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aliasa

As an entertainer on quite a few different levels I've always really admired exotic dancers and I've always wanted to try it myself. Afterall my Mother danced for years and now my sister does as well.

I've been entertaining the idea of being entertainer for years and years and now I'm at a point in my life where if I don't do it now I'll most likely regret it later. I researched everything thoroughly, as I typically do, and the problem I kept encountering was my weight.

I've bounced between a size 10 and a size 14 numerous times in the past decade. Before that I was a fit and muscular (and sore and miserable) size 6. I was a former athlete in high school and college and directly afterwards I had high energy jobs loading trucks, warehouse work, shipping and receiving and even as unarmed security.

I've been to dive strip clubs and I've been to francised strip clubs and I've seen girls about my size if not larger putting themselves out there. If I can run around in a leotard in front of thousands of strangers, coaches, and college recuiters all judging me differently for their own reasons then I can definitly dance.

I went to three different clubs. All with the same response. "Here's an application. Here's your handshake. We'll call you when something opens up."

I'm not stupid.

I have a bevy of ridiculous circus talents. I'm used to being judged and being ostracized because of what I'm doing. I am no stranger to the "wow she must have no idea" look on a persons face that they get when I put a nail up my nose or place a lit torch in my mouth.

So I found a smaller blue collar semi ghetto bikini bar. Walked in and was sent straight to the dressing room. I got to do up my makeup, nails, hair and outfit. I got to wear my 5 inch heels that own so many pairs of but are not practical to wear while at my day job or running errands. I didn't get any dances and was generally avoided by what could loosely be called a crowd and nobody came up to tip me on stage or bought me a drink. I left with 10 bucks that you get for coming in and because I was on time my music was paid for. Basically I got paid to exercise.

At the end of the day that's all that really matters. In the past I've had men call me up crying because I didn't want to be with them anymore. I've had well travelled business men want me as an escort. I'm comfortable in my skin and my ideal day off consists of me sitting around in the nude doing wall splits and listening to a book on tape.

So when you go into a club and think "wow she must have no idea" let me assure you that she does. She knows that this is better then coming home caked in dirt from loading trucks all night. She knows that you'd be avoiding her if she was trying to sell you avon (unless of course you're into that sort of thing) or anything else you don't think that you need. She knows that at the end of the night she might have gotten nothing more than a little exercise and an "atta girl" from management but it does not even matter. What matters is that you are entertained and if I've managed to make you smile or held your gaze even if it was just for you to wonder why I am doing this then that is what I have done.