The Stinkiest Crotch
This article was submitted to <a href="http://www.dirtydianasdiary.com">www.dir… by a customer. I am just passing it along cause it's funny<br />
So I've been coming to a certain club for longer than I care to mention, and I've seen the parade of girls come and go time and again. For the most part, the girls are the same through the years, but occasionally one stands out for one reason or another. This is a story about such a girl.<br />
Being a regular and enjoying the club's atmosphere as often as I did, I had the "pleasure" of having the initial stripper conversation with every girl who worked there. You know the one... "So what's your name, I'm Pleasure, nice to meet you, do you come here often? Would you buy me a drink?" etc... I can't recall her name, and it would be impolite to mention it if I could, but let's just call her FunkyPuss. As this girl approached, let's say starting at three feet away, my nose began to reject the pending assault. She was hot - in a nasty 'fuck me on the part of the carpet with the big stain on it' kinda way - but this smell? Jesus, where were the flies? And the questions just kept coming as she rolled out the familiar pleasantries: What the fuck? Does she not smell that shit? Does she even wipe her ass? Why would Jerry let this girl work here, has he lost his olfactory senses? I needed another drink, fast. Maybe I could burn out the smell with a whole lot of scotch. Worth a shot.<br />
So I have found that alcohol will sometimes lead to shameful acts, and yes, I am slightly ashamed of what I am about to admit, but eventually I actually wanted a table dance from this girl. She was just so nasty, and sexier than she was five drinks ago, that my altered judgment found her momentarily desirable. I had forgotten the smell... As I sat against the mirrored wall with my legs spread wide she began her dance. My dick started to get hard when she rubbed her thigh against it, put her lips on my neck and rubbed her tits against my cheek. My hand brushed her thigh and my mind conjured up filthy images of rutting around with this dirty bitch in the worst and most despicable scenarios. I was really getting into it. Then she turned and put her ass in my face. GODDAMN! I was trying to push my head back through the mirror. I can't imagine the look of utter disgust that was contorting my poor face, but I wish I had a picture. The mirror wouldn't give and I had to turn my head. Fuck me, this was bad. She turned back and I tried to smile. I wasn't going to hurt her feelings if I could help it, but now I just wanted to get up and run. She was facing me again and rubbing my cock, but that part of me was now utterly dead. All of my mental power was focused on willing her to keep her ass away from my face when POW, there it was again. I turned my head and held my breath, waiting for her to turn her filthy crotch away again, praying that she would, but of course she was one of those girls who just keeps it there while she stares vacantly away, assuming she's giving you quite a treat. She moved it closer. I had to breathe. I just had to. Oh my God. Why won't this song end? What is wrong with this girl? Oh my dear, sweat Jesus... The HORROR... THE HORROR...<br />
I had a roommate at the time who didn't like strip clubs. He thought they were a waste of time and money. On the rare occasion, I had taken him to this club and treated him to a dance and bought him some drinks, but he remained unimpressed. The week after my life-threatening experience he did something to piss me off. I can't remember what it was, but he had it coming. I told him there was a new girl at the club that he just had to see, that one dance from her would change his mind about strippers forever, and that he had to let me buy him a dance from this gorgeous, nasty girl. Ha Ha Ha....<br />
So is it wrong that I laughed as I watched him recoil, trying not to puke? Does that make me an evil person? I guess that's debatable. The point is that there is a silver lining. Well, that's my story. I hope you liked it.
So I've been coming to a certain club for longer than I care to mention, and I've seen the parade of girls come and go time and again. For the most part, the girls are the same through the years, but occasionally one stands out for one reason or another. This is a story about such a girl.<br />
Being a regular and enjoying the club's atmosphere as often as I did, I had the "pleasure" of having the initial stripper conversation with every girl who worked there. You know the one... "So what's your name, I'm Pleasure, nice to meet you, do you come here often? Would you buy me a drink?" etc... I can't recall her name, and it would be impolite to mention it if I could, but let's just call her FunkyPuss. As this girl approached, let's say starting at three feet away, my nose began to reject the pending assault. She was hot - in a nasty 'fuck me on the part of the carpet with the big stain on it' kinda way - but this smell? Jesus, where were the flies? And the questions just kept coming as she rolled out the familiar pleasantries: What the fuck? Does she not smell that shit? Does she even wipe her ass? Why would Jerry let this girl work here, has he lost his olfactory senses? I needed another drink, fast. Maybe I could burn out the smell with a whole lot of scotch. Worth a shot.<br />
So I have found that alcohol will sometimes lead to shameful acts, and yes, I am slightly ashamed of what I am about to admit, but eventually I actually wanted a table dance from this girl. She was just so nasty, and sexier than she was five drinks ago, that my altered judgment found her momentarily desirable. I had forgotten the smell... As I sat against the mirrored wall with my legs spread wide she began her dance. My dick started to get hard when she rubbed her thigh against it, put her lips on my neck and rubbed her tits against my cheek. My hand brushed her thigh and my mind conjured up filthy images of rutting around with this dirty bitch in the worst and most despicable scenarios. I was really getting into it. Then she turned and put her ass in my face. GODDAMN! I was trying to push my head back through the mirror. I can't imagine the look of utter disgust that was contorting my poor face, but I wish I had a picture. The mirror wouldn't give and I had to turn my head. Fuck me, this was bad. She turned back and I tried to smile. I wasn't going to hurt her feelings if I could help it, but now I just wanted to get up and run. She was facing me again and rubbing my cock, but that part of me was now utterly dead. All of my mental power was focused on willing her to keep her ass away from my face when POW, there it was again. I turned my head and held my breath, waiting for her to turn her filthy crotch away again, praying that she would, but of course she was one of those girls who just keeps it there while she stares vacantly away, assuming she's giving you quite a treat. She moved it closer. I had to breathe. I just had to. Oh my God. Why won't this song end? What is wrong with this girl? Oh my dear, sweat Jesus... The HORROR... THE HORROR...<br />
I had a roommate at the time who didn't like strip clubs. He thought they were a waste of time and money. On the rare occasion, I had taken him to this club and treated him to a dance and bought him some drinks, but he remained unimpressed. The week after my life-threatening experience he did something to piss me off. I can't remember what it was, but he had it coming. I told him there was a new girl at the club that he just had to see, that one dance from her would change his mind about strippers forever, and that he had to let me buy him a dance from this gorgeous, nasty girl. Ha Ha Ha....<br />
So is it wrong that I laughed as I watched him recoil, trying not to puke? Does that make me an evil person? I guess that's debatable. The point is that there is a silver lining. Well, that's my story. I hope you liked it.
Want 4 weeks free VIP to tuscl?
Write an article
10 comments
This hasn't happened to me yet, either....but if I club long enough it's bound to happen some day.<br />
I'll keep an extra gas mask in the car, just in case.<br type="_moz" />