Over the Wall: Clubs Rated Top to Bottom 2010 (v06/11/10)

Friday, June 11, 2010 4:34 PM

The Big List 2010 Since ratings can only tell so much, this list puts all the ones I've reviewed head-to-head, top to bottom.  Here's the lowdown: I'm only listing clubs that I've reviewed on TUSCL or will review shortly.  If the club is obviously closed or gone I'll mention that, too.  I'm working off the idea that the clubs are lined up on the same strip. The rankings are based on a "typical" visit, are not adjusted for time since review, and subject to change at any moment.   Coke vs Pepsi?  Cats vs. Dogs?  Mons Venus (#22) vs 2001 Odyssey (#90)?  Mons wins.  Get it? If all the clubs were in walking distance right now, which ones would I visit...first, second, third, etc... 1. Adelita Bar* (TJ) - $$ - Controversial selection for the top slot?  Possibly.  But if you've never been there... 2. Spearmint Rhino* (LV) - $$$ - The main floor is bustling 24/7...and with top shelf talent as far as the eye can see. 3. Treasures* (HOU) - $$$ - Talent level in the SRLV ballpark with a club that means business.   MBOT light. 4. Hong Kong* (TJ) - $$ - If HK had Adelita's level of talent (it's close) this place would be a Perfect 10. 5. Teatro* (Wetzikon, Switzerland) - $$$ - In the middle of nowhere.  U.S.-style club worth going out of your way for. 6. St. James* (HOU) - $$ - Brightest lighting of the elite clubs.  Only complaint was not having enough time here. 9. Olympic Garden* (LV) - $$$ - Gotta play your cards right but this place is underrated.  Look around. 10.  Platinum Plus* (Columbia, SC) - $$ - I can see what the fuss is about now.  It's a Top 10 club. 11. Centerfolds* (HOU) - $$ - This would be my second favorite hangout after Players Club if I lived by Houston. 13. PT's All Nude (DEN) - $$ - When this place was at its prime (before the lights in back), also a Top 10 club. 7. Players Club* (BAL) - $$ - The gold standard in straight up, hands on lap dances.  Solid customer service to boot. 8. Gentlemens Gold Club* (BAL) - $$$ - GGC has the best girls in Baltimore and worthy VIP options.  Screens sports events. 15. Men's Club* (CHAR) - $$ - Claimed to have been voted the top club in the country.  Close. 12. 4 Play Gentlemen's Club (LA) - $$ - Gorgeous club and top shelf talent.  Could be a little edgier in the back, though. 14. Club Exotica* (HOU) - $$$ - Open very late on weekends so check it out as a night cap.  Had a blast. 16. Cadillac Lounge* (Providence, RI) - $$ - Great layout on the main floor for viewing.  Nice value for the talent level. 17. Club Fantasies* (Providence, RI) - $$ - This place is like a Super Saiyan Park n' Fight.  With hot dancers. 18. Onyx* (CHAR) - $$ - This place is right there with the Onyx in Houston with better girls. 19. The Buddhist* (Bucharest, Romania) - $$$ - Take the club for what it's worth, but it'll cost you.  The best in town. 20. Little Darlings (LV) - $$ - Has fallen off a bit, but still a first rate club with full nude laps. 87. Excape* (near BAL) - A lot can happen here in one night.  Matches up well with GGC for top girls in BAL. 21. The Score (LA) - $$ - One of the cozier locations in the franchise.  Needs liquor, though. 22. Mons Venus (Tampa) - $$ - Worth the rep, but the layout's a little funky.  Doesn't have a spot to sit and relax.  23. Show Palace* (HOU) - $$ - The livest weekend party atmosphere I've ever seen in a strip club.  Check it out. 24. Crazy Horse Theatre (SF) - $$ - MSC on Market sucks so bad it's kept me away from a pretty cool place. 25. Amnesia* (TJ) - $$ - Closest to a U.S.-style club in TJ, but with slightly lower prices.  26. Palomino* (LV) - $$ - Kick ass sound system and hot girls.  Don't go by the first thing you see. 27. Scarlett's at Ybor Strip (Tampa) - $$ - One of the strongest clubs overall between talent and mileage. 28. Babe's* (ATL) - $$ - It's basically a dive with one big stage in the middle.  A very fun dive.  Like Irving's in it's prime. 29. Pure Platinum II* (SD) - $$$ - Hands down the best club in San Diego.  Should get more buzz than it does. 30. La Villa del Peccato* (Bucharest, Romania) - $$$ - Not the best in town, but you'll get the best value.  Negotiate. 31. Lipstixx (Tampa) - $$$ - No bouncers, no strict rules and an upgraded roster.  Go while the going is good. 32. Rick's Cabaret* (LV) - $$$ - Pretty much Scores with a new name, and the layout is pretty darned impressive. 33. Legends* (HOU) - $$$ - Cheaters with better looking women.  Let's hope it made it out of the fire. 34. Hawaii Theatre (near LA) - $$$ - Hard to rate it lower with the talent on hand, but a little on the pushy side. 35. renamed Seamless* (LV)  - $$$ - Not sure I'd have as much fun the 2nd time around, but the first was a blast for 6AM. 36. Spearmint Rhino* (COI) - $$ - It's not as good as the SR in Vegas, but what place is? 37. Pink Pony* (ATL) - $$ - Perfect mix between bar and club.  Hot girls.  Hands off, though. 38. renamed Savannah's Gentlemen's Club* (Columbia, SC) - $$ - This place is trying to push into GC territory.  It's getting there. 39. Cheaters* (Providence, RI) - $$$ - Not the same old Cheaters.  