Strip Club Tips for Couples
So, you wanna take your woman to a strip club? Part of you thinks it would be hot to be in a such an openly sexual place with the one with whom you do the nasty and part of your brain says, "Are you CRAZY???" Here's how we, a middle-aged committed married couple with a non-Barbie doll (or stripper) built wife waded through the potential mine field and learned how to share a sexy and fun evening that includes a strip club visit.
Our journey into the strip club realm started about a year ago during a trip to New Orleans. Intrigued by "what might be happening" inside those neon lit, constantly hawked and openly welcoming Bourbon Street gentleman's clubs, we decided we might want to visit one together. Without putting much thought into it, we had a bit too much to drink one night and promptly set out to see what they were all about.
We walked up and down Bourbon Street with the intent of picking one out. Just as we were about to decide which one we wanted to try an entertainer came out for a smoke. I (the wife)took one look at the stripper's scantily clad young non-pregnancy altered body and chickened out. We went back to the room, had hot sex and pretended that each thought the other one was not sure they wanted to go (which was at least partly true). The next day, when the alcohol induced courage wore completely off, we began talking in earnest about visiting and why it might or might not be a good idea.
Here are our tips for couples on how to enjoy the strip club experience together.
Tip #1: Communicate
If it is not possible for each partner to speak frankly and without fear of embarrassment or chastisement about WHY a strip club atmosphere might be appealing, STOP right now. You have no business taking your woman there - and she no business going. If you are not comfortable talking about sex to each other the strip club will not be a bonus to your relationship. In fact, it will definitely be the opposite.
People visit strip clubs for a variety of reasons. It is important that you are honest with yourselves and with each other about why you feel this would be beneficial or fun.
We have an open and highly sexual relationship. We routinely share and discuss our fantasies both as party of sex-play and as a standard couple discussion. Even with this level of communication and trust we found it different and sometimes difficult to discuss openly how we felt being aroused by someone outside of our spouse. It is one thing to recognize that one finds someone attractive or sexy. It is quite another thing to actively invite that person, even in fantasy form, into shared sexuality or discussion.
Tip #2: Isolate
After the two of you have talked about your fantasies and how each of you feels, give each other some space. Each will need time to reflect and dissect before being able to make a definitive assessment of how they feel. This might take some time. Picture in your mind not only how you feel about the fantasy but how you could see yourself possibly reacting. For us it was very hot to fantasize about certain acts and even to verbalize that we wanted to see them but when we were alone and in isolation mode with our own feelings it was abundantly clear that we would freak out if we were to act on some of the fantasies. This is normal. It is just important to know going in what those areas are and where the line needs drawn.
Tip #3: Communicate
No, it is not a typo. After each of you has taken the time to come to personal terms with feelings, fears and fantasies, it is time to share them again. Perhaps something changed from the original discussion. Perhaps the partner whose fantasy it is has realized that was not the fantasy in its entirety but a piece of it or not a fantasy at all. Spend the extra time talking now. Trust us: it will save you time and be more pleasant for both of you to make sure you are aware of your partner's feelings and concerns.
#4: Do Some Research
Both men and women have different pre-conceived visions of what goes on in a strip club and the women who work in them. Probably, if you are like us, at least some of these misconceptions will turn out to be totally opposite from reality. Do some research on clubs in your area. Read some reviews on sites like <a href="http://www.tuscl.com/" target="_blank">www.tuscl.com</a>. You can find out about cover charges (or entertainer fees as some are now calling them), if alcohol is served, the average number of entertainers on the floor , the level of nudity and the overall impression other club visitors have shared. First and foremost, look for a club that multiple reviewers have indicated is couple friendly. It takes a special type of entertainer to work with couples. If you can't find reviews on a club in your area, call the club and ask some questions. Check out their website. If they are a couple friendly club most likely they will have a designated couples night. Even if you are not able to attend on that night, you can feel confident that the club and entertainers are used to working with couples.
#5 Devise a plan of Exploration
We recommend going slowly. It is possible to speed up, to decide to do more. It is not possible to subtract or un-experience something that went awry. Trust us on this one! We know from experience.
