Sitting in Uncomfortable Silence

^ Edit: I turn to her and say I came to see *ATF DS's name* as usual then bury my nose in my phone again.

Damn dude, I NEVER let that happen. Either I pro-actively dismiss her, or if she's interesting, I'll turn towards her and give her my attention (with the opening like of "I'm waiting for so-and-so, and not buying dances from anyone else, but you're welcome to hang out and talk"). Although my general attitude is that there's rarely a downside to being on good terms with everyone in the club; maybe one of my buddies will like her later, maybe I'll like her on a day my ATF isn't around, and maybe it'll be more fun to talk to her than sit on my phone. But again, if she's just unattractive of unpleasant/ghetto, I pro-actively dismiss her immediately

@Subra it usually ends when I say, "I'm waiting for 'so and so'". But this one either didn't hear me or didn't care. I completely agree with your approach.

@Subra I just might have to add, "and I'm only here to get dances with so-and-so" just like you do. I don't usually need to get that direct.

I am honest and upfront when this occurs - similar to Subraman.

I was at a club Wednesday to see a dancer (who texted me a photo and letting me know she was working).

As soon as I arrive - a dancer comes over - does the usual stripper thing of running her hand over my shoulders and says hello. I quickly say hello, and let her know I’m not interested. She goes back to her stool, and I’m comfortably sitting at the bar.

Here’s where I run into problems. There is a skinny dancer on stage - with fake tits - and the look of long hard miles. I can’t say no to that look. As my dancer comes out and comes over to me - I’m unable to take my eyes off of the girl on stage. I get a long hug and kiss - and hold eye contact with the other dancer.

The other dancer comes over and introduces herself and it’s obvious she has been used hard for years - and she pulls her tits out as I push several singles between them. I grope her tiny ass - give it a good hard slap - and squeeze more cash between her tits. I whisper in her ear to give me her number - and she smiles. By now my dancer is no longer hugging me - she’s turned away and grinding on my pants to get me hard. I’m already hard thinking about using the other dancer.

I quickly grab my phone from the bar - unlock it - and pass it to the other dancer - I smile and she types in her number and name. I pass her a $20 and squeeze her tits to say thanks.

Then I tell my dancer I’m ready to go right to VIP - as I’ve got a meeting coming up before the end of the business day. I get to VIP - she gets naked - and I make her sit on the table - spread her legs - and I jerk off over her face until she’s begging for me to fuck her. She tells me - don’t cum until you fuck me - I want it inside. I fuck her covered - and pull out and tell her to cum for me. She rubs her dirty pussy hard and squirts on me - and all over the table top (she also rips a few dry farts - that make her seem even filthier). I push back inside and tell her I’m cuming on her face - so she slides off the table and gets on her knees for me. After I cum - we go back to the bar and she sits on my lap to chat.

As we chat - the other dancer comes back on stage and we go back to the staring game - and I realize I’m not paying attention to my dancer. That’s when I know it’s time to leave...

LOL @Cashman not to nitpick but that all sounds like you sat in comfortable silence. 👍

Switch your strain of weed, and that uncomfortable silence will become comfortable 😝

^ It was a rare time I was sober. 🤯

It's always more comfy when I'm high.

@nicespice there's a reason I tried to get you high. Make you comfy with my passive-aggressive Portland boner. 😝

Yes SirLDAlot - I said very little - but I was not uncomfortable.

I know my current fave is a chatter - and that’s fine - as it’s background noise - and she knows my brain doesn’t multi task. So if I’m admiring her fine ass - I’m not able to discern if her nail color is black or midnight...

Yeah - it happens from time-to-time - usually it's a pushy-dancer and sometimes an inexperienced newbie girl - I will usually tell them a minute or 2 in that I'm not getting any dances or that I just wanna chill and watch the stage and that's usually enough - in the Cuban-heavy clubs I try not to let them sit on me or beside me - I will wave them off with a smile and say "no thanks" or even put my arm out to keep them from setting-up-shop on my lap - as far as I'm concerned if they don't respect my space by asking if they could join me then I don't owe them my time nor lap (club-time is my time for entertainment and to unwind and I don't wanna spend time and effort "trying to be polite" and/or accommodating the dancers - as far as I'm concerned they are there to accommodate me, not me accommodate them; that's why I'm paying).

