How many dancers have violent boyfriends?

16 comments

• casualguy

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  15 years ago

  I don't believe violent boyfriends applies to just dancers but many couples. Unless those men have more than one girlfriend and they beat them all to keep them in line or feeling dependent on them. I wish I could remember what I heard about using violence to make the women feel dependent on the men but I just don't remember.
• giveitayank

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  15 years ago

  I'm not the violent type. But I can understand (not condone) what drives men to be abusive to thier wives/GF's. One time, I got so mad at my wife--> I knew I couldn't hit her, so I went across the bedroom and started bashing my head against the closet door. She ran over and tried to get me to stop. I said, "No. Wait. I'm not finished!" LOL
• casualguy

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  15 years ago

  I remembered the radio show said violence creates fear. I believe Fear may keep the girlfriend or girlfriends afraid of leaving out of fear of what the guy may do. I know there is something else to it but I don't remember much from the radio discussion I heard. giveitayank,I'm not the violent type either. I think it's barbaric to hit your girlfriend and break bones or knock out teeth. I'll have to listen and remember the next time I hear a radio broadcast of why women stay in these kind of relationships or why they get in them in the first place. Of course I do understand getting angry and getting out of control. Some people are just more out of control than others. Typically they'll get arrested and put in jail if they are really out of control and breaking the law. However they usually hurt people first I believe.
• Dudester

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  15 years ago

  I grew up in an abusive home. My mother's boyfriend beat and raped all of us. In the 1970's, the only way you could prosecute a wife beater was if the wife (or girlfriend) actually pressed charges, then followed through. As far as kids, prosecutions of molesters and rapists were rare at best. When I was 13, I complained to a school counselor, cops, and a judge. I was told that because "kids are pathological liars they aren't allowed to press charges or testify in court". The judge then added that had "as much rights as a shovel." The abuse finally stopped when some adult friends stepped in and beat the shit out of the abuser, promising much worse if the abuse happened again. Although laws have changed, there is still a lot of abusive homes. As an adult, I've been able to put the fear of God in several abusers. Why women: A) Put themselves in this situation mystifies me. B) Continue in the relationship when there are many avenues of escape mystifies me even more. I've met women who have no desire whatsoever to escape the deep dark world of shit they're in. If I knew a way to take away their kids, I'd certainly do it. She's an adult and wants to be a punching bag for life-fine, but don't subject your kids to it. I presently have a 20 year old subordinate who is a real cutie. For ten years her stepfather not only did terrible things to her, but took pictures as he did it. No matter what I say, she won't press charges. That she escaped the home is enough for her, however, unless she gets counseling, she's not going to escape the "cycle of violence". We've already had to reassign her because she had an abusive incident at work, and she's covering for this asshole too, although the entire thing was caught on tape, and she disputes the facts of the incident.
• Clubber

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  15 years ago

  What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing! She didn't listen the first two times you told her!
• mmdv26

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  15 years ago

  Gettin' the shit beat out of ya is predictable. For some women it's the only thing she can actually count on the guy to do. Changing his behavior becomes her life mission. It's a worthwhile goal, after all he's there, he's paying attention to her when he's (probably drunk) beating on her. It's the way dad treated mom, so it must be love, right? WTF... My experience is that the few dancers I've known who actually admitted to being in physically abusive relationships were quick to offer extra's - sometimes for only the price of the dances. Over the years, I've had 4 or 5 in that category. Probably no correlation. Just bored strippers...
• Cougar289

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  15 years ago

  My experience says its very high here in E St. Louis. I only know 4 girls well enough to have them confide in me. 3 of 4 have experienced extreme physical abuse. The one that continues in the relationship is a white girl with a black boyfriend. Wy wonder girl had her front teeth knocked out by her first and only husband. He is 6'6" 280 lbs and would beat the shit out of her.
• casualguy

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  15 years ago

  I saw a new commercial on tv today. It showed a little boy pushing a girl down saying something like "you smell bad". A woman told the little girl that is a way of saying the boy likes her. I don't know if the commercial was in jest or what it was about. I just remembered one young dancer likes me to spank her which amounts to me smacking her rear end. I see a big difference between rough play and beating the crap out of someone. If he was a pimp, I would say he was stupid to smack someone where it was obvious and breaking bones and teeth, awful. How do you fix a broken tooth? Wear dentures?
• imnumnutz

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  15 years ago

  I know an absolutely beautiful dancer, model-type, just the opposite of your stereotypical, trailerpark born and bread stripper. Good head on her shoulders too. Her last two boyfriends were physically abusive and it took multiple episodes before she left them. I don't know whether she thought she could change them, whether she thought any guy was better than no guy, or had an inner inferiority complex that made her feel in some way the problems were her fault. Just like Dudester, i'm mystified that not only is she attracted to these idiots, but finds it so difficult to leave them.
• Book Guy