Almost a legitimate club in its own right. 40. Gold Club* (CHAR) - $$ - Of the gentlemens club format places I've seen in Charlotte it's my favorite if not the best. 41. Crazy Horse* (CHAR) - $$ - This club has an interesting charm and some touches I've never seen in other clubs. 42. Goldrush Showbar* (ATL) - $$$ - Not hands off.  Once you get past the lunchroom tables, have money will travel. 43. Gold Club* (SF) - $$$  - The Gold Club in Baltimore is better, but this one isn't bad. 44. Rick's (SEA) - $$ - Has seen better days, but still has some of the old charm. 45. Norma Jeans* (The Block) - $$ - The rumors are true.  This Block club could stack up with anyplace. 46. Pink Diamonds (SF)  - $$ - If 1919 in DC was a bigger rowhouse it'd have been this place.  $'s go far. 47. Satin Doll* (Providence, RI) - $$$ - Hidden gem of a club where it might take a bit to get through the rough. 48. Playhouse (Fayetteville, NC) - $$$ - For what it is, it's the best there is.  Across from Secrets on Bragg Blvd. 49. Mitchell Brothers O'Farrell Theater (SF) - $$$$ - Legendary, but a little heavy on the $$$.  Visit for eye candy. 50. Pure Gold* (Cary, NC) - $$ - Wall-to-wall lookers and well-priced, hands on dances with the right girls. 51. Treasures* (LV) - Best looking main stage I've seen live.  The rest of the club needs to step up. 52. Penthouse Club* (DEN) - Beautiful girls. Nice layout, but not quite enough action for the out of town set. 53. Chester's* (Greensboro, NC) - Very cool tunnel effect with the main stage.  Nice stage and table action. 54. Christie's Cabaret* (Greensboro, NC) - This club is huge.  And nice.  With hot chicks.  There you go. 55. Club Onyx* (HOU) - The nicest Black Gentlemens Club I've seen so far, but I prefer the Charlotte Onyx. 56. Paper Doll* (CHAR) - Sprawling main stage is a cool concept.  Would be the best club in a lot of other towns.  57. Splendor* (HOU) - Was that a waterfall on stage?  That was definitely smoke up there.  Cool stage show. 58. Rio (LA) - If I lived near LA, I'd spend enough time here to get the local treatment.   59. Moments* (HOU) - This place could use some more chairs.  Or more girls on laps.  Or both.  60. Desire* (Providence, RI) - Liked the club.  Didn't like the ambiance, waitstaff, or other custies. 61. Sands Showgirls (SEA) - Don't believe it when you hear it's the best club in town now. 62. Little Darlings (SF) - Not as good as the one in Vegas, but the girls are hot. 63. Pure Platinum* (SD) - The only better club in San Diego is the other Pure Platinum. 64. Irving's* (near DC) - No laps in DC? Try this place.  Knocked out of the Top 10 due to safety issues. 65. Lust* (The Block)  - Both upstairs and downstairs lived up to their billing.  Be choosy.   66. New Century Theater (SF) - If MBOT isn't really your speed then walk around the corner. 67. Red Room* (The Block) - Has some good points about it.  Surprising talent.  One I might go back to. 68. Deja Vu Showgirls (Lakewood, WA) - If it wasn't for boneheaded mgmt this club might've won the SEA title. 69. Playhouse Lounge* (Burlington, NJ) - Missed the heyday it seems... 70. Leather & Lace Southend* (CHAR) - Still the best deal in town on lappers.  Cool place to hang out on the way to CLT.  71. PT's Showclub* (DEN) - This place isn't PT's All Nude, but has a some good things happening.  Hot girls. 72. Paper Moon* (Springfield, VA) - Crowd hyped up.  Got hot dances from the fruitiest loop in the box. 73. Skin (LA) - Small but very nice interior.  Laps and VIP are a little pricey for the payoff. 74. Velvet Lion* (LV) - Looks like Spearmint Rhino Light now and even has some of their dancers.  Not a bad thing. 75. Larry Flynt's Hustler Club* (The Block) - Overrated?  Yes.  A good club?  Yes.  GGC is the best GC in BAL.  76. Uptown Cabaret* (CHAR) - Impressive looking main stage area.  Has upper deck seating. 77. Platinum Plus* (Greenville, SC) - All sizzle, no steak.  Great looking club., though  Don't go on a Sunday. 78. Paper Moon* (Winston-Salem, NC) - Baby oil wrestling.  Nuff said. 79. Showcase Theater* (near BAL) - Starting to build up a nice core of hot dancers again. 80. Rick's Cabaret* (HOU) - Should be open later on the weekends.  Seems like a laid back place. 81. Molly Brown's* (Daytona Beach, FL) - Had so much fun here I blacked out on it. 'til I saw the t-shirt.. 82. Foxy Lady* (Providence, RI) - Unfortunately I saw this place on a Sunday afternoon.  Mulligan. 83. Oasis Goodtime Emporium* (ATL) - This place needs another look before I declare it hot. 84. Goddess* (BAL) - Think this place has gotten a bad wrap.  Game days are interesting to people watch. 85. Victoria's Cabaret* (Fayetteville, NC) - The tip rail dances are close to what you'll see in Denver.  That's a good thing. 86. Honey's (SEA) - Much better than Sugar's.  Actually seemed like a real club during the day. 88. renamed LaRoice* (Columbia, SC) - Might have rated it higher if I had caught it with a crowd.  The best black club in town. 89. Ecstasy (Santa Ana, CA) - The lap dances here live up to the hype.  Pretty good stage show. 90. 2001 Odyssey (Tampa)  - I like the layout, but not the service.  