“Our culture is already so love-obsessed that suggest is that those who are not coupled up are missing out on something essential.”
“Love is a wonderful thing, until your Wife/Girlfriend finds out”
“Many aspects of love, romance, and marriage are demeaning to women; A man attaches himself to woman -- not to enjoy her, but to enjoy himself.”
Simone de Beauvoir (1908 – 1986)
“Destiny, sometimes referred to as fate (from Latin fatum – destiny), is a predetermined course of events. It may be conceived as a predetermined future, whether in general or of an individual.”
There is not such thing as Destiny; as the force that some people think controls what happens in the future, and which cannot be influenced by people.
To answer your questions;
We don’t choose; because we believe and are obsessed with the concept of love that we act irrationally when we have lust and desire for someone we find attractive.
You are talking about an unhealthy irrational behavior when you said “do more for them than yourself “
“For many, romantic relationships comprise the most meaningful aspect of life, providing a source of deep fulfillment.
The need for human connection appears to be innate, but the ability to form healthy, loving relationships is learned.
A great deal of evidence suggests that the ability to form a stable relationship begins in infancy, in a child's earliest experiences with a caregiver who reliably meets the infant's needs for food, care, warmth, protection, stimulation, and social contact.”
Since we are a polygamous specie, that transition to monogamy for evolutionary necessity, collaboration for hunting, protection and survival is a relatively new experience, that has created a plethora of practices and believes to maintain the human groups in some balance and try to prevent the survival of the fittest fights and wars.
Religion, hobbies, drug addiction, the variety of professions and behaviors and beliefs that had nothing to do with direct survival (food and shelter) are used to keep the balance where there is too many people that have no direct connection with others.
“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go...”
I don't know. You can know so much, and understand people, and the cultural norms and expectations of what a relationship is, but reality is something else.
The most passionate relationships I've had is where we put each other before ourselves.
To “put each other before ourselves” is one of the many “modern” fabrications and fairytales like the “unconditional love” concepts tha are completely irrelevant and irrational in real life and create a lot of unrealistic expectations that cause a lot of broken hearts while pursuing “happiness”.
If your “soul mate” dies in an accident, life continues and you would have to find a new partner...
“I'm afraid that sometimes you'll play lonely games too. Games you can't win 'cause you'll play against you.”
“Marrying for Love is a Newer Idea Than the Printing Press”
For most of human history, the idea would have seemed foolish
“For thousands of years, spouses were workmates — they struggled together, toward the bottom of the hierarchy, to produce the food, clothing, and shelter required to survive”
“Starting around 1850, in the United States and some other Western nations, the industrial revolution increased efficiency enough that more people could meet those low-level needs without being married. For the first time ever, personal fulfillment became a primary goal of marriage, which jumped up to the love and belonging level. Spouses went from work-mates to soul-mates.
But this early version of soul-mate marriage was based on the idea that men and women should adhere to radically different gender stereotypes in order to inspire love. The assertive breadwinner married the nurturing homemaker.”
“In the 1960s, people became fed up with this stifling of their individuality and staged a full-on revolt against the constricting social roles. Freedom of expression and individual authenticity became the Holy Grail.”
Like I said before:
“Belief often times represents the dead of reason”
Sadly, throwing quotes out doesn’t answer the question. It’s an emotional part of our lives, and we need those intense feelings to be present.
I believe that we don’t choose who we fall for. However, I’m sure there are influences in our lives that mold us and that guide us towards certain partners. I don’t think it’s fate - but rather our past influences our subconscious desires.
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“Love is a wonderful thing, until your Wife/Girlfriend finds out”
“Many aspects of love, romance, and marriage are demeaning to women; A man attaches himself to woman -- not to enjoy her, but to enjoy himself.”
Simone de Beauvoir (1908 – 1986)
“Destiny, sometimes referred to as fate (from Latin fatum – destiny), is a predetermined course of events. It may be conceived as a predetermined future, whether in general or of an individual.”
There is not such thing as Destiny; as the force that some people think controls what happens in the future, and which cannot be influenced by people.
To answer your questions;
We don’t choose; because we believe and are obsessed with the concept of love that we act irrationally when we have lust and desire for someone we find attractive.
Remember:
“belief often cause the death of reason”
But I mean love, not just lust or wanting to fuck someone. I mean a genuine human connection where you'd do more for them than yourself.
“For many, romantic relationships comprise the most meaningful aspect of life, providing a source of deep fulfillment.
The need for human connection appears to be innate, but the ability to form healthy, loving relationships is learned.
A great deal of evidence suggests that the ability to form a stable relationship begins in infancy, in a child's earliest experiences with a caregiver who reliably meets the infant's needs for food, care, warmth, protection, stimulation, and social contact.”
Since we are a polygamous specie, that transition to monogamy for evolutionary necessity, collaboration for hunting, protection and survival is a relatively new experience, that has created a plethora of practices and believes to maintain the human groups in some balance and try to prevent the survival of the fittest fights and wars.
Religion, hobbies, drug addiction, the variety of professions and behaviors and beliefs that had nothing to do with direct survival (food and shelter) are used to keep the balance where there is too many people that have no direct connection with others.
“You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You're on your own.
And you know what you know.
And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go...”
Dr. Seuss, Oh, The Places You'll Go!
The most passionate relationships I've had is where we put each other before ourselves.
If your “soul mate” dies in an accident, life continues and you would have to find a new partner...
“I'm afraid that sometimes you'll play lonely games too. Games you can't win 'cause you'll play against you.”
Dr. Seuss
For most of human history, the idea would have seemed foolish
“For thousands of years, spouses were workmates — they struggled together, toward the bottom of the hierarchy, to produce the food, clothing, and shelter required to survive”
“Starting around 1850, in the United States and some other Western nations, the industrial revolution increased efficiency enough that more people could meet those low-level needs without being married. For the first time ever, personal fulfillment became a primary goal of marriage, which jumped up to the love and belonging level. Spouses went from work-mates to soul-mates.
But this early version of soul-mate marriage was based on the idea that men and women should adhere to radically different gender stereotypes in order to inspire love. The assertive breadwinner married the nurturing homemaker.”
“In the 1960s, people became fed up with this stifling of their individuality and staged a full-on revolt against the constricting social roles. Freedom of expression and individual authenticity became the Holy Grail.”
Like I said before:
“Belief often times represents the dead of reason”
I believe that we don’t choose who we fall for. However, I’m sure there are influences in our lives that mold us and that guide us towards certain partners. I don’t think it’s fate - but rather our past influences our subconscious desires.
SJG