In the rare instances she doesn't bail I just ignore her and do what I usually do which is watch the stage, and scan the floor for dancers I like and if I see one I like I try to get with her and this will almost-always shake the invader.

More or less what Sub said. If she was hot, I'd have told her that I was waiting for someone but left it open for her to wait with me.
If I didn't like her much, then I'd send her away using Sub's line or some other. Nicely if possible, but less nice if necessary. With all of my life obligations, I just don't have time to spare coddling girls I don't want to deal with.

I never tell a man how to carry himself, but your story kinda' stunk of fear of confrontation. No offense intended, but IME that will hamper you in a lot of ways in a strip club. IME and IMHO, sometimes you gotta' channel just a little inner asshole if you want to minimize your negative experiences and maximize the good ones in a strip club.

@rick I get you but since I was waiting and my ATF DS wasn't even out yet I saw no need to be a rick I mean dick about it. As soon as I saw my ATF DS I got with her so it was all good.

@Papi LOL good move giving Cubans "the Heisman". They are too pushy.

Am I the only one rude enough to tell dancers "You are welcome to sit there but I wish to be left alone while I wait for Ashely "

I usually just say I’m waiting for Bubbles. If she says “Bubbles?” - I say “Remember when you were younger - and liked to blow Bubbles?” - if she says yes - I say “He’ll be stopping by soon to say hi...”

That either gets her to move on - or if she smiles and stays - I know she’s a bit off - like me!

These days I at least introduce myself and then tell the dancer if I'm interested or not. If I'm interested, but not available that day I'll tell them I'll keep them in mind for another day. If I'm not interested at all, I'll just say I'm waiting on another dancer, or just a polite no thank you.

===> "@rick I get you but since I was waiting and my ATF DS wasn't even out yet I saw no need to be a rick I mean dick about it."

If your ATF wasn't even on the floor yet, guess I don't understand why you didn't just talk to the girl then. Or send her away if she was unappealing. How long were you going to sit there clutching the phone with white knuckles while giving the screen a death stare? If not fear of confrontation, then maybe talking to these girls just doesn't come naturally to you? Idk the answer and I'm truly not trying to be a rick, er. I mean dick, but rather just understand the situation.

"How long were you going to sit there clutching the phone with white knuckles while giving the screen a death stare? If not fear of confrontation, then maybe talking to these girls just doesn't come naturally to you?"

@rick

White knuckling? I don't think so.

Fear of confrontation? Same thing. Naw.

Talking to a girl doesn't come naturally? Nope.

When I'm on my phone I want to look at my phone. And we did talk to each other. Just not enough to fill the silence. It was only uncomfortable in that she kept staring at my phone and then me even after I said I was waiting on so-and-so as usual. And by the way I thought I mentioned how long all the silence was. Part of it was also she was new to the club and didn't know me. Plus most strippers I know know to go away if the guy says he's waiting on someone else.

^ so says the fellow without any reviews 🤭

You profile shows zero.

It seems FLF and SJG are tied in the competition for least number of reviews.

I've had this happen a few times. The dancer was either new, or assumed that my ego was quite fragile and that I would just jump for joy when ANY woman deigns to talk to me....

I'm not paying to force a conversation, so if I dont want to talk I dont. They usually get the hint when a hottie comes by after her stage show and I immediately take said hottie for dances, no convos required.

My preferred line if it gets too much is "I'm not much of a talker, is it cool if I just watch the show?"

^ The silence is only uncomfortable with me when I'm not interested in getting dances. But when I do want some, I don't mind hanging out a bit beforehand. I usually offer to give her a massage and that way we can opt to sit in silence and it's fine. I'll sit spoon behind her as I massage her and not a word will be exchanged, yet it's totally comfy. From that position I can watch the show, scan the room and check out other strippers, or scan her body. All with a boner sitting spoon. It's awesome silence then!

I sometimes see guys that look like they need to be rescued from the placeholder sitting next to them... but, without a clear signal and being unwilling to step on another dancer's toes, I'm powerless to help...
I wonder if the bartender can be enlisted to help in situations like this that become awkward...maybe a code word or something that signals her to make an excuse why the unwanted girl is needed in the back or maybe something more direct... but, the point is that the bartender does the dirty work. Easier if you already know her, but, either way, can prob easily be persuaded with a little extra added tip. 😊
Just a thought...