A good starting point might be to go late in the evening (after midnight) when most clubs have the majority of their dancers on the floor and the crowd is larger. We have found that stage dancing is generally of better quality the larger the crowd and more people in the club means that you won't be approached every 5 minutes for private dances. It is important for both of you to be able to experience the club in a relaxed state. If a tour is available, take it. It will allow you both to see the club, learn what the pricing is like and sometimes entertainers are assigned to take the tour with you so your partner can ask any questions in advance.
Our first trip we agreed to simply experience the floor and table dances with no private dances. If the comfort level for both of you is higher, go for it. Just don't be surprised if her comfort level changes once in the club. If you decide to go for private dances, we highly recommend you both go with one dancer to begin. That way the experience is a shared one not a yours or mine experience. I like to sit side-by-side with my husband and touch him or whisper in his ear while he is getting the lap dance. He then does the same in turn for me when the attention is focused on me.
#6 Set boundaries
For us, it was important to take things in stages. We were very inexperienced in this type of activity and neither of us knew what to expect because we were "strip club virgins." We had read a lot about "extras" and "high mileage" but were not really sure what was the norm and what was just really extraordinary when it happened. So, we decided up front that we were not interested in "extras" to in the beginning. We were looking for a full-friction dance with a physically appealing entertainer and someone with whom we could chat and feel comfortable first. We agreed that breast to hand contact was acceptable to both of us if the entertainer allowed it for our first time. Guys, on this one, she gets to call the shots. If you push your partner to allow more than she is comfortable with or, if shame on you! you just push the boundary without discussing it with her first, she will probably freak out on you. Don't assume something is acceptable. Ask her.
**If you are having private dances, make sure to tell the dancer what they are. For instance, "We don't allow any kissing." Or, "Contact through clothing is ok but please ask us first if you want to touch us inside our clothes" A professional entertainer will ask but in case they don't be ready to let them know your rules. Both your partner and the dancer will appreciate it. The last thing ANY of you wants is a freaked out partner!
Set a HELP word
It is not unusual for one or both of you to need reassurance or to feel overwhelmed or scared during the first few visits. (Or anytime a boundary is stretched by mutual agreement!) Even boundaries that the two of you agreed were acceptable may need to change once in the club or in the dance. Our word is simple: HELP. That lets the other partner know that things need to slow down or stop until we talk.
Both of us have used our help word. Sometime we just whisper the word in our partner's ear because we need reassurance to know it is ok to be aroused by what is happening. In one instance, I needed assistance to move because the dancer's weight had my hand pinned in an uncomfortable position. There needs to be no shame or recrimination if someone uses it. Remember, you are there to have a hot, sexy time with your partner. By nature, a freaking our partner is not sexy.
#7 Enjoy the dancers but don't forget about your partner!
The entertainers are there to draw your attention. No woman in the world expect that a man would not look when in a club! However, if we are sitting by your side and you are staring at the entertainers and totally forget about us, we will get hurt and pissed off! We maintain physical contact even when a dancer is sitting between us. It can be a hand on the arm, feet touching under the table or making eye contact frequently. We frequently have dancers tell us we "are a cute couple" or that they can see we "are in love" and that it is "a rush to dance for you" because we are so in tune.
#8 Set a budget
Our budget includes separate limits for drinks and dances. Dollar dances are included in with our drink limit. Get cash, including singles before, to avoid very high ATM fees at the club. Do not be tempted to go over your budget unless you are both in 100% agreement - while sober.
#9 Communicate
When you leave the club, talk about your visit. What did you each find arousing? What was
was your overall impression of the club? Is there somewhere else you would rather have been seated? Was there a particular entertainer you thought was very good or very bad? Would you want to go again? What would you like to do differently if you wanted to go again? What concerned or confused you?
The more you talk about what you experienced, the more it reinforces that it was a couple experience. Sometimes we find that the conversations after the club visit are hotter for us than the actual club visit (including dances) themselves.
#10 Reassure her she is sexy and you choose to be with her.
Women, and men, have insecurities about their attractiveness and how you see them. While it is possible that your lady will see the strippers and realize their bodies are not perfect either, it is far more likely that she will focus on the areas that are their strengths and her weaknesses. Sorry! That is just how we are! If she has one feature that particularly excites you, tell her. My husband routinely responds to strippers that comment on my breasts, "Damn right! Best set of naturals in the place!" There is no mistaking that he is being honest in his opinion by his tone even if I happen to disagree. It always works in taking my attention off how my legs (not my best feature for sure) compare to the dancers and reaffirms that he finds me attractive.
