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Harderlap

New Mexico

A couple of years back, I posted a summary of Albuquerque Strip Clubs with the expectation that some of the visitors to Albuquerque’s famous Balloon Fiesta could use the information. I thought it time to update that summary.

Summary of changes to the Albuquerque strip club scene from the last report:
1. TD’s North is more open and available for fun than it was previously. Its rating is higher.

2. Knockouts is less fun than it was, and although it is still inexpensive, it is not longer the good deal it has been in the past.

3. TD’s Eubank is about the same.

4. I have not been to Fantasy World since my last report, but reports from others suggest it hasn’t changed much, which to say it is an over priced poor experience.

5. Club 203 near Moriarty has closed. Never a good deal, it will not be missed.

Albuquerque is a good, but not great strip club town. It is not an extras town, but they can be found with the right dancer. As usual, just ask. The dancer will likely say no, but you never know. I would say that your probability of getting extras has increased since the last summary I wrote though. The enforcement of strip club rules waxes and wanes in Albuquerque. I think that they are not being enforced too stringently these days. You can tell when the rules are being enforced because the dancers cover their nipples with latex. Part of the ordinance governing strip clubs contains a very old clause that the nipples should be covered, and so transparent latex is the solution. Most dancers will remove the latex if you get a private dance with them. Just mention it. Smoking is not permitted in any of the strip clubs in Albuquerque, nor in any restaurant and many bars.

The attendance at clubs goes up a little during the Balloon Fiesta, but not a great deal. Some dancers come in from out of town in expectations of making a big haul, but most that have tried this say it is not worthwhile. So you are likely to see the dancers that usually dance at clubs, not a lot of imports. There are some that come over from Phoenix and down from Las Vegas during the year, and those are usually here for the Balloon Fiesta as it is not a long trip for them.

Here are my suggestions for clubs to visit, in order of my preference:
1. TD’s North, off I-25 on the east side between the Jefferson and San Mateo exits. This is a clean club, well managed and with responsive help. The dancers range from mediocre in looks to very attractive. There is a variety of ethnicities here in which Latinas and southern California bleach blondes with bolt-ons dominate. There are usually one or two African-Americans and occasionally an asian. On a rare occasion, you may run into a native American. Dances on the floor are $10 and in the VIP $25 with no extra VIP charge. You can usually get a little stick shifting in the floor dances and a lot more in the VIP. If you are not getting what you want in the floor dance, cut your losses and find another dancer. If you like what you are getting in the floor dance, move over to the VIP, things usually get better. If they don’t, cut your losses and repeat. There are two VIP rooms, one with booths and one without. The one with booths is preferred. Bouncers check in once a dance to see which dancer has a customer, but that is all they do. I have never seen them interrupt a dance for untoward activities. Try to sit at a table on the wall as you will get a better floor dance there. There are some nooks and crannies in the club that offer some privacy for floor dances. There is a Champagne Room, but at $275 for half hour, I have not tried it out. Others tell me that with the right dancer it can be worth it.

TD’s North serves food, which is good and inexpensive, but not gourmet quality, and is open for lunch. It is ideal for a midday break as most of the Balloon Fiesta activities take place in the early morning or in the evening.

2. TD’s Eubank, on the east side of Eubank just south of Menaul. This is also a clean club, with similar management and practices to the North club. I don’t go here as often as I find the dancers a bit aloof and the experience not as pleasurable. I have never had a truly great dance here, either on the floor or in the VIP room, but you can get some stick shifting from the right dancer. Others have had great experiences here, so they can be had, I just don’t expect it and I am usually not disappointed. It may be that I just don’t come here enough and the dancers don’t feel comfortable with someone who is not a regular. I think the dancers are a notch lower quality than at TD’s North and the bleach blonde blot-ons and African American Dancers are scarcer. I don’t think I have ever seen an asian dancer here. The dances are similar in price to TD’s North, $10 on the floor and $20 in the Vip area. The VIP area, behind the bar, is not as secluded and private as the one at TD’s North. There is also a VIP room on the second floor, which costs $15 to enter and $25 a dance. I have not done the upstairs VIP room myself, but have heard from others that it is usually not worth the extra up charge over the normal VIP room behind the bar. So, get a firm commitment from the dancer as to what is expected before venturing up there.

They too have food, and it is good and a good value. I wouldn’t go out of my way to eat there, but if you need lunch and a strip club break at the same time, it is a handy choice.

3. Knockouts on Central between 4th and 5th street downtown. If for some reason you are staying downtown this is within walking distance of most of the hotels downtown. At $5 for a floor dance, $10 for a VIP dance and willing dancers, this used to be a bargain club. No longer though. While the prices have remained the same, the dancers have become less willing. The dancers here were never knockouts and are not now either. You will find the occasional gem, but the really good looking ones usually don’t do very good dances. The mix here is mostly Latina, with more African Americans than the TD’s clubs. The dancers here are usually on their way down from one of the two TD’s clubs, or dancing for experience until one of the better clubs will hire them. There is also a VIP room in the back, the Bubble Room, which the dancers try to sell by telling you that there are no cameras there. It is $15 per dance there and from my vantage point, not worth the extra expense.

Knockouts does not serve food and opens in the early afternoon, so don’t make lunch plans there.

4. Fantasy World, on the north side of Jefferson, just east of I-25. This is Albuquerque’s only nude club and hence also no alcohol. I find it a bland experience and haven’t been there in a long time, so some of this information may be old. But, I have not heard anything from anyone to indicate that things have improved. To enter, you pass through an adult book store. The dancers are usually under 21 as they can’t work at a place that serves alcohol until they are 21. As a result, there are a lot of underage under experienced dancers. Dances are $20 in VIP booths in a hall and $25 in the VIP room. A bouncer checks on the dances, often, at least twice a song so there is really no privacy and really no opportunity for extracurricular fun. If you have to have nudity, this is the place, but if you want to have fun dances, look elsewhere.

Resist the urge to visit Cheeks, Santa Fe’s only strip club. There is no fun to be had there and it is a dump.

If you are driving through El Paso on your way to Albuquerque, stop in at the Red Parrot or Cabaret for good times. If you are going through Phoenix, stop in at the Blue Moon or Hiliter. I don’t think that there are any strip clubs in Colorado worth stopping for.

Check the reviews for more specific information.

I hope that this makes your trip to Albuquerque and the Balloon Fiesta more pleasant.