@EndlessSummer if there are other strippers or the bartender that I know well, absolutely I'll pull them into the uncomfortable silence to save me from it if they are nearby.

One of my MOs is to tip the bartender and the other strippers at the stage, even though I'm never going to get a dance with some. As a regular the bartender and said strippers end up getting to know me and have my back whenever they see me. At my club(s) the bartender has already poured my drink before I even get to the bar, and the strippers that know me always come up to say hi and then will go get my ATF DS for me if she's in the back. Small tips go a long way...

SirLap, I agree. The bartender is always one of the persons I always tip well. They can do a lot for you if they are on your side. From giving you generous pours of the best whisky to steering to you a OT dancer or rescuing you from a bad situation. I generally tip all the girls on stage a few bucks. They are working hard for your entertainment.

OT was supposed to be hot

===> "I sometimes see guys that look like they need to be rescued from the placeholder sitting next to them... but, without a clear signal and being unwilling to step on another dancer's toes, I'm powerless to help..."

===> "@EndlessSummer if there are other strippers or the bartender that I know well, absolutely I'll pull them into the uncomfortable silence to save me from it if they are nearby."

Ok, I've tried to be a little kinder and gentler of late, if for no other reason than to stop the incessant whining of a few sissy trolls. But c'mon now. I stand by my original statement regarding fear of confrontation and I don't buy the rationalizations that were provided in response.

SLD, IME if there is one constant in strip clubs, especially in those with more aggressive dancers, it's the need to control your own space if you want to maximize your club fun. Because if you don't control it, then someone else will control it for you. If you are not interested in a girl, then you need to learn to send her away pronto or risk losing out on better options.

For example, what if your CF saw someone else sitting with you and was too timid to come over, so instead sat with someone else? Or what if you weren't waiting for a fav, but during the time you sat there staring at your phone, a better option passed on by? We all have limits on our time and every minute an undesirable girl ties you up is a minute that you could have spent open for a better option.

Anyway, just my two cents fwiw.

@rickdugan I totally agree in that I'll never let a fave or a stripper I want pass by. I just take a different approach than you. I control my space in a different way, that's all. But I've been at this game a while and I never lose out on being passive. LMAO that's rookie shit.

When I'm at a club waiting on a fave or desired stripper I am constantly scanning the room at frequent intervals. This is whether or not I'm on my phone or in a conversation or whatever. And then seeing the stripper I want is my cue to just take action and I do. As per my story above, as I was sitting there with this other stripper in silence, I saw my ATF DS come out of the dressing room and immediately gestured for her to come over and separated from the other stripper by a seat so my ATF DS could sit between us. There was no need to shoo the other stripper away or anything. She got the hint and moved away. Again, this is just a different approach than you would advise, but I got the same result: my stripper as soon as I saw her.

"But c'mon now. I stand by my original statement regarding fear of confrontation and I don't buy the rationalizations that were provided in response."

^ @rickdugan LMAO feel free to have your opinion but all I can say is that you're wrong because you are simply misinterpreting what I'm saying and using things to rationalize them in your own way. It's simple. If I don't want to have a conversation with someone, I don't. But feel free to think otherwise based on misinterpreting what I'm saying.

"if there are other strippers or the bartender that I know well, absolutely I'll pull them into the uncomfortable silence to save me from it if they are nearby."

^ @rickdugan FYI by this statement all I meant is that I'll simply start having a conversation with them instead of the stripper. Why, because I like having conversations with people I want to have conversations with.

It has nothing to do with not being a natural conversationalist with women or fearing confrontation, like you incorrectly assume about me.

I hear you SLD. I get that, in this particular situation, you were on the lookout for your fav and had every intention of waving her over when she came out. But I would counter that sometimes we go into clubs not knowing what we want until we find it, or what opportunities might have passed us up because we were otherwise occupied. Also, in some clubs, dancers will smell this as a sign of weakness and will camp out and/or pull the same stunt again in the future.

