Falling in love with a dancer

I'm interested. I remember I did like my first ATF quite a bit after a while. It didn't happen overnight though. I think we would have gotten along alot better if she had stopped treating me like a customer earlier on rather then when she finally treated me like one of her friends. It was more like I liked her, she thought of me as a customer even though I was seeing her outside the club on occasion. Later after her boyfriend broke up with her, I believe I was her number one choice but I had lost interest in pursuing her by that time and after she treated me like a customer for that long. She claimed she was in love with me when I told her goodbye. I gave the odds as high as 60 percent chance that she wasn't lying. I didn't care at that point though. Yes, go ahead and tell your story.

The term for this is RIL, regular in love. An easy way for a dancer to take advantage of a customer if you're not careful.

Sure it is of interest. I just fail to see how people who should know better, (regulars), continue to fall into this money trap. I'm not bagging on you, just supprised you'd put yourself through this.

Nearly every PL has this happen at some point. Its an interesting topic partly because many dancers can become somewhat dependent on RIL types for their income stream. One dancer could have for example 3 to 5 of these guys or more, and so the dancer needs to be constantly balancing between keeping them interested vs not leading them on in an overt way

Good rule of thumb when you are headed to the Champagne room or VIP area or something similar with some dancer that you might have developed a bit of "a thing" for - remind yourself "Dancer X is at her place of work doing her job for which I am paying her"

2 strategies to avoid problems:

1. treat dancers as commodities. Problem is that some women in fact are far more interesting and attractive (to you at least) than others, and although its a good general rule, its a bit difficult in application

2. Make sure you force yourself to go to multiple clubs, and always have one in each club that gives you an extra kick or high or something similar - that way you will never "fall in love" - which by definition tends to be exclusive in nature.

Actually if you are truly in love remove cash and take it OTC. Duh!

All right, here is the story. When to this club last December with friends where I met the girl. She gave me some awsome dances and we exchanged phone numbers. I am blown away by her beauty and physical shape, that I loose 20 lb and think about next time I am going to meet with her.About 1 1/2 onths later she texts me that I "should stop by", I did. At this time I am new to the whole things and take everything at a face value. She treats me nice, though milage is just above the average. By the way, she is smoking hot and 23 y.o...
I month later Ioose my job for the first time in a decade. I text her and we meet at the club. Having more time on my hands I sart seeing het more and more (PL cubed, haha!)and soon I realized I am in love! This new, or long forgotten feeling gives me the wings. Personally I am married for 10 years, have a beautiful wife and two kids, and have no intention of ruining it.After two months of job search I have 5 interviews and five offers. I am on top of the world. I start taking my ATF OTC where I am trying to help her get a normal job, helping her with her resume, duscussing different topics. I told her that I fell in love with her and she told me that she loved me too. I knew she was lying, l knew the whole thing was wrong, I knew, I knew, I knew!... But I could not break myself away. One day I have finally figured that the way to get over her was to ask for s.., not FS, but a normall, mutually consentual one. To me ether answer would do. However, hoping for "no", I did it in such an un romantic was to insure the outcome. Still she almost agreed at first, but changed her mind afterwords. What a relief! I felt free again. At this point I caught up with SC culture having read some literature and talking to her fellow dancers. One in particular, who is now my new ATF, spend some time explaining how things should work. Shortly after our "breakup" the girl has left dancing for good having found a job she liked. We do not talk and her memory is fading away. Yet, for the money I have spent on her at the club and OTC, it has been the best investment for it has positively effected my professional life, my personal fitness, my self esteen,romantic things that I do to my wife, list goes on. What can I say, life happenes and I am greatful to have that crash-course in SC culture...Anyone wants to laugh?.. I do.

Falling in "love" with a dancer is wonderful. It means she did a fantastic job. I go searching for that and sometimes get lucky with the rare dancer who is willing to provide that service. It is a ton easier to find a woman who will have sex for money, imo.

Perhaps I wasn't really in "love" because I didn't want an unpaid relationship no matter how crazy I was about the dancer----that is a real turn off regardless of what the woman does for a living. But, the feelings were intense, which surprise surprise was excactly the type service I was trying to find.

So, some PL is crying about falling in love and I'm thinking you lucky blanking bastard found a dancer capable of making it that real and you're complaining? Lap it up like the sweet honey it is. Just remember Just Say No to an unpaid relationship even if that is what she wants. Free isn't really free. There is a hell of a lot that goes into a relationship and it is gee why go there? I guess if that is a person's need then that's what they have to search for.