Travelers should try Ybor or the Mons. 91. Deja Vu Centerfolds (SF) - Right on the verge of being a really good club.     92. 2 O'Clock Club* (The Block) - Best looking gal behind the bar.  The rest weren't bad. Lower hustle. 93. Peanuts and Beer* (TJ) - If they ever shut Adelitas down then this would be worth a look. 94. Playpen (LA) - As a lap factory it works well.  As a club it depends on your Espanol. 95. Club Wax (ATL) - Guns in the parking lot.  Check it out by day if you must. 96. Night Shift* (BAL) - Why are the TVs turned off?  Nude laps are good but there is a full time minder now. 97. Deja Vu Showgirls (SEA) - Had the best looking girls in town with grindage, but it's still DV. 98. Oasis* (DEN) - Reminded me of Miami Vice in the 80's.  I liked Miami Vice.  Girls were hot. 99. Gentlemen's Club* (CHAR) - At least they finally put a dancer on stage.  Skip it. 100. Onyx* (ATL) - This place is not worth seeing before 10pm.  I saw it before 10pm. 101. Sheri's Cabaret (LV) - Now I know why this club doesn't have more buzz.  Well-styled interior with a few lookers. 102. Penthouse Club* (LV) - Not up to par with its sister clubs around the country but has potential. 103. Fox's (Tacoma, WA) - A better looking place than its sister club, Rick's, but the vibe wasn't the same. 104. Colorado Bar & Grill* (HOU) - Were those zebras behind the main stage?  Somehow it works. 105. Exstasy* (near DC) - Doesn't look like much from the outside, pleasant surprise inside. 106. Leather & Lace University* (CHAR) - Almost as good as its sister.  Almost.  5 for $10 beers. 107. The Platinum* (Hillsboro, NC) - Off the chart mileage but also a dump. 108. Fannie's* (ATL) - Strange vibe here.  Make nice with the staff or you're sunk.  109. Fuego (near DC) - Great stage sets with hot girls.  Good grind for $10 per.  It's not Irving's, but what is? 110. Deja Vu Showgirls (COI) - The one Deja Vu in the franchise I'd hang out at regularly. 111. Heartbreakers* (Columbia, SC) - The locals bar alternative to Platinum Plus in town.  Not bad but not that good.  112. King's Club* (Zurich, Switzerland) - You can get a stage show here, just take care not to agree to anything right away.   113. Hi 10 Cabaret*  (HOU) - Like the asian-styled decorations onstage. Made a strong first impression. 114. Gold Cup* (HOU) - Nice looking place but something seems off.  Not obvious how things work. 115. Pure Titanium* (Fayetteville, NC) - Will overlook the pushy bouncers.  Best looking club in Fayetteville. 116. Michael's* (HOU) - The best of the latino SCs in Houston.  Girls were were friendly and pretty hot. 117. Century Lounge (LA) - With the right girl, this is the place at LAX.  It'll cost you to find out, though. 118. Stiletto Gentlemen's Cabaret (near NYC) - The New York curve is out the window, but the girls are hot. 119. Sugar's* (HOU) - Heard the funniest story a dancer falling on her head (she's ok).  Club's pretty cool, too. 120. Badda Bing Men's Club* (LV) - Disappointed that it didn't look like Silvio's place.  But what I saw was cool. 121. Teasers* (Durham, NC) - Has an old fashioned, smoking club look.   Best club in Raleigh-Durham. 122. Larry Flynt's Hustler Club* (SF) - Liked the style, but a little tame for my tastes.  123. Mile High Club* (near DC) - Nice bar selection but could use a more girls.  A place to relax with the fellas. 124. Jet Strip Cabaret (LA) - Maybe I just went there on a bad night.  Won't be back to know the difference. 125. Harlem Knights* (HOU) - It reminds me of Irving's and that's a good thing.  Too crowded, though. 126. The Mens Club* (Raleigh, NC) - Girls weren't on par with the impressive looking club, but it was day shift. 127. Platinum 84* (DEN) - A little overrated but cool place.  Any place with beer pong tables gets points. 128. Chubbies* (BAL) - Yes, this place is in a rowhouse.  Somehow it works. 129. Harper's* (Winston-Salem, NC) - Now those were some all nude dances.  McDoogals take notes. 130. Mickey's* (Fayetteville, NC) - Be careful.  These gals play rough.   Drinks are cheap.  131. Cheetahs (SD) - Have done a lot of interior work.  Tops in the franchise. 132. Deja Vu Showgirls (Lake Forest Park) - Broken record on Seattle DVs.  Hot girls (except for SeaTac).  Not great. 133. Fantasy Shots (SD) - For what the place is it delivers.  Don't show up unless willing to drop $$$. 134. Club Ahprodisia* (Zurich, Switzerland) - Don't go on a weekend.  It's closed.  Take plenty of cash (or go elsewhere).  135. Tropical Lei (Upland, CA) - Hawaii Theater, the sister club in COI, is a much better option. 136. Deja Vu Showgirls (LV) -  Not my favorite.  Charged full admit price for a totally empty club and 3 dancers. 137. Bare Elegance (LA)  - Better clubs in the LA area for just about everything.  Something's off. 138. Broadway Showgirls* (SF) - This more of a place to hang out than push the envelope. 139. Sporty's Club* (Sunnyvale, CA) - The best bikini bar in the SF area.  Period.    140. Nob Hill Lingerie (SF) - Go and see for yourself.  Not for everyone.  That is all. 141. Maxim* (Zurich, Switzerland) - A nice little stop across the river from most of the clubs.  