For all of these reasons and those discussed in earlier posts, I make it a habit of never letting bad situations fester. I'd rather be viewed by a few girls as a dismissive a-hole than to miss out on a better opportunity or have even one girl mistakenly believe that she is in charge of who I spend time with.

Anyway, to each his own I suppose.

@rickdugan I totally get your perspective. And trust me in that there have been times when I've been a total dismissive a-hole so as not to miss an opportunity. And I know and have experienced the aggressive stripper type.

The one thing is, that might make our situations different, though, is that I'm a regular at this club. I'm not known at all as an a-hole (because I'm just not...most of the time) so I'm not going to create a bad scene if I don't need to. At a club I've never been to and won't be returning to for a while, I certainly would take more of an approach like you mentioned.

And thanks for sharing your approach too! 👍

@Rick that type of behavior with Portland customers is the norm there. Direct shoot downs would probably be do-able in larger busier downtown clubs that has a ton of girls who are too busy hustling to compare notes and there’s more out-of-towners with different personalities anyways.

But in the smaller neighborhood clubs Sirlap likes to frequent, that kind of behavior is going to get noticed. It’s just a more laid back culture and both dancers and customers expect nice behavior from each other.

I can say as a dancer, I got pissed at first at customer behavior that I perceived as leading me on. And I’d have personally welcomed if customers told me to go away right from the get go. But later on, I just simply accepted things for what they were.

If Sirlap takes your advice, there’s a chance girls will take notice and consider him an asshole. It will not increase the amount of respect for him—it will be the opposite.

Which would lessen the vibe in future visits. If the ATF DS gets dressing room gossip planted in her head, there is a real chance it would lower the quality of service received. Gotta fit in.

LMAO nicespice you're just too aggressive to handle out here. Mileage too! 😂😂😂

(Notwithstanding SirLap, of course. 🍆🦄🤗)

Just to add to your point, a while back at the same club, I went in and my ATF DS was a no-show. I decided to finish my drink and an aggressive stripper that was on good terms with the both of us gets the idea in her head that I'm there visiting behind my ATF DS's back. So she then starts getting real aggressive with me and just won't leave me alone even though she's seen me exclusively with ATF DS hundreds of times. And I've never asked for a dance with her except once at a different club. So anyway I ended up cutting her off by saying "Damn, you're thirsty." She stomped off in anger, and OMFG did it get back to my ATF DS eventually. Luckily she knows both of us and that the other stripper is shameless but they are still friends. But still we had to have a conversation about it which then led to me and the other stripper making up to each other. I told her it was bad of me to call her thirsty (LOL she was, though) and she knew she should respect my loyalty to ATF DS.

If we hadn't already been mutual friends ITC, I would have had a bad rep with all the dancers from that point forward.

To address points about bad scenes and dancer "respect" (lol)...

I will say, with no modesty whatsoever, that neither has been a problem for me, lol.

Like dealing with children, if you have the calm conviction that you're in charge, then a dismissal should almost never be dramatic. Mine are normally quiet and generally as smooth as silk. More often than not I send them away with a smile on my face and a thanks for stopping by.

Which also feeds into nice's respect point. Now sometimes in the smaller clubs they may stop coming over after I've turned away the first wave, but that lasts about as long as the first solid stage tip I give to a girl I find interesting. And in the very rare instance in which a girl ignores the cash to stand in solidarity with her sister dancers, then she was likely going to be too silly and uptight to be much fun anyway.

But I'll leave off with this and a "to each his own." ;)

@rickdugan I never had issue with your approach. I just had issue with the assumptions that you made about me to prove it.

And thanks for your follow up because what you just said isn't being the "dismissive a-hole" to me. It's typically how one should approach an aggressive dancer as soon as she starts wasting your time. (In my case she just wasn't wasting my time at that given moment.)

The a-hole part often comes from the speed at which I do it, especially when there is a shame, butterfly or prego girl involved. Sometimes this also includes girls who I know, from historical experience, are just too uptight for my liking. They generally aren't there long enough to make the seat warm.

Damned autocorrect - that was butterface, not butterfly.

And shame was "shame"

Fuck - shamu

Phew! All this anguish over an ATF DS. My solution to this is to simply have no ATF DS. I have a wife for that. Strip clubs are for the VARIETY that the hitched ATF does not provide. Thus, I talk with any stripper who sits down next to me or on me. I never go up to the stripper. If she puts forth the effort, then I’m her Huckleberry for the night. The biggest problem with my solution is that when I go back to the same club in short order, that same dancer may feel as through I am her guy. Not so. I like variety.

