So, you wanna take your woman to a strip club? Part of you thinks it would be hot to be in a such an openly sexual place with the one with whom you do the nasty and part of your brain says, "Are you CRAZY???" Here's how we, a middle-aged committed married couple with a non-Barbie doll (or stripper) built wife waded through the potential mine field and learned how to share a sexy and fun evening that includes a strip club visit.
Our journey into the strip club realm started about a year ago during a trip to New Orleans. Intrigued by "what might be happening" inside those neon lit, constantly hawked and openly welcoming Bourbon Street gentleman's clubs, we decided we might want to visit one together. Without putting much thought into it, we had a bit too much to drink one night and promptly set out to see what they were all about.
We walked up and down Bourbon Street with the intent of picking one out. Just as we were about to decide which one we wanted to try an entertainer came out for a smoke. I (the wife)took one look at the stripper's scantily clad young non-pregnancy altered body and chickened out. We went back to the room, had hot sex and pretended that each thought the other one was not sure they wanted to go (which was at least partly true). The next day, when the alcohol induced courage wore completely off, we began talking in earnest about visiting and why it might or might not be a good idea.
Here are our tips for couples on how to enjoy the strip club experience together.
Tip #1: Communicate If it is not possible for each partner to speak frankly and without fear of embarrassment or chastisement about WHY a strip club atmosphere might be appealing, STOP right now. You have no business taking your woman there - and she no business going. If you are not comfortable talking about sex to each other the strip club will not be a bonus to your relationship. In fact, it will definitely be the opposite.
People visit strip clubs for a variety of reasons. It is important that you are honest with yourselves and with each other about why you feel this would be beneficial or fun. We have an open and highly sexual relationship. We routinely share and discuss our fantasies both as party of sex-play and as a standard couple discussion. Even with this level of communication and trust we found it different and sometimes difficult to discuss openly how we felt being aroused by someone outside of our spouse. It is one thing to recognize that one finds someone attractive or sexy. It is quite another thing to actively invite that person, even in fantasy form, into shared sexuality or discussion.
Tip #2: Isolate After the two of you have talked about your fantasies and how each of you feels, give each other some space. Each will need time to reflect and dissect before being able to make a definitive assessment of how they feel. This might take some time. Picture in your mind not only how you feel about the fantasy but how you could see yourself possibly reacting. For us it was very hot to fantasize about certain acts and even to verbalize that we wanted to see them but when we were alone and in isolation mode with our own feelings it was abundantly clear that we would freak out if we were to act on some of the fantasies. This is normal. It is just important to know going in what those areas are and where the line needs drawn.
Tip #3: Communicate No, it is not a typo. After each of you has taken the time to come to personal terms with feelings, fears and fantasies, it is time to share them again. Perhaps something changed from the original discussion. Perhaps the partner whose fantasy it is has realized that was not the fantasy in its entirety but a piece of it or not a fantasy at all. Spend the extra time talking now. Trust us: it will save you time and be more pleasant for both of you to make sure you are aware of your partner's feelings and concerns.
#4: Do Some Research Both men and women have different pre-conceived visions of what goes on in a strip club and the women who work in them. Probably, if you are like us, at least some of these misconceptions will turn out to be totally opposite from reality. Do some research on clubs in your area. Read some reviews on sites like tuscl.comtuscl.com. You can find out about cover charges (or entertainer fees as some are now calling them), if alcohol is served, the average number of entertainers on the floor , the level of nudity and the overall impression other club visitors have shared. First and foremost, look for a club that multiple reviewers have indicated is couple friendly. It takes a special type of entertainer to work with couples. If you can't find reviews on a club in your area, call the club and ask some questions. Check out their website. If they are a couple friendly club most likely they will have a designated couples night. Even if you are not able to attend on that night, you can feel confident that the club and entertainers are used to working with couples.
#5 Devise a plan of Exploration We recommend going slowly. It is possible to speed up, to decide to do more. It is not possible to subtract or un-experience something that went awry. Trust us on this one! We know from experience.
A good starting point might be to go late in the evening (after midnight) when most clubs have the majority of their dancers on the floor and the crowd is larger. We have found that stage dancing is generally of better quality the larger the crowd and more people in the club means that you won't be approached every 5 minutes for private dances. It is important for both of you to be able to experience the club in a relaxed state. If a tour is available, take it. It will allow you both to see the club, learn what the pricing is like and sometimes entertainers are assigned to take the tour with you so your partner can ask any questions in advance.
Our first trip we agreed to simply experience the floor and table dances with no private dances. If the comfort level for both of you is higher, go for it. Just don't be surprised if her comfort level changes once in the club. If you decide to go for private dances, we highly recommend you both go with one dancer to begin. That way the experience is a shared one not a yours or mine experience. I like to sit side-by-side with my husband and touch him or whisper in his ear while he is getting the lap dance. He then does the same in turn for me when the attention is focused on me.
