How to Win Over the Hearts and Minds of Strippers
Muddy
USA
You may have walked into a strip club one time and saw a nice looking dancer and thought to yourself "How can dedicate my life, my soul to this very person who I've just seen do a twirly thing the stage" I have not once but many times. In order to understand her and make her respect you, you need to channel your inner feminine side. Get on her level. No, below it even so you can look up and under her skirt. Think like a mechanic going under his truck. Except you will be bowing and BEGGING FOR MERCY!!!!!!! Alright alright not quite yet. Think "What would Richard Simmons do here?" That, while has gotten me kicked out of many a club, it has however made me be the talk of the dressing room for at least a couple hours. And that is something. What I am trying to do is gain their sympathy, to make them feel sorry for me and then they will hopefully want to have sex with me. I'm still waiting on that but here are some things that are 100% guaranteed to lead you to the promised land.
-Sulk. Alone in the club. In the dark corner. They will want to know what's going on. Dress like your the lead singer for The Cure.
-Wear dog collar with a tag made out with your fav's dancer name (I'll put the real name as soon as she tells me) It will remind her of her dog, therefore it will be cute, therefore she will love and respect you,
-Don't wait for her to ask you to get food. Bring food proactively and if she's not hungry she'll toss it out. Simple. Don't let her pick up that phone and have to push buttons for grub hub. Save her energy. Hero you are.
-Get your foot in the door on her inner circle of friends by acting like the gay best friend. Then out of nowhere blurt out your love for her and get down on your knee and propose. Full proof. This also gets you full back stage VIP pass to the dressing room. Be warned they may want you to braid there hair which omg takes foooooorreeeeevveerrrrrrrrrrrrrr like ya totally.
-When she snaps her fingers. You run to her. Your there. Instantly. 4 tops Reach out I'll be there mo town style.
-Every other guy she texts, not you. Stand out from the crowd. Give her a laser pointer. And she'll just point you where you need to be in the club. No talking or texting even necessary.
-Make yourself useful to her. When she's taking guy up to VIP, bring condoms, lotions and hand towels and just place them up on your back and keep on all fours. Sort of like a bathroom troll mobile version.
-Be multipurpose, to follow on that, she'll never not have a footrest with you around.
-Pay for an hour in VIP, and instead of having her dance, you give her a back massage for an hour. Also throw in a generous tip. You don't want to be ungrateful.
-Drinks on the house. Every time your favorite stripper and her friends are at the bar. This is you. https://youtu.be/iMI6LISyiGk?t=24
-When she sets up OTC with other guys after her shift. Offer to drive her to AND from. If it's toda la noche, well I guess we're sleeping in the car again!
-Whenever she tries ripping you off, don't get mad, be the gentleman in the room and wait with flowers in the parking lot to apologize for the disagreement.
-Believe all women. Joe Biden is the incoming president, so therefore he must be all knowing. Follow his advice and anytime a stripper has an emergency and needs money believe her. No it's not suspicious she has an emergency 4 times a day. It's life. If you can't see that then maybe you just don't care.
-Have her cashapp username tattooed on your forehead. It shows that your also willing to promote too.
-If you see Gawker (aka your chief rival) VANQUISH HIM!!!!DO IT NOW! NOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-Get a trampstamp of her stripper name branded on your ass. Let everyone now who this. ass. belongs. too. When she changes her name stage just to spite you, rebrand. Love ain't a game.
-If by some God forsaken miracle you do get her in bed, also show that your willing to reverse roles and gender is just a social construct. Allow her to put a strap on on and have a go at your ass too. That way, you can both leave blood in the toilet. 👍
-Whatever you do just don't subscribe to her onlyfans. Only a pansy would possibly do that lol!
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Is that how you became the winning Tiger blood in your veins, alpha male you are now?