For an open and sharing couple, a strip club can provide a hot addition to their intimate times together. It just takes a little work and open lines of communication as preparation before the club visit to ensure both parties feel safe and non-threatened. Happy Clubbing!
Our journey into the strip club realm started about a year ago during a trip to New Orleans. Intrigued by "what might be happening" inside those neon lit, constantly hawked and openly welcoming Bourbon Street gentleman's clubs, we decided we might want to visit one together. Without putting much thought into it, we had a bit too much to drink one night and promptly set out to see what they were all about.
We walked up and down Bourbon Street with the intent of picking one out. Just as we were about to decide which one we wanted to try an entertainer came out for a smoke. I (the wife)took one look at the stripper's scantily clad young non-pregnancy altered body and chickened out. We went back to the room, had hot sex and pretended that each thought the other one was not sure they wanted to go (which was at least partly true). The next day, when the alcohol induced courage wore completely off, we began talking in earnest about visiting and why it might or might not be a good idea.
Here are our tips for couples on how to enjoy the strip club experience together.
Tip #1: Communicate
If it is not possible for each partner to speak frankly and without fear of embarrassment or chastisement about WHY a strip club atmosphere might be appealing, STOP right now. You have no business taking your woman there - and she no business going. If you are not comfortable talking about sex to each other the strip club will not be a bonus to your relationship. In fact, it will definitely be the opposite.
People visit strip clubs for a variety of reasons. It is important that you are honest with yourselves and with each other about why you feel this would be beneficial or fun.
We have an open and highly sexual relationship. We routinely share and discuss our fantasies both as party of sex-play and as a standard couple discussion. Even with this level of communication and trust we found it different and sometimes difficult to discuss openly how we felt being aroused by someone outside of our spouse. It is one thing to recognize that one finds someone attractive or sexy. It is quite another thing to actively invite that person, even in fantasy form, into shared sexuality or discussion.
Tip #2: Isolate
After the two of you have talked about your fantasies and how each of you feels, give each other some space. Each will need time to reflect and dissect before being able to make a definitive assessment of how they feel. This might take some time. Picture in your mind not only how you feel about the fantasy but how you could see yourself possibly reacting. For us it was very hot to fantasize about certain acts and even to verbalize that we wanted to see them but when we were alone and in isolation mode with our own feelings it was abundantly clear that we would freak out if we were to act on some of the fantasies. This is normal. It is just important to know going in what those areas are and where the line needs drawn.
Tip #3: Communicate
No, it is not a typo. After each of you has taken the time to come to personal terms with feelings, fears and fantasies, it is time to share them again. Perhaps something changed from the original discussion. Perhaps the partner whose fantasy it is has realized that was not the fantasy in its entirety but a piece of it or not a fantasy at all. Spend the extra time talking now. Trust us: it will save you time and be more pleasant for both of you to make sure you are aware of your partner's feelings and concerns.
#4: Do Some Research
Both men and women have different pre-conceived visions of what goes on in a strip club and the women who work in them. Probably, if you are like us, at least some of these misconceptions will turn out to be totally opposite from reality. Do some research on clubs in your area. Read some reviews on sites like <a href="http://www.tuscl.com/" target="_blank">www.tuscl.com</a>. You can find out about cover charges (or entertainer fees as some are now calling them), if alcohol is served, the average number of entertainers on the floor , the level of nudity and the overall impression other club visitors have shared. First and foremost, look for a club that multiple reviewers have indicated is couple friendly. It takes a special type of entertainer to work with couples. If you can't find reviews on a club in your area, call the club and ask some questions. Check out their website. If they are a couple friendly club most likely they will have a designated couples night. Even if you are not able to attend on that night, you can feel confident that the club and entertainers are used to working with couples.
#5 Devise a plan of Exploration
We recommend going slowly. It is possible to speed up, to decide to do more. It is not possible to subtract or un-experience something that went awry. Trust us on this one! We know from experience.
