Is this normal? First-timer's account of a growing resume...
BigMofo
Florida
So I've been to a strip club exactly 4 times in my life.
The first time I went with a bunch of friends, to a place with stage dances only and found myself completely unmoved. I put a couple of bucks in a g-string or two, but it didn't do much of anything for me. One of the girls ended up hanging out and chatting with me all night and gave me her number.
That experience, in spite of the small highlights left me wondering why guys even bother with the clubs and I didn't get back to one for years.
The second time completely blew my mind. Somehow, I'd gone all these years without knowing that what "lap dance" really means or that two-way touch was even a possibility.
I sat, talked and then went behind the curtain for one of the most intense experiences of my life. She came back around later, but I was honestly so trashed (lots and lots of drinks that night) that I didn't even think to go a second round with her.
That night really messed me up. It worried me, made me question what I was doing. Was I about to find myself "in love with a stripper"? Would I try to seek more than dances with this girl?
I haven't been back to see that girl again, but I have hit two more clubs in the meantime and learned a few things about myself.
At club number three I went through a few girls and couldn't understand what was going on since I thought they were genuinely gorgeous, but I didn't get the same feeling. I ended up having the best, most sensual time with a girl who I wasn't particularly attracted to, but seemed to really open up with me. I actually ended feeling a little bad/depressed when she seemed confused/hurt that I wasn't up for her stronger advances.
Come club four I was starting to get the idea. What I was really enjoying was just spending time and getting a good act out of these girls. I want to know who she is, a name I can believe, what her life is actually about and to believe that she wants me.
I was still in for a surprise though.
I went through even more girls at this place, but only really felt one of them. I felt some real chemistry with her and she volunteered that she was feeling the same. I'm feeling pretty good about what she's feeding me, but it was about to change.
She started talking about what time she was getting off and a lot more about herself along with some very personal contact. When I said I wasn't interested in hooking up, she told me it wasn't even about getting paid, but that she really wanted to get together.
I steered our conversation back towards more standard fare, but then she started talking about what a great woman she is on the street, how she can make a home and how she could tell I was a good, successful man. She tried hard to give me a number and insisted it was about money, but I was way to skeptical.
I started feeling like I was talking to girlfriend marriage or on the verge of a break-up. I broke out and went to find some other girls who gave me some good physical dances, but nothing I really felt.
I was kind surprised, I really thought I'd be down for doing one of these girls and toyed with the idea of "dating" one, but once given the chance, I've realized I don't want that at all. I just want the act and exchange a few hours and minutes at a time.
Is this normal?
I definitely want to go to more clubs, I'm certain I'm hooked on at least part of the experience, but I wonder what I need to do to keep it the way I want it?
Am I just a sucker buying a little too hard into the act these girls are putting on, or what?
Am I setting myself up for this kind of experience because of the way I treat this girls and what I want out of it?
I treat going to these clubs like going on a date or to a normal club by dressing nice and smelling good, is that too much?
I've been tipping everybody, the door, the waitresses at least a couple of bucks, is that a bad idea? That's just the way I am with everything, I do the same at a restaurant or bar. I can afford it and want to be nice.
The first time I went with a bunch of friends, to a place with stage dances only and found myself completely unmoved. I put a couple of bucks in a g-string or two, but it didn't do much of anything for me. One of the girls ended up hanging out and chatting with me all night and gave me her number.
That experience, in spite of the small highlights left me wondering why guys even bother with the clubs and I didn't get back to one for years.
The second time completely blew my mind. Somehow, I'd gone all these years without knowing that what "lap dance" really means or that two-way touch was even a possibility.
I sat, talked and then went behind the curtain for one of the most intense experiences of my life. She came back around later, but I was honestly so trashed (lots and lots of drinks that night) that I didn't even think to go a second round with her.
That night really messed me up. It worried me, made me question what I was doing. Was I about to find myself "in love with a stripper"? Would I try to seek more than dances with this girl?
I haven't been back to see that girl again, but I have hit two more clubs in the meantime and learned a few things about myself.
At club number three I went through a few girls and couldn't understand what was going on since I thought they were genuinely gorgeous, but I didn't get the same feeling. I ended up having the best, most sensual time with a girl who I wasn't particularly attracted to, but seemed to really open up with me. I actually ended feeling a little bad/depressed when she seemed confused/hurt that I wasn't up for her stronger advances.
