evasive answer, having to sort through dozens of "maybe later"s. In fact, what strippers usually wind up doing is just filing away any answer but "yes, now" as a negative. A simple "no thanks" is also more considerate of her feelings than a prevarication, IMHO. Generally, strippers aren't real big on being patronized to. In short, the "not right now"s are more about making the customer feel good.

As for leaving your options open, saying "no thanks" works every bit as well as "maybe later". She's asking if you want a dance *now*, not an hour from now. There's nothing to prevent you from changing your mind and deciding you want a dance from her later. I've done it many times.

I always thought that a maybe later was interpreted as a NO by most dancers--unless very new and or very aggressive. Usually when I say maybe later or not now I'm hoping that either I get a better look at her if her clothing is not revealing or I'm hoping to see a favorite and if not then I might give her a try. (I will start to get evasive if a simple No thank you fails.)

Also, when I say maybe later I'm not shy at all about approaching her later and asking for a dance.

This one dancer got angry with me as I was leaving because I told her maybe later. She accused me of lying to her and that I should be man enough just to say No Thanks. I explained to her that she actually was a maybe later. So she wanted to know how that got turned into NO dance. I pointed to a favorite and said she pretty much beat the hell out of me. :)

Some of the time I will say whatever I think of to get rid of a dancer especially since I've run into a number of more aggressive dancers who sometimes refuse to take no for an answer. A casual "maybe later" seems to clue in the smarter dancers that I'm not interested even though I seem to have the same dancers sometimes making another run at me. It would be nice if all it took was a "no thanks" and the dancer left. I can't seem to get past a certain number of dancers with that approach with at least one dancer stopping to question me and ask a bunch more questions. After a while that gets irritating. I've had a few dancers that did just want to sit and talk with me. The other night in a busy club, I told a number of dancers when they asked to sit with me "that's fine if you want to, however I'm not interested in any dances right now." That worked pretty good at the club I was at. It was busy and I left before it wasn't.

I remember on one night a dancer stopping by on her way back to Ohio asked to sit at my table. I had just been approached by two very annoying dancers so my mood wasn't as good. I immediately told her I didn't want any dances when she asked to sit at my table. She started to look upset when she said she didn't ask that. She calmed down and started talking to me. The last group of guys she asked told her when she simply asked to sit at their table "go away bitch, we don't want any fucking dances!" This dancer looked nice. I told her two very annoying dancers were going around putting a lot of the guys in a bad mood.

It would be nice if everyone was polite and didn't want to argue etc. etc. but I guess that's the nature of the business in the bigger clubs with a lot of constantly changing dancers and customers.

What has usually worked for me, although I don't care to do it, is ignore them after the first inquiry. I just say no to the "dance" question, then shut them off. They are there to make money and it quickly becomes obvious they will get nothing from me.

I remember a time long ago being unable to shake a particularly persistent stripper. Just plopped herself down and would not shutup, leave or take no for an answer. After a while I just got up and left her sitting there-

Sat down at the bar and was joined by the girl I had actually come in to see. I mentioned what had just happened and her response was simple--"the fastest way to get rid of an unwanted dancer, she said, is to tell her you are out of money"...No truer words have ever been spoken.

Actually telling a dancer you are out of money doesn't always work either. It does work on most. I've had a few dancers tell me they thought I was lieing. They did leave though but were watching me I thought. I remember one dancer told me she didn't care and plopped herself down beside me anyway. I tend not to use that line too much so the dancers will believe me most of the time when I do use it. If the dancer sees you go get a dance right after you tell her this. She won't believe you anymore. Does work on all new dancers and is usually pretty effective. I would advise not to get dances afterwards in case you are being watched. The other thing you may run into with that line is the dancer telling you, "let me show you where the ATM machine is."

