Getting Dances from Uncirculating Dancers

I really like it when she approaches me. I get despondent when she doesn't approach ANYBODY, or when she approaches several tables but then skips mine. I know, I know, she's just interested in the green, but it's how I FEEL man ... :) ...

Gotta agree with Chandler on part of this. I too would never consider asking a waitress/staff member to send a dancer over. Some may be comfortable with that but it's just not me. Likewise, I won't go seeking out a dancer to bring her to my corner nor will I tip more than a dollar until (or if) she comes over on her own and we enter into conversation. Dunno, to me it's like building a comfort level on both sides. I guess, if a dancer doesn't circulate--we probably won't talk.

Book Guy: Not to split hairs too finely, but the thing to avoid isn't the appearance of trying too hard. It's the appearance of her being too important to you. You may ask, why else would you try so hard? I guess it's all in your attitude: You see something you want, you take it. What have you got to lose? Effort, exhuberance and taking chances are attractive, fun traits. Making too big a deal out it, like it's a matter of life and death to you, is a drag. It applies in a strip club or with regular girls.

Thanks for the pointer. It sounds to me, like you're advocating the display of "unbearable lightness of being." Funny how it works out. I don't think it ever occurred to me, that there was a portion of the universe where the EFFORT TO REWARD ratio was askew. Sometimes I didn't get the reward I wanted, but I still "rewarded myself" with the idea that I'd done all that I could and therefore it wasn't my fault. With women, however, if I'd put in the effort, I somehow felt like I hadn't "done it right."

They're always implying that men aren't "doing it right," aren't they? :(

I don't believe in giving a big tip at the stage as a way of showing how much I want a dance. I think what you say and how you approach her works better than whether she gets a buck or a five. And it's more fun than just throwing money.

And I would never dream of enlisting the help of a waitress or other staff to line up a dancer. Again, doing it myself is part of the fun. Also, I would think the girl might not appreciate feeling obligated to comply. Somebody posted once about reserving a VIP booth while a stripper was onstage and having a manager or somebody send her straight over after her set. (Sorry if I'm describing it wrong.) Personally, I wouldn't want to be the guy who puts her in that position. But, whatever works for you, I suppose.

Dang, I'm getting excited thinking about hot patron females at clubs in Key West now ... good story. :)

I'm also still having that epiphany about "real world" chicks. The whole "trying hard is a strike against you" concept. Amazing ... gotta chew on it more ... amazing ...

The two things that work for me is to go when the club isn't busy and approach the girl while she's on stage, that combination almost always works. I like to see how a girl dances and interacts with customers before making my selection, I think you can learn a lot that way. I'd never approach I girl who I only saw sitting with some other girls.

I only remember one time when I approached a girl who wasn't onstage. I was in a little club in Key West and saw two girls standing at the bar talking, one of whom was exactly the type I look for. Then the other one walked away and the one I was interested in was alone at the bar. I immediately went over and asked if I could buy her a drink, she said yes and went on to become my #2 ATF. But what's funny about that episode is I wasn't even sure she was a dancer when I approached her, it's kinda hard to tell in Key West where nobody wears very much (she was in a long white thing that could have been a beach robe.) But I didn't really care.

Epiphany!

Chandler says, "I've never noticed a difference in the kind of dance I get when I approach the stripper vs. her approaching me." I think I never really realized it, but that is indeed true. However (and this is something ELSE I never really realized until now) I tend to take the unfortunate lesson from "real life" and transfer it to the strip club. The "real life" thing that I often notice, is that the MERE ACT of being proactive toward a girl is the thing that causes her to no longer need me to be interested in her. If I go up to her, approach her, choose to ask her out, and take the initiative to ask her out, especially if I do it in a way that portrays my HIGH INTEREST in being with her, then, by virtue of the fact that I have put in a lot of extra effort in order to "get" her, SHE IS NO LONGER INTERESTED IN ME.

I don't EXACTLY know why girls in "real life" are like this -- maybe they just want to know that they can "control" me with their looks and their feminine wiles, and once I've reassured them of their desirability I am no longer needed. Maybe it's that old Groucho Marx line, that "I'd never want to join any club that would have me as a member" -- meaning, she has weird insecurities about herself (if I'm asking her out, then she thinks she appears to me as the "easy" girl in the room) and notes that the fact that I am available to her means I'm not very selective (if I'm asking her out, then I must be desperate). Or maybe it's that old Lao Tse thing, "We seek that which flees from us." She would rather BE chased, than be caught. Maybe I'm actually ostensibly a "good catch" -- someone that people see (from a distance, before they get to know me) as of high status and value, and therefore the race to add me to their quiver of "conquests" is a more competitive one. If I were a dorky loser, no lady would care whether or not she could prove to all the other girls that I chased after her. I don't know which (if any) of these potential explanations is true, or in which case, or whatever (though I do like the latter one about me being a valuable conquest, at least it's flattering to me!).

In any case, this is near to the heart of my dissatisfaction with "real world" relationships. The only way to "get" the girl, in my experience, has been to act like I wanted to get the girl (of course! you can't just stand there and act like some dickhead who doesn't give a damn about don't want her, she'll walk away!). But then, if you DO act like you want the girl, she's GOT WHAT SHE WANTS and therefore doesn't want YOU.

