Sasha should write for TUSCL.

Lap dance romance

by SASHA

October 27, 2011

Dear Sasha, I was recently travelling abroad, and met a stripper at a local club. She chatted me up and I ended up getting a lap dance from her. For the rest of that night, she would not leave my side (I was buying her drinks, but it's not like I was blowing hundreds of dollars on her, nor did I imply that I was some rich dude) and she wasn't offering any of the other patrons a dance; she seemed intent on staying with me. She told me about her life, the village where she came from, her family, her asshole ex-boyfriend and how she dreamt of starting her own agency.

The second night I went back the place was packed. As soon as I sat down, she came over and told me she just had to give a dance to some other guy and then she'd be with me. Same thing happened, so I asked her for a lap dance so she could at least make some cash. Then she stuck with me the whole night. We talked (she said she told the other girls about me and that she didn't think I'd really come back) and I would even say she “cuddled up” to me without ever offering anyone else a dance.

The third night, she made a beeline for me when I came in and made sure we moved into a corner booth as soon as the guys there left, so she could cuddle up to me, rubbing my back and stroking my neck. It was a Saturday night and the place was super packed, but she didn't move from my side except to do her show. She kept on dropping hints about getting together outside the club so she could show me around the city. I asked her if she wanted to meet for dinner the following night. We agreed on a meeting place and then she never showed.

She told me about her job as a host on a sex-themed radio show and after doing a quick online search I found the e-mail address for her show. Would it be really creepy of me to send her a note saying how I enjoyed her company and that I wish her the best, even if she never gave me her e-mail herself? She mentioned she might come to Canada in January and I just want to make sure that the missed dinner date wasn't because I screwed up the time (there was a slight language barrier). I don't want to violate her privacy, but I can't help but think we were supposed to meet earlier, or even in a different place? Should I just drop the whole thing?

—Timed Out

Dear Timed,

Let's forget for a moment that this woman is a stripper and go over a few details: You met her in her place of work. Rather than work, she sits down with you and within knowing you for less than an hour (and I use the term “know” very loosely) she has told you her entire life story, including details about a past relationship that apparently went sour. She touched and cuddled you without provocation, made hints about seeing you outside of her place of work (again, how well does she know you?) and offers to show you the city.

Instead of thinking, “This lady has some boundary issues. I would be well to stay the fuck away from her because if she's showing this little restraint after ‘knowing' me for less than a couple of days, I can only imagine what things are going to be like after she ‘knows' me for three weeks,” you're thinking, “I wonder if the language barrier was the thing that prevented her from showing up to our rendez-vous.”

Timed, let me say it once more in case you didn't read it the first time: This woman has boundary issues. If you feel it necessary to reach out to her based on information she freely provided after a few hours of conversation, by all means do. By doing so, you are inviting her back into your life. And since you asked my opinion, I will tell you: this is going to be a more crazy sandwich than you can eat. â–