They'll get on stage here. 142. Falstaff* (Zurich, Switzerland) - In the red light district this is probably your best option if you're buying in a club.    143. Lady Dy* (Bucharest, Romania) - Smoking hot girls.  Hottest in town.  But beware that the action is not in the club. 144. Diamond Cabaret & Steakhouse* (DEN) - Nice looking club.  Quality girls, but a notch below the top level in Denver. 145. Sapphire Gentlemen's Club* (LV) - The big-box Wal-Mart of strip clubs.  With a $30 out of towner cover... 146. La Boheme Gentlemen's Cabaret* (DEN) - Nice looking club.  Quality girls, but a notch below the top level in Denver. 147. Deja Vu's Garden of Eden (SF) - The bed dance booths are pretty cool.  Worth a look.  148. Pink Poodle (San Jose, CA) - If it didn't have top shelf prices it'd be a pretty cool club. 149. Choo Choo's Lounge (Waldorf, MD) - A few odd rules but the place can be fun if you look past them. 150. Circus Bar & Restaurant* (The Block) - The girls were cute and friendly and by that time it mattered. 151. Condor* (SF) - Upgrade the girls and this place could be a contender.  Dig its style. 152. Chez Joey* (The Block) - A little more laid back than its nearest neighbors. 153. The Egoist* (Zurich, Switzerland) - Mysteriously cheaper than the other clubs with comparable girls.  Why question? 154. Club Budapest (Hegnau, Switzerland) - The only club I've ever hot-footed away from.  Don't drive tired and drunk.  155. Girls of Glitter Gulch* (LV) - Aggressive first wave of dancers.  Hang tight and the quality ones will walk over. 156. Sharky's Cabaret* (Fayetteville, NC) - The place where the 18 and over crowd gathers in Fayetteville. 157. Flamingo Lounge* (The Block) - Another club that would be greatly improved by an attitude change. 158. Club Harem* (The Block) - I actually liked this club, I just got to it too late to enjoy. 159. Talk of the Town (LV) - This club really had no business being so cool.  Keep Trinity at all costs... 160. New Ritz Cabaret* (BAL) - Many changes since its glory days.  Most are good, but not all. 161. Body Shop (SD) - Same advice as for Ten's.  The laps here are pretty good, though. 162. Sam's Hof Brau (LA) - The food here is pretty darn good.  The stage show isn't bad either. 163. Reflexxions* (Hamer, SC) - Unless you just really need an SC fix while driving down 95 you can skip. 164. Little Darlings (SEA) - This place has potential on the floor and in back.  Not there yet. 165. Play It Again, Sam* (LV) - Food's not bad.  Neither are the girls.  Mostly locals so you can hear yourself think. 166. Players Club* (DEN) - This club needs a serious attitude adjustment.  Not competitive with top clubs in Denver. 167. Bare Assets* (near Tampa) - Not worth the hassle to find out if this place is on the level.  Stay in Tampa 168. Mitzi's Place* (Funkstown, MD) - Not nearly as bad as expected.  Laid back atmosphere. 169. Oasis* (The Block) - The most entertaining thing about this place was the guy cracking jokes at the door. 170. Secret's Cabaret* (Fayetteville, NC) - The other place where the 18 and overs go in Fayetteville. 171. Stage Door* (The Block) - This place is literally a door-shaped hole in the wall off Commerce St. 172. Club Pussycat* (The Block) - There is a certain point where enough is enough with the hard sell. 173. Diamond Lounge* (The Block) - Has potential but needs to purge the moody girls by the door. 174. Foxy Lady (Durham, NC) - Hole in the wall, but like the vibe.  Don't get dances near the door. 175. Southside Johnny's* (Winston-Salem, NC) - Interesting little club.  Top shelf talent. 176. Filly's* (Winston-Salem, NC) - Nice contact on table dances, but watch the hands.  Other girls will tell. 177. (New) El Dorado Night Club* (BAL) - When it was on Baltimore Street it was El's.  That was long ago. 178. Platinum Diamonds* (Winston-Salem, NC) - Check out the basement.  Stage show is just ok. 179. Jewel Box - Downstairs* (The Block) - Playful, friendly staff.  Get a breather before the hustle starts. 180. Plaza Saloon* (The Block) - Might check it out sometime on a day shift.  Night hustle was a little high. 181. Dynasty* (The Block) - The door guy has me convinced to check it out again one day, but not soon. 182. Doll's Palace* (Selma, NC) - Out of the way, but has a nice setup in VIP. 183. XTC Cabaret* (HOU) - Took a chance that Show Palace around the corner was a better club.  It was. 184. Club Paradise* (LV) - Didn't really like this club, but it looked pretty nice on the inside. 185. Mirage* (HOU) - Club has potential.  Needs a better selection of girls, though.  Decent layout. 186. Glamour Girls* (HOU) - A lot of empty space in here, and kind of an isolated location but ok.  Air dances. 187. Babe's Cabaret* (HOU) - Girls didn't really circulate well.  Decent club but parking lot needs work. 188. Scores* (BAL) - Business suited people may apply.  Others have better options in Baltimore. 189. Heaven* (Bucharest, Romania) - Sorta got kicked out of here.  Make sure you read the menu before you order a drink. 190. Ten's Showclub (SD) - If you happen to be near this place drop on in.  The PP clubs are better. 