@rickdugan and as nicespice and I are saying, if you pull that a-hole type of move in a small Portland club, and you do it to more than one dancer at the same club, the word about you will get out and you will not have a good reputation.

And to your point, it won't end up mattering to the strippers that you want because they will get both your money and good treatment by you. And also it's true that I could be that way too, because my ATF DS and I get along fine and she's getting my money regardless of how the other dancers see me.

But seriously, it doesn't work in one's favor to be that way for the little things. For example in that small club almost all the strippers that see me regularly will do stuff like go tell my ATF DS that I've arrived or they will invite me to go smoke some weed with them. If I were to be a dismissive a-hole I would not get those favors.

Also FWIW that stripper that sat there in silence with me was a total butterface. LOL her body was banging too.

@Nidan I get my variety by having a different fave at another completely different club.

And I'm a shark about going after a stripper I want. It's great when she comes up to me anyway by coincidence, but it also doesn't matter. As soon as I see her, I'm going over to her to reserve the next available time with her.

We all have things we value differently in the clubs I suppose. I don't want any favors from shamus, butterfaces and pregnant girls and, if I don't even want to sit with them at the bar, most definitely have no interest in joining them on the smoking patio. You desire more of a kumbaya experience.

I will say that I have just a hair more patience for butterfaces than I do for shamus and pregos. It can be measured in maybe an extra 20 seconds, but it is there. After all, it's not her fault that nature was so unkind to her and the fact that she's keeping her figure speaks well for her work ethic. Girls who double fist ding dongs and then want to waddle on stage, OTOH, irritate me so much that I often don't even let their chunky asses hit the seat and I find prego girls to be too depressing to bother with.

Anyway, I'll stop giving you grief for white knuckling that phone and just say to each his own. ;)

@rickdugan by those examples I'm just saying that I get a free high (when I feel like it) and I have less wait time on my ATF DS because they go and tell her when I'm there, that's all. Besides, they're not all just shamus, butterfaces, and pregos.

Also I took no grief about white knuckling because it wasn't that at all, as explained as best possible. But more power to you if that's how you want to leave it though.

man. dealing with all these dancer situations. gets complicated for a guy like me. so many women... so little time.

It's a pretty simple formula for me. Go to see my hot fave(s). Lather. Rinse. Repeat. (Then on occasion seek another fave.)

my problem is I usually cannot be faithful to just one woman in a club. I love variety.

Did you know we can’t read your mind?

The courteous thing to do, in my opinion, is just politely say, “Oh, I’m waiting for someone,” usually that would do it. And then, “You know, I just want to sit by myself if you don’t mind.“

How many reviews are there where the guy says he had sooooo much money to spend and no one talked to him?? Seems like she was just doing her job to me?? Acting annoyed with someone for just doing what we do in a club, what customers would like us to do in a club—talk to them—kinda unnecessary. 🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️

I promise I can’t read anyone’s mind, no idea if you are waiting for someone, or you’re doing something really quickly on your phone, or you are just awkward and feel weird sitting there by yourself in a club so you’re pretending to be busy. I have no idea. But, if you told me politely that you’re waiting for someone, that would be 200% cool.

@PinkSugarDoll Absolutely agreed, I always try to mention that I'm waiting on someone else because it's always true if I don't want a dance with someone. That's why early during the encounter I mentioned...

"Then she asks what brings me into the club. I turn to her and say I came to see as usual then bury my nose in my phone again."

^ FYI it was a typo but it was supposed to read "...I came to see *my ATF DS* as usual..."

She clearly heard it and acknowledged it too, but she still sat there for whatever reason.

@PSD

I don't think most custies mind a dancer coming over - from TUSCL discussions in the past the issue is when a dancer does not get the hint and refuses to leave after you've done everything possible to let her know you are not interested.

Saying "I'm waiting on someone" does work w/ most dancers; but not with certain pushy dancers that refuse to take no for an answer and keep at it - I think these are the encounters TUSCLers complain about, not her coming-over and trying to engage.