Note to Dancers about NDS

<p> More years than I like to admit to have passed since I was fairly regularly driving back and forth across the country on business. On this one night I found myself registered at an ok place north of Des Moines at about 9:00 pm and I was starving. So I headed north because I was really sick of fighting traffic. The first place I came to was a topless bar and of course, I had to stop in (I follow the Tyrone F. Horneye method for life management).<br /> <br /> After a couple of beers, my limit in such clubs, my attention was drawn to the only stage operating at the time. Two things stood out ** Pause**(OK are you done chuckling?). 1) There was the most beautiful dancer that I had seen in a long time performing and I would have been transfixed right there were it not for two young men at the far end of the stage. They were loud and probably at least moderately bombed, and they were actually making fun of the dancer and saying some fairly crude and cruel things to her. (As to where the management or bouncer corps was, I don&#39;t have a clue)<br /> <br /> Not being Baretta, I thought teeing these guys up for a fight would be stupid and self destructive and at the same time it finally dawned on me that she was trying to entertain these dorks because they were the only ones at the stage. That I could fix, so I sat down at the opposite end of the stage. Not surprisingly, she came over to my side like a shot and continued performing but she looked really upset not so much angry as realy hurt. So there I sit, feeling badly for her and just mystified as to what could possess those two idiots to behave the way they did. So I asked her if she knew Stan and Ollie and she said that she&#39;d never seen them before.<br /> <br /> And it was at that moment that it hit me. I asked her if she knew why those bozos were being so bad, and she had no clue. I told her I knew and that when she was done with that dance she should come and see me. She did and we found a faily quiet place to sit and I laid it out: These poor morons (I have done a lot of name calling but this dancer was really good at her trade, very pleasant and drop dead gorgeous......Guys! Find an older guy at the bar you are in and get some pointers!!!!!) anyway, .....morons were suffering from two afflictions a) a little too much &quot;medicine&quot; at the bar and b) a bad case of needle dick syndrome(NDS)*. NDS can affect any male but is particularly brutal to 20 somethings in our culture. It is simply the neurotic belief that they are somehow deficient in the size of their pocket cue. No, it&#39;s not just that, its their whole perception of their virility and it is a cruel and vile condition to overcome.<br /> <br /> Basically you had two guys, mildly snockered, and suffering from NDS, who were confronted with North Des Moines&#39; secret cause for inordinate wood production. I ventured that they were scared out of their heads by even having to try to put a buck down on the stage.....can you imagine the terror induced by having to talk to this WOMAN! (And OMG this woman if old enough at the time would have been the easy winner of the &quot;Devil with the Blue Dress&quot; award even though her outfit was silver)<br /> <br /> I asked her if looking at what happpened from my percpective explained anything she&#39;d noticed in their behavior other than their boorishness. And sure enough things started to fall into place for her.<br /> <br /> As to what happened then (Did I score big time? or did I catch a mild variant of NDS and immediately void myself - that is another story) but in all seriousness, dancers, some of the things that guys may do with, at, or to you that you can&#39;t figure out are probably the product of fear bordering on terror, the cause of which is firmly attached to your body and amplified by their neuroses about what is attached to theirs. If you didn&#39;t do something nasty to them before, it&#39;s them.....it&#39;s not you, it&#39;s them.<br /> <br /> * There is a variant to NDS that is called TDS (Titanic Dick Sydrome) and it causes guys to think that their only responsibiltiy in life is to get Big Ed out of their pants. It is a neurosis typified by narcissism, delusions of grandure and an unwillingness to spend anytime learning about the management, care and handling of the female body.</p>