So I had a long term (1 year) ATF that quit a while back. After she quit I moved on pretty easily and didn't think much about her. But now that it's been 6 months since she quit I have thought about her a few times (not romantically) and it would be cool to meet up for lunch to see how she is doing and catch up.
So I was thinking the other day why not just send a text asking how she is doing. Tell me why this is a bad idea?
Eh. She will either reply to you or she won’t. I don’t see the problem.
I am certain she will reply. But I have no idea if she would want to meet.
I have thought about offering "gas money" if she wanted to meet for lunch. Would be worth it to me and I don't mind supporting her financially.
Also considered offering her a high amount of money to come out of retirement and work as a stripper for a day. That would be the most fun option.
"omg I lost your number and have been trying to find you! Our baby is due in 2 months."
Some dancers "retire" but will still see a good regular or two OTC to continue to get some side $$$.
If you have business with her in mind it "might" be worth it to her - o/w I don't see why an ex-dancer will want ro keep in touch with a PL except in rare cases - seems they usually prefer to make a clean-break - if she wanted to keep in contact I'd imagine she would have.
Moved on easily. Haven't thought much about her. Not romantically.
"I have thought about offering "gas money" if she wanted to meet for lunch. Would be worth it to me and I don't mind supporting her financially."
Bullshit. You have a bad case of RIL Syndrome.
I've been there. I recommend you just drop it an move on. You are part of the way on your road to recovery. Don't backslide.
^Exactly. Offering gas money to get her to go to lunch seems desperate. That said I've also been an RIL and I get it. It's unproductive though
Dude Pauly I would just hit her up. Why not how long do we live for anyway? Find out what’s going on. If she’s your ATF there was obviously a reason for it.
I wouldn't........you've got a better chance of hitting the roulette wheel on a single number than you do meeting up with her and it working out the way you want it to.
I am definitely not a RIL. However... my wife has been on the other side of the planet for the past few weeks so I am definitely a little starved for female attention.
As far as offering her money. For me sometimes in life I tend to have the philosophy to go after what I want regardless of whether it seems possible. A long time ago I posted a thread here where I was trying to get a girl to switch clubs for me, you guys all ragged on it but I went for it anyway an made it happen. This is one of those situations, and small amounts of cash shouldn't be a barrier.
Lastly this girls is hippie living in a tent to save the planet, selling her plasma for cash and diving through grocery store dumpsters for free food. I think what she is doing is awesome and I don't mind "donating to her cause".
I believe and practice you never go back to an ended relationship, whether it's a GF, wife, stripper, bargirl, etc.
Once it runs its coarse and they moved on, so should you.
Most of the time when we miss someone from a ended relationship to the extent to try to rekindle, we are nostalgic and focus too much on the good times without balancing those thoughts and feelings with contemplating the reason the relationship ended.
Damn cristobal that is some good wisdom. Added you to my trusts!
Unless the guys are right that you're a RIL about to backslide, there's no downside in contacting your old ATF. Worst that happens is she ignores you or tells you to stop bugging her. So what?
I would respectfully disagree with Cristobal ... I've made re-contact with strippers who I've lost contact with, and the results were fantastic. There's the comfort and trust from the earlier relationship, with added excitement as you re-discover and re-build things. Totally recommend it.
"I saw a sexy dress that will look amazing on you. Can we meet for lunch so I can give it to you? "
Send her a nice dick-pic and wait for her reaction
Why offer to pay the hippie's gas to get her to your meet? Why not go pick her up?
I'm the opposite of Subraman......I've found when you rekindle an old flame it works better all the way around when they contact you.
Why not text: "Hey its _____. Hows it going"? Go from there.
The few times I’ve contacted old favorites, and they’ve bothered to respond, the experience has ranged from mediocre to fucking fantastic.
YMMV, of course, but I don’t see any harm in reaching out and going to lunch. If she doesn’t answer, problem solved.
About a year or so ago we had a thread about the “hey” text from strippers. I’m too lazy to look it up. I suppose you could reverse that and see how it goes.
I don't see any harm in it so long as you are first honest with yourself about your feelings.
BTW "I am definitely not a RIL. " No RIL has ever said or believed that. (Sarcasm intended in case it wasn't abundantly obvious)
Haven't contacted her for 6 months? High risk her number is no longer active.
Paul, I'm guessing that she's wasn't confused about the fact that she could have made $$ from you if she kept in touch. Yet she didn't. I think that this should tell you something. IME most girls who leave this thing try to make a complete break. If I were you, I'd just lose her number and keep your eyes open for the next great favorite.
