The Male Ego

It sounds like a great idea, if we can wing it, I don't know... We'll see over the next few months if it can work out..

Cyn - RIGHT ON THE BUTTON DEAR!! It is ALL in the CLICKS how a dancer and customer get along. Guys, Cyn is not a Cosmopolitan type woman you would see in the magazine and Cyn will agree, but you have to get really up close to Cyn to see the pure 'evil' (nice type) in her. This woman has features about her that I have never seen in any other woman, especially those God given BEAUTIFUL mystic EYES!

Cyn - Shadowcat has a great idea! I know you have certain responsibilities at home, but if you could make this TUSCL Meeting or Convention, I'll drive up and we'll fly to Columbia and back. No hanky panky, strictly business. Shadowcat and I will split your lodging expense so you can have your own room.

Cyn - Shadowcat is correct about me in all aspects (as you well know). However, I have other colored thongs! Thought I was going to mention the PENIS thing eh? :-)

evilcyn: Yeah, Bones is a lot of fun. He has to be to get the girls. A skinny old man (60) with a small penis ( reports from dancers) and resorts to wearing a purple thong. Believe me, if I ever get to your club, you will forget all about him. Just kidding. He is one of my buddies. Why don't you join us in OCT at the Columbia PP, so that we can all see what is driving him nuts. You cound work there for the weekend or just observe.

Now THAT'S some mutual encouragement. :)

Bones, I try to stroke you the best way I can baby... .. You do the same for my ego as well, always make me feel sexy and smiley.. Ok, the topic at hand, I won't totally BS someone to stroke thier ego, if it is something to really compliment then I will... When things click well between a dancer and a customer, the stroking of both egos just happen..Right Bones !!!

I was hoping 'evilcyn' would add her comments for us guys on this topic. She told me she would, so she's probably waiting for the time to do it.

How's this for an EGO booster! After walking into Bugsy's yesterday, where 'evilcyn' works.... she literally comes running at me from the champaigne room, throws her arms and legs up in the air, and lands on me while standing, wrapping those long smooth legs around my waist and arms around my neck! It might be all about the money, but it sure strokes that EGO 100%.

EGO- It's all in the head, and responds very well to being stroked.

And it could be different but no closer to your sensibility. You might find us insufficient in the areas of mutual encouragement and always being positive.

Chandler: maybe I didn't get what kind of ribbing you were talking about. Could be that yours, contrasted with the stuff I was putting up with in Canada, is quite different.

Wow, Book Guy, you'd really have to be looking for a reason to feel hurt to take the kind of good natured ribbing I'm talking about that way. It's not a male bonding thing and not particularly sarcastic. Both men and women do it, and it involves self-deprecation as well as mocking. It puts some people at ease because not everyone wants to always have to walk on eggshells around their friends of all people. Save that for uptight strangers.

I think the comment about "big" versus "fragile" egos is interesting. I don't generally come across as having a "fragile ego" among my friends -- they'd probably describe me as someone who is quite "secure in himself." And here on the boards, I bet I come across as quite "fragile" because I'm choosing here to air the dirtiest laundry. It's not important to me to "save face" among anonymous correspondents at a sexually related board populated mostly by lonely older males. So, my MOST fragile moments will appear here, probably before appearing at a lot of other places, because of the "unimportant" nature of the community. Does this make me more or less fragile? In some ways, it could be argued, the willingness to air one's dirty laundry is a condition of infragility, durability; probably also of the self-aggrandizing that comes of big egos, but that's a different issue, or is it?

