Divorced Guys.....thoughts

"Go for small victories"... thanks for that. I really second this!

This works the same for successfully married men. Never met any who state their sex life at home is glorious and the family doesn’t fill them up with a constant barrage of shit and to do lists. Clubbing is a convenient escape where I can pretend to be young and carefree again. Thankful girls can still put on a convincing performance with me after all these years. In the rare instance my life isn’t spinning me into a manic depressive mode and I’m relaxed, I find I’m still good once as I ever was. That is hard to find when wallowing in a sea of duties at home.

I was divorced in my 30s and it was easy to “get back out there”. I even had a couple of my ex’s friends call me if I ever wanted to “talk”. I banged one of them regularly for a year and I was able to say “I’m not ready to get back into a relationship yet”. Definitely the period in my life when I had the most and best sex - all with younger, hot girls looking for a slightly older, financially secure guy who had a nice house and his shit together- despite some baggage with an ex and 2 young kids.

Single life lasted for nearly 5 years and I grew tired of the revolving door of girls who ran the gamut from desperate psychopaths to career gold diggers, so when I finally hooked up with a nice looking, normal girl with a good job of her own, I settled down again for “family #2”, which I do not regret - 23 years and 2 more amazing kids later.

However I imagine divorced life would be difficult in my 50s or 60s since I’m really not attracted to women my own age. Post menopausal women don’t do it for me, no matter how much work they’ve gotten done or how much they’re in the gym. Older women also don’t put up with my bullshit. So a new relationship at my age would be out of the question.

Unfortunately this means I’d have to buy young pussy, either directly or indirectly..

I'm in my 50s and have been married twice and had long-term live-in GFs during most of the time I wasn't married. I'm done. I will never again assume responsibility for the emotional well-being of another grown woman, other than my kids of course.

My kids will need me in some form or fashion for at least another 8-9 years. I'll worry about what comes after when it happens, assuming I even live that long. But one thing I'm sure about is that another GF/wife is not in the cards.

As the old expression goes, know thyself. I was always great at getting them, but horrible at nurturing and ultimately keeping them. I can't empathize well with their various emotional challenges. I also struggled to resist impulses to seek out variety.

I know that some guys yearn to be part of a relationship and feel empty without one. After a succession of 4 live in relationships spanning 30+ years, with only a couple of brief windows during my adult years where I went hog wild with sewing my oats, that yearning has been burned out of me, lol. I just want simple now, with the occasional fun that I can leave behind without consequences.

at 74 ... after being married for 35 years and then divorced for 13 years now I am not looking for another marriage.
The occasional fling with a cutie keeps me going.

I've spent about 15% of my adult life in exclusive relationships, never been married, engaged, or even lived with a girlfriend. During those single times, I've enjoyed the company of beautiful women, civvie and pro, worked on side projects and hobbies, and made a pretty damn good life. In my mid 40s, I'm in the best shape of my adult life, more attractive to women than ever, spending the best time with friends and family, and accomplishing personal goals that have been on my bucket list since childhood. #winning

I've always been a lone wolf. Even those relationships that have been drama-free, I've noticed I start to resent girlfriends for taking up time that could have been used on other activities.

Like a lot of people, I thought getting married and having kids and the 2.5 kids and white picket fence was what every man was "supposed to do" or something was wrong with you. Now, I see that life isn't for me. What's the reward of that? Spending all weekend at my kids' soccer games and maintaining a yard for aesthetic reasons rather than doing Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu and writing books. People speak of having kids like it's the ultimate reward, but if I had them, I would resent them like I did girlfriends. To have kids and resent them would be cruel.

Just like I saw the reward of climbing the corporate ladder would be more money and no time to spend it, getting to shape the direction of a company but if I were to disappear, I'd be replaced within weeks.

I feel like I'm seeing the Matrix by seeing these societal expectations for what they are.

Some simple analysis tells you it depends on which of two general situations you're in.
1) The marriage ended because you two grew apart. So it should just feel like a relief to finally accept and deal with that reality.
2) You've got a problem that wasn't resolved by getting a divorce. If your spouse sought the divorce, and you feel like it came out of the blue, and/or your spouse wronged you by being dissatisfied, you're too self-absorbed, and you need to see a counselor about it. If you were aware you or your spouse or both were unhappy in the marriage, but you still miss being married, that's a case of bad habits, dogmatic beliefs, or a combo of the two. If you were with a woman who made you miserable everywhere but in bed, that's pretty similar to having a substance abuse problem. If you define success using Ward Cleever as your standard, that actually doesn't make sense, as nobody was actually Ward Cleever, not even Hugh Beamont. If you're the type who doesn't like living alone, considering renting a room in somone's place, or renting out a room in your place. Many women and almost all men have some level of sexual dissatisfaction. No full solution to that, but no need to feel like a failure because of it.

Divorce sounds peaceful. But, I would miss my kids. Also, my wife and I have worked hard on the relationship over the last few years, and it’s going pretty well. But if I found my self to be single again for whatever reason, that would be it. No more live in relationship bs. No more “soulmates”. No more “could you do this for me”.

I could find peace in a quiet house with a lot of books. And the occasional reasonably priced hot piece of young ass.

A few notes on divorce. My parents have 5 divorces between them I have had five stepparents, all before age 21. My first appearance in divorce court was when I was still in law school in 1981. 12/23 it will be 42 years. Today I am 67.
I lost my virginity in 1972. The first time I used a condom was 1986. In April wife and I will reach 35 years together. To sum it up I have a bit of knowledge of divorce and not just based on over 8,000 days in Divorce Court.
If you are newly divorced my advice is as follows: 1) Spend time doing fun guy things with friends; 2) Focus on work and making up for all the money that left with her; 3) If you get anyone pregnant at this point accpet the fact you ruined your life and end it early; 4) The first woman you're with should be made aware she is transition woman and not a keeper; 5) Remind yourself daily while dating about #4; 6) Focusing on sex is terrible advice, since that's why you're where you are; 7) Life is long, remake yourself as the person you always wanted to be; 8) 10s don't marry 5s; 9) Sex is the single worst reason to get involved in a relationship; and 10) Sex is the single worst reason to leave a relationship.

This is one of the best threads Ive read on here.

^skibum609…..wisdom. Tnx!

I agree 💯 with puddy tat.

Work on yourself and your quality of life. The problem with women in this generation is they never learned how to be loved. Not even by themselves