Come club four I was starting to get the idea. What I was really enjoying was just spending time and getting a good act out of these girls. I want to know who she is, a name I can believe, what her life is actually about and to believe that she wants me.
I was still in for a surprise though.
I went through even more girls at this place, but only really felt one of them. I felt some real chemistry with her and she volunteered that she was feeling the same. I'm feeling pretty good about what she's feeding me, but it was about to change.
She started talking about what time she was getting off and a lot more about herself along with some very personal contact. When I said I wasn't interested in hooking up, she told me it wasn't even about getting paid, but that she really wanted to get together.
I steered our conversation back towards more standard fare, but then she started talking about what a great woman she is on the street, how she can make a home and how she could tell I was a good, successful man. She tried hard to give me a number and insisted it was about money, but I was way to skeptical.
I started feeling like I was talking to girlfriend marriage or on the verge of a break-up. I broke out and went to find some other girls who gave me some good physical dances, but nothing I really felt.
I was kind surprised, I really thought I'd be down for doing one of these girls and toyed with the idea of "dating" one, but once given the chance, I've realized I don't want that at all. I just want the act and exchange a few hours and minutes at a time.
Is this normal?
I definitely want to go to more clubs, I'm certain I'm hooked on at least part of the experience, but I wonder what I need to do to keep it the way I want it?
Am I just a sucker buying a little too hard into the act these girls are putting on, or what?
Am I setting myself up for this kind of experience because of the way I treat this girls and what I want out of it?
I treat going to these clubs like going on a date or to a normal club by dressing nice and smelling good, is that too much?
I've been tipping everybody, the door, the waitresses at least a couple of bucks, is that a bad idea? That's just the way I am with everything, I do the same at a restaurant or bar. I can afford it and want to be nice.
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22 comments
If you are in Las Vegas then yes you are probably overpaying but if you can afford go for it...but you did not list prices.
The three things I'm really curious about here are...
1.) Is what I'm describing a typical experience for someone who's new to this scene?
2.) Is it something I'm doing that is making these girls get clingy?
3.) Given what I want and end up getting out of these clubs are there other options out there? Is an escort like that?
Read the forums on www.stripperweb.com where strippers post and you'll read all about their bullshit lies and stories.
2. Maybe you are going on slow nights like a Tuesday? Or maybe you are going during the dayshift when it is slower? Maybe the club in general is going downhill with a decline in business/customers so strippers are clingy on to what guys do still come in.
3. be careful about escorts because so many cops go undercover and make busts on not only the escorts but only the customers. You can get whatever you want out of the club experience depending on what club you go to.
-I don't think I'm a complete fool, maybe just half.
I know the girls are acting. What's throwing me is the nature of the act. I fully expect to hear that I'm good looking and for them to act interested, that's what I want. That's what I'm shopping for and expect.
What's throwing me off are these girls talking about seemingly very personal stuff like how old their kids are, what they're doing with their lives etc. Perhaps that's just another angle?
-Half my visits were Friday nights, the other half, in Vegas were late weeknights.
-I guess I'll stick with the clubs them. My logic is that I don't want sex from these girls. Just some entertaining chat and contact without the club or any attachment (not looking for a girlfriend).
I probably just answered my own question. I'm guessing the right girls would be happy to hang out and do some off the clock dances for the right price?
@wallanon:
Sorry about that. I'm posting to vent a bit and get some feedback. My friends are divided into two camps, guys for whom hookers are a given and guys who won't even go to clubs. I'm kinda the odd man out being up for the club action, but nothing more.
I can understand being overwhelmed by the sc experience in Vegas, but...Virginia?
Likely a typing mistake on your part, but when you typed, "She tried hard to give me a number and insisted it was about money, but I was way to skeptical.", that IS how it works.
The Virginia girls worked harder and made a better connection for me. The Vegas girls seemed so "Pro" at times that I was more concerned about getting scammed somehow than having a good time.
@clubber:
Yeah. Should have been "insisted it wasn't about money". She was trying really, really hard to get me to convince me that she was wife material and call her after her shift.
I suspect you're giving off a rather, er, "emotionally needy" vibe ("I want to know who she is, a name I can believe, what her life is actually about and to believe that she wants me.") and the girls are just tailoring their pitch to that.