I've fallen in lust a few times but never in love. And frankly I don't think it happens very often - the guy may think he's in love but he's usually in love with his fake image of the girl, not the girl herself. I also think it takes 2 to be "in love" - "in" implying that it's something shared between 2 people - but that's semantics, others probably don't share my definition.

Professor:
You obviously are new to the site. There are several of us on this site that have found (or find) themselves in that predicament, and a lot has been written about it. (you might want to read through the discussion board topics - I'm sure you will find a lot of interest there)

Anyhow, (sorry to all of you out there that have read about me and my "problems", 'cause here it comes again) I am currently "suffering" from what you describe.

Just over a year ago, I was on a business trip and visited one of my fav clubs. I arrived not much before closing, and spotted her on stage. I knew she was the only one dancing that night that I had any interest in. After her stage performance, I grabbed her and we went back to VIP. I kept her back there until closing - an hour, and asked when she worked next. At that time, I didn't have "a thing" for her... she just turned me on BIG time, and was fun to be with. I gave her my card and ask that she call me when she worked next, and she said I'll be here tomorrow night.

Of COURSE, the next night I visited the club, but I didn't see her. Disappointed, I still was able to find a dancer to have fun with.

The following night, I was heading to another club to look up a dancer that I'd had a long-term OTC relationship with - mostly business, and my phone rang... it was soon-to-be Miss ATF. She apologized for not being there the night before, but said she was there tonight and asked if I was coming to see her. Of COURSE!

That night, I spent about 7 hrs with her in VIP. We worked out a deal with the DJ to take her off the list, and we spent the time exclusively together - 'cept when she had to take a "potty break". About mid-way through the night, we were DFKing (I left the club with chapped lips... hadn't done that much kissing since high school... maybe not even then) That night, I knew she was special and I realized that I could fall for that type of girl.

The last night at the club during my trip, found us in VIP the whole time again. I was downright depressed at the thought of saying goodbye to her, I thought - hoped - that she felt the same.

To keep an already long story from getting TOO much longer, I was able to visit her at the club about once a month for the next several months, and in between, we spent a lot of time talking on the phone. After "working on her" for quite some time, I finally talked her into seeing me OTC. Since then, when I see her, it's always OTC. We meet, go to lunch, putz around town, then head back to my hotel. NOTHING sexual to this point, other than DFKing.

At this point, I should inject that fact that we are BOTH married and both have kids. The interesting twist to this is she is in the process of getting divorced (not because of me), and things aren't real great at MY house either... I could be "talked into" becoming unattached, too.

Yes, I've fallen in love with her. It's a feeling like none other that I have had in my life - even with my wife. I've never needed to be with someone so strongly... never had the proverbial butterflies just thinking about someone... never so anxiously anticipated the next time that I see her... I've confessed to her that I have feelings for her, but not gone so far as to mention the L word. She hasn't reciprocated in so many words, but during the frank talks that we've had, she has implied it. The last visit (three weeks ago), she explained that while she is still married she does not want to be unfaithful, however surprisingly she asked that I "wait for her".

Back to reality. I admit, I could be the victim of stripper shit. She could be an extremely accomplished manipulator. The fact that she's never said anything more encouraging than "I really like you", never really led me on. Especially since I also know better than to think otherwise. I've been going to clubs for 20 years... I've seen and heard everything. But still, I'm 90% convinced that it's the real deal. If it weren't for what she does for a living, I'd have no doubt.

Hi DougS,

The main thought that came to mind as I was reading your post was ENJOY THE MOMENT.

Don't worry about looking like the fool. Think of it as asking girls out. Who is getting the trim? The guy worried about being shot down? (Sometimes girls, even women, can be fairly hurtful, btw.) No, it is the jerk that really isn't too worried. He understands it is a numbers game. There aren't any women who are too hot for him because he knows if you don't try you won't even have the opportunity to fail with the too hot women.

I'm fairly shy. Yet some women see me as being overly aggressive and that is the case sometimes because I understand that that aggressiveness is rewarded overall. The main negative is that at heart I'm a shy guy.
Also, looking like the fool facing a chorus of I told you so's shouldn't be a concern either---just try and limit the damage as much as possible. If the risk is worth the reward . . . .

Good luck, what ever course of action you decide on.