191. Harper's II Exotic Car Wash (Greensboro, NC) - A car wash with topless girls and lap dances.  Cool.  192. McDoogals* (BAL) - Where the people who don't like The Block go to stay around town with all nude laps. 193. Players Club* (Greensboro, NC) - Might have been able to rate it higher if I'd sampled the dances. 194. Ritz* (HOU) - The review will fill you in on where this club needs work.  Lose the "tuck" rule... 195. Kaos Grill* (near BAL) -  Neighborhood  bar a go-go, Towson style. 196. Executive Suite (Greensboro, NC) - Nice layout but seemed little on the tame side.  No alcohol. 197. Fantasies* (BAL) - Low mileage not worth getting shot or robbed over.   Full bar and event screenings. 198. Cheetahs (LV) - I can't believe their San Diego edition beats the version in Las Vegas. What happened? 199. Shotgun Willie's* (DEN) - Like Stiletto's only with alcohol and crummier dances 200. Sugar Bares* (Greensboro, NC) - All inclusive dances in a very, very rough part of town. 201. Sinsaysionals* (near DC) - Rough looking place but it has all the right pieces and parts. 202. Roaring 20's (SF) - Has the misfortune of being close to much better clubs.  Odd layout.  203. Hungry I* (SF) - Would have stayed longer if they had kept better control of the drunks.  204. Taboo Gentlemen's Club (Arcadia, CA) - How much you enjoy this place (or not) depends very much on the girl. 205. Millstream Inn* (near BAL) - A bar with a pretty good kitchen.  Not the place in Baltimore for mileage, though. 206. Deja Vu (Seatac, WA) - I'll be kind by saying I could have hit the club at a bad time.  Very bad. 207. Main Attraction (Oceanside, CA) - The only game in town. Luckily it isn't a terrible club.  No touch. 208. Synn Gentlemens Club (COI) - Very crowded in the seating department.  Girls are ok. SRCOI nearby.  209. All Star Mens Club* (HOU) - $1.50 domestic beers before 9pm.  It has girls dancing topless, too... 210. Men's Club of Houston* (HOU) - Clubs with the nerve to tell customers how to dress better be worth it... 211. Penthouse Key Club* (Welford, SC) - What the hell?  Why put a club in a town like this? 212. Executive Club (Fayetteville, NC) - Go to Playhouse instead. Better hours.  Better location. 213. Sparky's Sports Bar* (Fayetteville, NC) - Has all the right pieces to be good, but isn't. Membership club. 214. Fantasy Girls (Hamer, SC) - How did this place end up in the middle of nowhere?  Don't try to find out. 215. Carousel* (CHAR) - This is a locals only place.  Hard to slam it but won't recommend. 216. Pleasures Men's Club* (HOU) - Had pirahnas swimming around in the lobby.  And dancing on stage... 217. Deja Vu Showgirls I (SD) - Not bad for San Diego.  Managed to stay entertained but wouldn't recommend.  218. Little Darling's (SD) - Probably caught this club at a bad time, but it is what it is. 219. Chicago Bar (TJ) - Empty.  Probably caught this club at a bad time, but AB and HK dusted it head to head. 220. Pure Gold* (Southern Pines, NC) - The is club might do if not willing to drive to the other side of Bragg. 221. Sexy Club/Hanul Veseliei* (Bucharest, Romania) - Had belly dancers that accepted tips.  It's also a restaurant now.  222. Cindy* (Bucharest, Romania) - Wasn't crazy about the muscle here.  Cover was also more than other clubs. 221. Red Lips Cabaret* (Zurich, Switzerland) - Not a cool vibe.  Girls are ok, but feel free to avoid. 222. Red* (Bucharest, Romania) - If this place had more girls it'd be a contender.  The Buddhist is across the street. 223. Foxy Lady* (ATL) - Babe's is the better option.  They're essentially the same club. 224. Pussycat Lounge* (LV) - Not a great club, but does alright with what it has. 225. 1320 II *(Springfield, VA) - Club is better than the name suggests.  What's the deal with it anyway?  226. Mile High Gentlemens Club* (LV) - Has its good points, but needs an attitude adjustment to make it all flow. 227. Harper's II*  (Greensboro, NC) - What's the deal with dancers not being allowed to shoot pool? 228. Brass Rail* (Sunnyvale, CA) - Needs lap dances.  And less cops, but definitely lap dances.  229. Glass Slipper* (The Block) - Nothing in particular was wrong with it.  Place just wasn't my speed. 230. Heartbreakers* (HOU) - Trying not to hold the traffic jam/lost hours against this place... 230. Riviera Cabaret* (HOU) - Was that a soapbox in the corner?  The $20 air dances were a worse offender. 231. Scores Cabaret* (HOU) - This is not affiliated with the national chain.  Warning given. 232. Paradise Club* (near Greensboro, NC) - Runs their songs very, very long.  The girls pick them. 233. Library - A Gentlemens Club* (LV) - A bit of a funky layout but a cool slogan.  "A learning experience"... 234. Mr. Lucky's* (Columbia, SC) - 4, 6, 8 - This is a locals only place.  Hard to slam it but won't recommend. 235. Fantasies (Fayetteville, NC) - Scary location.  Not quite as scary on the inside but Playhouse is better. 236. Tommy Rocker's Mojave Beach* (LV) - I like the food here, but I didn't stop by for that.  237. Baby Dolls* (near Winston-Salem, NC) - Saw the tallest dancer ever here.  