A good starting point might be to go late in the evening (after midnight) when most clubs have the majority of their dancers on the floor and the crowd is larger. We have found that stage dancing is generally of better quality the larger the crowd and more people in the club means that you won't be approached every 5 minutes for private dances. It is important for both of you to be able to experience the club in a relaxed state. If a tour is available, take it. It will allow you both to see the club, learn what the pricing is like and sometimes entertainers are assigned to take the tour with you so your partner can ask any questions in advance.
Our first trip we agreed to simply experience the floor and table dances with no private dances. If the comfort level for both of you is higher, go for it. Just don't be surprised if her comfort level changes once in the club. If you decide to go for private dances, we highly recommend you both go with one dancer to begin. That way the experience is a shared one not a yours or mine experience. I like to sit side-by-side with my husband and touch him or whisper in his ear while he is getting the lap dance. He then does the same in turn for me when the attention is focused on me.
#6 Set boundaries
For us, it was important to take things in stages. We were very inexperienced in this type of activity and neither of us knew what to expect because we were "strip club virgins." We had read a lot about "extras" and "high mileage" but were not really sure what was the norm and what was just really extraordinary when it happened. So, we decided up front that we were not interested in "extras" to in the beginning. We were looking for a full-friction dance with a physically appealing entertainer and someone with whom we could chat and feel comfortable first. We agreed that breast to hand contact was acceptable to both of us if the entertainer allowed it for our first time. Guys, on this one, she gets to call the shots. If you push your partner to allow more than she is comfortable with or, if shame on you! you just push the boundary without discussing it with her first, she will probably freak out on you. Don't assume something is acceptable. Ask her.
**If you are having private dances, make sure to tell the dancer what they are. For instance, "We don't allow any kissing." Or, "Contact through clothing is ok but please ask us first if you want to touch us inside our clothes" A professional entertainer will ask but in case they don't be ready to let them know your rules. Both your partner and the dancer will appreciate it. The last thing ANY of you wants is a freaked out partner!
Set a HELP word
It is not unusual for one or both of you to need reassurance or to feel overwhelmed or scared during the first few visits. (Or anytime a boundary is stretched by mutual agreement!) Even boundaries that the two of you agreed were acceptable may need to change once in the club or in the dance. Our word is simple: HELP. That lets the other partner know that things need to slow down or stop until we talk.
Both of us have used our help word. Sometime we just whisper the word in our partner's ear because we need reassurance to know it is ok to be aroused by what is happening. In one instance, I needed assistance to move because the dancer's weight had my hand pinned in an uncomfortable position. There needs to be no shame or recrimination if someone uses it. Remember, you are there to have a hot, sexy time with your partner. By nature, a freaking our partner is not sexy.
#7 Enjoy the dancers but don't forget about your partner!
The entertainers are there to draw your attention. No woman in the world expect that a man would not look when in a club! However, if we are sitting by your side and you are staring at the entertainers and totally forget about us, we will get hurt and pissed off! We maintain physical contact even when a dancer is sitting between us. It can be a hand on the arm, feet touching under the table or making eye contact frequently. We frequently have dancers tell us we "are a cute couple" or that they can see we "are in love" and that it is "a rush to dance for you" because we are so in tune.
#8 Set a budget
Our budget includes separate limits for drinks and dances. Dollar dances are included in with our drink limit. Get cash, including singles before, to avoid very high ATM fees at the club. Do not be tempted to go over your budget unless you are both in 100% agreement - while sober.
#9 Communicate
When you leave the club, talk about your visit. What did you each find arousing? What was
was your overall impression of the club? Is there somewhere else you would rather have been seated? Was there a particular entertainer you thought was very good or very bad? Would you want to go again? What would you like to do differently if you wanted to go again? What concerned or confused you?
The more you talk about what you experienced, the more it reinforces that it was a couple experience. Sometimes we find that the conversations after the club visit are hotter for us than the actual club visit (including dances) themselves.
#10 Reassure her she is sexy and you choose to be with her.
Women, and men, have insecurities about their attractiveness and how you see them. While it is possible that your lady will see the strippers and realize their bodies are not perfect either, it is far more likely that she will focus on the areas that are their strengths and her weaknesses. Sorry! That is just how we are! If she has one feature that particularly excites you, tell her. My husband routinely responds to strippers that comment on my breasts, "Damn right! Best set of naturals in the place!" There is no mistaking that he is being honest in his opinion by his tone even if I happen to disagree. It always works in taking my attention off how my legs (not my best feature for sure) compare to the dancers and reaffirms that he finds me attractive.
