Contacting an old fav
PaulDrake
Off again on again PL
So I had a long term (1 year) ATF that quit a while back. After she quit I moved on pretty easily and didn't think much about her. But now that it's been 6 months since she quit I have thought about her a few times (not romantically) and it would be cool to meet up for lunch to see how she is doing and catch up.
So I was thinking the other day why not just send a text asking how she is doing. Tell me why this is a bad idea?
So I was thinking the other day why not just send a text asking how she is doing. Tell me why this is a bad idea?
Got something to say?
Start your own discussion
42 comments
I have thought about offering "gas money" if she wanted to meet for lunch. Would be worth it to me and I don't mind supporting her financially.
Also considered offering her a high amount of money to come out of retirement and work as a stripper for a day. That would be the most fun option.
If you have business with her in mind it "might" be worth it to her - o/w I don't see why an ex-dancer will want ro keep in touch with a PL except in rare cases - seems they usually prefer to make a clean-break - if she wanted to keep in contact I'd imagine she would have.
Haven't thought much about her.
Not romantically.
"I have thought about offering "gas money" if she wanted to meet for lunch. Would be worth it to me and I don't mind supporting her financially."
Bullshit. You have a bad case of RIL Syndrome.
I've been there. I recommend you just drop it an move on. You are part of the way on your road to recovery. Don't backslide.
That said I've also been an RIL and I get it. It's unproductive though
As far as offering her money. For me sometimes in life I tend to have the philosophy to go after what I want regardless of whether it seems possible. A long time ago I posted a thread here where I was trying to get a girl to switch clubs for me, you guys all ragged on it but I went for it anyway an made it happen. This is one of those situations, and small amounts of cash shouldn't be a barrier.
Lastly this girls is hippie living in a tent to save the planet, selling her plasma for cash and diving through grocery store dumpsters for free food. I think what she is doing is awesome and I don't mind "donating to her cause".
Once it runs its coarse and they moved on, so should you.
Most of the time when we miss someone from a ended relationship to the extent to try to rekindle, we are nostalgic and focus too much on the good times without balancing those thoughts and feelings with contemplating the reason the relationship ended.
I would respectfully disagree with Cristobal ... I've made re-contact with strippers who I've lost contact with, and the results were fantastic. There's the comfort and trust from the earlier relationship, with added excitement as you re-discover and re-build things. Totally recommend it.
YMMV, of course, but I don’t see any harm in reaching out and going to lunch. If she doesn’t answer, problem solved.
BTW
"I am definitely not a RIL. "
No RIL has ever said or believed that. (Sarcasm intended in case it wasn't abundantly obvious)
My experience. I had a long time ATF. We were pretty close. Nothing romantic, but great friends and I was more like a father to her, I believe. I was her family for the most part. She split with her BF and moved a distance away. I still visited her at that club when I could, which wasn't often. So I decided just to say goodbye. Now I have to mention that we found out after we met that she knew my son and was a friend of his. She would join my family at times, but of course no one knew of our side relationship. The few times she was with the family after the split, she was extremely cold towards me. I realized then that it could never be that same. My advice, don't open yourself up to the possible ramifications.
Definitely agree that girls who retire completely try to make a complete break -- but when they do so, nearly 100% of the time they change their phone number so you can't contact them anyway (to lone wolf's point). On the other hand, these girls don't always make sense. One of my ATFs knew I was crazy about her, she knew I wanted to see her, never contacted me, and when I finally texted her 1.5-2 years later, she jumped at the chance to meet me again. These girls don't always make sense.
To me, that means there's no harm in contacting her. If she's left the biz, he won't hear back and she probably has an entirely new number anyway. But there's a chance he'll hear back. Why didn't she contact him if she knew he would be open to it? Because stripper logic
Different SCers have different M.O.s - some are willing to treat dealing w/ strippers as a corporate hostile takeover and do everything possible to get the girl and get her to do what he wants - and some prefer to take a less laborious more hands-off approach.