See the trouble? Damned if you do, damned if you don't. A mutually exclusive situation. I hadn't ever really put it in exactly those terms in my own head, until now.

Anyway, what does this have to do with the whole "uncirculating dancers" concept? Well, it just dawned on me, when I read Chandler's comment, that what I like about strip clubs is, that my proactivity IS REWARDED rather than punished. The girls don't RUN AWAY from my chasing. So, if a girl is not circulating, I'm ALLOWED to go up to her and the SERVICE LEVEL WILL NOT BE DIMINISHED.

Gosh, this is an eye-opener to me. It lets me really understand what's going on in my head about strip clubs and "real world" relationships.

Some time back, in another longish thread which compared real world and strip club women's beauty levels, someone (AbbieNormal?) suggested, that the reason that I liked strip clubs wasn't so much the ACCESS to beautiful women (which was my excuse at the time), as the mere fact that the strippers didn't REJECT me. My response was merely to say that I'd chew on that idea for a while. But honestly, it didn't exactly sit right. It didn't ring true. I'm not really afraid of rejection. I don't tend to mind it (to the point that some people have said that I am dysfunctional to the OPPOSITE extreme, of not needing ENOUGH of other people's approval; also known as, isolationist or anti-social). Heck, I worked as an actor, failing audition after audition. I got INTO being rejected.

Now I know that it isn't exactly REJECTION that's the root of my "access" issues. It's THAT DOUBLE BIND. In an acting audition, you do the best you can and sometimes you win and often you lose. But if you've done the best you can, and tried really hard, then you know you can't blame yourself. With attractive women, the ACT OF TRYING HARD itself is considered a detriment.

That's what bothers me about real world women. That's why I like strip clubs. The double-reversal thing isn't there.

Now I know. Golly ... mindnumbingly confusing ... gonna go smoke a pipe and think about that for a while ... gosh ...

Chandler, somehow you read my mind... I WAS referring to Brad's BF. I've been there probably 10 or less times over the years and have had mixed results. For the most part, I've left frustrated after spotting a girl that I was really interested in, only to be unable to make my way onto her "dance card". I HAVE had a few good times there, too, however.

My "home club" (Hip Hugger in Kokomo - 1.5 hr drive from actual home) is never a problem. There's usually enough girls that I know to keep me busy, even though two of my ATFs are no longer there. I will probably make the 45 min drive up to Kokomo from Indy a few times during my "road trip", 'cause I know it's pretty much a "sure thing".

I DO like the suggestion to enlist the help of a waitress. I've only used that ploy a few times, and have had success. The last time was at Baby Dolls in Dallas, when the most breathtaking girl there was obviously way busy and never made it close to my table. I asked a waitress to retrieve that dancer for me, and it wasn't more than 10 min later and I was in a "fort" with the object of my desires. (only regret was that I didn't give the waitress a nice tip for setting me up for one of my all-time best nights)

I've never had a problem with a dancer I approached. Just tell them to stop by and say hi, or something like that.

I will usually run my fingers across her lower back area and give a glance as I walk away. I am normally not very upfront so to me that's as aggressive as I prefer to get. The one girl I spend the most time with now I tipped $2 while she was on stage. I can't say I have really ever seen her circulate as I seem to stay with her from either the time she sees me or I request her.

I've never noticed a difference in the kind of dance I get when I approach the stripper vs. her approaching me. In any event, the situation Doug is asking about calls for some kind of proactive move, so the only alternative I see is to leave disappointed. I'd rather do whateer it takes to have a fun time.

What I found that seems to work well everytime if you want a lot of attention in a club that usually has dancers sitting with regulars is to arrive early. If club dancing doesn't usually start til 7, 730 or 8 PM, get there a little bit early after the club opens and very few customers are present. You should have a lot of opportunity to see a lot of dancers before all the regulars show up. I've shown up early at one club like this just because I could sit at the bar and they start the stage dancing at the little stage next to the bar before opening the main stage for the regular crowd. It's like getting a bunch of little full length dances for a dollar a piece.

It can be fun in a situation like this especially if you feel like you have a harem of pretty girls all around you and the girls outnumber the guys. I'm thinking of Nepals. I suppose all clubs may vary with opening times and when dancers show up.

TG, in the event that some new girls have started since I last was at Brad's...just tip with a $5 at the rail.

I agree with Chandler--I've never had any problem at Brad's. But maybe that's why it's my favorite club.

Well, there's nothing that works all the time. That's what makes it fun to try. If I can't catch her at the stage, I nab her while she's walking by, even if it means darting across the club to catch her. If she never gets up, I'll go over to where she's sitting and ask her to join me when she can. About the only time I won't is if she's engaged with a guy she's sitting with - on his lap cuddling, deep in conversation, etc. If they're just sitting apart not talking much, apparently just passing the time, I have few reservations about butting in to have a word with her. BTW, if you're referring to Brad's Brass Flamingo, I've never understood why so many reviewers complain about it there. It's one of the better clubs I've seen for girls who circulate and chances to snag them.

Tell them Chitown sent you.

Sometimes you can build a rapport with a waitress. Tip her a little extra and ask her to send a particular dancer over. A lot of times in a club you are visiting for the first time this seems to work. The waitresses seem to get the job done.