"She was trying really, really hard to get me to convince me that she was wife material"
So, when's the wedding?
As for why they open up to you, based on my observations, some of these girls feel that they have very little to be proud of, so going on about their kids and such is their way of saying, "hey, look, I'm not so bad." It's also another in the arsenal of tactics, though, so again, just beware.
Some of these girls will dump you like a hot potato if you make it clear that you're not interested in more than chatting; they likely think they can't make money off of you. So if that really is all you want, be prepared to buy drinks and tip them to keep them around. Make it worth their while, but don't be surprised if they drop you even so.
Yes, I knew what you meant to type, but what I am saying is, it IS about the money!
"Am I just a sucker buying a little too hard into the act these girls are putting on, or what?"
YES, STRIP CLUB LIFE IS A FANTASY LIFE.
YES, The girls all have pussies, most of them have a gift for gab and and the ability to play into the guy's fantasy, whatever it is. And their only real objective is to move the guy's money from his billfold into their purse.
Having said that, it's still a lot of fun. But as was repeatedly advised, just stay loose, stay cautious, don't believe half (or 10%) of what you hear when she is trying to seduce you (one way or another) out of your money.
The first thing I always say to any dancer that I find attractive: "You got the pussy, I got the money." That sets the tone for everything that follows.
It's not that I want to date these girls or take them out of the club, quite the opposite even. This stuff felt like desperation to me, not exactly what I was looking for.
It's shame that there can't be more mutual respect in these situations. I mean, I go out with money that I don't want to have when I get home.
Just give me a believable story and some believable chemistry followed by a nice grind and you can have all of it.
Anyway, thanks for all the feedback.
2) Is it typical the way you are reacting? Mostly no, but definitely not the smartest way to react. As a relative newbie, you're obsessing too much on the sociological/relationship stuff. It takes some experience to handle that so you can walk the fine line of them playing you, you playing them and detecting any sincerity in all of it (on either side).
3) Sucker? Being played? Well, yes, but don't be so negative. That's what most of them do best: great posturing, seemingly needy, suddenly connecting to you. They're selling--looking for regular customers. Understand that and you can be more alert to what you're buying-and getting.
4) Some dancers do want more, they are looking for longterm security if they don't feel that have it. Those types are not falling for you, they're looking for a roof and potential provider (or a reason to drop their current "provider" and bring you on board). Definitely buyer beware.
5) Do some play it more straight? Sure, they come across as more honest and straight forward. There's a few that you'll find but it takes time and a lot of visits.
6) Did I mention spending money? Spend money consistently and you get to see what's behind every curtain (and I'm not talking VIP). Then it's win-win (or win-lose, depending on how you feel about spending loads of money.)
More complicated answer: it's a crutch, not a therapy. Your legs have been broken (not your fault! probably not any male's fault, ever!) by the North American grind. You SHOULD have access to sweet people with good looks who make you feel confident in your manliness just like you make them feel confident in their femininity. That's NORMAL HUMAN INTERCOURSE. You've been denied that essential biological element of your wellbeing. So, you feel pain. It can be slaked, to some degree, by means of a false substitute: the strip club experience. (And I say "experience" deliberately. It's the WHOLE thing, as you aptly put it. The interacting, the touch, the sight, the COMBINATION, the ratio of "hunt" to "choose" to "catch" time spent, etc. etc.. It's the package.)
You fix your pain, the empty shell where you aren't getting what you need, with strip clubs. But the problem is, you actually are learning to receive a "quick fix" that is false. It's like eating sugar. It makes you feel energized and high, but only for a little bit. More and more sugar leads to less and less healthy nutrition, eventual diabetes, imbalance, a need for intervention by a doctor and some insulin, and so forth. Well, strip clubs are similar. They're an emotional crutch. They don't cure the problem. In fact, almost nothing will cure the problem: you live in North America in the early 21st Century, so, the problem is bigger than you.
Not that I disapprove. I go to strip clubs, a lot. I don't think there's really any way for it to change. You like it, probably for many of the same reasons I do. I'm just pointing out the next logical step in the analysis, the understanding of our drives. We're gregarious primates, denied social interaction, so OF COURSE we're going to figure out how to get that interaction in some manner elsewhere if the mainstream isn't giving it to us.