BLS, LBS & Some Fresh Lemper
reverendhornibastard
Depraved Deacon of Degeneracy
Just in case the Reverend Hornibastard household wasn’t weird enough already, now we have a recurrent BLS & LBS situation on our hands.
Mrs. Hornibastard #3 is largely to blame for this. She is the nicest, most caring and friendly person I’ve ever known. I never met Mother Teresa, but I suspect that she and Mrs. Hornibastard #3 suffer from the same character flaw (pernicious, chronic empathy).
For example, when we are all driving somewhere (could be a grocery run or heading off for a long weekend at the beach), if Mrs. Hornibastard #3 sees a beggar on the side of the road, she will demand that I pull into the curb lane so she can give them a handout.
If I can’t get to the curb lane in time, I have to pull over ASAP so she can run back to the beggar to hand them some cash.
Handouts are rarely less than $20. If the beggar is a young woman with children, handouts of $100 - $200 are not uncommon.
I’m just relieved beggars don’t accept credit cards!
Yesterday we ended up making a wire transfer of $1,100 to an apartment complex so a young family with two toddlers whose sole breadwinner lost his job due to Covid19 shutdowns would not be evicted next week and have to live in their car.
It was either that or have them move into the unoccupied second master suite & parlor in the “west wing” of our home.
(I thought paying their past due rent was the less troublesome option.)
But this unrepentant caring for the plight of others has now yielded this goofy BLS & LBS bullshit.
In case you have forgotten about “Amanda,” she has now become “BLS” and she refers to Mrs. Hornibastard #3 as “LBS.”
Here is the backstory on Amanda (now d.b.a. “BLS”):
https://tuscl.net/discussion.php?id=7402…
https://tuscl.net/discussion.php?id=7407…
Being the lovable, kind-hearted woman that Mrs. Hornibastard #3 is (plus being one of those rare women who loves to gossip), it’s very common for her friends to show up at our home with little or no notice. Impromptu “hen parties” frequently occur in my home.
Too frequently if you ask me!
Most of the women who show up to spend time with Mrs. Hornibastard #3 are other Indonesian women who live in the greater Houston area. Some of them will drive 60 miles across Houston (each way!) to snack and gossip with my wife.
I got bored and “retired from retirement” a few months ago and now spend most of the day upstairs in my man cave/office/gym. It’s not unusual for me to hear the doorbell ring and later hear the sound of feminine voices downstairs, laughing and chattering.
But last week, I had heard no doorbell ring and was unaware we had a guest when I decided to come downstairs to make myself a fresh hot cup of Lo Han Kuo.
Dressed appropriately for my frequent video conferences (a crisply starched, collared shirt and boxers), I was already in the kitchen making my Lo Han Kuo when I heard the snickering.
“Looking sharp, counselor!” a feminine voice rang out.
Mrs. Hornibastard and Amanda were sitting at the table in the breakfast nook drinking mandarin tea and noshing on some of Mrs. Hornibastard’s delicious home-made lemper.
The two of them erupted into laughter.
Although I was full of questions about why Amanda was in my home, I just grinned sheepishly, said “hello” and marched back upstairs with my fresh hot cup of Lo Han Kuo.
That evening over dinner I got the full story from Mrs. Hornibastard.
She and Amanda have become good buddies after encountering each other on bike rides and while jogging. Apparently Amanda has been in our home several times already.
I was completely unaware of any of this.
As for the pet names they call each other, “BLS” stands for “big little sister” and “LBS” stands for “little big sister.”
In Javanese culture (Mrs. Hornibastard’s ethnic group), age seniority is tremendously important. In her first language (Javanese), you speak very differently depending when whether you are addressing someone older or younger than you.
Amanda is younger but taller than Mrs. Hornibastard #3. That makes her Mrs. Hornibastard’s “BLS.”
Mrs. Hornibastard is older but shorter than Amanda. That makes her Amanda’s “LBS.”
I’m told that BLS will come over this afternoon so her LBS can teach her how to make lemper.
I will stay out of the way. I’ll be putting up a basketball goal in the courtyard for my goofy spawn.
But I will eat some lemper when I’m finished.