JaBlake:
I could be wrong, but I have a theory that a good share of us PLs that hit the clubs (and/or OTC) are shy guys at heart. I was the guy in high school that missed out on a LOT of girls, simply because I didn't ask them out for fear of rejection. Once I started clubbing, I became a little more confident (of course especially ITC). It also helped OTC, as I pursued (and caught) several "regular, non-dancing" girls for extra-curricular relationships - all of which I was quite shocked to have been able to succeed with. As my success improved, so did my level of confidence. I AM still that shy guy, but in the right circumstance, I can come out of my shell. During my last experience ITC, I'm pretty sure that the dancer I was with had NO impression whatsoever that I was a shy guy.

As for your advice, I AM enjoying the moment. I'm not the least bit worried about looking like a fool. The downside is, I have visions of her and I becoming much more than what we are today... perhaps even ending up "together". That is both exciting and scary to think about.

Limiting the damage... of course I am trying to do so, but if things don't work out, it WILL be fairly devastating.

Hello DougS,

It seemed like from your prior posts that you were worried. You asked how can a person be sure? And, placed a lot of emphasis on being hurt if it turned out she was just being a manipulator. I said that could be true of any woman and that it sure as hell isn't limited to strippers. Getting burned is part of the process. Some people cut out the fun stuff in reaction and others shrug, feel the hurt, and move on to the next opportunity. People just cope and react in different ways.

Let's say you were right about this woman. Would you still be a PL or would you be perceptive and daring and successful? When I think of a PL, I'm thinking of a strip club customer who just takes as true an ordinary stripper performance. He was no ability to see just basic warning signs or obvious weaknesses in her act. He has some delusion that feeling her up for a half hour somehow turns them into bosom buddies because his NEEDS are being met.


The greatest PLs by far, imo, are those guys who want a dancer but are so afraid of getting burnt or being the dummy that they sit on their butt. If she is that wonderful, then make the play and see how the game plays out. Normally, I just don't consider the above scenario reasonable even a little bit, unless the guy grew up around working women.

I fall in love with strippers all the time. It's a different kind of love than finding true mutual love, but it feels the same. I know better than to get quite as carried away as some of these stories. Early on in my clubbing experiences I came close, though, before I learned that it's just strip club love. At least I think I've learned.

See?! "at least I think I've learned" indicates that you could have been wrong... and maybe deep down you think you MIGHT have been wrong. If you had the insight somehow to determine for sure, would you have regrets if you found out that what you thought was "just strip club love" was in actuality the real thing that you chose not to pursue?

Maybe that is where we differ.

Doug, I never claimed to have nothing left to learn. But give me some credit. I know enough by now to recognize what the original poster described for what it is, and to tell the difference between a similar RIL-type infatuation and anything like true love. Is it possible there have been times I dismissed something more as "just strip club love" and missed out? I guess so. There isn't time in a day to check out every minute possibility to the point of absolute certainty, so you have to follow your hunches within what seems at all probable. That's life.

Furthermore, the phrase "just strip club love" shouldn't be taken to be a dismissal. It's a big part of why I love going to clubs, and I don't feel it needs to be turned into something more in order to be vindicated.

Love, yes, but not in the way I believe you mean.

I wanted to thank everyone for their responses. Yes, I am new to the site yet will try to make it interesting for everyone and not to get you involved in such heavy subjects as the matters of the heart. Let’s have fun! On to the next topic I go...

Excellent topic Professor906090, as you can tell by the number of threads.

Now DougS is probably the KING of "Falling In Love With A Dancer" thing.
I truly believe he is IN LOVE, but I am unsure of his ATF! I can't figure out if she is stringing him on, if what she says is SS, or if she has honest intentions of leaving her husband. If it is any of the latter, I hate to see my buddy freaked out. I know shadowcat has had this experience once himself.

As far as myself, at 61 and widowed since 58, I don't think I really WANT to fall in love. I can show, express, and give love, but don't think I can hold on to love very long.

However, going to strip clubs and meeting young and middle aged dancers, has driven me to looking my best. In the past year and a half, I workout almost daily (BoFlex), go to a tanning salon, get massages, eat healthier. I like to hear the comments from dancers (either SS or truth) that I look fantastic for my age. It's an ego trip, for sure. I feel much better when I do things. Mr Happy responds more vigorously. So, I guess you could say that 'strippers' have changed my lifestyle greatly.

