Limericks and other poems etc.

If you know any, please don't hesitate to share..

The essential limerick:

There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose dick was so long he could suck it.
He said with a grin,
As he wiped off his chin,
"If my ear was bigger, I'd fuck it!"

I knew a girl who was "ATE" before she was seven.

In the 5500 years since the invention of writing (cuneiform, 3500 BCE) mankind has seen his ability to express ideas evolve through the advent of the novel ("Tale of Genji" 1000 AD) and on through the development of theatre and poetry, through Shakespeare, Petrarch, Eliot, until we finally arrive at this limerick post on a strip-club forum...

Do I laugh or cry? ;->

O.

I'll start with a correction, sorry HOW but it just works better this way.

There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose dick was so long he could suck it.
He said with a grin,
As he wiped off his chin,
"If my ear were a cunt, I would fuck it!"

There once was a man from Boston
Who traded his Ford for an Austin
There was room for his ass
and six gallons of gass
But his balls hung out and he lost em

There once was a minister from Peru
Who was vainly trying to screw
His wife said "Oy-Vey"
if you keep on this way
The Messiah will come before you!

There once was a fellow from Kent
Whose dick was so long it was bent
so to stay out of trouble
he stuck it in double
and insted of cumming he went!

Not quite a limerick, but a line from a Jodie Call:

The Cabin Boy, the Cabin Boy--
The dirty little Nipper--
Lined his ass
With broken glass
And circumcised the Skipper!

There once was a man named Sweeny
who dripped some gin on his wheeny.
Not to be uncouth,
he dipped it in Vermouth
and slipped his girl a martini.

Let me expand upon what how started here-the whole thing

In 1492 a dago from Portales
was walking down the streets of Spain
a selling hot tamales

(Refrain-He said the world was round oh
he said it could be found oh
that hypothetical masturbating son of a bitch Columbo

He walked right up to the Queen of Spain
demanding ships and cargo.
He said I'll be a son of a bitch
if I don't bring back Chicago.

refrain

The Queen of Spain she gave him ships
they all were triple deckers
The Queen of Spain she waved goodbye
Columbo waved his pecker.

refrain

For forty days and forty nights
they sailed the broad Atlantic
if not for the actions of the cabin boy
the crew would all go frantic

refrain

The cabin boy, the cabin boy
that dirty little nipper
he reamed his ass with pieces of glass
and circumsized the skipper

refrain

Finally they reached the American shore
and spotted an American whore
within the space of twenty four hours
she'd made ten thousand dollars

refrain (slowly) end.

This is NOT a limerick but, it made the news about five years ago...
This was when Michael Jackson was accused of all that child molestation. At that time, they had a burger at MacDonalds called the 'MacMichael Jackson Burger'. It was a forty-five year old piece of meat between 2 eight year old buns.

Does anyone remember why Lorana Bobbitt was acquitted? It was because they had to throw out the most crucial piece of evidence. It wouldn't stand up in court.

Do you know why she threw his dick out of the car window? She didn't have the balls to hang on to it.

Shadowcat...
That's only because she didn't cut those off too.

You know when you're a reindeer it's hard to smell sweetly; running
and flying, you get pretty sweaty; but do you recall the smelliest
reindeer of all..............

Rudolph the brown-nosed reindeer
Had a very smelly rack
He had his head and antlers
All the way up Santa's crack

All of the other reindeer
Said he was a smelly nerd
"Rudolph you stinky reindeer
On your snout there hangs a turd"

Then one foggy Christmas Eve
Santa said "You schmuck--
Your head's so far up my butt
I'm afraid you've got it stuck"

Then how the reindeer hooted
As they shouted out with scorn
"Rudolph you brown-nosed reindeer
You've got one big smelly horn.

This Christmas carol is to "Walkin' in a winter wonderland"

Lacy things the wife is missin'
I didn't ask for her permission
I'm wearing her clothes
her silk panty-hothes
walkin' round in womens underwear...

In the store there's a teddy
with little straps like spaghetti
it holds me so tight
like handcuffs at night
walkin' round in womens underwear...

in the office there's a guy named Melvin
he pretends that I am Murphy Brown
He'll say, "are ya ready?"
I'll say, "Whoa man."
"Let's wait until the wife is outta town."

Later on if ya' wanna
we can dress like Madonna
put on some eye shade
and join the parade
Wakin' round in womens underwear.......

yank, that last post of yours was...revelatory! Whatever floats your boat, dude... ;)

Thanks How.. I feel so free now that I'm out of the closet when it comes to my cross-dressing.
LOL
keep em' guessing.