But, to a related topic: I still hate the type of male bonding that includes a lot of sarcastic insulting. Someone here mentioned, that his group of friends put sone another at ease through that kind of "harmless" jibing. For a long time I believed that this was indeed harmless, but then I realized that for all of us, it was "slowly sinking in." I was living in Canada at the time -- a land renowned for its sarcasm and self-immolation -- and I think I really began to 'believe" that being an American citizen somehow made me "less capable." Plenty of my friends would say "semi-sarcastic" things which were quite negative, and then couch them in "that was meant to be a joke" type terms. This allowed them to get away with being negative and "hurtful" in that "I'm better than you but I'd never say so" way that is so common in Canada. I eventually left that country. I don't know if this is merely a characteristic of the people I met, or the type of people that young Canadians are, or what life as a young adult is like. But nowadays, I reject "sarcasm" in favor of "mutual encouragement." I genuinely believe that we can all attain more of our full potential, partly thanks to the aid of others. I try to encourage everyone I know to fully attain their goals, and to be positive about whatever accomplishments are important to them, regardless of how "piddling" they might seem to me, or how quick and witty I could think up a sarcastic and dismissive comment about them.

Just some thoughts about big and little and fragile and durable egos.

[shadowcat writes] Would someone tell arbeeguy that he needs to remove me from his ignore list or clear his cache or cookies or beer or whatever.

Would someone tell arbeeguy that he needs to remove me from his ignore list or clear his cache or cookies or beer or whatever.

I've got to keep my ego in check. I don't need any dancers finding out I'm a billionare:)

The only thing that annoys me about this topic is two of the entries address their comments to Shadowcat but I don't see ANY entries posted by Shadowcat.

Advertisers have taught us to consider all sweat disgusting. It's a fact of life in some situations, including most kinds of performance, athletic, dance or sexual.

My biggest problem with air conditioning set low is it makes it feel so much hotter when you go back outside. Same way with a building being too warm in the winter.

I don't much mind a sweaty dancer, depending on how she got that way. If she just came off stage, I'd rather she join me sweaty than wait for her to take a shower. And if she works up the sweat with me in VIP, that's even better. Seems to me it's the best dancers who sweat the most becdause they work the hardest. Sounds like a fair trade-off to me.

Saying strip clubs have the air conditioning turned down too low may be a matter of opinion. I rarely get cold unless I've recently drunk a bit too much cold beer. Leave the thermostat in the 60's say around 64 or 65 and I will be comfortable in shorts unless I'm downing too much cold beer or cold drinks including ice water. I've heard this comment from dancers a whole lot "you're warm" or "you're always warm". I remember one dancer was freezing in one club on more than one occasion. I didn't think it was that cold but it did feel a little bit cool to me. I've heard other females tell me if it feels cool to me, it must be freezing. Anyway the cold dancer and a few others have used my body heat to warm themselves back up. Usually involves sitting on my lap. They only seem to do that in the winter when the club is much colder. I think the air conditioning units in the south have trouble keeping it cool when the temperature is in the upper 90's outside.

shadowcat: for sure! Is there anything else more disgusting than dancing with a stripper with a sweaty back?

Personally I like a chilly strip club. The dancers don't sweat so much and want to cuddle more.

I've always thought that a big ego is inflated with hot air while a small one is inflated with ethyl alcohol. So that might be a clue where you stand.

Strip clubs aren't the only places that are too cold in the summer, I find that most restaurants are too, especially as you head south. The temperature in these places is almost always set for the comfort of the workers charging around the room and going into and out of the hot kitchen, not the customers who are sitting freezing their asses off. Very annoying.

Interesting topic and discussion. I'm not sure into which category I fall. On the one hand, my ego could be construed as being fragile, because I would take it fairly personally, if the girl I was with would rather circulate the floor, rather than spending time with me. On the other hand, I have a big ego, because I feel like I am THE best catch at the club, and any dancer that doesn't want to spend time with me is missing out.

I guess if I were forced to choose, I'd be more inclined to say that I had a big ego. Especially over the last 3-4 years. That ego has been buoyed by the run of success I've been experiencing. It's been over the last 4-ish years that I started having the guts to ask girls to spend time with me OTC. Since then, I've NEVER been flat-out turned down. The few times that I've been met with reluctance (only two girls), has been just a matter of comfort, as it turns out. In both cases, the girls were just not sure that they would be safe with the likes of me. After succumbing to my charms, both apprensive girls became long-term OTC partners, and are now known as my prev-ATF and ATF.