She was sweet, club was not. 238. Tiki Cabaret* (near Greensboro, NC) - Almost got turned away because I wasn't a member.  C'mon guys. 239. Sugar Bare* (Winston-Salem, NC) - Where is the parking lot?  Had to park on a sidewalk. 240. Showgirl Video (LV) - Closest I'd seen to a place like this was the whichever room at MBOT.  Jury's still out.  241. Club Platinum* (LV) - The kind of place that could be a decent club but isn't.  LD area in awkward spot. 242. Diamond Girls* (Durham, NC) - Went on a slow night.  Just average. 243. Starz (LA) - Locals type of place.  Laid back.  Seems like it could be fun with the right dancer. 244. Cheetah* (ATL) - Great looking club but the one staffer I ran into was an absolute dick. 245. Kapten Jo's Haifisch Cabaret* (Zurich, Switzerland) - Had live entertainment of the singing variety.  Not cool.   246. Larry Flynt's Hustler Club (SD) - Was it any better as Pacers?  Couldn't have been worse.  247. Captain Cream Cabaret & Lounge (El Toro, CA) - Another place that benefits from lack of competition. 248. Deja Vu (Ontario, CA) - A little tight inside the joint.  Still on the fence about this one.   249. Club Maxim* (DEN) - I don't even know if the club I was in was Maxim, but it was on Santa Fe and wasn't good. 250. Saturday Night Live* (DEN) - Really, except for the hot blonde I almost spoke to they've got nothing. 251. Sugar's (Shoreline, WA)  - What a terrible waste of time that'll I never get back.  Customers are sitting ducks. 252. Toys (Bremerton, WA) - This place just isn't a good club.  Kind of like Mustangs in MD.  Tries, but no dice. 253. Lusty Lady (SEA) - I've seen most of the peep shows left in the U.S.  I've like none of them. 254. Star Club* (CHAR) - Not going to leave my personal information at a place like this.  Sorry. 255. Club Fantasy (LA) - Now I know what the hell a hostess club is.  That's the upside. 256. Barnett Avenue Adult Super Store (SD) - If you like peep shows you'll like this place.  That is all. 257. AJ's* (San Jose, CA) - Not a lot going on here but a nice sized stage and well equipped bar. 258. Dream Girls* (SD) - This is a locals place, but it serves liquor and is decent on the food front as well. 259. HipHugger (Sunnyvale) - This place was a dud.  Girls were kinda cute, but yawn. 260. Lusty Lady (SF) - If you've never seen an old style peep show then it's worth a quick look.  261. Chics Cabaret* (HOU) - Avoid unless you like getting hit on by dudes.  You don't wanna know. 262. Hottyz Gentleman's Club* (HOU) - A two drink minimum for this?  Headed out with waitresses on my heels. 263. Pump House* (Fayetteville, NC) - Good luck getting past the asian massage parlors to get here. 264. Lollipop (Zurich, Switzerland) -    What kind of club closes at 8pm?  The kind you can probably skip. 265. Club Tropical (TJ) - Not sure what the appeal is.  On the wrong block in TJ to be this dull. 266. Crazy Russian* (BAL) - No lap dances here.  On Rt. 40.  I repeat, no lap dances.  Nice looking girls, though. 267. Memories* (near BAL) - Quintessential neighborhood joint.  Should start a new category for those. 268. Christina's* (BAL ) - One of the better neighborhood bar and strip joints I've run across.   No laps. 269. Balloons (Providence, RI) - Why is this place here?  It's a lower rent Cheaters.  Not kidding. 270. Kit Kat Club* (near SF) - Too many better options, may as well drive into SF from the Valley 271. Haven Place* (BAL) - A red lit, neighborhood bar with a surprising mix of  talent and patrons. No laps. 272. Bustos (was Skin)* (near BAL)  - Interesting looking place (graffiti-style art on walls, etc).  Doesn't do laps for now. 273. Sportsmans Inn* (Providence, RI) - Still laughing about this one.  What did I miss?  Terrible. 274. Lenox VIP* (Columbia, SC) - Closed even after 10pm on a Saturday.  Rough neighborhood.  Wouldn't go back. 275. Cafe Risque* (near Fayetteville, NC) - Do not follow mapquest to get here.   Better yet, avoid altogether. 276. Twin Peeks* (CHAR) - The second option on that stretch of US-29.  Not a good one. 277. Baby Dolls* (CHAR) - The third option on that stretch of US-29. 278. Alameda Strip (LA) - Locals type of place that can be avoided unless you happen to be a local. 279. Club Fantasy (SD) - Very pricey to get in the door.  Not worth it. 280. Larry's Villa* (LV) - If the DJ doesn't convince you to walk out, the lack of action on stage will. 281. Foxy Girls* (LV) - Even worse than I imagined after the lackluster reviews.  Hard to even be polite about it.   282. Solid Platinum* (HOU) - Note to owner: If your manager is an ass (and yours is) put him in an office. 283. The Mint* (Greensboro, NC) - Rough joint.  Can't think of a good reason to go here.  284. Crazy Dave's Cabaret* (Greensboro, NC) - Or here. 285. Teaser's* (Goldsboro, NC) - Or here, either. 286. Class Act* (Tampa) - Has a decent bar.  Bikini place so it's not really my speed. 287. Deja Vu Showgirls II (SD) - Just stay away unless you like paying too much for not enough. 288. Dancers Royale* (ORL) - Just drive to Tampa.  It's only an hour away at night. 289. Cheerleaders* (LV) - I have a rule about being cruel to dancers, but this place nearly forced my hand. 290. Dreamers* (near BAL) - Not for the casual patron.  