Actually I remember at least 2 times a dancer wasn't concerned about money. One time it was a new dancer who just came up and said wanna dance? She didn't stay and talk for too long though so I think she must have been fibbing. I don't know what was wrong with the other dancer. She was really determined to get me alone with her. I did not like getting my chair pulled 50 ft across the club (had wheels on it) before getting it stopped. She wasn't my type and I wasn't very attracted to her.

I did like one dancer who liked to just sit in my lap for 30 to 40 minutes at a time. She also talked me into giving her back rubs on occasion. The best way to avoid other dancers is to have a dancer you know already sitting on your lap. Unless she has friends but they just visit and chat with her usually.

CG, just quoting a dancer...

That excuse would certainly never work for me either in any club where the girls know me---lol.

I would think though that as a general proposition if you are in a club where you weren't known, telling the offending dancer that you are broke is certainly not going to encourage her to spend time with you- certainly if she is there to make money.

I should better clarify my previous post. If "maybe later" is followed by some sort of encouraging addendum like, "I just got here, give me a few minutes to settle in," I will make a single return visit (if I get another "maybe later," I'll write that person off as a waste of time). Now, if the initial "maybe later" is said while the prospect's head is turned in the opposite direction, or his TONE suggests disinterest, I won't be back. Granted, I'm somewhat of a fly-by "wanna dance"-type of dancer, unless I find a customer who genuinely interests me and who's conversation I think I might enjoy. So in many cases, I understand that the "maybe later" blow-off is the result of my approach. Anyway, I think I'm getting a bit off-topic... I'd rather the customer just lay it out on the line for me: "I prefer blondes," "I don't like fake breasts," "I'm actually waiting for so-and-so," etc. At the same time, I'm not aggressive by any stretch of the imagination (most of my money comes from regulars, customers who approach ME, or compensation I receive for my time and conversation), so I wouldn't be the type of stripper to argue over the matter. You don't want a dance from me? Okay, enjoy your evening.

I still remember this one dancer. I had just gotten into the club and was having trouble seeing anything. As soon as I sit there is this dancer asking for a dance. Because she is wearing too much clothing and my eyes are still adjusting anyway, I say No Thank You. She is somewhat aggressive and I repeat with the No, No Thank You's. Later I see her with a different revealing outfit. She is exactly what I like! :) So, I go and ask her for a dance. She says oh, now you want a dance? And, she gives me fantastic dance after fantastic dance. At some point she laughs and says I thought I was your type. It turns out she had seen me giving a bunch of dances to another girl a few days earlier and thought that I would probably like her even better. And, she was right. She was surprised to learn the reason that I said No, Thank You before was because she was wearing too much clothing--very pleasant and unpleasant experiences getting dances from dancers wearing too much clothing. She also said that usually she isn't aggressive at all, but was in my case because she thought I *should* like her from what she'd seen and was very surprised when I was negative.

I once had a dancer who I had never seen before do much the same thing - before my eyes adjusted to the dark she came up behind me and asked if I wanted company. Since I had no idea what she looked like I said no. Then later I saw her on stage and asked her to join me. And I was her regular customer for nearly a year, in fact she's the first regular I ever had. Turns out that when we met she had just moved into the area and just started working there; a couple months later she was the most popular girl in the place.

It eventually ended badly as these things often do. But I'm thankful to her because she's the reason I met my ATF. If I hadn't met her that day I probably wouldn't have become a regular at that club, and I wouldn't have been there several months later when my ATF started working there. Everything happens for a reason.

The problem with telling strippers you're out of money is that it accepts the notion that you owe her a reason for not buying a dance. However, if you do tell her that, I don't see why you'd care whether she sees you buying a dance from another girl. Or why you think she'd pay any attention to a guy who already turned her down. It all sounds like grade school tattletale stuff to me.

FONDL: I always sit in a place with my back to a wall. No surprises.

One way to get this type of dancer off your back is by responding, "No, I heard you didn't SWALLOW!".

Hi Bones,

That wouldn't slow most of these girls down one iota.