Paul,
My experience. I had a long time ATF. We were pretty close. Nothing romantic, but great friends and I was more like a father to her, I believe. I was her family for the most part. She split with her BF and moved a distance away. I still visited her at that club when I could, which wasn't often. So I decided just to say goodbye. Now I have to mention that we found out after we met that she knew my son and was a friend of his. She would join my family at times, but of course no one knew of our side relationship. The few times she was with the family after the split, she was extremely cold towards me. I realized then that it could never be that same. My advice, don't open yourself up to the possible ramifications.
-->"Paul, I'm guessing that she's wasn't confused about the fact that she could have made $$ from you if she kept in touch. Yet she didn't. I think that this should tell you something. IME most girls who leave this thing try to make a complete break."
Definitely agree that girls who retire completely try to make a complete break -- but when they do so, nearly 100% of the time they change their phone number so you can't contact them anyway (to lone wolf's point). On the other hand, these girls don't always make sense. One of my ATFs knew I was crazy about her, she knew I wanted to see her, never contacted me, and when I finally texted her 1.5-2 years later, she jumped at the chance to meet me again. These girls don't always make sense.
To me, that means there's no harm in contacting her. If she's left the biz, he won't hear back and she probably has an entirely new number anyway. But there's a chance he'll hear back. Why didn't she contact him if she knew he would be open to it? Because stripper logic
Sub, the potential "harm" is if she trusted him with personal phone number that she still uses. I'm sure she doesn't need guys contacting her out of the blue if she has an SO/family, just wants to forget what she used to do, etc. Just because your example happened to go well doesn't mean that you did the right thing either. You just lucked out with her situation and state of mind at that moment - 9 times out of 10 that probably would have gone another way.
On a general note, most girls can only do this work for so long. IME this is especially true for the genuinely good ones who are a treat to speak with. All three of the girls who are in the running for my "all time favorite" designation had limited runs in this business. When it's time for them to go, the right thing to do is to thank them for the memories and then leave them alone so that they can focus on their next chapters rather than having history come back to bite them at unwelcome moments.
On a general note, most girls can only do this work for so long. IME this is especially true for the genuinely good ones who are a treat to speak with. All three of the girls who are in the running for my "all time favorite" designation had limited runs in this business. When it's time for them to go, the right thing to do is to thank them for the memories and then leave them alone so that they can focus on their next chapters rather than having history come back to bite them at unwelcome moments.
Strip clubbing and dealing with strippers is often a crapshoot - so it doesn't hurt to go for broke - being proactive often yields the best-results and a PL never-knows unless he tries (as long as he knows what he's doing) - fortune belongs to the bold (and by fortune in this case we mean pussy).
Different SCers have different M.O.s - some are willing to treat dealing w/ strippers as a corporate hostile takeover and do everything possible to get the girl and get her to do what he wants - and some prefer to take a less laborious more hands-off approach.
@Paul be honest and text her the following text
“Hi there; Baby; I hope you are well and happy; “my wife has been on the other side of the planet for the past few weeks so I am definitely a little starved for female attention”; I was wondering if you would have time available for me.
I have thought of you often and wonder how are you doing, would love to see you.
I would like to spend time with you, would you be interested in meeting for lunch and catch up?
Please let know if you would like to meet.
Thank you.”
You can omit the part about your wife if you think is too much information.
Seriously; “never give up on your dreams, even when nobody else believes they can come true but you”
Dealing with an ATF is always unpredictable, you never know what is going to happen next time you meet. Sometimes is a matter of being in the right place at the right time.
“Life is full of surprises; you never know what will happen next.”
Life is like poker sometimes if you don’t bet you can’t win.
Good luck.
Please let us know what happens.
Ok, I've seen the light after such compelling counterpoints. We all just need to adopt the "abondon male pride all ye who enter here" philosophy and embrace our neediness and resulting narcissism. So with my eyes now wide open, I would recommend the following:
First, make that text super special so that she knows you put some thought into it. I say send her a link the "Baby Come Back." Here ya go: youtube.com
And if that isn't enough to hook her interest, don't give up! I'm sure somebody at the club knows where she lives if you spread enough coin around. Nothing says "I really care" like going to her house to check on her. Oh, and of course do it all casual like, because that will make it much less creepy and stalkerish. ;)
Good luck there and let us know how it goes.