For an open and sharing couple, a strip club can provide a hot addition to their intimate times together. It just takes a little work and open lines of communication as preparation before the club visit to ensure both parties feel safe and non-threatened. Happy Clubbing!
Want 4 weeks free VIP to tuscl?
Write an article
30 comments
You could also talk a bit about the possible undercurrents of lesbianism (both imaginary and real). Guys are usually aroused by two girls, but only if they are hot. There is really no demand to see a couple of hairy dykes go at it. But many strippers play on both teams, or at least do so while they are in the club. I don't know if having a bi dancer interested in your GF or wife raises the level of hotness or the level of tension. If the dancer is blatantly bi, maybe the whole fantasy becomes even hotter due to the possibility of a MFF OTC hook-up.
On the other hand, if the GF or wife is not at all into women, then the couples night out pales a bit. Then it just becomes a route to get the guy hot and bothered while the GF or wife watches. And I'd think that wouldn't be nearly as much fun as the MFF possibility. I have heard that the GF or wife can get off knowing that no matter how excited strippers get her man, SHE will be the one taking him home.
The "Help" word idea is a nice. I think every couple should have one. Sometimes dances can get steamy and I always have a hard time distinguishing the looks that the woman gets on her face. Sometimes I think she's uncomfortable with what her significant other is doing and too afraid to say anything during the dance.
I agree with others, take your time, move slow. It's only sex and not worth a solid relationship. If your girl is willing to admit to considering a strip club visit (even that's hard for some at first), then that means she's willing to explore. Remember that women have a lifetime of cultural and societal pressure to overcome. Besides, women NEVER feel comfortable with themselves. If she feels pressured, you're screwed. If you're not praising how sexy she is everyday, you're screwed. This is a case where only carrots work, a stick will only get you in a club with a woman determined to ruin your night.
- the wife of the couple
you did not mention taking your wife to the tip rail, getting attention at rail... or getting exposed at rail.. or getting pulled up on stage... you did mention it in your review of that NO club... when the wife becomes part of the 'show'.. had you discussed that ahead of time?? or did that just happen.. did that happen at any of your IL club visits??
Our strip club couple experience has run the gamut... and alcohol has always greased the skids.
most clubs the gal gets alot more hands on at the rail... but strippers seem to reluctanct at times.. when I see a woman pulled up I bring alot of dollars into play.. all $$$ that go to the dancer... when my woman gets pulled up.. I prefer to stand back.. hoping other guys will 'reward' the dancer as well for girl on my gal...
Finally... when I am dateless at club I will approach the 'amateur' very discretely and pass a good size bill and compliment her as the better performing than any of the pro's.. hoping it will encourage more action later on stage... but careful not to piss off any b/f's....
PS.... guys.. assume your lady will get really pissed watching you get private attention in back room... so make sure she has oked that before you try it....
The New Orleans action you mentioned was not the first we had. In fact, the first year when we thought about the club in New Orleans we chickened (ok, SHE chickened) out. We actually went to two clubs that night in NOLA. The first was dismal and I have not yet reviewed it. And, yes, we discussed what she wanted to do before she went up and did it but after we were in the club and she saw someone else get that treatment.
No, that (lying on the stage) has never happened at an IL club. Most of the IL clubs have rails along the edges of the stage which prohibit this from being possible.
Just to clarify: we do NOT attend clubs alone - either of us. For us this is strictly a couple thing.
And, no, if one talks about the private action in the back, it does not necessarily mean your lady will get pissed off. As long as the two of you have agreed on and respect the boundaries.
I think you totally miss the point of our article. It was how to have a hot time at the strip club TOGETHER. ALL of our dances in private are done together. We tried two dancers one time and it did not work as well for us because we could not see and participate with the other person getting the dance.
No stones....just our preference.
