Last night I asked a fav (who is into rough stuff) a question about safe words. She couldn't answer it, so, asking here. Why do people into S&M need their own, individual safe word? When I was a kid, everyone's safe word was "uncle". Like, if you had another kid in a half nelson, and he said uncle, you had to let him go, or be ostracized from backyard pup tent camping. Why do today's younguns make stuff more complicated than it needs to be?
Maybe it is in case the girl (or guy) was molested by their uncle growing up? Depending on how much damage it did to them yelling uncle at the wrong time could either turn them on more or send them into a fit of ptsd rage where she could go Lorena Bobbitt on you.
In the rough sex world, consent is vitally important. If you are getting together with a new partner, it’s important to have agreement on boundaries and triggers, as you may not know the limits (of your new partner). There are usually two safe words - one means do something else this is hitting a limit - the other means stop now I’m done.
If you hit near a trigger, the partner may use a safe word to redirect you, but you can still continue.
If you hit near a trigger, and it’s too much, then your partner may use another safe word that means it’s time to stop.
Deguella loved getting choked-out, so safe words were never an option.
punching me, gouging my eyes, pistol-whipping, mace, and tazers had no effect.
in desperation she shoved her phone in my face while a twerking, cellulite-ridden, farm animal clip was playing.
it worked, but i considered it cruel and unusual, and never saw her again.
That's actually an interesting question I'd never considered. Why not just have a certain word everyone uses? There's an extent to which there's commonalities -- many, many people have adopted the "stoplight" protocol, where yellow means "slow down, you're approaching my limit" and red means "stop the scene right now" (and some people invite a "green" that means all good, you can continue or increase intensity). But many people in the scene don't like that protocol, so not everyone uses green/yellow/red. It's supposed to be personal to you and something easily remembered, but if everyone was all using the same safeword, all the time, well that would be pretty easy to remember
@san_jose_rapist: "S and M people need safe word because they are role playing things that are not always consensual."
No. No. No.
If you think BDSM gives you carte blanche to do whatever the fuck you want until they say stop, you're dead wrong. Contrary to how it's often portrayed in movies and books (50 Shades is trash), it's the <em>sub</em> who is actually in control, in charge, not the dom/domme. They're just temporarily abdicating some of that control to someone else who understands and respects their limits. <em>Everything</em> must <em>always</em> be consensual, and limits should be discussed before hand so that everyone knows what's allowed beforehand. Anything else is just an excuse to take advantage.
Why am I totally unsurprised that san_jose_rapist would get it wrong.
The most common safe words I've heard are red, yellow, and green with red being the absolute stop point, yellow being "Hey, it's getting pretty rough but keep going" and green meaning "Harder!"
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SJG
https://www.worldwidewords.org/qa/qa-say…
Safe words for rough sex can be different.
A common safe word is apricot.
In the rough sex world, consent is vitally important. If you are getting together with a new partner, it’s important to have agreement on boundaries and triggers, as you may not know the limits (of your new partner). There are usually two safe words - one means do something else this is hitting a limit - the other means stop now I’m done.
If you hit near a trigger, the partner may use a safe word to redirect you, but you can still continue.
If you hit near a trigger, and it’s too much, then your partner may use another safe word that means it’s time to stop.
punching me, gouging my eyes, pistol-whipping, mace, and tazers had no effect.
in desperation she shoved her phone in my face while a twerking, cellulite-ridden, farm animal clip was playing.
it worked, but i considered it cruel and unusual, and never saw her again.
No. No. No.
If you think BDSM gives you carte blanche to do whatever the fuck you want until they say stop, you're dead wrong. Contrary to how it's often portrayed in movies and books (50 Shades is trash), it's the <em>sub</em> who is actually in control, in charge, not the dom/domme. They're just temporarily abdicating some of that control to someone else who understands and respects their limits. <em>Everything</em> must <em>always</em> be consensual, and limits should be discussed before hand so that everyone knows what's allowed beforehand. Anything else is just an excuse to take advantage.
Why am I totally unsurprised that san_jose_rapist would get it wrong.
Fucking creep.
[with credit to yum]