discussion comment
6 years ago
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flagoonerEverything written by this member is a fact.
She hasn't been around since flagooner ran out of money. As soon as he gets another paper rout I'm sure she'll just happen to find a reason to come back.
discussion comment
6 years ago
K - I appreciate your thoughtful response. And in re-reading the discussion I acknowledge my contradictions, mainly because I started the post after having a few drinks, and then continued the discussion in a more sober frame of my mind.
To answer your questions - she does some of the things you describe as putting her into a friend category, but not all of them, and there's definitely a line where it ends and the nature of what we're doing is very transparent. I don't have a problem with that and really think that’s how it should be. She comes across like she wouldn't do OTC with just anyone, but I've met her standards and she feels comfortable with me.
While I acknowledge the benefits of cashman’s advice, I don’t think I’m going to use it in this situation. I’m comfortable with the way things are working out. I’m the one who approached her with money, and in doing so I wouldn’t expect her take on the situation to change just because of the way I think of her. And it would be really weird if it did.
While I appreciate the serious responses I’ve received, I believe many readers see the situation as follows:
Man offers girl money for good time.
Girl gives man good time.
Man really likes it and keeps offering money.
Girl thinks this is great and continues to give him a good time.
Man develops feelings for girl.
How dare she not love him back? What a fucking whore.
I have no expectations (or desire) for feelings to be reciprocated. I want the girl to have fun when she’s with me and feel like the whole thing is a pretty good deal for her. I’d also like to see her grow and move on in life, and though I acknowledge that her personal life is just that (it’s HER personal life) and it’s not my place interfere, I wonder if my continued offers enable her not to grow.
I’m not concerned with being taken for a ride financially. I’m very disciplined when it comes to that. Most of the serious replies I’ve received focus just on being used financially. And while I appreciate the concern and acknowledge the relevance of such discussions, what I’m really interested in discussing are situations where the PL acknowledged the “relationship” for what it was, and how did it eventually end?
discussion comment
6 years ago
Rickyboy - I've been on TUSTL for a really long time, and I believe everyone except for you has picked up on why I would use a different sign-in for this type of discussion, so your comment about my not having reviewed any clubs strikes me as very naive . . . even for you ;)
I have a very intimate relationship with my personal finances. I spend more time budgeting, forecasting, and analyzing investments than I spent with any girl from a club, and I even love this aspect of my life more than my children, dog, or ex-wife. Yes, I have affection for the girl I speak of. I honestly want the best for her. But it's nothing compared to the intimacy I share with my personal finances.
I actually have gained knowledge from your replies. And I thank you for that. It's just a shame that everything you write sounds like it came from a frat boy still trying to relive his glory days at the expense of others. It forces everyone else to read between the lines in order to grasp the the true substance behind what you have to say, which in all honesty, can be pretty insightful.
discussion comment
6 years ago
I agree with two_bits, though I'm not going to be a snot about it. I'm sorry you lost your job, but if that's the case, you really should be concentrating on finding a new one and put the strip clubbing on hold for a while.
That's what I'd do. Even if I were in love with the girls, I'd tell them not now and go find myself a job. Money and your own financial security should come first.
discussion comment
6 years ago
Rick - I do greatly appreciate the time you've taken to respond.
Can I ask you to elaborate on what kind of damage you see (or have seen with others) happening? I'm not ever going to spend more than my budget, so it won't be financial damage. Basically, the money I spend on her would have been spent on others if not for her, so if it ends badly I may have missed out on some good (or better) times, but I won't be walking away in a different financial position because of her. Right now I'm sacrificing a bit of variety for her, but when it's over I'll be happy (or perhaps just content) to get that variety back.
Other than cash, what else should I be looking out for?
discussion comment
6 years ago
Rick - Just because I have an image of what I consider ideal does not mean I'm going to make poor financial decisions should things become less than ideal, which I believe everyone agrees is not just possible, but probable. This is why I consider myself to have a strong head on my shoulders about it . . . but nonetheless, I enjoy your remarks, and I apologize for the whiplash ;)
discussion comment
6 years ago
Warrenboy75 - so far your response registers the most. I hear you regarding difficulty to maintain any semblance of normal. And I'm very comfortable with the lack of normal. She's not a daily part of my life, and I think it's healthy (and affordable) to keep it that way.
What intrigues me the most about your response is "I dated a dancer off and on starting before she became a dancer and to me it is also the most telling because the changes in her in how she thinks about men, life in general, and money since she started dancing are immense."
Can you elaborate on that? I haven't known this girl since the beginning, but I have given serious thought about calling it quits with her and changing my entire approach to clubbing to just generally be more casual about it and never really see the same girl twice. I understand that she's going to do whatever she wants regardless of my involvement with her, but I've noticed the "unhealthiness" of what I believe you're saying, and often ask myself if I want to be the one enabling her. Frankly, I think she's better off running around with me than other guys, but who doesn't think that about themselves? I really don't have concerns about being sucked in and taken advantage of myself. I have a budget and I'm not going to exceed it. If that causes a problem, then it was fun while it lasted.
discussion comment
6 years ago
All - I appreciate the replies.
tahoecruz – thanks for sharing. What you describe is pretty much what I’m looking for, except there’s probably a bigger age difference. I hope it ends with her leaving the industry for something else, in time, and I anticipate that I will not be in the picture when that happens. I’m having fun and collecting good memories. And I think the memories will be better if it doesn’t end on a sour note.