Mrs. Hornibastard #3 is largely to blame for this. She is the nicest, most caring and friendly person I’ve ever known. I never met Mother Teresa, but I suspect that she and Mrs. Hornibastard #3 suffer from the same character flaw (pernicious, chronic empathy).
For example, when we are all driving somewhere (could be a grocery run or heading off for a long weekend at the beach), if Mrs. Hornibastard #3 sees a beggar on the side of the road, she will demand that I pull into the curb lane so she can give them a handout.
If I can’t get to the curb lane in time, I have to pull over ASAP so she can run back to the beggar to hand them some cash.
Handouts are rarely less than $20. If the beggar is a young woman with children, handouts of $100 - $200 are not uncommon.
I’m just relieved beggars don’t accept credit cards!
Yesterday we ended up making a wire transfer of $1,100 to an apartment complex so a young family with two toddlers whose sole breadwinner lost his job due to Covid19 shutdowns would not be evicted next week and have to live in their car.
It was either that or have them move into the unoccupied second master suite & parlor in the “west wing” of our home.
(I thought paying their past due rent was the less troublesome option.)
But this unrepentant caring for the plight of others has now yielded this goofy BLS & LBS bullshit.
In case you have forgotten about “Amanda,” she has now become “BLS” and she refers to Mrs. Hornibastard #3 as “LBS.”
Here is the backstory on Amanda (now d.b.a. “BLS”):
https://tuscl.net/discussion.php?id=7402…
https://tuscl.net/discussion.php?id=7407…
Being the lovable, kind-hearted woman that Mrs. Hornibastard #3 is (plus being one of those rare women who loves to gossip), it’s very common for her friends to show up at our home with little or no notice. Impromptu “hen parties” frequently occur in my home.
Too frequently if you ask me!
Most of the women who show up to spend time with Mrs. Hornibastard #3 are other Indonesian women who live in the greater Houston area. Some of them will drive 60 miles across Houston (each way!) to snack and gossip with my wife.
I got bored and “retired from retirement” a few months ago and now spend most of the day upstairs in my man cave/office/gym. It’s not unusual for me to hear the doorbell ring and later hear the sound of feminine voices downstairs, laughing and chattering.
But last week, I had heard no doorbell ring and was unaware we had a guest when I decided to come downstairs to make myself a fresh hot cup of Lo Han Kuo.
Dressed appropriately for my frequent video conferences (a crisply starched, collared shirt and boxers), I was already in the kitchen making my Lo Han Kuo when I heard the snickering.
“Looking sharp, counselor!” a feminine voice rang out.
Mrs. Hornibastard and Amanda were sitting at the table in the breakfast nook drinking mandarin tea and noshing on some of Mrs. Hornibastard’s delicious home-made lemper.
The two of them erupted into laughter.
Although I was full of questions about why Amanda was in my home, I just grinned sheepishly, said “hello” and marched back upstairs with my fresh hot cup of Lo Han Kuo.
That evening over dinner I got the full story from Mrs. Hornibastard.
She and Amanda have become good buddies after encountering each other on bike rides and while jogging. Apparently Amanda has been in our home several times already.
I was completely unaware of any of this.
As for the pet names they call each other, “BLS” stands for “big little sister” and “LBS” stands for “little big sister.”
In Javanese culture (Mrs. Hornibastard’s ethnic group), age seniority is tremendously important. In her first language (Javanese), you speak very differently depending when whether you are addressing someone older or younger than you.
Amanda is younger but taller than Mrs. Hornibastard #3. That makes her Mrs. Hornibastard’s “BLS.”
Mrs. Hornibastard is older but shorter than Amanda. That makes her Amanda’s “LBS.”
I’m told that BLS will come over this afternoon so her LBS can teach her how to make lemper.
I will stay out of the way. I’ll be putting up a basketball goal in the courtyard for my goofy spawn.
But I will eat some lemper when I’m finished.
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2 comments
1) Mrs. Hornibastard #3 sharing days are over. She became much more traditional in that respect after she got the ring and even more so after our twins were born.
2) Amanda lives around the corner and down the street, not among the terraces rice paddies of East Java on the other side of the planet. I’m not (usually) THAT stupid.