When I enter a club, I have the "strut" feeling inside, thinking that it has just become "their lucky day" for the girls working at that time.

The reality of the matter is, as I'm sure someone will point out, with out have some green in the wallet, I would have little or no success. On the street, I would not have the guts to approach a lot of those girls. My courage is growing though. I've become much more flirtatous (and suggestive) with women.

Re climate control, a couple of reasons I've thought there's a problem: In summer, patrons wear shorts for the heat outside (& for perv reasons) then get chilled my the A/C. However, the dancers like it cool because the exertion of dancing (don't laugh) makes them sweat. It seems like every time I'm in a club wishing they'd cut the A/C, some dancer will ask if I don't think it's too warm. I've learned to regret wearing shorts to a strip club just because it's baking outside. So, maybe the clubs seesaw between cranking it up too high or down too low, depending on who bitches the loudest.

Good point, FONDL. I'm sometimes surprised at the fragile egos on this board. Among my friends, insults are the way we put each other at ease. I'm not usually fazed much either way by insults or excessive compliments. I tend to assume they're either a joke, a buttering up or somebody who doesn't know me. So, by your measure I may be guilty of having a big ego. The main ego stroking I get from strippers comes from how they act rather than the silly stuff they say.

I think some of us are confusing a big ego with a fragile one. A guy with a big ego ignores an insult, thinking it's a joke, where a guy with a fragile ego takes it seriously and feels hurt. Frankly I don't think anyone here has a particularly large ego, nobody comes across as being that obnoxious.

David, by walking in the door we agree to a world of lies. By acting like they enjoy stripping for us and treating us like lovers, the dancers are giving us the lie we ask for. I'm not about to look for truth in the things they say to enhance the experience. I say the same sorts of lies to them myself. And the last thing I want is for strippers to say the same things they say in the dressing room.

chandler: "And I don't mind when strippers tell me those beautiful lies. It only bothers me when they do it badly."

Really? The lies wouldn't bother you? It would be MORE damaging to my ego to find out if a girl said one thing about me to my face and then say just the opposite to the other girls in the dressing room.

I've been around strip clubs long enough to know things like that happen. A stripper may tell you how cute you are and five minutes later in the dressing room tell her friends about having to dance with a fat, smelly, disgusting slob (just an example, not about me of course!)

Once again, I know it's all about the fantasy, but I would rather not hear the lies.

re: Book Guy's comments about climate control.....is it just me, or do most strip clubs seem to have a problem with maintaining the right temperature? It seems it's always too hot or too cold. Especially in the summer, they can't seem to regulate the A/C to please everyone. 2 weeks ago the club I visited was very warm....went back to the same club this past weekend and it was very, very chilly. This consistently seems to be a problem at the various clubs I attend. Setting the A/C shouldn't be rocket science. (Sorry to get off topic and start the morning so grumpy)

Some girls just know how to lay on a compliment so that you feel really good about yourself. With others, everything out of their mouth is clearly a line. I know I'm not cute, I know I don't have a huge cock. If you try to tell me otherwise, I'm not buying it. Even just telling me that I smell nice makes me think "Well, I guess some of your customers must really stink."

On the other hand, there are some things that girls have said in such a way that they made me believe were sincere. One girl told me she liked my curly hair, and she played with it every time she walked by. A dancer I will never forget told me that over and over that I had nice lips -- and this was before she kissed me. There's just something that made their compliments more real. Maybe the fact that they were so specific makes it more plausible? Once I had a woman compliment my calves, and I thought, "Wow, who picks that to comment on? Maybe she means it."

I think that ego is the main reason we have regular clubs. many of us have lots of choices of places we could visit. And there's just something about walking into a place where people know you and act pleased to see you. I love it when a girl says "Candi isn't here tonight. Can I sit with you instead?" or when Candi is there and she makes an excuse to leave the guy she's been working on to come see me. Big shot, that's me. And when Candi brags to the other dancers about me, my ego gets emotionally erect.