PaulDrake – I won’t give too many details, but I’m not new to mongering. I have no desire for the girl to develop the same feelings, and zero anticipation that she will. Your advice in bullet 2 is helpful. She has asked for more, and she’s totally cool about it when I tell her not this time. But at the same time, she shows me a better time than the other girls have, and I appreciate it. There have been times when I’ve done extra for her without being asked. I don’t feel like a chump about it. She’s the one I want coming back. I get it for what it is. And I give her the incentive.
Rickyboy – Your responses always make me smile. And there’s always a good deal of truth behind it, even if your choice of words changes the context. Most likely, I’m giving her far less money than what you’re thinking. I already know my monthly limit for the hobby. She of course doesn’t. And be it her or any other girl, I’ll cut ties and move on without batting an eye if our “thing” continuing becomes contingent on my exceeding that limit. Of course, that would mean it ends on the sour note that I’d like to avoid, but hey, I can’t support myself and continue strip clubbing if all I have are good memories. I need my money for that.
Cashman1234 – Thanks! Our “thing” doesn’t feel quite as whorish as what you depict, but I get it for what it is. I’m not going to contact her when I don’t have money to spend. And if things continue the way they have, she’ll make herself available to me whenever I do feel like spending the money. That’s pretty much what I expect it to be.
discussion comment
6 years ago
Call.Me.Ishmael - thank you, I respect your response.
And to be honest, I've been with the high drama girl and know exactly how it ends. This girls is different. She's a complete sweetheart. If I was younger (and single) I'd make a serious play for her. She's marriage material. But I can tell at this stage in her life she's not interested in that (even from a guy her own age), so I take what I can get (and I'm under the impression that it's more than any other dude gets out of her, but for money, which is cool), and I feel privileged to be able to experience what I get out of her. It feels very different than any other girls I've seen OTC.
discussion comment
6 years ago
Call.Me.Ishmael - I'm looking for validation if validation is warranted. If validation is not warranted than I'm requesting that it be brought to my attention. Please re-read the question.
discussion comment
6 years ago
Call.Me.Ishmael - I resent that. I presented my situation very honestly. I requested replies from others who have been in the same situation and, unlike me, seen it through. You've given me no indication that this situation pertains to you, yet you're replying. So theoretically you're no different than the people who have replied to the other 15 to 25 threads on this topic.
What upsets me the most is that I've been reading TUSCL for a long time and I generally respect what you have to say.
This is not a troll post.
discussion comment
6 years ago
Shit. I misunderstood what you meant by 'head game'.
discussion comment
6 years ago
WTF? I go down on this girl like a motherfucker. And she loves it. But I an't never shared this with no one. Are you psychic?
discussion comment
6 years ago
Really? It's a serious question. If you don't have anything to add, then don't reply.
discussion comment
6 years ago
The golden rule is 'don't fall in love with a stripper'. Period.
But she has given me plenty of golden showers.
discussion comment
6 years ago
Of course, I do that as well, but can't imagine it has an impact on my experience.
My thoughts are if I tip any staff who i'm dealing with other than the bartender it might look odd and draw unnecessary attention, like there's a reason why I need to grease them or something. Would you tip anyone other than housekeeping or bartenders?
discussion comment
6 years ago
And I suppose there's also the possibility that the male staff members have seen her dance, where this wouldn't apply to the female staff members . . .
discussion comment
6 years ago
Thanks for all the feedback so far.
Subraman - to your question, I generally check in myself, we head up to the room for a few minutes, and then both go down to the bar. She always gets carded, I never do (same applies at restaurants). We've found that female staff is very accommodating to us, and the dirty looks generally come from males in the management positions. I've wondered if it's more a jealousy thing than anything else. Last time the male manager helping out behind the bar went out of his way to help other customers and ignore us, and the female bartender eventually gave us a free drink and thanked us for being so much fun.
K - I tipped the bartender really well, but it's not her opinion (or position) I'm worried about. Who all do you tip at hotels? I've never tipped anyone except bar staff.
If anything, I'm sitting at the bar with what at worst looks like a sugar baby. I've seen other customers come up to the bar themselves to order wine, and then take their drinks back to a couch where they are clearly enjoying the company of a whore. Other patrons at the bar will talk to us just like they'd talk to anyone else, and though we carry on with them just like we're regular people, the girl and I clearly have an age difference. When we're done the girl is clearly tipsy, but she's not drunk and I don't see anything inappropriate with our behavior.
discussion comment
6 years ago
"Are you sure you're not imagining it?"
I don't think so. If I am, she'd have to be imagining it to. Do you ever hang out at the bar with the girl or just head to the room?
discussion comment
6 years ago
"They don’t give a shit as long as you pay for the room."
Then why do the only put me next to the office at places where they've seen me before? Perhaps they're bored and want to listen?
discussion comment
6 years ago
Warrior15 - great advice, but these bases are already covered. For her to be my daughter I'd would have had to conceive her in high school, so that look isn't entirely ruled out, but it's a stretch. I always check in alone, but the places where I have problems are places where they've seen me before, though usually several months have passed. I feel like asking for a different room looks even more suspicious, unless I can find something wrong with the room.
TCL - I think a fake ID would cause more alarm than help.
Last time I checked it wasn't illegal to check into a hotel for sex. The girl comes in the same car as me, so it doesn't look like I dialed a hooker. But some of the rudeness may be due to the perception that I'm having an affair.