No titties

Found myself on Portland's west side in the afternoon and decided to explore a club I had never previous visited. Pulled in to the Sunset Strip parking lot, making note of the proximity of the budget hotel next door and thought, well that could come in handy, you know, in case OTC breaks out. Walked in and tried looking around but could not see a damned thing cause that's gotta be the darkest club ever. As my eyes slowly adjusted I found the bar, ordered a drink from the silicone enhanced, scantily clad bartender and began thinking things were looking up. But as my eyes continued to adjust I noticed there were no other females in the place, just a bunch of PL's staring at their phones or the lottery machines. Looking around the place made me think this was what a Portland version of a "gentleman's club that has seen better days" must be like. Decent looking place, with a glow from below bar. I personally prefer dives, but I was willing to give it a shot after reading a couple previous reviews. So I kept wondering, where are the naked ladies? Maybe they are about to come out and go on stage? Nope. A half hour of sipping my drink and watching the CWS game and still no other females. Still no titties. Club's opening time is listed as 11:30 am and it's well after 3:45. WTF? I guess the place is just a video poker den until after dark. But I did notice the DJ kept fading out each song before the end so I decided to time it, and yep, every song ended at almost exactly 2 min.s, 55 seconds. Nothing makes me hate a club faster than being made to feel like a revenue source for a greedy fuck of an owner. Fuckit, I'm out. Won't be back.

(Apologies to any dancers who might work there, but in the drop downs above there is no option for "none available" under the heading "Dancers" or "Dancers Working". So Fugly and Mean = None working)