It ain’t about male pride. At least for some of us. It’s about a chance at good pussy. At least for some of us. It’s about a bet not made will never win. At least for some of us.
Is there potential for going down the wrong road? Sure. Be fucking careful and stop worting about pride. Or don’t.
I’m toying with the idea of offering my absolute favorite girl a proposal of marriage.
what could possibly go wrong???
^ As long as you’re toying with the idea, nothing;)
Flag is 100% correct. Don’t do it. I did and have. It’s weak and pathetic. I learned the hard way. Sounds like you will have to too
-->"Sub, the potential "harm" is if she trusted him with personal phone number that she still uses. I'm sure she doesn't need guys contacting her out of the blue if she has an SO/family, just wants to forget what she used to do, etc."
Rick, so the two things here are: 1. especially for young people, getting a text from someone they don't want to hear about isn't really that much of a big deal, certainly nothing traumatic 2. in any case, I think every stripper I've known who didn't want to be found by old customers, changed her number and then gave me the new #. 100% of them changed their number, no exceptions, that's what they do if they don't want potential contact in the future. Really, there is no real potential harm here, IMO. Text her, she'll text back or she won't, and the fact that she hadn't texted you in the intervening time isn't necessarily an indication she won't be receptive now, IME.
I spent way too much on one dancer - finally told her I was "going to take a long break" and have not been back to that club for a year.
Every once in a while I think about texting her again, and then I talk myself down, by remembering how willing I was to spend $300-$400 for an hour of lap dances with her.
As Cristobal pointed out, also try to remember why you stopped... I had to admit that I did not have good self control around that one, and there were other places I should spend my money. If I meet her again it is very possible that it would not be a few dances for old times' sake... It could turn into thousands of dollars.
@gmd: Right, because after a whole half a year has passed, he has come to the conclusion that the pussy is just that irreplaceable. Ah huh. ;)
Seriously though, why is this nonsensical position always the argument for guys on here who form emotional attachments that they don't want to admit to? Just own it already because it's obvious.
@Sub: If you're already rationalizing about why it's ok to hit the girl with what will likely be an unwelcome text, in the outside hope that you'll get lucky, then why bother asking the question? Now most guys would understandably interpret being blown off for 6 months after a girl says "I don't want to do this anymore" as a sign that they should just leave her alone, but clearly some of you tuscl guys are a more enlightened breed of monger. ☺
@rickdugan - I have no problem admitting that I have emotional attachment to this girl. I would even say I have some love for her. However I am not in love with her. I wouldn't want to marry her, wouldn't want to date her, and definitely wouldn't even want to be cooped up in a car with her for a long road trip. It would be fun to have lunch and catch up. Our relationship ended on good terms, she was burned out and quit but asked to be friends with me on social media (vanilla accounts) and I said no.
A coffee girl I stopped talking to three years ago (controlling boyfriend) called me on Monday asking to meet up on Sunday to catch up.
So I met up with her yesterday, went lunch and went back to her place for some dessert.
Sometimes it works out that way too.
Oh ffs, rick, it’s a fucking text message, not a marriage proposal. The only (minor) risk I see is that she bitches at him for sending it, and with a burner, that no risk at all.
The rest of the outcomes are neutral at worse, and good pussy at best. Who the fuck cares if there’s no shortage of pussy? Good pussy you know is infinitely better than amazing pussy you don’t.
@georgmicrodong
Wiser words have not yet been spoken:
Good pussy you know is infinitely better than amazing pussy you don't
That's Plato, Ghandi, and Socrates wisdom
"Good pussy you know is infinitely better than amazing pussy you don't"
"That's Plato, Ghandi, and Socrates wisdom"
I'm sure it sounds brilliant if you're as prone as gmd to becoming a RIL. Lest we forget, gmd is the one who oh so tenderly whispered "I love you" to his ATF in the dark of the night while she was sleeping in his arms. It was a poignant tuscl romance story to be sure. ;)
Look guys, I know I'm in the minority on this one as there is a heavy representation of lonely guys on here who use strip clubs as their primary source of female contact. I get it and all power to you, which I say with 100% seriousness. I'll never criticize how another grown man spends his own money.
But a young girl, a fraction of your age, who has blown you off for 6 months usually doesn't want to hear from you. At some point it becomes utterly selfish to intrude upon her new life, however you wish to rationalize it. You're putting your own neediness ahead of her desire to cut ties from this life, period.
