I Am a Gentleman

I may be a lot of horrible things. But despite all of my foibles, I am, at least, a gentleman.

As a gentleman, I have been known to occasionally canoodle moderately unattractive women just to be polite.

You know how it goes. You’re out on a late night love safari. You’ve had too much to drink. You’ve focused your attentions on a young lady who has made it plain she is prepared to go home with you and exchange bodily fluids.

All systems are “Go.”

But once under the bright track lights of your home and with the liquor starting to wear off you realize the “beauty” you brought home is actually a bit of a “beast.”

But there she is, smiling hopefully as she stands butt naked in the middle of your living room. It would be unimaginably insensitive to tell her you’ve changed your mind so, “Hasta la vista, Baby!”

That would be the wimp’s way out. A real man just grits his teeth and says to himself, “OK, let’s get this over with!”

There are actually some unexpected benefits of canoodling moderately unattractive women. For one thing, being rather more desperate for male attention than their lovelier sisters, the moderately unattractive woman can be counted on to show very high enthusiasm in bed. Afterwards, the moderately unattractive woman is more likely to repay your kindness by picking up around the house, doing your dishes and sweeping up. If you request it, she is also more likely to cheerfully go fetch you a pizza before she leaves.

If there is any pizza left, I often let her take a slice so she has something to eat as she walks home.

After all, I am a gentleman!