Like others, yes, I have fallen in LUST with dancers, but not close to LOVE. I couldn't see me marrying a "dancer" (let alone any other girl) about 40 years my junior. And, my daughter would literally KILL me probably! LOL

The odds are very very low a dancer will fall "in love" in the romantic sense with any customer, and unfortunately "nice guys" once tagged can rarely undo it -however (for future reference)- when you meet a new dancer and you want the dancer to have a bit of a kick for you, the best vibe to present is this sort of gentlemen horndog image - i.e polite and refined gentlemen but understood by her that you like lots of women all the time. Perceived nonmonogamy in males (all other things equal) is very attractive for most women - and this clearly has a primordial based underpinning with females innately designed to be attracted to males increasing their (the female on her issue) odds in the genetic lottery of life

Bones: If I weren't reading posts on this site (and others), I don't think I would have any doubt about Miss ATF, what she says and what her intentions are. BUT, because of the eye-opening things that I have read, it's really difficult to NOT have doubts. I DO know that she is divorcing her husband, and is in the process of finding a new place to live. I also know that she's not leaving him to be with me, but she does indicate that when she is "single" the door will be open to me. I s'pose that means that in the not-so-distant future, if I don't actually see the opened door, I will have my answer.

Bones: Yes, the moth did get too close to the flame once but this CAT learned his lesson. Your post again suggests that we were hatched from the same egg. One exception. My daughter has been trying for 3 years to fix me up with eligible women. 40ish. She says that she worries about me living alone. I said "OK. I'll get a 20 YO stripper to move in with me". Her response "That'll work"

I think it was Ozy who said that all strippers, by virtue of the mere decision to make money by stripping, lose their moral compass. While I have major reservations with that sweeping statement, I think a similar loss of bearings occurs with PLs. The decision to pay for fake sex and intimacy causes us to forget what's real and view strip club relationships as real and normal. The feelings that strippers appear to reciprocate are taken at face value. They are paid to appear to be in love with us, and we too easily forget that it's their job and believe we've found true love. It's such a strong impulse that I feel it myself, even while knowing that it's the illusion I'm paying for.

Well, I'll find out tomorrow afternoon if my daughter flips out about me seeing really young women. I'll be bringing my 27 year old, long wavy red haired massage therapist to her apartment to watch the Buckeyes! AFTER my first massage!!

I had this weird experience (about 2 months back) where I actually fell in love (butterflies etc) with a dancer for about a day or two into the weekend, right after meeting her which was on a Friday and involved doing 1000 dollars worth of (open booth) regular dances in one session with her that same Friday, and then on the following Monday with 700 dollars worth of VIP and some more regular dancers - I fell out of love, assuming one can even label it that

I hadn't even talked with her over the past several months even though I've been in the club 20 times since and seen her from afar etc, so today she came up to me turning on the charm (apparently because my ATF isn't there today) so we do one regular 15 minutes champagne room - and her new pitch is she is "looking for a married guy to have an affair with, who will be faithful, (she is afraid of germs and STDs etc), however basically she's looking for a cheating faithful guy. I didn't even pursue it, nor would I really want to, and in any case sounds like classic SS.

The girl is a level 9 knockout, Playboy bunny quality, but what unwound it for me a few months ago the 2nd time I met her, she appeared to be a touch crazy, claimed to use her vibrator while driving her car, is hardcore bi, plus was into witchcraft at some level - all combined to undo the deal for me a few months back

I think the name "strip club love" might be appropriate, as its a subset of a more real "being in love". You are seeing someone absolutely looking their best, who is being paid to pretend to be intensely interested in you. Its part of the alternate reality of strip clubs

It's still falling in love, even if it doesn't lead to requited true love. Basically, you brush aside any reservations your rational mind might tell you and utterly surrender to the feeling for your beloved. It feels the same as you go through it, whether it's foolish love for a dancer or some other kind.

I have fallen twice. The first one was more fun. My first actually moved in with me. I had many wonderful time with her and bad ones, too. Was it worth the trouble. I think it was an experience to write a book about. My second one is weird. She just did not trust me, even though, we spend a good amount of time. Guess, 6 months is not long time for her. It was for me. I got too personal and she panic. I learn a lesson. Don't get too attached!! I still love her though. It will take a long time to forget her.

That's too bad whghlost. For me the cash is a cure all for intense emotions like that. (Apparently there is some rule that you aren't allowed to care about dancers at all. Weird, imo.) Not saying it should be like this for you, but for me pay for play is the only way to do it as a very effective form of protection. It is difficult for me to understand why a man would want to get away from that unless he is truly broke and also feels he has met his one true love. Even with the one true love, try and negotiate for the right to make future payments!!! :)