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  15 years ago

  They end up with trailer-trash. I'm often stunned at the crappy low-down beat-up cars and the skinny weak pimply-faced dirty-clothing losers who bring the girls to the clubs at the start of their shifts. Just sit outside in the parking lot at, say, a top-tier club in Houston and get a taco from the vendor. Watch the girls coming in. Mostly, the guys bringing in these stunning girls tend to be some asshole who thinks he's Eminem but only can afford a 1983 Monte Carlo that needs three layers of Bondo to hold the doors on. WTF?
• Book Guy

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  15 years ago

  About violence making women want more, rather than less, contact with the guy: Dudester, Casualguy, what you're forgetting is that the women are looking (subconsciously) for a LEADER. Males generally want to lead, be the king of the pack. Females require some sense of dominance, aggression, and stability from their males. The female who's learned (wrongly) that a man willing to beat her, is able to conquer all other men? Well, she feels "safe" around him. Threats from abroad have been nullified. It's a mistake, on her part -- a quirk of the dependency personality that primates have -- but it drives a great deal of human relationships. (There's also a small, say 2%, population of males who "want" their females to dominate them in a similar manner, too.) I can talk about it all day in theory. I wish I could figure out how to do it in practice.
• gridget

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  15 years ago

  Hmmmm...this is a subject that can have so many views. I being a women have to say that sometimes, especially when you are young you think that you are so in love and this is the one that when a guy hits you then quickly comes back and apologizes and tells you it will never happen again these young girls tend to hope that they are telling the truth even if they have been through it a hundred times. I think another thing is some women who are hit on are threatened and feel that if they leave there will be no safe place and that these guys will find them and kill them. There are also the women who the guys threaten and say if you leave I will tell lies and have your children taken away and you will never see them again. Then of course you have the girl who's self esteem is so low thanks to the guy who told her the whole time they were together that she was ugly, stupid, fat a whore,and that no one would ever want someone like her as he man handled her, a person can only hear so much of this before they start believing it. These are only a few scenerios and there are many more. I find that the most common are fear for life and bad self esteem. Oh and Clubber I sure hope you were trying to make a joke...although you should know that it is in bad taste, I find nothing funny about abuse of any kind what so ever. All abuse is wrong rather it be physical, mental or sexual toward male or female. I also think it was a little rude to make a joke after someone told a personal story from their life...I apologize for him Dudester and I appreciate you sharing your story with us andI hope everything works out for you.
• casualguy

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  15 years ago

  Thanks for your view gridget. It's nice to get female viewpoints. I understand females look for leadership qualities and being dominating goes along with that. I think there is a difference between being a leader and being a beater though. I am able to beat the crap out of someone if I choose. However I don't do anything like that unless it's self defense. I learned to control my anger as a little kid when I beat the crap out of anyone who attacked me. I actually beat up the school bullies I met when they picked on me one too many times. They never bothered me after that. However I noticed others became scared of me. I definitely noticed the fear among people after a gang of 10 kids attacked me and I sent more than one to the hospital. We were just small kids, no weapons involved. I believe I broke some teeth but they were baby teeth and they attacked me first. I guess 10 against 1 and I sent 2 or 3 to the hospital and that generated fear among many after that. If that is a sign of a leader, I didn't really care for it. I also hope I never get put into a situation like that where I have to fight a few people at the same time. I was so angry after someone kicked me I felt like I could kill someone with my bare hands. It's probably a good thing there was more than one kid to fight off. I still remember I was disappointed the last 4 or 5 kids ran off before I could get to them. I know the feeling of wanting to beat the crap of someone but I've controlled my anger and haven't done anything like that since I was a little kid. Besides I have fear too. The fear of accidently killing someone if I ever let my anger become physical again. I guess many people are acting out primal instincts and staying in relationships because of that. Along with the fear of what would happen if they try to leave.
• lopaw

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  15 years ago

  When I was a teenager I dated a guy that had a bad temper. We only got into one physical fight, but it was a doozy. After an unusually nasty argument, he sucker punched me & broke my nose. I picked myself up, wiped off my bloody nose, and proceeded to break his jaw in 2 places. Put him in the hospital for 2 days, and he had to have his jaw wired shut. We broke up after that. I'm hoping that after that incident he never raised his hand to a woman again. And no...I didn't become a lesbian because of that. I discovered that part of myself years later!
• Book Guy

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  15 years ago

  Female viewpoint: Here's what I think should happen (regardless of what DOES happen in reality). Example: "What do women want?" Female statement: When I think about the kind of guy I want, I know it's not someone manipulative or violent. I want a sensitive man who never raises his voice. Female action: goes out with abusive biker dude. Listening to them isn't half as effective, as, accurately observing them.
• casualguy

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  15 years ago

  It's all in the eye of the beholder. To one dancer who was an artist and drew some paintings, she thought I was an artist too just because I took an interest in her work. She wanted to go out with me but at the time I was avoiding going out with dancers. Other dancers thought I was different things. One dancer even called me a player. I thought that was amusing because I thought that was pretty far from the truth. How can you be a player in a strip club unless she thinks I'm sleeping with multiple dancers? hmmm, maybe she did think that.