Strangers not unwelcome, just not totally welcome. 291. Lady Godiva's I* (Greenville, SC) - Nothing to see here unless you just want a quick fix.  Avoid. 292. Mustangs* (near DC) - People were decent, but a place to avoid unless you live around there. 293. Rose's Place II (Lexington Park, MD) - Probably still open because it's the only game in town for miles. 294. Tony's Place* (BAL) - Kind of like a time capsule in its decor.  See Mustangs for guidance. 295. Legend Night Club (near DC) - Even a strip club with no strippers on an off night is better than those below. 296. Sid's* (Goldsboro, NC) - Had the misfortune of being closed on the day I looked for it and being hard to find. 297. Executive XTC (HOU) - Unlocked when I got there and disembodied voices told me it was closed... 298. Jolar Cinema (SD) - Gets dinged for not having girls on a day that wasn't a holiday. 299. Can-Can Room* (LV) - This place is a rip off joint, but was tempted to put it to the test with the cuban hottie. 300. Market Street Cinema (SF) - Because of how far it's fallen this is about the worst place in the country. 301. Osaka Girls (Hamer, SC) - If you must be in Hamer, try a few doors down at Fantasy Girls. 302. Studio 253 Adult Emporium (Providence, RI) - A room off the lobby for Balloons.  Stay away. 303. Silver Fox* (CHAR) - Not going to leave my personal information at a place like this.  Sorry. 304. Red Rooster (LV) - Swing joints count, I suppose.  Couldn't find the place and their website explained why... 305. Diamond Cabaret (LV) - Unlike Babes, had the courtesy to reveal itself as a rip off joint upfront. 306. Babes (LV) - The night shift manager (dressed eerily like a dancer) ought to consider a different line of work. 307. Copa Rocka Cantina/<strike>F</strike><strike>antasies</strike> (Winston-Salem, NC) - Hostile takeover or friendly merger? 308. <strike>Expose</strike> (SD - was #10) - RIP Expose.  A great club while it lasted.  Thee Gentlemen's gets its own ranking. 309. <strike>Body Shop</strike> (LA -was #61) - Burned down. Had quality talent and reasonable mileage. 310. <strike>Penthouse Club</strike>* (HOU-was#72) - Was a little too corporate.  They fought the law and the law won. 311. <strike>Exotic Profession</strike> (Fayetteville, NC) - Moved or closed.  There's a phone # spray painted on the wall. 312. <strike>Studio54</strike> (Columbia, SC) - Closed even after 10pm on a Saturday.  Rough neighborhood.  Wouldn't go back. 313. <strike>Diamonds</strike>* (Columbia, SC) - Terrible.  Just terrible.  Won't be missed. 314. <strike>Foxy Lady</strike> (The Block) - Gone gone gone.  No sign of it. 315. <strike>Miami Club</strike> (The Block) - Closed.  Word on the street is it's only temporary. 316. <strike>Copa Rocka Cantina</strike> (Greensboro, NC) - Moving to Winston-Salem? 317. <strike>Sherrie's Show Bar</strike> (BAL) - Boarded up and closed?  Do dead clubs dream of stripping sheep? 318. <strike>Tattle Tails, A Gentlemens Club</strike> (near BAL) - Next to Exposure?  Looks closed, too. 319. <strike>Exposure</strike> (near BAL) - Closed so far as it looks. 320. <strike>JW's Bar & Lounge</strike> (Winston-Salem, NC) - Also closed. 321. <strike>Royal Palace</strike>/Texas Dolls Cabaret (HOU) - Royal Palace nowhere to be found. 322. The Pearl/<strike>Amsterdams</strike> (Fayetteville, NC) - Let's call it closed. 323. <strike>Island Cabaret </strike>(HOU) - The sign nearby said La Chatte, set to open in July 2008 324. <strike>Fantasia Video</strike> (HOU) - Hard as hell to find...and closed.  325. <strike>VIP Hostess Club</strike> (HOU) - Also looks closed and replaced by something else also closed. 326. <strike>Vellagio Executive Retreat</strike> (HOU) - Closed with a notice on the door.  Don't know what it said. 327. <strike>XTC Cabaret Galleria</strike> (HOU) - Some sort of international bar and grill is here now? 328. <strike>Passions Cabaret</strike> (HOU) - This place is gone completely...  329. <strike>Club Illusions</strike> (Fayetteville) - Looks like it could be open at any time and I've seen the neon lit.  Never tried the door. 330. <strike>Players</strike> (CHAR) - Closed. Gone. 331. Filling Post (Hungtington Beach, CA) - Why is Bikini Bar (no stage or show) a category on TUSCL? 332. Thee Gentlemens Club (SD) - Have tried to visit twice and have yet to see the interior due to silliness. 333. Jewel Box - Upstairs* (The Block) - When your staff brings out the worst in people your business suffers. 334. <strike>Mouse Trap</strike>* (The Block) - Good riddance.  Heard this place reopened near it's old locale.  Might go look. 335. Bazz and Crue* (near DC) - Hard to describe in a sentence or two exactly what is wrong with this place. $ For the total experience * Serves alcohol or BYOB/L

17 comments

Lil_Baller100
•
5 years ago
I luv dem hoez
TFP
•
5 years ago
How long has it been since you've been to HK and Adelitas? I know Adelitas used to be number one in TJ but it seems nowadays, HK has taken that spot in terms of talent level. That seems to be the general consensus and based on my visit last year I'd have to agree.
