How many dancers have violent boyfriends?
casualguy
One dancer was telling me another dancer's boyfriend beat her up and knocked a tooth loose as well. What is the fix for losing a tooth? That's terrible I told the dancer that told me. Pretty dancer too. I heard on a radio show I believe that some men use violence to create a sense of dependence. They beat the women to make them feel a sense of dependence or something like that I heard. I forgot all that I heard so I can't explain it. I don't really understand staying with someone who beats the crap out of you.
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One time, I got so mad at my wife--> I knew I couldn't hit her, so I went across the bedroom and started bashing my head against the closet door. She ran over and tried to get me to stop. I said, "No. Wait. I'm not finished!" LOL
giveitayank,I'm not the violent type either. I think it's barbaric to hit your girlfriend and break bones or knock out teeth. I'll have to listen and remember the next time I hear a radio broadcast of why women stay in these kind of relationships or why they get in them in the first place. Of course I do understand getting angry and getting out of control. Some people are just more out of control than others. Typically they'll get arrested and put in jail if they are really out of control and breaking the law. However they usually hurt people first I believe.
Although laws have changed, there is still a lot of abusive homes. As an adult, I've been able to put the fear of God in several abusers. Why women:
A) Put themselves in this situation mystifies me.
B) Continue in the relationship when there are many avenues of escape mystifies me even more.
I've met women who have no desire whatsoever to escape the deep dark world of shit they're in. If I knew a way to take away their kids, I'd certainly do it. She's an adult and wants to be a punching bag for life-fine, but don't subject your kids to it.
I presently have a 20 year old subordinate who is a real cutie. For ten years her stepfather not only did terrible things to her, but took pictures as he did it. No matter what I say, she won't press charges. That she escaped the home is enough for her, however, unless she gets counseling, she's not going to escape the "cycle of violence". We've already had to reassign her because she had an abusive incident at work, and she's covering for this asshole too, although the entire thing was caught on tape, and she disputes the facts of the incident.
Nothing! She didn't listen the first two times you told her!
My experience is that the few dancers I've known who actually admitted to being in physically abusive relationships were quick to offer extra's - sometimes for only the price of the dances. Over the years, I've had 4 or 5 in that category. Probably no correlation. Just bored strippers...
Dudester, Casualguy, what you're forgetting is that the women are looking (subconsciously) for a LEADER. Males generally want to lead, be the king of the pack. Females require some sense of dominance, aggression, and stability from their males. The female who's learned (wrongly) that a man willing to beat her, is able to conquer all other men? Well, she feels "safe" around him. Threats from abroad have been nullified. It's a mistake, on her part -- a quirk of the dependency personality that primates have -- but it drives a great deal of human relationships. (There's also a small, say 2%, population of males who "want" their females to dominate them in a similar manner, too.)
I can talk about it all day in theory. I wish I could figure out how to do it in practice.
I understand females look for leadership qualities and being dominating goes along with that. I think there is a difference between being a leader and being a beater though. I am able to beat the crap out of someone if I choose. However I don't do anything like that unless it's self defense. I learned to control my anger as a little kid when I beat the crap out of anyone who attacked me. I actually beat up the school bullies I met when they picked on me one too many times. They never bothered me after that. However I noticed others became scared of me. I definitely noticed the fear among people after a gang of 10 kids attacked me and I sent more than one to the hospital. We were just small kids, no weapons involved. I believe I broke some teeth but they were baby teeth and they attacked me first. I guess 10 against 1 and I sent 2 or 3 to the hospital and that generated fear among many after that. If that is a sign of a leader, I didn't really care for it. I also hope I never get put into a situation like that where I have to fight a few people at the same time. I was so angry after someone kicked me I felt like I could kill someone with my bare hands. It's probably a good thing there was more than one kid to fight off. I still remember I was disappointed the last 4 or 5 kids ran off before I could get to them. I know the feeling of wanting to beat the crap of someone but I've controlled my anger and haven't done anything like that since I was a little kid. Besides I have fear too. The fear of accidently killing someone if I ever let my anger become physical again. I guess many people are acting out primal instincts and staying in relationships because of that. Along with the fear of what would happen if they try to leave.
I'm hoping that after that incident he never raised his hand to a woman again.
And no...I didn't become a lesbian because of that. I discovered that part of myself years later!
Example: "What do women want?"
Female statement: When I think about the kind of guy I want, I know it's not someone manipulative or violent. I want a sensitive man who never raises his voice.
Female action: goes out with abusive biker dude.
Listening to them isn't half as effective, as, accurately observing them.