“Hi there; Baby; I hope you are well and happy; “my wife has been on the other side of the planet for the past few weeks so I am definitely a little starved for female attention”; I was wondering if you would have time available for me.
I have thought of you often and wonder how are you doing, would love to see you.
I would like to spend time with you, would you be interested in meeting for lunch and catch up?
Please let know if you would like to meet.
Thank you.”
You can omit the part about your wife if you think is too much information.
Seriously; “never give up on your dreams, even when nobody else believes they can come true but you”
Dealing with an ATF is always unpredictable, you never know what is going to happen next time you meet. Sometimes is a matter of being in the right place at the right time.
“Life is full of surprises;
you never know what will happen next.”
Life is like poker sometimes if you don’t bet you can’t win.
Good luck.
Please let us know what happens.
First, make that text super special so that she knows you put some thought into it. I say send her a link the "Baby Come Back." Here ya go: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hn-enjcg…
And if that isn't enough to hook her interest, don't give up! I'm sure somebody at the club knows where she lives if you spread enough coin around. Nothing says "I really care" like going to her house to check on her. Oh, and of course do it all casual like, because that will make it much less creepy and stalkerish. ;)
Good luck there and let us know how it goes.
Is there potential for going down the wrong road? Sure. Be fucking careful and stop worting about pride. Or don’t.
what could possibly go wrong???
Rick, so the two things here are: 1. especially for young people, getting a text from someone they don't want to hear about isn't really that much of a big deal, certainly nothing traumatic 2. in any case, I think every stripper I've known who didn't want to be found by old customers, changed her number and then gave me the new #. 100% of them changed their number, no exceptions, that's what they do if they don't want potential contact in the future. Really, there is no real potential harm here, IMO. Text her, she'll text back or she won't, and the fact that she hadn't texted you in the intervening time isn't necessarily an indication she won't be receptive now, IME.
Every once in a while I think about texting her again, and then I talk myself down, by remembering how willing I was to spend $300-$400 for an hour of lap dances with her.
As Cristobal pointed out, also try to remember why you stopped... I had to admit that I did not have good self control around that one, and there were other places I should spend my money. If I meet her again it is very possible that it would not be a few dances for old times' sake... It could turn into thousands of dollars.
Seriously though, why is this nonsensical position always the argument for guys on here who form emotional attachments that they don't want to admit to? Just own it already because it's obvious.
@Sub: If you're already rationalizing about why it's ok to hit the girl with what will likely be an unwelcome text, in the outside hope that you'll get lucky, then why bother asking the question? Now most guys would understandably interpret being blown off for 6 months after a girl says "I don't want to do this anymore" as a sign that they should just leave her alone, but clearly some of you tuscl guys are a more enlightened breed of monger. ☺
So I met up with her yesterday, went lunch and went back to her place for some dessert.
Sometimes it works out that way too.
The rest of the outcomes are neutral at worse, and good pussy at best. Who the fuck cares if there’s no shortage of pussy? Good pussy you know is infinitely better than amazing pussy you don’t.
Wiser words have not yet been spoken:
Good pussy you know is infinitely better than amazing pussy you don't
That's Plato, Ghandi, and Socrates wisdom
**********
"That's Plato, Ghandi, and Socrates wisdom"
**********
I'm sure it sounds brilliant if you're as prone as gmd to becoming a RIL. Lest we forget, gmd is the one who oh so tenderly whispered "I love you" to his ATF in the dark of the night while she was sleeping in his arms. It was a poignant tuscl romance story to be sure. ;)
Look guys, I know I'm in the minority on this one as there is a heavy representation of lonely guys on here who use strip clubs as their primary source of female contact. I get it and all power to you, which I say with 100% seriousness. I'll never criticize how another grown man spends his own money.
But a young girl, a fraction of your age, who has blown you off for 6 months usually doesn't want to hear from you. At some point it becomes utterly selfish to intrude upon her new life, however you wish to rationalize it. You're putting your own neediness ahead of her desire to cut ties from this life, period.