#6 Set boundaries For us, it was important to take things in stages. We were very inexperienced in this type of activity and neither of us knew what to expect because we were "strip club virgins." We had read a lot about "extras" and "high mileage" but were not really sure what was the norm and what was just really extraordinary when it happened. So, we decided up front that we were not interested in "extras" to in the beginning. We were looking for a full-friction dance with a physically appealing entertainer and someone with whom we could chat and feel comfortable first. We agreed that breast to hand contact was acceptable to both of us if the entertainer allowed it for our first time. Guys, on this one, she gets to call the shots. If you push your partner to allow more than she is comfortable with or, if shame on you! you just push the boundary without discussing it with her first, she will probably freak out on you. Don't assume something is acceptable. Ask her.
**If you are having private dances, make sure to tell the dancer what they are. For instance, "We don't allow any kissing." Or, "Contact through clothing is ok but please ask us first if you want to touch us inside our clothes" A professional entertainer will ask but in case they don't be ready to let them know your rules. Both your partner and the dancer will appreciate it. The last thing ANY of you wants is a freaked out partner!
Set a HELP word It is not unusual for one or both of you to need reassurance or to feel overwhelmed or scared during the first few visits. (Or anytime a boundary is stretched by mutual agreement!) Even boundaries that the two of you agreed were acceptable may need to change once in the club or in the dance. Our word is simple: HELP. That lets the other partner know that things need to slow down or stop until we talk.
Both of us have used our help word. Sometime we just whisper the word in our partner's ear because we need reassurance to know it is ok to be aroused by what is happening. In one instance, I needed assistance to move because the dancer's weight had my hand pinned in an uncomfortable position. There needs to be no shame or recrimination if someone uses it. Remember, you are there to have a hot, sexy time with your partner. By nature, a freaking our partner is not sexy.
#7 Enjoy the dancers but don't forget about your partner! The entertainers are there to draw your attention. No woman in the world expect that a man would not look when in a club! However, if we are sitting by your side and you are staring at the entertainers and totally forget about us, we will get hurt and pissed off! We maintain physical contact even when a dancer is sitting between us. It can be a hand on the arm, feet touching under the table or making eye contact frequently. We frequently have dancers tell us we "are a cute couple" or that they can see we "are in love" and that it is "a rush to dance for you" because we are so in tune.
#8 Set a budget Our budget includes separate limits for drinks and dances. Dollar dances are included in with our drink limit. Get cash, including singles before, to avoid very high ATM fees at the club. Do not be tempted to go over your budget unless you are both in 100% agreement - while sober.
#9 Communicate When you leave the club, talk about your visit. What did you each find arousing? What was was your overall impression of the club? Is there somewhere else you would rather have been seated? Was there a particular entertainer you thought was very good or very bad? Would you want to go again? What would you like to do differently if you wanted to go again? What concerned or confused you?
The more you talk about what you experienced, the more it reinforces that it was a couple experience. Sometimes we find that the conversations after the club visit are hotter for us than the actual club visit (including dances) themselves.
#10 Reassure her she is sexy and you choose to be with her. Women, and men, have insecurities about their attractiveness and how you see them. While it is possible that your lady will see the strippers and realize their bodies are not perfect either, it is far more likely that she will focus on the areas that are their strengths and her weaknesses. Sorry! That is just how we are! If she has one feature that particularly excites you, tell her. My husband routinely responds to strippers that comment on my breasts, "Damn right! Best set of naturals in the place!" There is no mistaking that he is being honest in his opinion by his tone even if I happen to disagree. It always works in taking my attention off how my legs (not my best feature for sure) compare to the dancers and reaffirms that he finds me attractive.
For an open and sharing couple, a strip club can provide a hot addition to their intimate times together. It just takes a little work and open lines of communication as preparation before the club visit to ensure both parties feel safe and non-threatened. Happy Clubbing!
Nice, complete take on it. Lengthy, but well written.
You could also talk a bit about the possible undercurrents of lesbianism (both imaginary and real). Guys are usually aroused by two girls, but only if they are hot. There is really no demand to see a couple of hairy dykes go at it. But many strippers play on both teams, or at least do so while they are in the club. I don't know if having a bi dancer interested in your GF or wife raises the level of hotness or the level of tension. If the dancer is blatantly bi, maybe the whole fantasy becomes even hotter due to the possibility of a MFF OTC hook-up.
On the other hand, if the GF or wife is not at all into women, then the couples night out pales a bit. Then it just becomes a route to get the guy hot and bothered while the GF or wife watches. And I'd think that wouldn't be nearly as much fun as the MFF possibility. I have heard that the GF or wife can get off knowing that no matter how excited strippers get her man, SHE will be the one taking him home.