DrStab
•
5 years ago
An impressive list! I enjoyed your recent reviews of the Detroit clubs... where would you put them on this list?
twentyfive
•
5 years ago
You sure have a lot of time on your hands, not an insult, I’m actually a tad jealous;)
JohnSmith69
•
5 years ago
Holy shit. I thought I’d been to a lot of strip clubs.
doctorevil
•
5 years ago
Was this really posted in 2010 with no comments until today?
Call.Me.Ishmael
•
5 years ago
Well... that's impressive... 16. Cadillac Lounge* (Providence, RI) - $$ - Great layout on the main floor for viewing. Nice value for the talent level. [not bad, but not as good as it used to be] 17. Club Fantasies* (Providence, RI) - $$ - This place is like a Super Saiyan Park n' Fight. With hot dancers. [now a parody of it's former self] 39. Cheaters* (Providence, RI) - $$$ - Not the same old Cheaters. Almost a legitimate club in its own right. [closed... replaced with The Wild Zebra] 47. Satin Doll* (Providence, RI) - $$$ - Hidden gem of a club where it might take a bit to get through the rough. [closed... on a good night, it was great] 82. Foxy Lady* (Providence, RI) - Unfortunately I saw this place on a Sunday afternoon. Mulligan. [also a shadow of what it used to be] 269. Balloons (Providence, RI) - Why is this place here? It's a lower rent Cheaters. Not kidding. [closed] You should visit Club Desire and Rhode Island Dolls.
TFP
•
5 years ago
I didn't realize this post was from 2010. No wonder he has Adelitas above HK. Things have certainly changed in Zona Norta in the last 10 years.
Muddy
•
5 years ago
Wow too much work and great stuff from Wallanon for there not to be a post until a decade later. Good shit lilballer. It is a little dated but a cool list none the less. You can see what clubs fell off the cliff in that time period.
nicespice
•
5 years ago
I agree with the above. It’s crazy this thread didn’t get any replies at the time. The one line commentaries brought some fun into it too.
Liwet
•
5 years ago
31 Vegas places compared to 26 now. Also, where's (The Block) located?
Electronman
•
5 years ago
Great list from 2010! I'd love to see your updated list, 2019 circa, even if just your top 20 clubs.
wallanon
•
5 years ago
Strange that it got posted like that with the Top 20 jumbled up. Must've hit submit before the post was done. At that time believe it or not Excape was one of the best clubs in Baltimore. That's probably why I was dragging it up from down around 100. The Block is also in Baltimore, on Baltimore Street downtown one block over from the police headquarters. Very notorious group of clubs, and while many steps down from its heyday you can still have some fun there. As you might expect from the name, most of the business on that particular block were strip clubs. Twice I did every club on the block in one go. Like a bar crawl with a bunch of up close nekkid time and your clothes smelling like a perfume and pheromone explosion way before its over. Both times I felt like I got hit by a truck afterward. It'd be interesting to try and mash up of the clubs I've seen since the 5 year break and the ones that were on that list around 2010. I haven't been back to most of these clubs since the list got posted, so it'd be kind of like AnonJim's hottie tournament. Clubs of different eras put up head-to-head. My Top 20 clubs of the moment are probably not all top shelf clubs, because I've been intentionally avoiding the usual top clubs when traveling these days. Thanks for bringing the list back up. I'd forgotten that I ever posted a version of it outside of the article section.
bullzeye
•
5 years ago
^^^^^^^@CMI Desire did make the list, coming in at #60 *********** 60. Desire* (Providence, RI) - Liked the club. Didn't like the ambiance, waitstaff, or other custies. *********** Only been to the Cadillac and Desire, but I way, way prefer Desire in 2019. Matter of fact, I think I may just go there today :)
Warrior15
•
5 years ago
Wall, it looks like you enjoyed your time in the city of Houston. Five of your Top25 are in that city. I don't think those clubs are the same now though. And like twenty-five said, I'm a tad bit jealous you had the time to put together the information and research for this List.
minnow
•
5 years ago
Now this is what I'd call a bloody fucking list ! There are some holes such as no Dallas clubs listed, and some other areas. In the last decade, I've been to 8 clubs in wall's T100, and I don't feel like taking the time to rank even those. "wall" must truly have a lot of time on his hands. The only tuscler that I think could match or top this list would be Papi_Chulo . Here's an idea... "Papi's Platinum" Rankings.
Jascoi
•
5 years ago
good resurrection baller. good work wallanon. almost time for that update.

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