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Feelings

Dudester
Perhaps I'm stupid in asking this...

I started seeking and receiving extras in clubs ten years ago in replacement for real relationships (cheaper and easier emotionally).

In late 04, I met Kat and she became my ATF for two years. Towards the end we were getting emotionally attached, and perhaps this is why she suddenly changed clubs and shifts.

That's when I met **** . She became my ATF for a year,but one night she got ugly on me, so I began looking elsewhere. Sunday night I went to her club, knowing that it was supposed to be her night off, but she was there.

At the club, total GFE going on, and really enjoying each other. We ended up at my place. It was a good time as we have common interests and really great chemistry in bed. Before she left, she insisted on having my phone number and made a show of putting it in her cell phone.

This isn't the first time she's done that, and like the other times, she didn't or hasn't called. Should I be upset at this as she's only leaving me the option of pursuing her-which I won't?

Am I stupid for being hurt at her insincerity, or should I just tell her I'm going to see other dancers and never talk to her again after that?

10 comments

Latest

jablake
•
16 years ago
For what it is worth my long term girlfriend would pull the same shit and she wasn't a sex worker or stripper.

She might want to be chased to affirm her value. Doesn't sound appealing to me with all the sexual harassment nonsense; remember this is a one size fits all society.
ozymandias
•
16 years ago
You're not "stupid" - normal, healthy humans develop a sense of affection for people they're intimate with (it's called "proximity theory" in social psychology). Naive? maybe.

But why something so extreme like "never talk to her again". If you have fun with her on occasion, go with that. Is she insincere? not necessarily - it's not as though she owes you anything really. You're not her boyfriend or husband.

"Fuck buddy" arrangements - and she's basically a "compensated" fuck-buddy - tend to not really last very long, but they can be fun while they do.

And you can always be looking for the next ATF, of course.

O.
SuperDude
•
16 years ago
Keep feelings under control and always have a spare ATF.
shadowcat
•
16 years ago
I have had 2 ATFs in the last 7 years. The first lasted 2 years and she was exclusive. No other dancers and she had no other customers when I was around. She broke my heart when she stood me up, quit the business and dissapeard. I got over it.

Number two lasted a year. Unlike #1 she was married with kids. I helped her with her divorce. Even gave her $1,00.00. No strings attached. She stood me up, quit the business and never thanked me. I got over it.

I am working on #3. I have some real feelings for her. Some of you have met her and know how appealing she is. I have no illusions. One day it will end and I will get over it.

Number 4 is just around the corner. Keep it real.
parodyman-->
•
16 years ago
Christ, no one has said this is paid for entertainment. How strong can your feelings be for someone you have to pay to keep your company?
ozymandias
•
16 years ago
Anyone who works face-to-face with clients (ie. isn't a cubicle monkey) knows that business and friendship can often overlap. I know I have clients I like a lot, even though we aren't "friends", and conversely there are people I hire I get along with very well.

Does that mean I'd be having lunch and playing golf with them if we didn't have a business relationship? No. But I genuinely "like" them and wish them well, and might even go out of my way to help them if it came to that.

Somebody has to be pretty weird (sociopathic or affectively disordered) to view people with the kind of categorical compartmentalization often advocated around here...

O.

O.
jablake
•
16 years ago
"Christ, no one has said this is paid for entertainment. How strong can your feelings be for someone you have to pay to keep your company?"

Fairly strong. And, I may or may not have to pay for their company. And, I may or may not have to pay for their services. In ALL cases with no exceptions where services are provided I require that they accept money---otherwise that is like the mess of a real girlfriend; just say NO!!! It isn't a one size fits all world, but yes normally (99%? of the time) the relationship between stripper and client is just business. Of course, some customers practically live at the club so the game can change radically. You'll have dancers that you never buy dances from wasting their time with you night after night. After a couple months they might even ask you out to lunch their treat---best to say NO THANK YOU, imo.
Book Guy
•
16 years ago
Women don't call. Generally, women initiate nothing. It's a sad fact of life, that the concept of "responsibility" is generally lost on them, at least by a common definition.
gk
•
16 years ago
I go with O's proximiy theory. It's simply human nature, especially if it's anything longer term or involving sex. But you have to separate the party from the relationship--that's the hard part. I've had a lot of fun with dancers but I always try to keep them and the fun times in the "I bought it" category, even if we become friends. But when, and I presently am, in a relationship that turns serious, my personal feeling is that you have to back off as a customer. Maybe even avoid seeing her in a club. That's the test--to see if you can both handle things in that context and remain emotionally attached. If you can't, the relationship belongs in the other category, which means you should be able to emotionally write off the bad stuff--eventually.

And Book Guy, women do call, if they need you. If you want a relationshsip with any woman, dancer or whatever, find out what she really needs and she'll call and vice versa. (Money's too obvious here, we're talking more complex stuff!)
Book Guy
•
16 years ago
Oh yeah, GK, you got a point there. OK, let me put it differently: say there's a woman who wants to "go out with" a guy. She'll PROMENADE herself socially in front of him, then convince herself "I did everything I could do," but actually never (a) phone him or (b) ask him out. Then she'll complain that he's "clueless" or "doesn't get the concept" and talk herself into NOT wanting to go out with him. She'd rather BE chased, than DO the chasing.

By which I mean, women don't call. :)
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