Our post is about how to enjoy a club together - not go together and enjoy the action separately. Maybe some would like it if you would post your own article?
accept my apologies for getting off topic a bit.... just your mention of your wife getting pulled up on stage brought back memories of the same happening to my lady... something not discussed ahead of time.... but very arousing for her and me... we normally watch the dancers from tables away from tip rail..... but enjoy when the dancers approach us later for conversation and well deserved tips... like you there seems to be reluctance for dancers to offer a private dance to her or I or both of us, even when asked for...
maybe it is the voyeur (sp) in me and the exhibitionist in her that seems to be best enjoyed by her participating.. and me watching.. in open room or back in private... and I would again advise men to be careful... your lady may say it is ok for you be be aroused by a dancer on one knee and your lady on another.. but mootpoint's plan would seem to be the best.. discuss it.. then discuss it again... agreement will lead to better experience and better sex afterwards..
thanks mootpoint (and wife)..
Thanks for the clarification. It is nice to know that we were not the only one to have the experience with dancers not being particular keen on dancing for couples. I can understand why given some of the behavior I have witnessed from other women in the clubs. (And honestly from some men who have posted on here.) I will actually be addressing this in another article in just a bit - A Strip Club Primer For Women.
I believe it takes an experienced dancer to successfully dance for couples. Even then, the dance carries more risk for the dancer with it that a solo dance. A smart entertainer, however, that the rewards can be great ($ and repeat business) if she just takes a few precautionary measures first. Again, it boils down to communication which is why we HATE clubs that have the music so damn loud one cannot talk when sitting a foot away from each other!
One thing that has helped us is to have me (the wife) catch the eye of the dancer or give the tip. I respond when she asks if she can join us. I look her in the eye, offer a genuine compliment and chat with her. If we have a strong interest in a dance from her (because we usually have discussed it before she approaches) then my husband will excuse himself to get her a drink or use the restroom. This gives me time to talk with her one-on-one and tell her what we are looking for. If she is interested, which has been every time but once, then when he returns the details are worked out, she knows what we are looking for and we can go for our private dance when all three of us are ready. I ALWAYS tell our dancer that we have a special word (HELP) and that if we have to use it she should not take it personally but that we need her to stop so we can talk as a couple. We have never had a stripper be unhappy (at least to our knowledge)about dancing for us. In fact, they usually comment that they like to dance for us and the next time we are in they always come back by for another dance. Sometimes we get another dance from her and sometimes we just buy her a drink and chat a bit as we let her know we were going in another direction that evening or in one case not getting any private dances because I started not feeling well while we were waiting for her to be available. (too many shots for me :-( )
If you are ever in IL (Chicagoland) drop us a note and maybe we can visit at the same time or we can at least point you in the direction of some couple friendly entertainers.
We just felt there had to be more couples out there like us and are very gratified to hear we were correct. If you are ever in the Chicagoland area, drop us a note and we will take you around and show you the town. There's a lot more here besides clubs!
Two points I learned years ago:
1) As you highlighted, be sure to physically contact you woman as often as possible. Frequently it is too loud to carry on a conversation, so a disconnect may happen between the two of you. Hand holding, arm around the shoulders or on the leg are great for this. I didn't do this the first time and my wife started just watching me, instead of what we paid for.
2) Do your best not to get mesmerized by any specific dancer, and do not speak about her more than once after asking you woman if she wants to dance with her. I was trying to get my wife to change her hair for months and this super sexy dancer had nearly the exact cut and color I wanted my wife to get. I setup a dance with her for us and everything went great. But discussing that dancer by name in car on the way home coupled with mentioning her hair the next day suddenly got me a weekend in the doghouse!
I look forward to your next article.
Point two works both ways. There was (IS) a particular dancer that happened to hit MY hot button. Usually, my husband and I agree pretty completely on who we find attractive. Usually, if any difference happens, it is because I am more able to look past a tattoo or that I prefer the entertainers a bit slimmer than he does (good thing for me!). In this instance, this woman was way outside of what I would normally have selected for us. However, her personality and the sensuality she exuded while she danced was very appealing. I guess it was a bit obvious because my husband at one point asked, "Are you going home with her or me?" He was teasing but I took the hint and we focused on someone else for a while. Turned out she also gave the best dances we had of the night and now she is our ATF - lucky for me!
Next time why don't you try having your wife pick out the dancer she thinks the two of you would like best? This makes it less threatening (at least in the beginning for me) and now is almost a game to see which of us picks the hottest dancer.
And, could you talk with my husband? I would LOVE to have him tell me a hairstyle he likes. I always try to get his input and he tells me, "I love YOU. Wear your hair however it makes you happy." UGH! *smile*