I have a huge strip-club ego. I hate it when "my girl" goes and spends time with someone else. I REALLY hate it when "the right things" aren't done or said. I REALY REALLY hate it when the wait staff doesn't read my mind. I try to curtail these instincts, and sometimes I succeed.

One thing I notice is that I really like strip clubs when it's very hot out and they're unreasonably highly air conditioned inside. Something about that almost-wet touch of the air, and then getting a warm girl whose skin is smooth and almost powdery, up against me ... the conditions are JUST right for hanky panky. :) Similarly, I've been less than impressed with the girls in clubs that lack adequate climate control.

Maybe I oughta just get a nice air conditioner for my home ...

AN brought up a good point I didn't think of and shadowcat confirmed that point. I probably do let my ego take over too much. I've always been a person who likes to be liked. I have no enemies in this world, only friends and companions (same same).

I also agree that I like to be clean, fresh, shaven (everywhere) for my dancers. Hygiene is very important and we have had posted topics on this subject. Maybe it's time we open another HYGIENE topic for some of the newbies to this board?

Keep stroking that EGO baby, along with other things! :-)

Bones, everyone has ego, the distinction is how much you recognize it and how much you let it control you. Dancers have ego, and I've seen a few on stage that quite frankly had an excess considering how they looked. Customers have ego, and strippers play on that. Nothing wrong with that, the ego is an erogenous zone in my opinion and we go to clubs to get it stroked at some level. Problems come when the PL line gets crossed. I've always defined that line with a simple phrase, "I'm different". Start thinking that you are letting the ego take over.

While I would completely agree that we all have large egos, it actually makes me uncomfortable when dancers say things like: "ooh, you're sexy" (cuz I'm not) or "wow, you're HUGE (cuz I'm not)" I prefer to just have an honest conversation. The only thing I really like for them to comment on is that (1) I smell nice and (2) I dress nicely. We've had threads before on dress....while some guys prefer to "dress down", I like putting on a nice pair of Docker's pants, a nice golf shirt, and nice shoes and then having the dancer comment about that. I don't need the comments -- but I like hearing them. I just don't want to hear lies about by physical appearance in an attempt to get more money from me.

That's a good question. Yes, I would like to impress the dancers. If that means wearing nice clothes, then that is a price I'm not willing to pay. Mainly, I'm willing to do fairly little to achieve that goal in that it is a negative for me. Do I want to learn about rappers? Or what clothing style is hot? Tattoos? Illegal drugs (those would generally be fine if not for the created penalties)? Go to church? Stand up to the abusive boyfriend? Usually, the answer is an emphatic NO.

Bones: I have such a big ego when it comes to my favorite club that I sometimes think that my shit doesn't stink. You and a dozen other TUSCL'ers have bolsterd that image. I can't go to the club and pay more than 2 for $20 for lap dances. I have an image to uphold. My email cup runeth over. 2 today from a strip club buddy in NC who is going to the club this week. When I sit in my favorite spot and dancers that I never get dances from acknowledge my presense, I get that warm feeling. When they tell me I don't look my age, How smooth my legs are and How good I smell or tell me they give me special dances because they like me. I believe them and my ego gets another push. When a few of them remark that I have a big dick, I just take that as stripper shit and it does not boost my ego. I know that I am no John C. Homes but I know that I am bigger than average. Only had one girl, a prostitute in Japan that said that I was too big to fuck. As long as strippers keep pushing the right buttons, I'll be there.

One of the great things about strip clubs is you don't have to dress up or do anything special to impress strippers. Just bring money. Yeah, it doesn't hurt to bathe and wear clean clothes, but why bother ironing them? I really like that total lack of pressure to make an impression. Sit back and let the strippers worry about image.

Of course, the boost to my ego is a big part of the appeal. But it's all make believe. And I don't mind when strippers tell me those beautiful lies. It only bothers me when they do it badly.

It is all in the "click." I don't know how to fake that sensation, or if there are any skills or devices or potions that would crdeate it. But many many young girls know how to create it with me. This is a major improvement to my emotional experience in the strip club, though it is also a major detriment to my wallet ...